[Pokémon] Adventures in Tento

"My adventure... starts now." said a voice.

"Come on out, Cyndaquil!" said a girl called Charly.
05/01/11
I am 9 years old (said Charly's bio in her diary)
I am finally a pokemon trainer in the far off region Tento.
With my partner Cyndaquil, I will become a pokemon master!
Then, in squiggly writing, it said:
Cyndaquil
Smokescreen, Swift, Ember.
So, Charly was running through the forest, unaware of the perils ahead.


"Cyndaquil, where are you?" asked Charly.

"Cyndaa QUILL!" replied Cyndaquil, it sounded like he was in a battle.
Charly ran to where the sound came from and saw Cyndaquil battling a Poochyena.
"Hey! you Poochyena, you messed with the wrong girl!" shouted Charly.

"Cyndaquil, ember!" commanded Charly.

"Cynda!" replied Cyndaquil. Flames flew at the Opposing Poochyena. They hit the Poochyena.

"Grrr..." said the Poochyena, fainting.

"Good job Cyndaquil, we're nearly at Ellota Town! You found the way!"

---------------------------------------------

This is my first made up story as in with made up characters.

:) Hope you like it, please review if you can.

Hello!

Cute as this is, I applaud you for trying to write your first fanfic. Welcome to the world of fanfiction. :)

Now first thing is first, I hate plugging in a different website's guide, but I feel this one might be a little bit better for you in the long run than the Writing Resources thread which is filled with lots of links. Be sure to read the Tips on Composition section, Characters, and Stages. Do look at the Resources thread though if you get a chance.

For now, I'll start you off by saying you need a lot more description.

"My adventure... starts now." said a voice

Click to expand...

Is this voice mysterious, is it deep? Where is it at? Try to include some of these things.

Also, since this is a fanfiction, '>Insert Pokémon theme tune here<' isn't going to work too well. Keep it out and just move on with your story. Same goes with the Pokémon levels. In fanfiction, it's good practice to not give levels to Pokémon because this isn't the game. You might be basing your writing from the game, but you're telling a story here, not letting us watch you play if you understand what I mean.

Next, try to make your chapters longer. Good chapters tend to have at least 5 pages or more on Microsoft Word. If you don't have Word, download OpenOffice or use Google documents to write your stories. (The latter you need an email to use, so I'd probably save yourself the trouble and use OpenOffice or Word.) Also remember to use your enter/return button between paragraphs so that it doesn't look squished.

In the end, you've just got to keep practicing. Pick up a book at home and read through it. Don't just read it though, look at how the author writes their story. The more you read and practice writing, the better you'll be. Post in the beta thread and ask for a beta reader, maybe you'll get someone who will be willing to look over your story before you post it.

Keep trying, and best of luck. :)

Sorry for another short one.
--------------------------------
Suddenly, the path opened up, into a town. It was very small, but quite popular.
"Hey! we're in Ellota Town!" said Charly. Cyndaquil jumped up, eager to see more of the world. More than the forest he knew oh so well.
They walked up the street to see more of the small town. Then, a boy, about her age, with short black hair, and freckles, with a white top on.
"I'm sorry, hey, you look like a new trainer, whats your name?" the boy asked.

"I am a new trainer, yes, I'm called Charly, you?" she replied,

"Oliver. Oliver Mackie. seeya!"

Charly stared at him, running off, and then saw a poster for a contest on in Rubetta City. She then decided to go to the contest, and the gym that she heard of, but after she looked around a bit.
There was a statue, of a boy, looking something like... thirteen atleast, with a cap on. Engraved in the stone, it read:
Red, the one who disbanded Team Rocket.
Left here, with his pokemon with him, he lived for pokemon.
Then, She ran to the pokemon center, and stayed for the night. The next morning she headed off to route 2, so she could get her first ribbon and gym badge.
---------------------------------------------------------
Oliver Mackie was based on my crush.