A Summer Scene

Started by Greenette January 8th, 2011 4:34 AM
  • 565 views
  • 3 replies
Age 31
Female
Manitoba
Seen January 26th, 2011
Posted January 11th, 2011
8 posts
12.4 Years
There is no sun to diffuse the shadow,
an ocean of leaves;
great bursts of wind swirled through the night.
Frost lay in a blanket over the grass.

In a caged park secluded from the world,
life carries on undisturbed.
Focused under the dark lens of night
land and sky come together.

The slow progression of dawn melts the evening
dissolving into memory the bliss of twilight,
washing light over our secrets
and delivering the gift of dreams.

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haha.. so it's a little cheesy, i love it anyway.

Age 28
Male
NY
Seen January 29th, 2014
Posted January 14th, 2014
1,290 posts
15.8 Years
Wow! The imagery in this poem is great, I really felt like I was in the poem. Especially the first stanza, you did a great job of describing the scene. Very well done!
Why, Yes
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meow

Male
Somewhere I Belong
Seen December 15th, 2016
Posted July 23rd, 2016
1,421 posts
12.5 Years
Ah! A poem with excellent use of imagery! The sentence formation is pretty good as well.

Just a small problem;
Frost lay in a blanket over the grass.
The word 'frost', here is in the singular, so I feel the word 'lay' should be replaced with 'lies'.