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  #1    
Old January 14th, 2011 (5:41 AM).
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Tribal Ebony Tribal Ebony is offline
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    The sun is shining,
    as a bird flies by,
    The dolphins jump out of the water,
    high,high,high.

    As red as the reddest rose,
    as clear as the clearest sky,
    We belong,
    With each other,
    It should just be you and I.

    I see his face,
    my heart racing at a strong pace,
    He touches me,
    and I begin to see,
    he knew that we should be.

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      #2    
    Old January 14th, 2011 (5:59 AM).
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    Regeneration Regeneration is offline
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    First off, those aren't limericks.
    [jq]A limerick is humorous nonsense verse consisting of a triplet and couplet, making it a five line poem. Lines one, two, and five are the triplet and rhyme. Lines three and four form a rhyming couplet.[/jq]

    Example:
    [jq]There was an old man of Nantucket,
    who kept all his cash in a bucket;
    But his daughter, named Nan,
    Ran away with a man,
    And as for the bucket- Nantucket
    [/jq]
    ~Poetry Guide

    Then, coming on to review the poem itself,

    Quote:
    We belong,
    With each other,
    That would sound better if it was, 'To each other'.

    And the way you have ended the poem just doesn't seem to be fine. Looks like a portion of it is cut off; even if it is just for the sake of rhyming.

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      #3    
    Old January 14th, 2011 (12:37 PM). Edited January 15th, 2011 by Scytheteen.
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    Scytheteen Scytheteen is offline
    What is mine is yours
       
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      In addition to what Regeneration's review, I have a few points of my own

      1: You're imagery is actually pretty good! "As red as the reddest rose, as clear as the clearest sky", the imagery and similes there are good work. Keep that kind of stuff up.

      2: I write this on a lot of user's poems on here that try and rhyme, if you're going to rhyme, you have to keep a consistent scheme, not randomly rhyming things all over the place, it takes away from all the things you've done right in the poem, and that sucks!

      So I'd say keep up the good work on your imagery, just polish up your rhyming!

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        #4    
      Old January 14th, 2011 (1:38 PM).
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      TJgamer TJgamer is online now
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        Although not the best, this was very enjoyable to read.
        Like what Scytheteen and Regeneration said, you may want to research on different poetry forms before writing them.
        Apart from that, the idea was beautiful.
        Keep going!

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          #5    
        Old January 14th, 2011 (10:48 PM).
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        Regeneration Regeneration is offline
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        Oh my... I saw what Scytheteen said, and I am rather surprised at myself for not taking note of the marvelous imagery and simile you've used! So, I'll mention this right now, that was plain amazing. Keep it up!
        I felt guilty for not mentioning the positive aspects of the poem, hence this post. :P

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