~*Relationship Guru*~ (Revived) Page 2

Started by Claire December 6th, 2004 3:15 AM
  • 1148 views
  • 48 replies
Age 37
Kanto
Seen December 29th, 2007
Posted April 29th, 2007
854 posts
18.7 Years
I'm amazed that there's not that many people begging for help in relationships. Let alone that a good handful of you are actually old enough to know what you're doing. This kinda thing would annoy me on Serebii.net, but that's considering mostly everyone's under the age of 14 and constantly asks how to get someone to like them. >_>

Anyways, I don't need advice in picking up someone or getting someone to like me. Nothing like that. Would just like an opinion on a matter of mine from someone (or some people).

First off, I've never been in a close distance relationship. Most of what I've been in has been long distance. Recently I've been somewhat seeing a girl who's been a friend of mine for about six years now. We weren't anything official since she doesn't like the idea of long distance since she couldn't bear with it. Lately she started getting close to some guy in her area and started talking about how he makes her happy and so forth and how she is enjoying getting close to him.

So I decided that that was that and I cut it off between me and her since she was going for someone closer yet kept telling me that she loved me. Not gonna get into something like that where it becomes a triangle. She's angry with me now that I won't talk to her and says that I'm overreacting when she had not spoken to me for two weeks simply to be with someone else yet would try assuring me that I was the one for her.

I'd like to know if I truly am overreacting. I don't really think I am considering it wasn't official and I end up feeling used for something like that. I don't wanna be a part of someone's life when they're involved with someone else. :s Gimme your opinions on this, please.
Seen May 21st, 2011
Posted May 9th, 2006
6,683 posts
19.5 Years
hmm..it's difficult to say. What was the kind of decision about your relationship with this girl from the start? If it was made obvious you were just friends, then maintaining the friendship would be great if possible. However, if things weren't clear and she decided this, or if you find it difficult to see her as purely a friend (im sure i would after such a long time -i would feel strong loyalty to the person) then it's a good idea to cut contact in order to break the possible feelings of strong attachment you have. She may say you're overreacting because she doesn't realise how you feel about her due to lack of enough conversation about the situation. So, if your feelings are strong for this girl, it is a good idea to cut off contact -it's the best way to ween yourself off of someone.
Who knows, in the future once you're over your feelings towards her (and may have found someone else) and will be willing to enable the friendship again, but that is your decision to make -there is no right or wrong decision ^^
Age 37
Kanto
Seen December 29th, 2007
Posted April 29th, 2007
854 posts
18.7 Years
Well at first we were just friends but then we started getting abit close. She wanted us to be together, but she didn't want it to be long distance and insisted drop everything I have here and live with her. Was hesitant about it considering I didn't wanna risk having to lose everything and end up finding out it wouldn't work in the end. And I feel it's a good thing I didn't.

She knew how I felt about her, but she sent me quite abit of some mixed messages. Seemed more like she would say she cared when no one was around to listen. But when it comes to a public audience (such as putting info in her LiveJournal), no where was I mentioned. So it seemed like she didn't want me involved.

Decided to cut communication off before it went any further to keep my sanity and to keep the peace. I'm just not the kind of person that likes being told one thing and then seeing another. :\
Seen May 21st, 2011
Posted May 9th, 2006
6,683 posts
19.5 Years
Raven: hmm..it seems she was never sure about things then Raven. It is likely that just as easily as she wanted you to drop everything and live with her, she would just as easily want you to drop everything and move back if she lost interest.
When someone is as fickler as that, it's best to remain as semi-distant friends -being close friends would probably start the same issues up again, whether or not she continues with this new guy, so maintaining some distance will help protect your feelings.

Anacortes: Firstly, does this mean that you have no feelings for him? If that is the case then your friend had no right to get angry at you -his feelings are his decisions, not yours. You may say that he can't like two people at once, but it does happen. If his feelings for other girls are relatively strong, he has to do is take a break from his girlfriend to not only give himself time to think about who he cares about, but also his girlfriend deserves someone who carely whole heartedly about her. But make sure that what he has isnt just physical attraction towards you -if that's the case then that's perfectly natural -we can't all just close our eyes for good ^^;
Age 32
www.pokedrome.info
Seen March 28th, 2005
Posted March 12th, 2005
1,778 posts
19.1 Years
Claire I need some Major Help buddy...
A girl in My class, whom I consider only as friends has indirectly told me that she liked me. From August she has been sending messages through her friends that she liked me, but I refused to believe them!Anyway Last week her best friend came and told me that and I just shouted at her saying you guys(girls) are all just teasing me.Well I was shocked when she herself told me this!I just told her coldly that I dont care for her more and I feel about her only as a friend..She just walked away.How do I let her know again without hurting her feelings!
Thanks!
PM me the answer!
I am PCs one & only CC

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Evil Twins with mvtm | Paired up with no one| Senior Member of Dark Xeno Revolution inc

Im seriously not able to keep up with my New Year Resolution of not joining any club. Toooo many Clubs here are tempting me.
Seen May 21st, 2011
Posted May 9th, 2006
6,683 posts
19.5 Years
Well..that's difficult CC since you've already said to her "i don't care for you anymore" ^^;
What i can suggest is put yourself in her shoes. You have a friend and you really start to like them..you're too embarassed to tell them, but you tell your friends hoping that the friend will find out. You gain up courage to finally tell your friend that you like them, and then they say they don't care for you -its a tough situation to go through, but we've all been there ^^
The best way to go about things is normally to subtly suggest you're not interested in them is to say you're interested in other people -talk about girls you're attracted to etc. and the one who likes you normally takes the hint. It may be too late for that since you've already told her you dont feel for her, but go up to her and tell her that you didnt mean to hurt her feelings, but her confession just surprised you. Say that you really love your friendship, and that you feel you can talk to her about everything. Say you don't think it's worth the risk of a relationship which may end up in the friendship breaking up.

KoBRe LaiR

Pokemon Forest Nature ©

Age 35
Male
Florida
Seen February 10th, 2017
Posted August 4th, 2016
3,591 posts
19.2 Years
Claire, your adviced on MSN worked out pretty well. Probably you already saw the results, Im happily in a relationship with Jason who is really cool, and cute. You already know all this, anyways thanks for your help.
Now I need help on getting past his parents.. O.o!!
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KoBRe LaiR

Pokemon Forest Nature ©

Age 35
Male
Florida
Seen February 10th, 2017
Posted August 4th, 2016
3,591 posts
19.2 Years
Hopefully, we will move out soon. I can't wait for that day. ^.^
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Age 33
Alone in the shadows.
Seen August 31st, 2005
Posted August 31st, 2005
350 posts
18.4 Years
Congrats Alex!
Anywho, Claire, guess who's back with yet another problem?
CLAIRE: SANTA CLAUS?
ME: NO! ME! lol

Anywho, that was my daily rant of the day. Now, onto my problem.
Alright, how to word this?
Um....
Alright, let's see. There's this girl in my Science class. She's a sophmore, which is cool cause if things work out, I'll be dating someone older! lol
anywho, I really like talking to her, and she seems to be the only one I can have conversations with on a level higher than 5th grade. She's a really cool person, but I don't know what to tell her. I mean, I like her. I do. She's cool and smart.
Now, the thing is, we sit right across from each other, so....if I tell her and things go bad, we're stuck for the rest of the year, always in an akward place. I really don't want that either. I just don't know what to do.
I mean, honestly, I'm afraid just to ask her for her email adress! lol :D
So, what does the mighty and all powerful Claire have to say to this small minion!? :D
Although she's never here,
my heart still belongs to my Tabby dear ^^
She'll hit me with her fly swatter
So I'll run before I she catches me
Oh dear lord, I say EEEEEK!!!!
To whosoever it may concern,
I am Laple Meaf,
future ruler of the world you call Earth
Bow to my mighty Canadian Maple Leaf!!!
Bow to it !!!!! You know you want to o.o
*cough* That was my rant, thanks for listening. ^^
Click the Maple Leaf...
You know you want to....o.o
Age 32
www.pokedrome.info
Seen March 28th, 2005
Posted March 12th, 2005
1,778 posts
19.1 Years
Well..that's difficult CC since you've already said to her "i don't care for you anymore" ^^;
What i can suggest is put yourself in her shoes. You have a friend and you really start to like them..may end up in the friendship breaking up.
Well thanks Claire. I might as well try!
I am PCs one & only CC

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Evil Twins with mvtm | Paired up with no one| Senior Member of Dark Xeno Revolution inc

Im seriously not able to keep up with my New Year Resolution of not joining any club. Toooo many Clubs here are tempting me.
Age 32
Where Eclipse is.
Seen January 30th, 2008
Posted January 27th, 2008
10,925 posts
19.2 Years
I have a question. What do you do when you find out the person you are absoloutly in love with, and supposedly loves you back, is keeping secrets from you that have everything to do with you, and have no reason to be kept secret? I'm really torn, what should I do?
Establishing a new identity.
Seen May 21st, 2011
Posted May 9th, 2006
6,683 posts
19.5 Years
VV: Definately avoid for outright telling her how you feel -that will make both of you feel awkward if things don't work out. Subtlety such as asking if she wants to catch a new movie you've wanted to see (start a convo about movies you both want to see, and then ask her) would go a long way -her saying no would subtley suggest that she wants you both to stay friends, while her saying yes will suggest maybe she likes you, or maybe she just wants to get to know you better. From there, if she says yes, you can step up the subtlety a little.
Subtlety is always the best way to go on both sides, since it allows a strong friendship to maintain if things don't work out.

FT: It..really depends on how important the secrets are to your relationship -if they are small personal things about him, he may have just felt too embarassed to be honest (even though you may not see them as a big deal). If they are large and very influential, then you two really need to talk. Personally, i cant stand it when people aren't honest with me. If I were you, depending on how large the lies were, I may give him one last chance..but it really depends on the kinds of secrets kept.
Age 30
Seen March 20th, 2006
Posted July 22nd, 2005
77 posts
18.5 Years
I like this girl and have since the start of the year. We were friends three years ago, but since I went to a smarter class *sigh* we kinda drifted apart. Her best friend is kinda friends with me but she is a bit negative. And the girl I like is also friends with me.
Most likely, if I go and ask if I can be their friend, I'd probably be told to get lost.
Anyways, she probably knows I like her (Nearly half the school knows) and I want to tell her that I like her. But a few problems stop me.

1) I'm scared of how she'll react
2) I'm just stupid and don't take up opportunities to speak to her
3) She has an army of girls around her nearly 24/7 so it's impossible to get enough courage to talk to her.

Little help?
Paired up with Radical Edward.

Wise Wobboffet's Theories Of The Week
1) If you talk loud enough clothes may drop from the sky.
2) Anthrax doesn't make a good losanger.
3) Rain is caused by Kyogre.
4) If there is a drought go looking for a cave and you may find Groudon.
5) If you see a Lugia tell me or Eliana.

More next week!

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Seen May 21st, 2011
Posted May 9th, 2006
6,683 posts
19.5 Years
If i were you dogbert, i'd just make an effort to speak to the girl and her best friend more. You're only asking for friendship at the moment, which shouldn't result in someone turning you down..if she did turn down a friendship, then she's not a very nice person to be with. I would gain up courage, not to ask to be friends, but just to spend more time with her. You don't need to ask someone to be their friend -it happens naturally a lot of the time ^^
Just think -she's just a regular person, and probably misses the friendship as much as you do dogbert ^^ you'll find the courage just believe in yourself

Taki

PC's official CrAzY cAt!!

Age 31
Looking for CrAzY cAtS around the world!
Seen August 19th, 2007
Posted May 31st, 2005
201 posts
18.7 Years
I like this girl and have since the start of the year. We were friends three years ago, but since I went to a smarter class *sigh* we kinda drifted apart. Her best friend is kinda friends with me but she is a bit negative. And the girl I like is also friends with me.
Most likely, if I go and ask if I can be their friend, I'd probably be told to get lost.
Anyways, she probably knows I like her (Nearly half the school knows) and I want to tell her that I like her. But a few problems stop me.

1) I'm scared of how she'll react
2) I'm just stupid and don't take up opportunities to speak to her
3) She has an army of girls around her nearly 24/7 so it's impossible to get enough courage to talk to her.

Little help?
*nods* I've been through that! Well, kinda, obviously he was a boy but he was already my friend so... To get to be her friend the best time is lessons... do you have anymore lessons togheter with her? If not, see how she acts with you, I mean, for example, when you see her does she say hello to you or smile? Well if she does, I really think you should say hello to her when you see her.
I'll give you a bit of my experience just to let you have more ideas and stuff and get a plan of this situation... I'm 12 too as you can see and I last year I used to be friends with this boy (when I was in year 7.He was my age too.This year we got to talk more because we had 2 classes togheter AND I was friends with some people he hanged around with. The problem was that I fancied him but I couldn't get to tell him because I was scared that he might not talk to me again... Then his friends found out (his friends were girls) and they told him.... Then they told me he said he already knew... But now he STILL talks to me... Anyway, before my friends told him he always said hello when I met him around the school and so did I. So I guess you just have to talk to her more... If she says hello to you you say it too... or if you got to know her better and you chat quite a lot (when you can) but she still doesn't say hello, try to get the initiative to say hello yourself, then when she shows that you two are more friends then try to tell her... You never know ^-^
My fairy tale doesn't finish well though, 'cause at the end he just wanted to be friends with me... But that's allright, now everything is back to normal ^-^
YOU! Do you know what the fine is for reading?

EATING CHEESE!!! MUHAHHAHAHAHA!
Pheer the cheese!
Seen May 21st, 2011
Posted May 9th, 2006
6,683 posts
19.5 Years
Rave, ask her why it is she wants to unpair first, that's all you can do for now. She deserves to give you an answer, and then maybe you two can work things out.

Gaia, i'd act more charming around her and flatter her more -most girls enjoy that behaviour and maybe she'll star to see you in a different light. From there you'd have to gradually begin to flirt, however if she doesn't return it stop so that the friendship can be preserved and to save any embarassment on your part ^^