Days Go By

Started by Riku February 27th, 2011 6:53 PM
  • 588 views
  • 2 replies

Riku

Who cares to know, eh Bubbles?

Age 30
Male
Seen February 21st, 2021
Posted July 25th, 2016
419 posts
13 Years
So... I wrote this a couple of weeks ago, and after thinking on it, I decided to take some people's suggestions and actually post it here.I'm already aware of certain errors that I was going to fix, but I wanted people to read the raw of it beforehand. It's not the best I've ever written. But... oh well. It came from the heart.


Days Go By



I've always been the shadow, always been alone
Always been everyone's pillar, always just been stone
Today it seems now that life has decided to just slip by
Slip by, without any realization by me, and it makes me want to cry.
For now I realize I'm tired of being a shadow, a silent "friend"
My heart, once was broken, feels is on the mend.

No matter where I go, I've never felt at home.
No matter what I feel, I feel like all I'm meant to do is roam
When all my heart wants is a place to stay,
Where it and another's heart can just sit and play.
But alas, it feels like that will never end.
This feeling of going and coming again....

Then I found those people who touched my heart,
And despite my feelings, and knowing we'll soon be forced to grow apart,
I became close, I found my home, my peace, my joy.
I found the place where I could be open, to both girl and boy.
My broken and weary heart has mended,
And the feeling of wandering thus has ended.

But I come to realize now, on this white winter's day,
That despite what I want, despite where I wish to stay,
Life is moving on, and is carrying myself and those away
Again, and to be honest, I have to admit
That while I've found my home, I'm still forced to submit
To life and everything, again.
pairfamilycredittheme

Age 29
Male
Seen October 13th, 2021
Posted February 2nd, 2017
1,093 posts
13.8 Years
Very original!
I really loved the concept and storyline's flow. I like how it shows that a lonely, broken down man needs to find a place to feel welcome and safe.
The rhyming is very excellent and are pretty clever. There isn't much pattern in this poem, but you weren't really trying to give it rhythm, right? It helps the poem's flow though.
Apart from that, this is very classic poem.
If you ever have children, this is what you should read to them. :cer_smile:
Age 26
Female
Starbucks
Seen November 9th, 2014
Posted November 8th, 2014
190 posts
12.2 Years
When I read the poem, I can feel it's emotional feeling and so, I think this is a very strong piece, which is good. I am hoping more from you. ^^
Isn't this great Squidward? Its just the 3 of us. You, me, and this brick wall you built between us.
- Spongebob Squarepants