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  #1    
Old July 6th, 2016 (7:16 AM).
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somebenishguy somebenishguy is offline
 
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I should mention in advance that I have minimal experience with roleplay, and that this is the first character I've tried to make. If you have constructive criticism, feel free to give it to me. Just make sure it's more constructive than criticism.

Ok, so I came up with this idea for a unique dynamic between a character and their pokemon. I was thinking about how in the pokemon anime, the only reason Ash and Pikachu didn't get along at first was because Pikachu did not trust Ash, and only warmed up to him once Ash had earned that trust. But what if the trainer and pokemon both trusted each other, and had the same strong bond as most of the characters in the anime have with their own pokemon? Was there anything that could still distance them? Then I had an idea. What if a trainer was allergic to their own pokemon? With all of the "spore" and "powder" attacks, you'd think there would be an epidemic of sneezing and itchy eyes in the pokemon world, but nobody seems affected by any of it. Maybe they just toughed it out until they could teach it another move? It wasn't until I was reading a pokedex entry about Dustox (my favorite pokemon) that I could finalize my idea. According to the entry, Dustox's wings are coated in some kind of irritating powder. So that's it. Dustox can't evolve any further, so it's trainer would have to do their best to care for their Dustox while staying a safe distance. I considered that maybe the powder didn't have a strong enough effect to have to be so carefully avoided, and that's why people survive having Dustox on their team.

Here's the final concept and backstory for my character.

Dylan is a young aspiring pokemon trainer who dreams of travelling the world with pokemon by their side. Taking on gyms, and maybe even taking a swing at the pokemon league. They were lucky enough one day to find an empty pokeball laying on the ground in the forest near their home town when they were 7. They saw their chance to finally have a pokemon of their own, so they tried their luck and threw the ball at the nearest wild pokemon, which happened to be a Wurmple. Incredibly, using only one pokeball, and with no pokemon of their own to help weaken it, they caught the Wurmple. From then on, Dylan raised and cared for his new friend like any good pokemon trainer.

There was one problem. Dylan's parents were more than supportive of their son's dream to become a pokemon trainer, but they were worried that Wurmple might evolve into Cascoon, and not Silcoon. Normally there wouldn't be any reason to worry, but Dylan was allergic to just about every kind of dust or pollen. Dylan's parents feared that when Cascoon eventually evolved into Dustox, that Dylan would be unable to interact with it the same way he could before, since Dustox's wings are coated in a fine powder that would surely trigger Dylan's allergies. Finally the day came when Wurmple evolved. A gleam of light emitted from wurmple as it changed form. The shape of it's new body emerged in the glowing silhouette. It was impossible to tell which it was evolving into since Cascoon and Silcoon are both the same shape. Dylan watched in excitement, and his parents in worry. The light faded, revealing Wurmple's evolution. It was Cascoon.

Dylan's parents did their best to keep their concern from hidden so that their son wouldn't have to worry. Luckily, before Cascoon evolved any further, Dylan's parents found something that could help to remedy the future problem. If Dylan wore an air filter over his nose and mouth, he could still be close to Dustox without his allergies acting up. As long as his skin didn't make prolonged contact with the powder from Dustox's wings, and he breathed through the filter, he would be fine.

On Dylan's 10th birthday, his Cascoon finally evolved into Dustox. His parents told him that day about how he would have to wear the filter and gloves when he was around his friend from now on. Dylan was sad to hear it, but he quickly decided that as long as he was still with his friend, he would do whatever it took. Hearing this, his parents decided that he was finally ready to begin his pokemon journey. With his best friend Dustox, a pair of elbow length rubber gloves, and an air filter with him, Dylan set out on the adventure of his life.



Ok, that's the backstory for my first ever character! I would be interested in roleplaying as Dylan if anyone has a roleplay I could join. The type of thing I would be most interested in is a story similar to the anime, in which a group of trainers travel from place to place battling and getting caught up in different situations along the way. Of course, I'll be happy to join just about anything so if you have an open spot please let me know. And don't forget to leave critique! I'm happy to improve.
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  #2    
Old July 8th, 2016 (7:41 AM).
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Jauntier Jauntier is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebenishguy View Post
...
I have one critique and some questions:

The one critique I have is since Dylan is later established as male and you're narrating in third person, try to refer to him in third person male pronouns and not third person plural (treated as singular neutral). You start off with "They were lucky enough one day to find an empty pokeball laying on the ground in the forest near their home town when they were 7. They saw... they tried their luck... they caught the Wurmple". But in the next sentence, Dylan is henceforth referred to with male pronouns. I encourage, if he is male, stick with "he, him his."

The concept itself is fun and interesting. If Dylan is allergic to just about every dust-like particle, wouldn't he already be treated in the same way his parents now treat him with his Dustox, or is it that the Dustox dust is a much more potent irritant in a much smaller concentration than, say, sneezing and a runny nose from walking into a flower garden? If so, you should describe that unfortunate event so that there's now an established and strong contrast in severity between pollen and dust allergy and the Dustox's dust for his parents to give him this protective gear. Should you sign up to a role-play with this, I would mention the general symptoms of dust and pollen versus those from the Dustox's natural powdery sheddings.

Also, does he wear goggles too, in case his eyes puff up from contact? Does he take any allergy medication and have any topical salves or ointments for instances when the Dustox dust does get in contact with his skin? What about his neck, since you mention that it's just general contact with his skin that becomes irritable, I wonder if it's an extremely hot day how he'll handle having his neck wrapped?

Does Dylan (I was about to type Dustin on accident, haha) have another Pokemon to help counteract Dustox as well? If we're going by some aspects of the cartoon show, the move Aromatherapy can also take the form of a healing green powder that wafts onto the target to heal them. Maybe later on a Pokemon like that could help keep the moth's irritants at bay, though maybe Dylan would also have to breathe Aromatherapy in for it to take optimum effect considering it is aromatherapy, playing on a comical effect of sneezing and runny nose while it effective subdues a bad physical reaction from Dustox dust. That could make for an interesting triangular dynamic, yeah?
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  #3    
Old July 13th, 2016 (1:18 PM).
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somebenishguy somebenishguy is offline
 
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First of all, thanks so much for all the feedback! I feel that this kind of thing will help me improve my character.

Ok so first thing's first, I'll remember to use male pronouns when referring to Dylan (although I honestly don't know why I didn't in the first place but whatever).

As for what Dylan is allergic to, I was thinking originally that for the most part, Dylan would only be majorly affected by either very strong irritants, or mild irritants in large quantities/ with direct exposure. For example: the powder on Dustox's wings is supposedly powerful enough to make a pro wrestler sick for over a week, were they to be exposed to it. This being an example of an irritant strong enough to always trigger Dylan's allergies whenever he makes contact with the powder. Using your example of a flower garden, I could see it bothering Dylan if the wind blew some pollen straight at his face, or something like that. My goal is to make a character with limits, but not so many that he is too much of a burden to those around him.

It's funny you should mention goggles, I actually considered including them originally, and I'm not unwilling to do so now. As for the issue of things like his neck or eyes being exposed, I'm having trouble working out a solution that doesn't end with Dylan being stuck in a hazmat suit. I was actually considering the idea of a sort of magic charm that dylan keeps with him. (sort of like how cresselia's feathers keep away nightmares, but more for allergies). I think i may have to do some research for items that protect from illness within the pokemon games.

The aromatherapy idea is really interesting, and I would love to find a way it could work. My only problem is that I don't want every second one of Dylan's lines to be "use aromatherapy". This is why I think it would be a good idea for him to have some small passive effect thing with him (possibly even a small fairy pokemon, or as I mentioned earlier, a magic charm of some sort).

Once again, thanks so much for your feedback. If you are interested, I would love your help developing the character, but of course you don't have to. I might be a little unresponsive, but I promise I'll do my best to reply frequently. I'm doing an online summer school course, and it takes up a lot of my time.
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  #4    
Old July 14th, 2016 (3:36 AM).
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Jauntier Jauntier is offline
Y'all still riding 20's, ya'll some Oompa Loompas.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebenishguy View Post
...
A pro wrestler, huh? Pokedex entries have such an odd way of describing things, but I suppose it can't get any better than Raichu's entry and those Indian elephants. But upon reading it further, it states that Dustox dust isn't flaking wing scales like I had imagined. It's actually poison (how could I have forgotten it was dual Poison-type!), and if it can bring a pro wrestler asunder, then how about young and susceptible Dylan?

So, there are really four things you could do in this situation:

1) Dylan has to be properly bound up, at a distance, and check that he isn't downwind of attacks with his friend flapping about,
2) Dustox's poison is either not that potent (which could affect the toxicity of other Poison-type attacks, taking on an interesting handicap for the partner) and/or only sheds its powder in small, irritating but not terrible amounts
3) the poisonous powder is scattered only when Dustox violently flaps his wings, as opposed to some of it shaking loose constantly from its usual attempt to keep aflutter, or
4) switch out Dustox for the Scatterbug line. I know you personally enjoy Dustox as your favorite Pokemon, but in the same vein as the dusty allergy dynamic you're going for, Scatterbug has a black dust on its body that it can scatter and cause a form of paralysis (arguably better than being poisoned; you can still move, just very stiffly). Spewpa's powder isn't explained in the Dex to be particularly harmful but it uses it to defend itself, so you can have a freer reign with that, or just relate it back to that paralysis. And Vivillion scatters colorful scales. Since it's role-play, those shed scales don't have to be described as those big square pixel-like patterns, and be more like a finer shedding of color. Just something to consider!

Well, Aromatherapy would be more wisely used as a cure for status conditions. So, if Dylan would absolutely need it to clear the air or as a quick heal from the dangerous effects of the bug's irritants, that would be best than to exhaust his Pokemon for every little thing. That said, it's not to say Dylan can't abuse Aromatherapy after the first time he discovers it, but his Pokemon would probably become tired and even resentful from the overuse. When Dylan realizes that he's mistreating his Pokemon, he can learn to refrain from using the move until he really needs it. His Pokemon may even see later why he needs it, and jump in on their own from time to time to administer the move when they see fit, you know?

I'm not sure about any charms Dylan could use, but another thought is that he could just lightly spray himself down with Repel constantly to keep his Pokemon at bay. Which is a real shame, but you could always play up that emotional "I love you but you can't get close to me" monologue until a better solution passes by. Tug on some heartstrings, yeah?

... Whew! What a post! And you're absolutely welcome for my little bit of input. I like seeing different types of characters and watching them foster and grow! If you feel like you'd want a little more help with a character or anything else for that matter, feel free to contact me. I'd not mind offering a real world-fantasy blend of opinion for you.

Don't forget to get a good grade! Haha!
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  #5    
Old July 19th, 2016 (11:25 AM).
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somebenishguy somebenishguy is offline
 
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Thanks again for all the input! Definitely lots to consider.

One thing I thought of based on your advice is the possibility of combining the magic charm idea with the idea of reducing the toxicity of Dustox's poison. I was thinking some kind of shackling effect could come into play. This way, when whatever the charm is in use, Dustox's poison moves are weaker, but Dylan is much less affected by the allergen. In the event of a dire/ more important battle, Dylan could remove or deactivate the charm, making dustox stronger, but also possibly endangering himself as a result.

Of course, it would just be simpler to do something like suggestion 3. Maybe the powder only appears when he is actually using a poison type move, and can be clearly seen as a sort of purple cloud that dissipates after a little while.
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