Endless wait [K]

Started by Destiny. March 12th, 2011 10:08 PM
  • 608 views
  • 1 replies
Female
Seen October 31st, 2019
Posted September 17th, 2016
163 posts
13.2 Years
This endless, endless wait.
Midnight sky blue.
Racing heart white clouds.
Stretching, gaping distance.
Endless like the world's breath.
And I've been waiting.

Seen your eyes like the world, rippling from space.
Seen the storm.
Seen so much.
Seen endless tide dividing.
Seen you leaving.

Takes you on a ride so far.
Let me see. Why can't I see?
Sometimes I hold your soul's crystal.
And race.
Like we did as children.
Across the sky.
Waiting.
For freedom.

bobandbill

one more time

Male
A cape
Seen 5 Hours Ago
Posted 21 Hours Ago
16,786 posts
15.2 Years
Moved this to the Poetry section for you.

At any rate I liked the poem, although I did feel that it was a bit too choppy by ending each line with a full stop - maybe consider changing a few to commas instead so it flows a bit better.
Seen endless tide dividing.
This line also struck me as a bit odd0sounding as I'm not really sure what you're trying to say with that line, although maybe I'm too tired to get it.

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