A Piece 'o crappy poetry

Started by derozio April 6th, 2011 5:37 AM
  • 675 views
  • 2 replies

derozio

door-kun best boii

Male
Akihabara
Seen June 27th, 2020
Posted August 16th, 2019
5,514 posts
14 Years
Well, this is just Derozio trying his hand at something he cannot do nicely, I suppose. :P; I'm a newbie and dunno much about poems. But I think posting a poem or two here wouldn't really hurt. I'm all in for crit. But please try to be a little..uhh, polite? Please don't be too harsh. Idk, this is probably the first time I'm making a thread on my poem and it feels kinda..weird. Anyway, here's my poem.

"Lonely Princess"

In a castle lived a princess
Whose life was an utter mess (?)
Caught in the clutches of loneliness
Her despair increased, more or less.

She considered herself a nocturnal creature
Staying up late was her characteristic feature
But as she became more and more mature
She figured it was against her body's nature

Feeling of being alone was depressing
But her friends with smiles caressing
Brought her out of this deadly pit
Where no candles were ever lit

She wanted to live a free life;
Maybe one without any signs of strife?
She wanted to be totally free,
To be adventurous in an adventurous sea!

And when she was finally free,
Her eyes shed tears of glee
Due to the beautiful world she could see
And she thought ‘it now belongs to me’.

The story of this princess is inspired by the life of a very close friend of mine. I and her used to talk about her problems quite frequently and it kind of inspired me to write a poem.
Age 29
Male
Somewhere with internet access apparently.
Seen March 24th, 2012
Posted December 30th, 2011
49 posts
12.3 Years
Story was interesting there were some points that i felt the rhythm kinda... fell apart but other than that it is pretty good for someone who doesn't know much about poems..
I reject your reality and substitute my own
-Adam Savage