The Edge

Started by 3 REGIS December 12th, 2004 10:09 AM
  • 564 views
  • 5 replies

3 REGIS

Oo.oOo.oOo.oOo.oOo.oOo.oO

Age 29
NorCal
Seen September 11th, 2014
Posted December 25th, 2007
310 posts
18.7 Years
I hope you like it...

Part I: What if...:

What if something horrific happend when Harrison and Ash battled? (The silver confrence battle cont.) "Charizard! Fireblast!" Ash yelled. "Blaziken! Dodge it!" Harrison countered. "BLAZE!" Blaziken had almost escaped, but was too late. Blaziken's leg was burned. "WHAT?! A Kanto punk sweep'n a Hoenn kid?! NO WAY!" The angery crowd member hurled a barrel of gas! Both trainers froze in terror. Gas was splattered everywhere. Meanwhile Charizard's flaming tail wagged...they ignited...*BOOM!!!* Ash woke up. "It was only a dream" he said. "Only a dream..." Later in his house, he sat down for the "Elite Four Show" he watched before he started training. "Pikachu, com'n down!" Pikachu, who was still sleepy, came down and hugged the t.v., then covered it's face in pika-chow. Ash saw that the comercials were on so he flipped through channels...Ash then saw the story that would start a whole new adventure...

To be continued...
[TNT]---------------*

This signiture will explode soon. You better get to another page before it blows. Well?! Come on! Go! Stop reading this and go!!!
Bittertown
Seen September 2nd, 2009
Posted December 28th, 2008
7,901 posts
19.7 Years
I couldn't really make out the plot here. So it's basically Satoshi starting a new journey? Oh that plot is so hackneyed. Well, I'll try to find the good points first. Well...uh...hmm...
Okay, next time, just make your chapter longer. There are a bit of some grammar errors especially spelling (the contractions don't fit. "Com'n" should've been "C'mon"). Well, if Frostweaver was here, I bet he'd do some sort of one and a half page lecture on diction... since your word choice wasn't that satisfactory. Try makinga new paragraph when a new dialogue starts. Also, try to be a bit more descriptive. Well...I guess that's my review right there. Just keep trying and improving.

Pocket Monsters Special!

3 REGIS

Oo.oOo.oOo.oOo.oOo.oOo.oO

Age 29
NorCal
Seen September 11th, 2014
Posted December 25th, 2007
310 posts
18.7 Years
Ok. The 2nd part will be posted soon. It will break everything open. It should be done by tomorrow. I'm working on the rough draft. :classic:
[TNT]---------------*

This signiture will explode soon. You better get to another page before it blows. Well?! Come on! Go! Stop reading this and go!!!