My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fan Club Page 22

Started by Sweet Candace April 11th, 2011 11:29 AM
  • 219541 views
  • 2545 replies

~Ryukaa

total nerd

Age 26
Male
Melbourne, Australia
Seen April 5th, 2021
Posted September 16th, 2015
1,328 posts
15.9 Years
I read both your fics, and they're pretty good. xD;
Candace, your story was good. Though, it could've been built more. It has alot of potential. It felt a little too short. You could've explained why she feel for White, instead of just having her blush. Like I said, it was good, but there could've been more detail and possible content.

AK, your story was pretty nice as well! I liked it. You put in some background and setting for the story structure, which is great for starting a story. (I love the United States of Amanica, btw.)
You described things simply, and nicely. I can't really comment too much on it, since it's the introduction. But what you've got so far is solid.
I see you shoved in some NegaiShipping in there too. xDDD;;

Anyway, this video is pretty interesting. You guys should take a look. o3o

Sweet Candace

So Awesome! /)^ɛ^(\

Age 30
Male
Somewhere; maybe over a rainbow.
Seen August 26th, 2012
Posted August 20th, 2012
5,282 posts
16.1 Years
I'm not the best at creating stories, and I didn't want the story to get so mushy, it distracted the people reading the story from the plot itself. It was a simple one-shot. I usually can't create long stories as I suffer from bouts of serious writer's block at times.

Miz en Scène

Everybody's connected

Male
The Wired
Seen 1 Day Ago
Posted August 30th, 2016
1,645 posts
14.7 Years
I'm not the best at creating stories, and I didn't want the story to get so mushy, it distracted the people reading the story from the plot itself. It was a simple one-shot. I usually can't create long stories as I suffer from bouts of serious writer's block at times.
What Ryuuka is trying to say is that the story needs more depth into it, seeing as it's a shipping fic and all. In a one-shot, there's not really much of a plot, or rather, the story is mostly character-driven, so what you need to be focusing on is description and character interaction, as opposed to just moving the plot along for the story's sake. This goes doubly so for shipping/romance fics because the readers want to see how the characters would react in a situation wherein their emotions (i.e. love) are explicitly described (Part A) in tandem to their actions (i.e. blushing, shying away, etc) (Part B). Why the story felt so empty was that, as Ryuuka said, you just described how the characters reacted, using Part B of the two part formula, without actually exlplaining to the reader why Dash felt that way, which is Part A. Personally, I found this funny because a lot of writers tend to just use Part A without actually having a Part B to back it up. That is to say, telling without showing. You did the opposite, showing, not telling. xD

Hope this helps in your future writing endeavours. I'll get around to reading yours sometime, AK.

NB: I use the terms Part A & B for a simple explanation, not that people actually call it that.
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Sweet Candace

So Awesome! /)^ɛ^(\

Age 30
Male
Somewhere; maybe over a rainbow.
Seen August 26th, 2012
Posted August 20th, 2012
5,282 posts
16.1 Years
I'm not the best at making fan-fics. I tend to make very rushed stories, but even if the points you stated, I still feel like a did better than I would've a while back.

And that's been my problem making stories for a long time, I don't do a lot of character development (in this case Dash's emotions), because I get so worried if I do a lot of character development, it bogs the story down and the plot gets lost in a sea of character development.

Miz en Scène

Everybody's connected

Male
The Wired
Seen 1 Day Ago
Posted August 30th, 2016
1,645 posts
14.7 Years
I'm not the best at making fan-fics. I tend to make very rushed stories, but even if the points you stated, I still feel like a did better than I would've a while back.
I'm not denying that, and it's not completely the work of a beginner, but, as a writer/reviewer myself, I say in encouragement that you can strive to do better if you wanted to. Literature is beautiful.
And that's been my problem making stories for a long time, I don't do a lot of character development (in this case Dash's emotions), because I get so worried if I do a lot of character development, it bogs the story down and the plot gets lost in a sea of character development.
The beauty of writing is in being able to balance the two perfectly. The best fics, Black and White with Octavia and Lyra for instance, manage to expand so much on the characters of two, insignificant background characters in only one chapter --a remarkeable achievement. Having said that, don't sweat it. If you love to write, you'll get there eventually.
» Fiction «
Havisham
SWC 2011
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The Rainbow Chasers
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The Promise I Made to You
SWC 2012 (2nd Place)
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The Best
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Buoysel

Trust me, I'm a Professional*

Age 32
Male
Kansas City
Seen August 4th, 2015
Posted April 12th, 2015
2,006 posts
15 Years
What is the best demotivational poster you have come across while browsing for MLP pictures?

Mine would have to be this one. There are a lot that I really like, but this one made me laugh so hard that it became my favorite.

Spoiler:
I really need a new signature.
Male
USA
Seen July 21st, 2011
Posted July 14th, 2011
109 posts
12.1 Years
What is the best demotivational poster you have come across while browsing for MLP pictures?

Mine would have to be this one. There are a lot that I really like, but this one made me laugh so hard that it became my favorite.

Spoiler:
ABSOLUTE GENIUS! I love it. :3


Speaking of genius, the new episode of MLP: Mentally Advanced Series is out today. I realize that none of you probably watch it, but I still love sharing the series because it's so funny. Those of you that don't watch it should just give it a try. :P



Adding to the shipping conversation, this video finally has an answer to that: AppleBurn (AppleJack & Braeburn). We finally have a M/F ship of somewhat mane ponies (I know Braeburn isn't a Mane Pony, but he's center of an episode (Over a Barrel), so that gives him SOME status).
Then I now pronounce you man and Pokemon. You may kiss the Meloetta.
Current Challenges:

Nuzlocke SoulSilver


Completed Challenges:

None

Miz en Scène

Everybody's connected

Male
The Wired
Seen 1 Day Ago
Posted August 30th, 2016
1,645 posts
14.7 Years
Speaking of genius, the new episode of MLP: Mentally Advanced Series is out today. I realize that none of you probably watch it, but I still love sharing the series because it's so funny. Those of you that don't watch it should just give it a try. :P
I actually watch Mentally Advanced. xD It's genius and the guy is such a consistent updater. I mean, come on, six episodes in six weeks? Amazing.

On the subject of Demot Posters, I know this isn't one, but I love it anyway.

Spoiler:


In other news, I was wondering how vague I could get with referring to MLP without actually mentioning ponies There's a little Joseph Ducreux style quote in my sig down there. Too vague? Because if it is, excellent.
» Fiction «
Havisham
SWC 2011
» Fanfiction «
The Rainbow Chasers
SWC 2016 (1st Place)
——
The Promise I Made to You
SWC 2012 (2nd Place)
——
The Best
Pokecreepypasta Entry 2010
——
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Male
USA
Seen July 21st, 2011
Posted July 14th, 2011
109 posts
12.1 Years
I actually watch Mentally Advanced. xD It's genius and the guy is such a consistent updater. I mean, come on, six episodes in six weeks? Amazing.
I know! I got the song from last week on my iPod. :P I'm so glad I can look forward to the video popping up in my inbox every weekend without a miss. :3

Favorite quote from this week:

Rarity: *German accent* Seig Heil, Sleep Nazi! Ven do ve put AppleJack in der Concentration Camp?
Twilight: Shut up.
Rarity: Vut is dis? Un Earf Pony is sleeping in mein kampf bed. Unacceptable!
Mien Führer! Führer! Excuse me, Führer!
Twilight: Go to bed, Rarity!
Rarity: But der is un Earf pony! And you are in charge of de Sleeping!
Twilight: *glaring*
Rarity: *normal accent* You could have at least TRIED to play along.
Then I now pronounce you man and Pokemon. You may kiss the Meloetta.
Current Challenges:

Nuzlocke SoulSilver


Completed Challenges:

None

~Ryukaa

total nerd

Age 26
Male
Melbourne, Australia
Seen April 5th, 2021
Posted September 16th, 2015
1,328 posts
15.9 Years
Although I'm not a big fan of the Mentally Advanced series, I have to admit, that episode was pretty funny. xDD;;
I love Applejack. |D

Oh, and these are really fun to look through.
Pretty interesting, and amusing. xDD;;

Sweet Candace

So Awesome! /)^ɛ^(\

Age 30
Male
Somewhere; maybe over a rainbow.
Seen August 26th, 2012
Posted August 20th, 2012
5,282 posts
16.1 Years
I recently saw the episode where Rainbow was obsessed on changing her name, and kept thinking 'Lesbia' in a country. (Lesbian Carwasher and Carwash Rugmuncher made me LOL.)

Oh silly Rainbow Dash, I still like you either way.

Alternative

f i r e f l y .

Age 30
Male
Adelaide, Australia
Seen July 4th, 2020
Posted December 21st, 2019
4,258 posts
14.3 Years
I'll be honest, I'm not a fan of the Mentally Advanced series. There's just something about the voice acting which I really don't like. All the voices sound the same with a slightly different tinge of accent to them all.
Male
USA
Seen July 21st, 2011
Posted July 14th, 2011
109 posts
12.1 Years
I'll be honest, I'm not a fan of the Mentally Advanced series. There's just something about the voice acting which I really don't like. All the voices sound the same with a slightly different tinge of accent to them all.
One person can only do so much to his voice to make things different... It WOULD be nice if he could get more voice actors on his project, but I'm fine with just him until then. xD
Then I now pronounce you man and Pokemon. You may kiss the Meloetta.
Current Challenges:

Nuzlocke SoulSilver


Completed Challenges:

None

Miz en Scène

Everybody's connected

Male
The Wired
Seen 1 Day Ago
Posted August 30th, 2016
1,645 posts
14.7 Years
I'll be honest, I'm not a fan of the Mentally Advanced series. There's just something about the voice acting which I really don't like. All the voices sound the same with a slightly different tinge of accent to them all.
I admit, that was one of the biggest turn-offs for me, but the humour was excellent enough to keep me entertained.

Rarity: *German accent* Seig Heil, Sleep Nazi! Ven do ve put AppleJack in der Concentration Camp?
Twilight: Shut up.
Rarity: Vut is dis? Un Earf Pony is sleeping in mein kampf bed. Unacceptable!
Mien Führer! Führer! Excuse me, Führer!
Twilight: Go to bed, Rarity!
Rarity: But der is un Earf pony! And you are in charge of de Sleeping!
Twilight: *glaring*
Rarity: *normal accent* You could have at least TRIED to play along.
What I can gather from the Mentally Advanced Series canon so far:
Spoiler:
Princess Celestia is a sadistic, Orwellian monarch.
Twilight is even more sarcastic and pessimistic. Also gets bullied by Celestia.
Applejack's family is uh... they like to keep it in the family.
Rarity is the town... Well, let's just say she's a bit more promiscuous than in the show.
Rainbow Dash is an idiot.
Pinkie Pie is a psychopathic, genius, Machiavellian, Marxist.
Fluttershy is Fluttershy.
Spike is Scottish/Irish.
Twilight once had a stuffed, toy bumblebee by the name of Mrs. Buzzy which Celestia took and stuffed with slice bread.
Unicorn Ponies see themselves as the master race.
Snips and Snails are germans who are proponents of the master race thing.


Favourite quote from each episode:
It gets good starting from Episode 5 and on.

Spoiler:
Ep 1
Pinkie: Commence the invasion when I complete the equation!

Ep 2
Mayor: (In the voice of the Red Guy from Cow and Chicken. Remember that show? Yeah... Anyway) Ahem... Hello, today we're going to be giving out awards. This one goes to biggest trophy owner. Whoever gets it, gets it! And guess what, looks like this one goes to Applejack.

Ep 3
Gilda: Lesbia isn't a place, it's a thing in your heart, Dash.

Ep 4
Trixie: You suck times infinity! (To Dash)
Spike: Ye both suck!
Twilight: Spike, please stop encouraging them.
Trixie: I hate drama critics!
[Fires lightning at Dash]
Spike: Uhwaa! My feet are tired. I wanna go home. Take me home! Uhwaah.
Twilight: Spike, what the heck, man? Would you chill out already?

Ep 5
No one can touch... LESBIAN CARWASH!

or

Pinkie: I just realised we all have to go back.
Twilight: Why? We're barely even up the mountain.
Pinkie: Because I just realised that I left my MP3 player alone with Gummy, and, the last time I did that, he deleted all my music and replaced it with bizarre pornography.
Twilight: Wait, your pet alligator did that?
Dash: Nah, that was totally me.

Ep 6
Rarity: *German accent* Seig Heil, Sleep Nazi! Ven do ve put AppleJack in der Concentration Camp?
Twilight: Shut up.
Rarity: Vut is dis? Un Earf Pony is sleeping in mein kampf bed. Unacceptable! Mein Führer! Führer! Excuse me, Führer!
Twilight: Go to bed, Rarity!
Rarity: But der is un Earf pony! And you are in charge of de Sleeping!
Twilight: *glaring*
Rarity: *normal accent* You could have at least TRIED to play along.



I'll shut up about Mentally Advanced now. ._.
» Fiction «
Havisham
SWC 2011
» Fanfiction «
The Rainbow Chasers
SWC 2016 (1st Place)
——
The Promise I Made to You
SWC 2012 (2nd Place)
——
The Best
Pokecreepypasta Entry 2010
——
Using Firefox and see a scrollbar?
Tell me so I can fix it! (Hopefully)
» TBD «

Want a fanfic review?
Just ask me!

Got a review from me?
Pay it forward!
Drop a comment or a review on someone else's fic. I'm sure they'll appreciate it!
Male
USA
Seen July 21st, 2011
Posted July 14th, 2011
109 posts
12.1 Years
Ep 5
No one can touch... LESBIAN CARWASH!

or

Pinkie: I just realised we all have to go back.
Twilight: Why? We're barely even up the mountain.
Pinkie: Because I just realised that I left my MP3 player alone with Gummy, and, the last time I did that, he deleted all my music and replaced it with bizarre pornography.
Twilight: Wait, your pet alligator did that?
Dash: Nah, that was totally me.
Isn't that just one quote (missing a single line from Pinkamena, of course)?

Ok, time for my favorites... I already said mine from Ep. 6, so I'll have to do second favorite. xD

Spoiler:
Ep. 1
Spike: I wish you wouldn't distort the laws of time and space.
Twilight: Shut up! They're my powers to abuse.

Ep. 2
Pinkamena: *slowed* NOW THE POISONS!

or

Oh my god... I cooked that worm... He is a Highlander...

Ep. 3
Pinkamena: I have come! Tremble!

Ep. 4
Trixie: Ok, I really love Peter Pan on Ice, so I'm going to do a parody of Peter Pan on Ice, but all the characters are Darth Vader. That's the hook.

Ep. 5
Pikamena: Cthulhu Fhtagn! I win again!
Rarity: Who cares? We're just going to be burned alive anyway.
Pinkamena: I cherish every victory over a filthy unicorn.

Ep. 6
Rarity: What makes you think we would come over even IF Rainbow Dash had told us?
Twilight: Because I'm Twilight Sparkle and I told you to.


Wow... That was a long list to type on my iPod. xD
Then I now pronounce you man and Pokemon. You may kiss the Meloetta.
Current Challenges:

Nuzlocke SoulSilver


Completed Challenges:

None

Sweet Candace

So Awesome! /)^ɛ^(\

Age 30
Male
Somewhere; maybe over a rainbow.
Seen August 26th, 2012
Posted August 20th, 2012
5,282 posts
16.1 Years
I've seen the Mentally Advanced Series, and honestly the only funny character is Pinkie because of the accent the guy uses for her.

There are a few other "abridged" series out there on the Internet, but I haven't seen many others.

Buoysel

Trust me, I'm a Professional*

Age 32
Male
Kansas City
Seen August 4th, 2015
Posted April 12th, 2015
2,006 posts
15 Years
Pardon me if somebody already mentioned this, but looky looky!



A thing of beauty, it is.
Pause at 0:28 and read the disclaimer, I lol'd HARD.
I really need a new signature.

Sweet Candace

So Awesome! /)^ɛ^(\

Age 30
Male
Somewhere; maybe over a rainbow.
Seen August 26th, 2012
Posted August 20th, 2012
5,282 posts
16.1 Years
I can't wait for Season 2 to air in December, even though I'll have to see the episodes on the Internet. It feels like I've see every Season 1 episode like a hundred times, but somehow, someway I still enjoy watching them, even though I know most of the plotlines of each episode by heart, somewhat.