My Odd Poems XD

Started by ash_misty4ever December 16th, 2004 1:55 AM
  • 959 views
  • 3 replies
Age 31
At the Moulin Rouge!
Seen July 9th, 2005
Posted June 17th, 2005
817 posts
19.7 Years
Strokes my chin
One last time
I'm hoping that you'll try to win
The heart that shouldn't be mine

Our eyes meet together
yours green and blue
Through the bad cold weather
We'll make it through

To see your hair so golden blonde
Makes a tear so clear
The unbreakable bond
used to be so near

Now you turn and go away
and I stand here
Forever I'll stay
Until you come near

I just made this up! Could someone please help me with some poetry tips? Thanks!
I'm really sorry I haven't been on much. All I can say is that my reality life has caught up with me. I'm not the Pokemon Fan I used to be. I really hate to give all of this up after so long, but I can't quite help it. If I'm not online as much as I used to so very long ago, just remember it's my real life holding me back. BUT, when I become famous, I'll totally be sure to mention everyone of you in my acceptance speeches! Just remember the name EMILY MAYNARD!

Kyosuke

.·Simple Complexity

Age 34
Pickering, On
Seen August 8th, 2018
Posted May 17th, 2014
2,485 posts
19.7 Years
Its not bad at all, I would just add some punction such as commas and periods, so when its read, readers know when to pause and when to begin.

But other then that it was good, it tells a story of how someone is trying to get back the heart of a person, who was once there.
"Life isn't perfect, but sometimes you have to make the best of it."

After 7 years, Xbox Live is Still Amazing

·!¦[·Latest pieces of Writing·]¦!·
Age 31
At the Moulin Rouge!
Seen July 9th, 2005
Posted June 17th, 2005
817 posts
19.7 Years
Thank you very much for the pointers LT! I am writing something now, so I will post it later!
I'm really sorry I haven't been on much. All I can say is that my reality life has caught up with me. I'm not the Pokemon Fan I used to be. I really hate to give all of this up after so long, but I can't quite help it. If I'm not online as much as I used to so very long ago, just remember it's my real life holding me back. BUT, when I become famous, I'll totally be sure to mention everyone of you in my acceptance speeches! Just remember the name EMILY MAYNARD!