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  #3176    
Old November 5th, 2012 (5:34 AM).
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Shining Raichu Shining Raichu is offline
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Hey Destructor, welcome to the group!

Your situation is horrible, and unfortunately not unique . Has anybody in your family actually ever asked you if you're gay? And what kind of things do they do to abuse you? I hope it's nothing physical, at the very least.

---

Onto me though (and I hate making the conversation about me, especially after replying to such a serious post, but I have to make an exception because this is kinda huge), my family now knows that I'm gay! So, in true Rainbow Connection fashion, let me tell you all the story.

Oddly enough, Pokemon is responsible for my outing. About a month or two ago, I joined the gay sex dating app Grindr. I didn't join it for the same reason most people do, instead I just wanted to see if I could make some new friends because it struck me that I don't hang out with any gay people and the two friends I do hang out with are both left over from high school. So I joined, and started meeting people. A lot of sex freaks, as you'd expect, but I did manage to meet some cool people.

One day, I changed my profile picture to one of me wearing my favourite shirt, which is a plain white T-shirt with a giant picture of a Meowth on the front. This one guy, Luke, contacted me almost immediately asking me if I actually liked Pokemon and whether I was excited for the release of B2W2 (which hadn't been released here yet at the time). I looked at his profile and saw that he lived just 1.5km away, so we decided to meet up.

We met up and hung out a few times with his other nerdy friends who are also into Pokemon, but the whole game changed on Tuesday when he sent me a text at work saying "Do you wanna go for a drive? I need to talk to you about something"

No, this story isn't going where you think it is .

I agreed to pick him up after work and we drove around for a bit, and eventually he told me that his two housemates Ben and Jarrad have made a spur-of-the-moment decision to buy a house in a town about five hours away, and they'd be moving at the end of the month, and he needed two new housemates to share his expenses. I've been feeling increasingly unhappy at home, feeling like I'm living under my parents' thumb rather than their roof which is not OK at age 22, so I jumped at the chance.

I had til the end of the month so I resolved not to tell my parents about it just yet, but wait until next week when my sister would be holidaying in Melbourne so that it would be less pressure-packed. Then on Friday, I got more texts from him saying that it had been moved up to two weeks, which meant that I would have to tell my parents soon. I got home from the party and told my mother straight away, and she did not take it very well... especially since she didn't know I even had a friend called Luke.

After a long discussion, I told her I needed 100 points of ID to take to the real estate the next day and I had to go down to Luke's to discuss stuff. So I gathered up my stuff and went. Little did I know that my mother would log onto my uncle's Facebook to stalk my new friend.

Luke and I were printing off rental application forms when I got a text from my mother.

"I think we need to discuss this a bit more before u make a decision. This guy is gfay isn't he?"

To which I replied, "Yes he is, is that a problem?"

She replied soon after, "Yes I think it is. Im not being nasty. Are you gay too?"

At this point, there was only one word on my mind, and it's not appropriate for PokeCommunity.

After what was probably too long, I replied, "We'll talk when I get home, but it's not like that."

She took no time at all to reply with "Please come home now"

And so I raced home, completely unsure of what to expect. I walked in to find my mother and my sister sitting in the living room in complete silence. And then it began.

"So, do you have something you'd like to tell me?"

I really didn't want to say "I'm gay" at this point, because the question was so unbelievably cringe-worthy that that answer would have seemed completely lame after the fact. So I said "The answer is yes" and sat down in my seat. At this point she went very stiff, and the voice in which she asked the following questions was very very quiet.

She ran through the usual questions. How long have you known, does anybody else know, how long have they known, "so you told them before you told me?", and so on and so forth. She asked if I was interested in Luke, to which I told her no, and she asked if there was anybody else I'd ever been interested in. Those sorts of questions. Thankfully she didn't ask me about the status of my virginity, since I've had sex with several different men in this very house, once on the couch on which she currently sat.

My sister was worse than my mother, she was very upset that I didn't feel I could tell her. Both were upset about that actually, and I do resent it a little bit. It's not as easy as that, and just because they knew they would be OK with it, does not by a long shot mean that I knew that, particularly since I've spent years getting very mixed messages from my mother on the LGBT topic in general... such as shouting "Ew, ew ,ew!" every time two men would kiss on television.

Then they turned the conversation to how they don't think I should move out... for many reasons I'm sure you can imagine and I won't bore you with. There were a couple of reasons she listed that were to do with the whole gay thing.

"My biggest fear is that you'll become one of those gay people with the funny haircuts. You just see them on the street and you think 'oh my god'".

"I really don't want you getting into the gay scene."

Those really bothered me, and they still do, but whatever. It didn't go as badly as it could have. Eventually Mum and my sister went to bed, after Mum making it clear that it was a shock and something they would have to get their heads around, but that it's OK with them.

Apparently she had told my Dad before I got home, and he was snoring when I got home, but when I got up the next morning she told me he hadn't slept very well at all. I woke up feeling really icky and invaded, rather than free like I was supposed to, and that surprised me. I don't like people knowing more about me than they absolutely have to in real life... for some reason I'm very guarded that way, but even still, everybody talks about coming out as this hugely freeing experience and I just didn't feel that way.

Mum went out of her way the next morning to assure me that my Dad's quietness was just shock, and not a sign that he wasn't OK with my being gay. My Dad and I haven't had much to say to each other since I was 14 years old, so I actually hadn't noticed his quietness at all lmao. Before I left for work, she asked if it would be OK if we all sat down and had a talk as a family, to which I agreed despite my thought process of "Oh God, two awkward discussions two nights?"

So that night we all sat down and had a discussion. They all raised their concerns about me moving out in a somewhat intervention-style format... again I won't bore you with the details of that, but we got onto the gay stuff and they did the whole speech you expect from a family trying to show they support their new gay son

"We still love you, we accept you, they say you're born that way so it's all good, it's a shock but it doesn't change anything" and so on and so on. I guess that was really nice of them, but I was never all that worried that they wouldn't accept me since I don't really talk all that much to them at the best of times. So it was nice, but completely awkward and skin-crawly and I didn't quite know what to do with myself. I just kept saying "yup" to everything they said until it was all over. I feel bad, but I couldn't bring myself to say "I love you too" because it just felt way too Brady Bunch for my tastes.

That was Saturday night. It's now the early hours of Tuesday morning and it hasn't been mentioned since! I am moving out (to a house that is five minutes away from where I live now) with two gay guys and I'm gonna have the greatest experience of my life (I hope), and my family knows that I'm gay and everything is all good.

So that's my coming out story
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  #3177    
Old November 5th, 2012 (9:25 AM).
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Esper Esper is offline
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Our little Andy is all grown up now. *sniff* My favorite part of this story was "This guy is gfay isn't he?" I really hope that's how she wrote it.

I sympathize with the feeling invaded part, how other people can act all insulted like they deserve to know everything, how they think more about how it affects them than it does you.
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  #3178    
Old November 5th, 2012 (10:23 AM).
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Awh Andy! You made the leap! Well done. I hope that your new place/life will be that bit more fulfilling, especially with that weight off your chest and your family behind you.

[Yes it's been a while since I've been in here, still queer, hello.]
  #3179    
Old November 5th, 2012 (10:56 AM). Edited November 5th, 2012 by TornZero.
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TornZero TornZero is offline
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    Someone needs to get Andy a slice of cake — he deserves it. Though, like Scarf, I do really hope "This guy is gfay isn't he?" is how your mother actually wrote it, Andy.

    And a welcome back to SwiftSign and his queerness.
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      #3180    
    Old November 5th, 2012 (11:19 AM).
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    Patatas Fritas Patatas Fritas is offline
    bajo el mismo sol ღ
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    I'm so ridiculously proud of you, Andrew <3 I'm so happy that they took it well, and it's great you're moving out! Make sure you let us know how that goes and who knows maybe a spark will occur between you and one of those boys, eh?

    And I agree with the others. I hope your mum really did use the word "gfay"
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      #3181    
    Old November 5th, 2012 (2:23 PM).
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    LightningAlex LightningAlex is offline
       
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      Well, congratulations, Andy. I sure hope you enjoy your life in your new home
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        #3182    
      Old November 5th, 2012 (2:48 PM).
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      I'm glad I chose this moment to stalk this thread because the use of gfay is great and I'm going to start saying it a lot more. Oh, and Andy. Really. PLEASE do not become one of those gays with the "oh my God" haircuts because we can't have that. Be gay all you want, but don't you dare ruin the sanctity of hair.

      Oh, and since I think y'all can appreciate this...it's a picture our photographer took during band practice after it stopped raining. And then someone took it and added the words and...well, just look.

      Spoiler:


      Isn't it beautiful? :) Clark, the guy with his hands up, is actually gay btw, haha. ...He should totally join PC because he likes Pokemon as well.

      /hides for months again :)
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        #3183    
      Old November 5th, 2012 (2:54 PM).
      Retro Bug Retro Bug is offline
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      Awh congrats Andy(!) even though I had to stop momentarily because I was laughing so hard. (At the sex on the couch comment. Lmfao. That's priceless.) I'm glad your Grindr experience has gone well... I'm surprised you found someone on there that wasn't just looking for sex. Like I'm completely shocked but I guess it happens.
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        #3184    
      Old November 6th, 2012 (6:38 PM).
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        Well congrats andy...

        That's a pretty nice coming out story and also an well you know, a "coming out" story, as in, getting the hell out of there.
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          #3185    
        Old November 6th, 2012 (9:41 PM). Edited November 6th, 2012 by Retro Bug.
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        Yeaah, Maryland and Maine passed their marriage equality laws. Still waiting for Washington and Minnesota but Washington apparently is on the lean towards marriage equality. Also, this was the first time in history marriage equality has been passed on the public voting in favor.

        EDIT:
        It looks like will Washington pass it and Minnesota is too close to tell but they're (Minnesota) voting on whether it should be banned.
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          #3186    
        Old November 6th, 2012 (11:10 PM).
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          On a mostly unrelated note, Colorado and Washington are the first states to legalize recreational marijuana. With that, I think Washington's definitely open to passing marriage equality.
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            #3187    
          Old November 6th, 2012 (11:58 PM).
          Retro Bug Retro Bug is offline
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          Yeah, so it looks like Washington, Maryland, and Maine all passed their marriage equality laws and Minnesota voted no on banning marriage equality. At least that's what I'm see from all the gay blogs/campaigns like HRC/NOH8/Towleroad/Queerty etc.

          Sooo yay Marriage Equality! <3 And for our returning President Barack Obama!
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            #3188    
          Old November 7th, 2012 (6:36 AM).
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          Shining Raichu Shining Raichu is offline
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          Aww thank you so much guys! This is so awesome - sometimes this club can go with like one or two replies a day, but I post a coming out story and somehow I get seven in one night XD

          gfay was my typo too, but I'm glad I seem to have started something .

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          [Yes it's been a while since I've been in here, still queer, hello.]
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          And a welcome back to SwiftSign and his queerness.
          These are my favourite posts of the entire lot lmao.

          I DON'T CARE THAT THE DISCUSSION MOVED ON, I STARTED WRITING THIS POST 24 HOURS AGO AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF MY TARDINESS STOPS ME FROM BEING THE CENTER OF ATTENTION
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            #3189    
          Old November 7th, 2012 (9:32 AM).
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          In other election news, Tammy Baldwin is now the first openly gay person to be elected to the US Senate. (We've had a couple senators who were in the closet, I believe.) She's from Wisconsin which, while usually a blue state recently, isn't quite as blue as places like New York or California so it's especially heartening to see she could win.
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            #3190    
          Old November 7th, 2012 (1:20 PM).
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            Wow, looks like the US are becoming more and more gay-friendly every day. I'm so glad for you guys
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              #3191    
            Old November 7th, 2012 (1:38 PM).
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              Hey Andy I just read your story; I hope everything continues to go fairly well for you!
              I know for me I felt both like throwing-up and smiling simultaneously when I told my parents that I was 'gfay' XD

              To add to the pro-gay election results, let's not forget about President Obama's reelection, simply because it is likely that two justices will retire this term, and I believe that the Supreme Court will be the institution that uproots marriage inequality if there are 5 or 6 liberal-leaning justices. All-in-all, I was happy with most of the election result across the board my first election!
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                #3192    
              Old November 7th, 2012 (9:52 PM).
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              aww Andy that was beautiful

              I love how you made the conversation less Brady-Bunch-esque than it needed to be

              and the first openly gay person on big brother won and then proposed it was so beautiful

              so many feels
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                #3193    
              Old November 8th, 2012 (2:29 AM).
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              andy that was actually super gay but aw ilu
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                #3194    
              Old November 9th, 2012 (2:01 PM).
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              Yay Andy!

              I am sooo proud of Minnesota!

              And my grandma! She had SEVEN "VOTE NO" signs on her lawn. SEVEN.

              I love my granny.
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                #3195    
              Old November 10th, 2012 (12:33 PM).
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              I love your granny, too. I really wish we'd hurry up with that legal challenge to Prop 8 so it can get to the Supreme Court which can then overturn all the anti-gay marriage laws in the country and we can finally have that done with.
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                #3196    
              Old November 11th, 2012 (8:02 AM).
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                Hello all, I would like to join this group ^,^

                I'm Pansexual ,Transgender (MtF) and Genderqueer

                So hello all <3
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                  #3197    
                Old November 11th, 2012 (10:25 AM).
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                Welcome aboard. We used to have a crown we passed around, but I think it got lost several pages back.

                Since you're new you can tell us something more about yourself, if you'd like, like where you're from or if you're out to anyone, or whatever you're comfortable with. Or you could just wait until the conversation picks back up. Anyway, hope to see you around.
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                  #3198    
                Old November 11th, 2012 (10:32 AM).
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                  Welcome, QueenMadz. I'm sure you'll enjoy your stay here
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                    #3199    
                  Old November 11th, 2012 (12:06 PM).
                  Destructor Destructor is offline
                     
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                    I'm freaking terrified. I want to come out and just tell my family to get it over with. I'd rather live with their hate for who I am than live in fear that they might find out. I have planned to do it tonight, which is probobly a bad time, but I don't care. I will be posting tomorrow to say how it goes, but right now I'm so scared it's making me sick to my stomach and pale.
                      #3200    
                    Old November 11th, 2012 (1:07 PM).
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                      Do you still depend on your parents? If the answer is yes in any way (Money, food, a place to live), then I wouldn't do it. If I were you, I'd try and convince them that I'm straight.

                      But if you don't depend on your parents, if you're making money on your own, and have a place to live, then it'd be a lot safer to do it.
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