PC crashed on me while I was typing this up earlier... but I'm up in the middle of the night again anyway, so I might as well rewrite it now. (This time I woke up because I dreamed a spider was running across my bed toward my face. lol)
I know that this may sound drastic and uncomfortable, but I really really really think that you need to talk to someone confidentially. Whether it is a walk in a health clinic, school, physician, or anyone else who will make you feel safest and have you full confidentiality. Some of your comments really scare me, I too exhibited self-hatred. It is tough, but it is even tougher holding it all in.
It might be just because they work for the school, but me and several of my friends have talked to school counselors who promised to keep everything secret, only for them to go and tell every teacher at the school right after. One of my friends even got taken to an insane asylum (Or something similar anyway. It was specifically for teens.) over the weekend, because the counselor thought he was going to hurt himself, when he was just complaining about people making fun of him. I know the kid pretty well, and I can't imagine him doing anything like that, so I don't know where she got it from.
Long story short, I don't trust anyone who's paid to do that job, because they may not care about you in the slightest, as long as they get their money.
PLEASE, if you cannot find anyone to talk to, just ask someone on here to talk, that includes me. There are so many people that are on here that you want talk to; I just don't want you to hurt yourself.
Well, I would never intentionally harm myself, no matter what happened to me, so you don't have to worry about that... and my trouble eating/sleeping isn't intentional either... it's just that whenever I think about this (which is pretty much always) I lose my appetite, and it wakes me up, etc.
I'm not sure if there's really any more for me to say, but we can talk if you want. In fact, I think I'd kinda like to... all of my stuff is getting moved out of my room tomorrow, since we're moving, so all I'll have for the next couple days is my laptop... having some more people to talk to would be nice. lol
Anyway... things definitely do suck right now, but don't worry about me too much. I do know for a fact that it will get better, and I still have a bright future ahead of me. It's just a matter of time until I get there.