The Rainbow Connection [LGBTS Club] Page 16

Started by Shining Raichu May 22nd, 2011 5:52 AM
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Esper

California
Seen June 30th, 2018
Posted June 30th, 2018
I've actually been thinking for a while that when I do figure out my sexuality, I'm afraid to come out to my friends back in Arizona... I'm sure some of them will understand, since some of my friends were Bisexual. But the others, it would be awkward. I mean, they're great friends. Like, really awesome friends. But I'm just afraid they'd hate me if I came out.

I'm literally trying to hold in my tears while typing this. I'm trying to ignore the subject of what my sexual orientation is until after high school (because I don't see the point of high school relationships; too much drama), but this one thought just won't leave me alone. I'm afraid of losing my friends.

Sorry for going a bit off-topic there. I'm just tired of constantly having the thought of losing my friends swimming around in my head all the time...
Sometimes it's hard for people to get used to what seems to them a sudden change. Do you and your friends ever talk about orientation or anything like that? 'Cause if it's not taboo they might already have wondered about your orientation and that might have already softened the blow of having to tell them. But you don't have to tell them if that kind of thing never comes up. My own experience of coming out wasn't so great, but other people have had a lot of support once they did.

And now for a topic hijack. :D

Okay, this is a bit of a sensitive topic for me, but I feel like putting it out anyway to see the responses.

Would or could you be attracted to or date or consider dating someone who is transgendered?

I get the impression that most people would not be interested, but maybe I'm wrong.

Tyrantrum

Age 29
Male
Seen May 18th, 2021
Posted June 13th, 2020
5,812 posts
15.6 Years
Sometimes it's hard for people to get used to what seems to them a sudden change. Do you and your friends ever talk about orientation or anything like that? 'Cause if it's not taboo they might already have wondered about your orientation and that might have already softened the blow of having to tell them. But you don't have to tell them if that kind of thing never comes up. My own experience of coming out wasn't so great, but other people have had a lot of support once they did.
Well, we'd say a lot of gay-ish things and mess around doing something that would be considered gay. We were never making fun of anyone that was gay (at least, I never heard them bashing gays), but it'd just be awkward now... :\ Plus, I believe one of my friends, who lives in New York, is gay. Everyone who was friends with him kept saying he was, but I'm not sure. I thought he was just very flamboyant.

Alice

(>^.(>0.0)>

Age 31
Female
Oregon
Seen April 30th, 2015
Posted April 29th, 2015
3,077 posts
14.2 Years
Well, we'd say a lot of gay-ish things and mess around doing something that would be considered gay. We were never making fun of anyone that was gay (at least, I never heard them bashing gays), but it'd just be awkward now... :\ Plus, I believe one of my friends, who lives in New York, is gay. Everyone who was friends with him kept saying he was, but I'm not sure. I thought he was just very flamboyant.
Like Scarf said, there's no reason for you to tell anyone who you don't want to know. If they ask, it's best to be honest about it, but if you really think they won't take it well (and especially if they will tell other people) then don't tell them. I have several friends of my own, that I know wouldn't take it well. They all make fun of Gays all the time (and I in fact joined them on many occasions) but they're still good friends, and I wouldn't let something like that get in the way of our friendship, because regardless of what they may think, it's not a big deal. You being gay doesn't change anything, because they're friends with you, not your sexuality, right?


Also, you guys think you could take a look at my post in the post your problems thread? It kind of relates to this, a little bit.

Alice

(>^.(>0.0)>

Age 31
Female
Oregon
Seen April 30th, 2015
Posted April 29th, 2015
3,077 posts
14.2 Years
I should probably add that I've only been dealing with this for a week or two myself, and haven't come out to anyone irl. So, this is what I've come to believe, but I dunno, other people might say differently.

Also, I imagine that it's not a good idea to tell people unless you're 100% sure. Don't want to tell everyone you're gay, and change your mind a week later. lol

aRedMoon

Wait for me outside the lines

Age 34
Male
Minnesota
Seen April 23rd, 2018
Posted September 10th, 2013
11,126 posts
19.2 Years
Would or could you be attracted to or date or consider dating someone who is transgendered?
I think it'd depend on the person, and I think I'd have to get to know them pretty well beforehand.
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TornZero

Resident Yuri-ism Cult Leader

Age 29
Female
In your pantry, eatin' your delicious cake.
Seen September 10th, 2013
Posted July 10th, 2013
1,137 posts
13.1 Years
Would or could you be attracted to or date or consider dating someone who is transgendered?
If they were only transgendered (transsexual is a different matter), I would have no trouble making a relationship of any kind with them.

I will be moving my account to Songbird over the course of immediately. The signature will stay as is for posterity and reference.

-ty-

Don't Ask, Just Tell

Male
USA
Seen May 2nd, 2015
Posted December 22nd, 2012
792 posts
13.6 Years
Would or could you be attracted to or date or consider dating someone who is transgendered?
Well, I am attracted to men. So the person would have to appear like an attractive male. If he did (assuming there has been some genital modifications) then I would not close the door on the person simply b/c they were biologically born female.

If you are attracted to women, I think you might find this biologically born male attractive. No?


The same goes is you are attracted to men. I think that you might find this biologically born female attractive.


So I would judge by appearance, b/c it would not be fair to be in a relationship with someone you do not think is attractive, but I would not care if that label on the person happened to be transgender.

aRedMoon

Wait for me outside the lines

Age 34
Male
Minnesota
Seen April 23rd, 2018
Posted September 10th, 2013
11,126 posts
19.2 Years
The thing is, a lot of transgenders don't fall that heavily into their "chosen" (for lack of better word... destined? inner? Not sure a good word) outer appearance. I think that's what I would have the biggest problem with.

For the same reason that I have absolutely no interest in highly feminine gay guys. I'm into guys...
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-ty-

Don't Ask, Just Tell

Male
USA
Seen May 2nd, 2015
Posted December 22nd, 2012
792 posts
13.6 Years
I forgot to add that it's kinda sad that transgender people have to put so much money into changing their exterior to match their interior b/c medicaid and other federal health insurance do not cover it.

"In June 2008, the American Medical Association House of Delegates declared that discrimination,[3] stating that the denial to patients with Gender Identity Disorder of otherwise covered benefits represents discrimination, and that the AMA supports "public and private health insurance coverage for treatment for gender identity disorder as recommended by the patient's physician." Other organizations have issued similar statements, including WPATH,[4] the American Psychological Association,[5] and the National Association of Social Workers."

But our conservative congressmen, believe that they no better than all of these associations by denying the importance of sex reassignment surgeries, and mental health.

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puking rainbows

Age 27
Male
Olivine City
Seen July 21st, 2022
Posted September 6th, 2018
3,228 posts
12 Years
Would or could you be attracted to or date or consider dating someone who is transgendered?

I've thought about this many times and always got a mixed answer.

Honestly though, if this hansome guy were to stroll by and completely blow me back with a great personality, I'd have to find out if they were into guys.

If they were, I'd have to ask for a date.

If it went great, I'd ask for another.

Maybe if it all turns out good I'll have a boyfriend.

If we start to really get intimate, we'll be doing more mature things.

If we get to the point where I just can't take not being married and propose, hopefully I'd have a fiance.

Then we'd get married.

And honestly, if they told me at any point in that that they were born female and I couldn't tell the difference and was actually pretty shocked,

I wouldn't care. They were always male, they just needed a surgery to make it true on the outside. Just as long as they have the right and properly functioning, erm, "equipment," then it shouldn't matter.

So I guess there's your answer. In a really pretentious poetic form. :3

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Shining Raichu

Expect me like you expect Jesus.

Age 32
Male
Australia
Seen October 17th, 2020
Posted December 21st, 2017
8,958 posts
12.3 Years
I think it would be a little hypocritical not to date a transgendered person if you were attracted to them. All a transgendered person is is someone who was born into a body that wasn't made for them, and has done something to fix that for themselves. If someone were born female, that wouldn't really matter all that much to me so long as they're not female now. But just like everyone else has said, I would have to be attracted to them.

I've actually been thinking for a while that when I do figure out my sexuality, I'm afraid to come out to my friends back in Arizona... I'm sure some of them will understand, since some of my friends were Bisexual. But the others, it would be awkward. I mean, they're great friends. Like, really awesome friends. But I'm just afraid they'd hate me if I came out.

I'm literally trying to hold in my tears while typing this. I'm trying to ignore the subject of what my sexual orientation is until after high school (because I don't see the point of high school relationships; too much drama), but this one thought just won't leave me alone. I'm afraid of losing my friends.

Sorry for going a bit off-topic there. I'm just tired of constantly having the thought of losing my friends swimming around in my head all the time...
I realise I'm a little bit late to the party, but I'd question how awesome these friends are if they'd hate you for your sexuality. You'll have to tell them eventually because you'll be sick of living a lie, so when it happens just let the cards fall where they may. If some of them hate you for it then they were never your friends and you can always stick with the ones that are.

But I really want to hug you, because I know how hard this is. I'm sorry I can't be of more help.
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Esper

California
Seen June 30th, 2018
Posted June 30th, 2018

If they were only transgendered (transsexual is a different matter), I would have no trouble making a relationship of any kind with them.
I'm curious about why you differentiate here. I wonder if we're working with the same definitions here. To me, someone who is transsexual (though I really don't care for this term) is someone who has/wants to have gender reassignment surgery while someone who is transgendered could also want this, but wouldn't necessarily.

Thanks for answering my question. :o As much as I wish appearance wasn't such a big part of attraction, I guess it's to be expected that's a significant factor in choosing who you'd date, and like what ty said, it wouldn't exactly be fair to date someone you weren't attracted to.

TornZero

Resident Yuri-ism Cult Leader

Age 29
Female
In your pantry, eatin' your delicious cake.
Seen September 10th, 2013
Posted July 10th, 2013
1,137 posts
13.1 Years
I'm curious about why you differentiate here. I wonder if we're working with the same definitions here. To me, someone who is transsexual (though I really don't care for this term) is someone who has/wants to have gender reassignment surgery while someone who is transgendered could also want this, but wouldn't necessarily.
I consider transsexuals being a transgender that has gone through or plans to go through sexual reassignment surgery, while just "transgender" (to me) would instead refer to someone whose gender identity doesn't match their physical sex yet can live with it, or just doesn't want to go through SRS even if they have the option.

Trying to bring up the subject seems like a huge trust issue from either end, so it would take more careful digging-into to know more about that person if they won't talk about it. I honestly wouldn't be comfortable with anyone if they're reserved about their lives, but coming out to one's significant other as a pre-op/post-op is obviously a large milestone regarding trust and loyalty in both directions, and refusing to say anything about it seems like downright betrayal as it's a big part of their life.

That said, despite accepting them as their gender and the sex they were reassigned to (which should really be no trouble at all), it would take more work from both parties emotionally to have a successful and trusting relationship. The different issues that a transgender and transsexual face with other people (especially in a relationship where trust should be a requirement) are where I would actually separate the two terms past just the choice of SRS.

I will be moving my account to Songbird over the course of immediately. The signature will stay as is for posterity and reference.

TornZero

Resident Yuri-ism Cult Leader

Age 29
Female
In your pantry, eatin' your delicious cake.
Seen September 10th, 2013
Posted July 10th, 2013
1,137 posts
13.1 Years
Sorry, but no. Transmen can't reproduce with me.
This I should have included in my separation of the terms, but I was more focused at the time with the more interpersonal over reproductive differences.

I will be moving my account to Songbird over the course of immediately. The signature will stay as is for posterity and reference.

FreakyLocz14

Conservative Patriot

Male
Seen August 29th, 2018
Posted August 28th, 2018
3,497 posts
14 Years

This I should have included in my separation of the terms, but I was more focused at the time with the more interpersonal over reproductive differences.
My goal is to find a potential husband rather than just a causual boyfriend, which would lead to children. I guess a transman could fit that job once technology develops more.

-ty-

Don't Ask, Just Tell

Male
USA
Seen May 2nd, 2015
Posted December 22nd, 2012
792 posts
13.6 Years
I doubt I'd date one - and not because they're trans.

I prefer to be alone, that's just who I am.
that's so sad!!! But I shouldn't assume it is for you.

Not to get too personal, but is it b/c of non-existing sexual attraction to others or not wanting to deal with a relationship? Or something else. I know this sounds nosy, but I am genuinely interested.

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Shining Raichu

Expect me like you expect Jesus.

Age 32
Male
Australia
Seen October 17th, 2020
Posted December 21st, 2017
8,958 posts
12.3 Years
that's so sad!!! But I shouldn't assume it is for you.

Not to get too personal, but is it b/c of non-existing sexual attraction to others or not wanting to deal with a relationship? Or something else. I know this sounds nosy, but I am genuinely interested.
Yeah, I'm actually interested to find out myself!

I used to be this way. I'm not assuming this is the reason with Landorus, but in my case it was that I didn't want to deal with a relationship. It seemed like a lot of work and a lot of pressure and potential drama that I could just never see myself wanting to deal with. Also, I like myself and I still believe that if you can be happy single - and I can be - then you will always be happy in life. If you need someone to complete you, then your happiness will always be tied to another person, and I never wanted that for myself, so I stayed away from relationships.

As of now, I've still never been in a real relationship, but now I'm definitely open to one and I hope that one day I can be in one (and I'm sure I will be) but if not, that's fine too.
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-ty-

Don't Ask, Just Tell

Male
USA
Seen May 2nd, 2015
Posted December 22nd, 2012
792 posts
13.6 Years
Yeah, I'm actually interested to find out myself!

I used to be this way. I'm not assuming this is the reason with Landorus, but in my case it was that I didn't want to deal with a relationship. It seemed like a lot of work and a lot of pressure and potential drama that I could just never see myself wanting to deal with. Also, I like myself and I still believe that if you can be happy single - and I can be - then you will always be happy in life. If you need someone to complete you, then your happiness will always be tied to another person, and I never wanted that for myself, so I stayed away from relationships.

As of now, I've still never been in a real relationship, but now I'm definitely open to one and I hope that one day I can be in one (and I'm sure I will be) but if not, that's fine too.
Yeah, I was adamant at first about being with someone in order to feel secure about my sexuality. That was not healthy. But I think it is a balance of depending on yourself and the other person.

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Domo Genesis

This is Beautiful, This is Art

Age 28
Male
New York City
Seen July 25th, 2017
Posted December 5th, 2013
106 posts
11.8 Years

Would or could you be attracted to or date or consider dating someone who is transgendered?

No.
If they didn't have any genital modifications, then I would not. If they did, I MIGHT have a relationship with them.
[I am heterosexual]
You are my Heaven ablaze.

Domo Genesis

This is Beautiful, This is Art

Age 28
Male
New York City
Seen July 25th, 2017
Posted December 5th, 2013
106 posts
11.8 Years
I can't be with a man knowing that he was born a woman. He'll always be a woman to me.
~shivers~
Now that you think of it, I now feel the same way, except the other way around. It's creepy to know that your girlfriend was once a male. It's just unsettling.
You are my Heaven ablaze.

-ty-

Don't Ask, Just Tell

Male
USA
Seen May 2nd, 2015
Posted December 22nd, 2012
792 posts
13.6 Years
My goal is to find a potential husband rather than just a causual boyfriend, which would lead to children. I guess a transman could fit that job once technology develops more.
I can't be with a man knowing that he was born a woman. He'll always be a woman to me.
I am kinda confused. If you loved a guy, you were attracted to him, and he was able to have children with you (essentially become a potential husband) would it matter if he was born a woman?

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