The Rainbow Connection [LGBTS Club] Page 178

Started by Shining Raichu May 22nd, 2011 5:52 AM
  • 247948 views
  • 4469 replies
Age 30
Female
canada
Seen June 8th, 2017
Posted July 9th, 2015
41 posts
9.4 Years
i think when i do come out my family will be like "yupp called it" it took forever for my mom to stop saying "look at those ******s" in such a demeaning manor. like okay understandable when she grew up that term was used to describe a gay guy and she still uses that term but now im like "mom your saying that is such a negative way and i don't like it" so now shes like okay im sorry i don't mean for it to sound so negative and there is nothing wrong with being gay" i just don't want my dad to be disappointed in me.. he's very old school and catholic and i just cant bring my self to tell them incase he just distances himself from me. like teenage years he disowned me twice and i would go days without talking to him now im an adult i don't want to lose this bond ive made with him again. and my sister whenever i say a gay joke or something she just kind of laughs like "ha..." all awkward. but her boyfriend is so determined to find out if im gay or not lol its kinda fun im like nope not saying. and my older brother.. well he would just not talk to me at all... >.> he's so against gays im like oh wow...


Credit for Avy and Sig go to Veranithas of Pallet Town <3

Phantom

Uh, I didn't do it

Age 32
Female
Minnesota
Seen September 18th, 2017
Posted September 18th, 2017
1,182 posts
11.8 Years
I didn't know where else to post this.

Right, I need suggestions.

For the past two months I've been in a relationship with a pretty cool lady.

Thing is there are a lot of things that concern me and I'm not sure what my next step should be.

First, she seems so much more into me than I am into her. I just... I don't feel chemistry. I don't feel a connection, like at all. I feel nothing that makes me want to spend time with her.

Second, I work, a lot. I just started a new job at the hospital and I just simply don't have time for a relationship right now. I am married to my job, working a ton of overtime and picking up sixteen hour work shifts. It's not fair to her to be in a relationship where I might be able to text her once or twice a day then run off to work all night. Our schedules conflict. I'm a third shift worker, she's a day person. It just doesn't work out at all when her usual bedtime is like ten o'clock, which is when I'm usually getting up and ready for work.

Third, finance. Dating is expensive. And while I am picking up a lot of hours, I also have a lot of expenses. I'm currently trying to save up for a better vehicle, plus my rent went up. And she does not have a job not really. See, she has schizophrenia which brings me to point four.

The schizophrenia. It... it irks me. I honestly am open and willing here, but the more I think about it I realize, I just can't handle it. At work a part of my job is watching psych patients on 72 hour holds. And we've been getting a ton of them lately. And the things she's been saying? Like how she's usually in the hospital at least a couple times a year? I just sit there, seeing family, or the person all alone.. Just... It's the lowest I've ever seen a human being go. The more time I spend the more I realize that I just can't do it. It's not me hating the disorder. I just don't think I am emotionally equipped to deal with it. She's got a cocktail of issues, she's mentioned the schizophrenia, but also anorexia at some point, bi-polar disorder, OCD, and a mix of other things like depression. If I'm married to her job, she's married to her mental health. Constant therapy and groups. She can't hold a job and I don't see a workable future.

She loves me. I know this. This isn't my ego here. She says I'm the best thing to happen to her in a long time, that I'm this knight in shining armor or some ****. While this is all heartwarming and amazing to have someone say to you, I get a pit in my stomach because I've been wondering what to do for the past month. I need to break this off, and soon, before she even gets more attached. Whenever we're together I just find myself stiff and just... I'm not relaxed. I feel like I need to be on guard.

I need to end this.

I'm scared though. I'm scared that when I do break up with her that something will happen. She'll have an episode, or something worse.

What do I do? I'm too chicken for this **** guys.

Arylett Charnoa

No one in particular.

Age 31
Female
Seen January 5th, 2023
Posted October 18th, 2017
1,130 posts
9.2 Years
I'm joining! Surprised I haven't yet. I'm bisexual/kind of lesbian, in a very happy and probably forever relationship with a man, yadda yadda. So my love life's awesome now. (There are a few issues due to my general preference for women, but it's nothing that isn't workable. He's so worth it and transcends gender to me.) Anyways, let me go respond to this here:

I didn't know where else to post this.

Right, I need suggestions.

For the past two months I've been in a relationship with a pretty cool lady.

Thing is there are a lot of things that concern me and I'm not sure what my next step should be.

First, she seems so much more into me than I am into her. I just... I don't feel chemistry. I don't feel a connection, like at all. I feel nothing that makes me want to spend time with her.

Second, I work, a lot. I just started a new job at the hospital and I just simply don't have time for a relationship right now. I am married to my job, working a ton of overtime and picking up sixteen hour work shifts. It's not fair to her to be in a relationship where I might be able to text her once or twice a day then run off to work all night. Our schedules conflict. I'm a third shift worker, she's a day person. It just doesn't work out at all when her usual bedtime is like ten o'clock, which is when I'm usually getting up and ready for work.

Third, finance. Dating is expensive. And while I am picking up a lot of hours, I also have a lot of expenses. I'm currently trying to save up for a better vehicle, plus my rent went up. And she does not have a job not really. See, she has schizophrenia which brings me to point four.

The schizophrenia. It... it irks me. I honestly am open and willing here, but the more I think about it I realize, I just can't handle it. At work a part of my job is watching psych patients on 72 hour holds. And we've been getting a ton of them lately. And the things she's been saying? Like how she's usually in the hospital at least a couple times a year? I just sit there, seeing family, or the person all alone.. Just... It's the lowest I've ever seen a human being go. The more time I spend the more I realize that I just can't do it. It's not me hating the disorder. I just don't think I am emotionally equipped to deal with it. She's got a cocktail of issues, she's mentioned the schizophrenia, but also anorexia at some point, bi-polar disorder, OCD, and a mix of other things like depression. If I'm married to her job, she's married to her mental health. Constant therapy and groups. She can't hold a job and I don't see a workable future.

She loves me. I know this. This isn't my ego here. She says I'm the best thing to happen to her in a long time, that I'm this knight in shining armor or some ****. While this is all heartwarming and amazing to have someone say to you, I get a pit in my stomach because I've been wondering what to do for the past month. I need to break this off, and soon, before she even gets more attached. Whenever we're together I just find myself stiff and just... I'm not relaxed. I feel like I need to be on guard.

I need to end this.

I'm scared though. I'm scared that when I do break up with her that something will happen. She'll have an episode, or something worse.

What do I do? I'm too chicken for this **** guys.
What it sounds like to me, at least from what you're saying, is that this relationship is highly unbalanced. Because of her issues, and through no fault of her own, she needs to rely on you to live. And that's a very precarious and difficult thing, because you're afraid of leaving her alone and hurting someone who is so emotionally fragile, but you yourself aren't really getting anything out of this relationship, and are only having it be a detriment.

The only thing I can say is that you're going to have to be honest with her. But being honest doesn't necessarily being ridiculously blunt. The way you word things here is very important, and you'll have to do so in a calm and gentle way. Let her go gently, and tell her that even though you don't feel like you can be in a relationship with her and just don't have those sorts of feelings, that you still do care about her as a person. Also tell her that you don't want to be unfair to her because of your job, and that she deserves someone who is able to give her better attention and care.

It's perfectly understandable that you're not equipped to deal with her disorder, and that doesn't make you a bad person. Most people, except for highly trained professionals, really aren't. Hell, I can barely deal with my own disorders. I know this situation seems difficult, but it's always important to remember that your actions are perfectly understandable, even if the results might not be so good in the short run. What you must focus on when doing this is the long run. It will benefit the both of you. Just make that clear to her.

This won't prevent her from getting upset. I'm sure you know that. That's what you fear. Just because we logically know things, doesn't make it any better. At one point or another, you're going to have to face her though. Just try to remain as calm as possible, and think carefully about what you're going to say. Gather up your bravery, prepare your words... and then do it. It all sounds simple when you say it that way, but I know it's way more complicated than that. All I can do is give you words of encouragement, and tell you that it has to be done. The rest is in your hands.

Kanzler

naughty biscotti

Male
Toronto
Seen April 22nd, 2022
Posted March 11th, 2022
5,957 posts
14.8 Years
I didn't know where else to post this.

Right, I need suggestions.

For the past two months I've been in a relationship with a pretty cool lady.

Thing is there are a lot of things that concern me and I'm not sure what my next step should be.

First, she seems so much more into me than I am into her. I just... I don't feel chemistry. I don't feel a connection, like at all. I feel nothing that makes me want to spend time with her.

Second, I work, a lot. I just started a new job at the hospital and I just simply don't have time for a relationship right now. I am married to my job, working a ton of overtime and picking up sixteen hour work shifts. It's not fair to her to be in a relationship where I might be able to text her once or twice a day then run off to work all night. Our schedules conflict. I'm a third shift worker, she's a day person. It just doesn't work out at all when her usual bedtime is like ten o'clock, which is when I'm usually getting up and ready for work.

Third, finance. Dating is expensive. And while I am picking up a lot of hours, I also have a lot of expenses. I'm currently trying to save up for a better vehicle, plus my rent went up. And she does not have a job not really. See, she has schizophrenia which brings me to point four.

The schizophrenia. It... it irks me. I honestly am open and willing here, but the more I think about it I realize, I just can't handle it. At work a part of my job is watching psych patients on 72 hour holds. And we've been getting a ton of them lately. And the things she's been saying? Like how she's usually in the hospital at least a couple times a year? I just sit there, seeing family, or the person all alone.. Just... It's the lowest I've ever seen a human being go. The more time I spend the more I realize that I just can't do it. It's not me hating the disorder. I just don't think I am emotionally equipped to deal with it. She's got a cocktail of issues, she's mentioned the schizophrenia, but also anorexia at some point, bi-polar disorder, OCD, and a mix of other things like depression. If I'm married to her job, she's married to her mental health. Constant therapy and groups. She can't hold a job and I don't see a workable future.

She loves me. I know this. This isn't my ego here. She says I'm the best thing to happen to her in a long time, that I'm this knight in shining armor or some ****. While this is all heartwarming and amazing to have someone say to you, I get a pit in my stomach because I've been wondering what to do for the past month. I need to break this off, and soon, before she even gets more attached. Whenever we're together I just find myself stiff and just... I'm not relaxed. I feel like I need to be on guard.

I need to end this.

I'm scared though. I'm scared that when I do break up with her that something will happen. She'll have an episode, or something worse.

What do I do? I'm too chicken for this **** guys.
I don't think you should be bound to this relationship by her need for you. It sounds like you've been objective and honest with yourself because you don't sound like an *******. It also sounds like you've already made up your mind. I hope I'm not just repeating the obvious, although I am a bit surprised that it took so long to come to terms with her flaws.

As for ending things, I don't think you should feel that you are cruel for doing so. I don't think there's anything wrong with offering her help or helping her find help as long as you are clear about what you want for the relationship. You are not responsible for her struggles. I hope that she is mature enough to understand this, as debilitating as her situation is. If she doesn't or isn't willing to come to terms with this, well, that shouldn't stop you from ending a relationship that seems to be hurting you.

If anything, I hope you learn from this experience because it sounds like the experience has been very taxing on yourself. Given your current situation, you might want to consider putting off having relationships altogether, or at least looking for a person who's able to deal with distance and can handle themselves personally and financially. And of course someone with whom you feel comfortable and chemistry with. Perhaps you could reconsider the tempo with which you escalate a relationship so it doesn't get too deep too soon.

Phantom

Uh, I didn't do it

Age 32
Female
Minnesota
Seen September 18th, 2017
Posted September 18th, 2017
1,182 posts
11.8 Years
Perhaps you could reconsider the tempo with which you escalate a relationship so it doesn't get too deep too soon.
Honestly, it's entirely on her that it got to this point. Like second date she was head over heels and made things facebook official. I liked her, was interested at the time, and what was I supposed to say? No? So things went faster than I wanted from the get go.

Kanzler

naughty biscotti

Male
Toronto
Seen April 22nd, 2022
Posted March 11th, 2022
5,957 posts
14.8 Years
Honestly, it's entirely on her that it got to this point. Like second date she was head over heels and made things facebook official. I liked her, was interested at the time, and what was I supposed to say? No? So things went faster than I wanted from the get go.
I don't think that's fair on you. You shouldn't feel like there's nothing you can do if things are going faster than you wanted. But even if everything feels right, there's nothing wrong with slowing things down a bit just to be cautious. It's an opportunity to see how your partner respects your boundaries.

Phantom

Uh, I didn't do it

Age 32
Female
Minnesota
Seen September 18th, 2017
Posted September 18th, 2017
1,182 posts
11.8 Years
I don't think that's fair on you. You shouldn't feel like there's nothing you can do if things are going faster than you wanted. But even if everything feels right, there's nothing wrong with slowing things down a bit just to be cautious. It's an opportunity to see how your partner respects your boundaries.
Yeah, that was back before I realized, really, what I was getting into. I didn't want to 'mess things up', so to speak.

You guys are right though, my mind is made up. I just have no idea how to do it.

PsyKiss

Not So Innocent Cutie Pie

Female
East Cost, US
Seen January 28th, 2015
Posted December 31st, 2014
79 posts
8.4 Years
Looking to join this group.

I'm Genderqueer and Pansexual.

I just don't pay attention to things like gender, even my own gender just doesn't seem that important to me at times. I flow like the wind and go where the breeze takes me~

Looking to join this group.

I'm Genderqueer and Pansexual.

I just don't pay attention to things like gender, even my own gender just doesn't seem that important to me at times. I flow like the wind and go where the breeze takes me~
P S Y K I S S
Trade Shop

Her

Age 29
Seen 7 Hours Ago
Posted 6 Days Ago
been a while since i posted in here

i came out to my mother & her bf as transgender on monday
it went probably as good as i could hoped for/expected
lots of crying from both of us, lots of emotions, anxiety through the roof, etc

but ultimately accepting and she'll be there for me

obZen

Kill Your Heroes

Age 32
Male
/tmp/obZen/.locale
Seen January 1st, 2021
Posted December 27th, 2020
397 posts
17.5 Years
been a while since i posted in here

i came out to my mother & her bf as transgender on monday
it went probably as good as i could hoped for/expected
lots of crying from both of us, lots of emotions, anxiety through the roof, etc

but ultimately accepting and she'll be there for me
That's great to hear! I wish you and your family the best

Honestly, it's entirely on her that it got to this point. Like second date she was head over heels and made things facebook official. I liked her, was interested at the time, and what was I supposed to say? No? So things went faster than I wanted from the get go.
She considered you partners, and you had only been on two dates? That sounds concerning to me.
With all of what's going on, you should listen to Kanzler and note this as a learning experience.
You should be honest. However, will she be ok and safe if you break things off?


obZen on Pokemon Showdown

PsyKiss

Not So Innocent Cutie Pie

Female
East Cost, US
Seen January 28th, 2015
Posted December 31st, 2014
79 posts
8.4 Years
I was in a conversation with a friend about queer charachters in media aimed towards a family friendly audience, and we were both talking about why hasn't there been one yet.

Then it hit me, the creators don't care if they have gay charachters or not, some even openly admit to them being queer in the most subtle little ways. Such as Marceline and Bubblegum from Adventure Time. (We were talking about this because the creator of Gravity Falls said in an episode where Mabel is wearing a rainbow sweater, she is supposedly coming out as Bisexual)

Why won't networks show off queer charachters? Well these shows are being shown on an international level to places like Russia and China that outright ban the showing of this stuff to the kids. These countries would even be willing to shut down a network for having a simple girl on girl peck on the cheek. Loosing views in a country as big as China or Russia is pretty critical for a network.

Just wanted to throw that out there.

I guess it creates a lair between headcanons and actual canon with it not being 'on - air' now does it?
P S Y K I S S
Trade Shop

Phantom

Uh, I didn't do it

Age 32
Female
Minnesota
Seen September 18th, 2017
Posted September 18th, 2017
1,182 posts
11.8 Years
She considered you partners, and you had only been on two dates? That sounds concerning to me.
With all of what's going on, you should listen to Kanzler and note this as a learning experience.
You should be honest. However, will she be ok and safe if you break things off?
I have no idea. I've planned on doing it tomorrow, where is still up in the air.

Aeroblast

Male
Basement
Seen February 25th, 2017
Posted February 25th, 2017
4,173 posts
9.8 Years
I'm not here to start a fight or anything, just something "fresh" to talk about. I'm sure you must have heard this cliche "homosexuality is unnatural" - I disagree with this, but what are your thoughts on this statement?

Common argument to support this claim is that same sex partners cannot reproduce naturally, does this argument hold any water?

Phantom

Uh, I didn't do it

Age 32
Female
Minnesota
Seen September 18th, 2017
Posted September 18th, 2017
1,182 posts
11.8 Years
"Naturalness" is just another societal construct. So based on certain vantage points, one could argue that homosexuality is unnatural: still doesn't give it any objective value though.
It could also be said it is 'natural'. Cue evidence of homosexuality among different animals, penguins, monkeys.

Flushed

never eat raspberries

Seen November 4th, 2017
Posted May 18th, 2017
2,301 posts
9.7 Years
Of course, I'm not supporting the "unnatural" standpoint, I'm just saying that the reason those people are so tied to their views is because the argument makes sense from their point of view, which is why it's so hard to change people's minds.

PsyKiss

Not So Innocent Cutie Pie

Female
East Cost, US
Seen January 28th, 2015
Posted December 31st, 2014
79 posts
8.4 Years
Browsing tumblr, and stumbled across a post.

Not going to post it because I don't want to do anything to send people over to anything (Not saying yall will, its just a policy I do)

It was one of those 'pick your pronouns to smash to gender binary' kind of posts. It is really hurtful to see these people pick pronouns like its some kind of game. I'm someone who really wants there to be a third gendered pronoun, because thats all we need to add to the mix. We don't need pronouns like "bunself" and "faeself" when the crediability of the main third pronouns aren't even taken seriously.

Even if you are joking, or its some inner circle thing. The fact that its getting out there and around is making genderqueer people, no wait all of trans people look like this is some kind of play thing and we are choosing to do things in order to be cute and trendy.

Special snowflakes like this annoy me. Its just really aggravating, because whenever I announce myself as genderqueer to people I know through tumblr or an old community I was apart of, this is what they think I am. Urgh

/rant
P S Y K I S S
Trade Shop

Her

Age 29
Seen 7 Hours Ago
Posted 6 Days Ago
take solace in the fact that the faeself/bunself stuff is done by a relatively small number of people and in a small subsection of tumblr

it won't have any genuine impact on genderqueer/trans people because no one cares what they (the bunself people) are doing past making fun of them and calling them out for accessorising gender identity to go with their uwu aesthetic

take solace in the fact that the faeself/bunself stuff is done by a relatively small number of people and in a small subsection of tumblr

it won't have any genuine impact on genderqueer/trans people because no one cares what they (the bunself people) are doing past making fun of them and calling them out for accessorising gender identity to go with their uwu aesthetic
Age 29
Female
Vienna
Seen June 3rd, 2015
Posted May 30th, 2015
105 posts
10.5 Years
Sorry for the rant, please bear with me.

Why on earth are there so many homosexuals (and I'm mainly talking about lesbians here) hating on bisexuals? I'm sick of having to justify my orientation every single time I come out to someone. Some claim I'm in denial about being homosexual and some say I make it up to get attention. Oh, and then there are those lesbians that right out say that I'm disgusting for having slept with men. Wow... I don't even know what to say. It's bad enough that a lot of straight people discriminate against bi and homosexuals but that people who are longing for acceptance and who have to deal with so much stigma about their sexual orientation themselves go and act all intolerant is even worse in my opinion. People always talk about homophobia and transphobia but nobody cares about biphobia. I don't think many people know that it even exists. You know what? If I could choose my orientation, I'd pick either the gay or straight side because being in-between give you hatred from both sides.
Pokémon Fan since the beginning.

Shining Raichu

Expect me like you expect Jesus.

Age 32
Male
Australia
Seen October 17th, 2020
Posted December 21st, 2017
8,958 posts
12.3 Years
I've never really encountered biphobia in my travels. People come out as bi before they come out as gay because they feel like people are more accepting of your homosexuality as long as you're still heterosexual as well. That's not to say that it doesn't exist, because clearly you're experiencing it, just that I've never come across it anywhere myself.

I think where your lesbian friends are getting their attitude from is that a lot of girls do tend to pretend to be bi for attention. It sucks, but it does spoil it for the people who are legit. I think where biphobia might also come from too is straight and gay inability to understand being attracted to two opposing things at the same time.
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