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  #1176    
Old October 20th, 2011 (6:16 AM).
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What is/was the hardest part about being the closet?

For me, it's the worry about being outed, as well as the consequences of it. And it was kinda frustrating for me, because it wasn't just that I wasn't ready to come out, but it was because I had this 7-11 year old brother (those are the ages he was when I was in high school) who my parents and I thought was too young to be told. So even though I kinda wanted to come out I couldn't. >__< I also was SO afraid of being outed, and so paranoid, that I didn't do ANYTHING that I thought might somehow out me. No sports, no going out with friends, very few extracurricular activities, no proms or dances, nothing. -__-

I'm also tired of being asked by the kids at my brother's school "Hey, who's your girlfriend? You don't have one? Well, you HAVE had a girlfriend right? No? Why not?" And all I can say is "Eh, I'd rather not talk about it, ok?" ... "Why not?" (╯ಠ益ಠ)╯彡 ┻━┻

Also, is it okay if I ask another question? I thought of something that is off this topic while answering this, but I figured maybe I should wait until this one dies down, lol.
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  #1177    
Old October 20th, 2011 (6:46 AM).
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shining Raichu View Post
What is/was the hardest part about being the closet?
The fact that I wanted to come out of it but the door was jammed. xD

I felt rather trapped when even my closest (offline) friends didn't know how I felt and continued to call me a boy without even knowing. For this reason I ended up never having any friends offline because whenever I did, each day I would think, "wow, I somehow feel like I never want to see this person again."

Put simply, I couldn't interact at all.
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  #1178    
Old October 20th, 2011 (1:34 PM).
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Worst part about being IN the closet is being unable to admit you find someone attractive. You just can't. You can't do anything that really expresses who you are, you get boxed in to acting like what people expect you to be.
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  #1179    
Old October 20th, 2011 (2:52 PM).
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Originally Posted by Pachy View Post
Worst part about being IN the closet is being unable to admit you find someone attractive. You just can't. You can't do anything that really expresses who you are, you get boxed in to acting like what people expect you to be.
That and being in the closet to yourself is the worst. o.o
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#077: Ponyta - The Fire Horse Pokémon
Fire ~ Field eggs
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Its hooves are 10 times harder
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  #1180    
Old October 20th, 2011 (3:16 PM). Edited October 20th, 2011 by Kura.
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Pikapal642 View Post
    What is/was the hardest part about being the closet?

    For me, it's the worry about being outed, as well as the consequences of it. And it was kinda frustrating for me, because it wasn't just that I wasn't ready to come out, but it was because I had this 7-11 year old brother (those are the ages he was when I was in high school) who my parents and I thought was too young to be told. So even though I kinda wanted to come out I couldn't. >__< I also was SO afraid of being outed, and so paranoid, that I didn't do ANYTHING that I thought might somehow out me. No sports, no going out with friends, very few extracurricular activities, no proms or dances, nothing. -__-

    I'm also tired of being asked by the kids at my brother's school "Hey, who's your girlfriend? You don't have one? Well, you HAVE had a girlfriend right? No? Why not?" And all I can say is "Eh, I'd rather not talk about it, ok?" ... "Why not?" (╯ಠ益ಠ)╯彡 ┻━┻

    Also, is it okay if I ask another question? I thought of something that is off this topic while answering this, but I figured maybe I should wait until this one dies down, lol.
    Oh man.. maybe you can get out of by just saying "I'm waiting for the right person to come along" and smile. I can totally see how that'd be frustrating.



    Raichu: I agree with that. But attitude and behavior also plays a big part. Most people don't appreciate others shoving their religion down others' throats or always preaching about it.. even if someone's whole life is religion, they can always put that aside. I feel like flaming gay people can also tone down their flamboyancy (if they're being a bit over the top) in situations where another person may not entirely agree with homosexuality. Everyone just needs to respect boundaries :3


    :C I can't answer the closet question, unfortunately.. <3 Sorry~~
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      #1181    
    Old October 20th, 2011 (3:34 PM).
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Pachy View Post
    Do you believe that some LGBTs take the stereotypes too far, or encourage them? Or do you simply believe that they're being themselves and are just getting discriminated against? Basically, when does it stop being "Confidence" and when does it start being "Ego" or "too much Pride"?
    I personally don't know many people who resemble stereotypes. At the "worst" are a few guys who are very particular about their hair and always having nice clothes, but that's also because I steer clear of people who go to extremes with things. So I don't know people who "have too much pride" and wouldn't want to accuse them of encouraging stereotypes since that just might be who they are naturally.

    But really, I don't care one way or the other because having pride and being overly flamboyant or butch or whatever doesn't hurt anyone. The only people who see those examples and assumes they apply to everyone are the people who already have a problem with queer people.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Shining Raichu View Post
    What is/was the hardest part about being the closet?
    Being made of wood. Srsly. Everyone wants to burn you.



    But, no, really, it's the constant wondering about how people would react if they knew. Would they "burn" me? It's so inhibiting. Can't always speak your mind, can't always act naturally, can't do so many things.
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      #1182    
    Old October 20th, 2011 (3:49 PM).
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    For me, it was when people made gay jokes about me and I didn't know how to react. They were correct, but I didn't want to say anything and it made me intensely uncomfortable. And of course, when people figure out that something is making you uncomfortable, they just won't let it drop. I had quite a few stressful social interactions like that lol

    Also, on a much more superficial level, pretending I didn't know how to dress to avoid suspicion lol

    and Pikapal, if you wanna ask another question I don't mind, I'm happy for people to be answering all different questions at once lol
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      #1183    
    Old October 20th, 2011 (3:55 PM).
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Shining Raichu View Post
    For me, it was when people made gay jokes about me and I didn't know how to react. They were correct, but I didn't want to say anything and it made me intensely uncomfortable. And of course, when people figure out that something is making you uncomfortable, they just won't let it drop. I had quite a few stressful social interactions like that lol

    Also, on a much more superficial level, pretending I didn't know how to dress to avoid suspicion lol

    and Pikapal, if you wanna ask another question I don't mind, I'm happy for people to be answering all different questions at once lol
    I forgot about the first part there...Yeah, people would make gay jokes in school, and I would just be like >__>. And they would say "What, you don't think that's funny?" All I could say is "Nah, not my type of humor" but they would look at me funny. >__>


    Lol, okay, here goes. Is there anything in particular you don't like about being whatever orientation you are?

    I, for one, am almost perfectly fine with being gay...except for the fact that if I support gay rights (and am out), some people will think "Oh he just wants rights because he's gay" whereas, I am pretty sure even if I was straight, I would support gay rights. People who don't know my orientation actually listened to me when I supported gay rights, so what would their opinions be if they found out I was gay? Would they change their minds, or even, would their opinion of me change? :\

    Other than that, though, I am good. ^__^
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      #1184    
    Old October 20th, 2011 (4:17 PM).
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Pikapal642 View Post
    I, for one, am almost perfectly fine with being gay...except for the fact that if I support gay rights (and am out), some people will think "Oh he just wants rights because he's gay" whereas, I am pretty sure even if I was straight, I would support gay rights. People who don't know my orientation actually listened to me when I supported gay rights, so what would their opinions be if they found out I was gay? Would they change their minds, or even, would their opinion of me change? :\
    Of course, if you were straight then someone would just accuse you of being gay. That happened to me several times while I was in the closet, and to others who were straight. I think that's really sad, that some people can't imagine that someone would support something even if they get nothing directly out of it.
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      #1185    
    Old October 20th, 2011 (5:05 PM).
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      I think that's so dumb.. you're supporting a great cause. What does it matter what your orientation is? I'm 100% straight and I always have been.. but I am a HUGE advocator for gay rights. I think they deserve just as much respect as anyone else, and I believe they really should have the right to marriage.. and I don't see why someone's opinion of you should change just because you want to liberate or support a certain somewhat-oppressed group of people.
      That's like saying you need to be African to donate to Africa.. or Japanese to donate to Japan. Ridiculous!
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        #1186    
      Old October 20th, 2011 (5:44 PM).
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      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Shining Raichu View Post
      What is/was the hardest part about being the closet?
      I think the hardest part for me was feeling like I just couldn't be myself... and I felt like I was being robbed of true happiness the entire time. Not to mention the issues that arose when one of your close friends of the opposite sex developed a crush on you... and you had no easy reason to deny them. ]: I'm not going to lie and say I was in agony the entire time I was in the closet. I mean, I was pretty comfortable pretending to be gay - otherwise I wouldn't have done it for so long! XD; However, I don't think I was capable of enjoying my life until people started learning who I truly was. Being gay doesn't define me, no, but it is a part of who I am. Once everyone learned and just accepted that, I felt so free. I think it really showed too - people say I seem more "energetic and outgoing" now. I can see that.

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Pikapal642 View Post
      Is there anything in particular you don't like about being whatever orientation you are?
      I... don't like how promiscuous gay men can sometimes be. I know, I know, I don't want to stereotype. I know there are really great, monogamous, loyal guys out there! Buuuuuut that's not really the majority of who you meet when you're out on the dating scene. ]: I had no real idea this world existed until I came out and a few gay friends "showed me the ropes," and honestly, I could have done without learning that some people really only see me as a piece of meat for the night. It's pretty bad when you learn this after just one evening...

      Then again, a good friend of mine brought it to my attention that many straight people do the very same thing. Maybe it's more of a disappointment I have in people altogether. :P
        #1187    
      Old October 20th, 2011 (5:56 PM).
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      Yeah, I was going to say, I don't think promiscuity is so much a 'gay male' thing as a 'male' thing lol. I don't want to stereotype either, but sometimes stereotypes come from somewhere lol
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        #1188    
      Old October 20th, 2011 (6:11 PM). Edited October 20th, 2011 by FreakyLocz14.
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      I have a question:

      Is it ever acceptable to out someone else prematurely?

      For me, the answer is no. No matter how bad of a person they may be, no matter how homophobic they may be, it is never okay to out someone else.
        #1189    
      Old October 20th, 2011 (6:29 PM). Edited October 20th, 2011 by -ty-.
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        I think that we do make an assumption as gay males that other gay males are promiscuous, but we have every reason to believe so, even though it may not true.

        Okay, so let's look at long-term heterosexual couples. Where do these couples meet? At work, school, church, a small party (introduced by friends) or the grocery store? Gay men can meet under similar circumstances; however, this happens significantly less than heterosexual couples simply because there are more heterosexual people, and it is not always a good idea to act on intuition and flirt with a person of the same sex if you are not positive about their sexuality.

        Conversely, short-term heterosexual couples meet at bars, clubs, and large-scale parties. Short-term homosexual couples also meet in these types of settings.

        The locations are no different, however the opportunities are different between sexual orientations.
        I'd say meeting people through a friend's introduction is probably the best way to do so. But, for myself, I am going to wait to start dating again when I move to downstate where there is a larger population; if you live in a relatively less populated area, the pickin's are slim, and I am not going to settle.

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by FreakyLocz14 View Post
        I have a question:

        Is it every acceptable to out someone else prematurely?

        For me, the answer is no. No matter how bad of a person they may be, no matter how homophobic they may be, it is never okay to out someone else.
        I would definitely say that it is not right to out someone. Although, I do admit to outing this guy that would argue with me in class about homosexuality. I only did so because he went up to me and asked I wanted to have sex with him, and then he put he put his hands down my pants. I shoved him back and told him to leave, and told one of his friends what happened. Apparently he is really popular at the college, like REALLY popular, so I kinda started World War 3, but ultimately it was his decision. If I grabbed some straight guy's package, I would expect my reputation to tarnish as well! lol

        But...under MOST circumstances, I would not do that to someone.
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          #1190    
        Old October 20th, 2011 (6:38 PM).
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        Quote:
        Originally Posted by -ty- View Post
        I would definitely say that it is not right to out someone. Although, I do admit to outing this guy that would argue with me in class about homosexuality. I only did so because he went up to me and asked I wanted to have sex with him, and then he put he put his hands down my pants. I shoved him back and told him to leave, and told one of his friends what happened. Apparently he is really popular at the college, like REALLY popular, so I kinda started World War 3, but ultimately it was his decision. If I grabbed some straight guy's package, I would expect my reputation to tarnish as well! lol

        But...under MOST circumstances, I would not do that to someone.
        That's creepy. The person you should have told was the police, though. I also would have shot him.
          #1191    
        Old October 20th, 2011 (7:24 PM).
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        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Hiidoran View Post
        I think the hardest part for me was feeling like I just couldn't be myself... and I felt like I was being robbed of true happiness the entire time. Not to mention the issues that arose when one of your close friends of the opposite sex developed a crush on you... and you had no easy reason to deny them. ]: I'm not going to lie and say I was in agony the entire time I was in the closet. I mean, I was pretty comfortable pretending to be gay - otherwise I wouldn't have done it for so long! XD; However, I don't think I was capable of enjoying my life until people started learning who I truly was. Being gay doesn't define me, no, but it is a part of who I am. Once everyone learned and just accepted that, I felt so free. I think it really showed too - people say I seem more "energetic and outgoing" now. I can see that.
        Oh god. I forgot about that. D: I swear, there was this girl in high school, who, if my radar for this stuff is anywhere near functioning, I swear she was flirting with me. She always sat with me at lunch, laughed at what I said, smiled at me a lot, defended me if that opportunity arose, etc. And I knew, I KNEW she probably felt something for me, and all I could do was play the "socially/romantically oblivious" card. >__< I felt so bad for her, and after a while, she just stopped and gave up. It broke my heart. ;-;

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by FreakyLocz14 View Post
        I have a question:
        Is it every acceptable to out someone else prematurely?
        Quote:
        Originally Posted by -ty- View Post
        I would definitely say that it is not right to out someone. Although, I do admit to outing this guy that would argue with me in class about homosexuality. I only did so because he went up to me and asked I wanted to have sex with him, and then he put he put his hands down my pants. I shoved him back and told him to leave, and told one of his friends what happened. Apparently he is really popular at the college, like REALLY popular, so I kinda started World War 3, but ultimately it was his decision. If I grabbed some straight guy's package, I would expect my reputation to tarnish as well! lol

        But...under MOST circumstances, I would not do that to someone.
        -Ty-'s situation is about the ONLY situation in which case I could even REMOTELY think it's acceptable. Even then, I still don't think I would have actually outed him to his friend. Probably just called the police or something. :\ Otherwise, though, no I don't think it would ever be okay to out someone. The decision to come out should be entirely THAT person's doing. This is their life, so no one else has the right to interfere in such a way.
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          #1192    
        Old October 20th, 2011 (9:14 PM).
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        I really want to answer Pikapal's question, but there's really nothing I don't like about being gay lol. I mean, there is of course the prejudice and all that, but no specific thing stands out.

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Freakylocz14
        Is it ever acceptable to out someone else prematurely?


        No, it's not. Never ever never. Except maybe in ty's situation. Coming out is a personal thing and if somebody has entrusted you with such information you never break that trust. That would be the ultimate betrayal.
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          #1193    
        Old October 21st, 2011 (6:13 AM).
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        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Shining Raichu View Post
        I really want to answer Pikapal's question, but there's really nothing I don't like about being gay lol. I mean, there is of course the prejudice and all that, but no specific thing stands out.
        As always, I'll have to agree with Rairai on this one. I'm proud of being trans/lesbian and I wouldn't have it any other way. :)

        Also, I don't think it's right to out someone really, but the only context I've really seen outing someone (besides of course antagonistic "I JUST FOUND OUT _____ IS GAY") is when an accepting parent tells another relative without his/her child's consent. I actually think that would be kind of okay if it seems like they both wanted the whole family to know (the parent could be speeding up the process).
        Then again, when I came out to my sister I told her she couldn't tell anybody, and very soon she ended up telling two of her friends because she was upset and needed someone to talk to. This upset me greatly, but I think that situation's a little different . . . I think.
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        #077: Ponyta - The Fire Horse Pokémon
        Fire ~ Field eggs
        3'03" ~ 66.1lbs ~ 50/50

        Its hooves are 10 times harder
        than diamonds. It can trample
        anything completely flat in moments.

        Abilities: Run Away or Flash Fire or Flame Body
        Moves: Growl, Flame Wheel, Stomp, Agility
        Locations: Pokémon Mansion

        Cry

        Other names:

        jp: ポニータ (Ponyta)
        de: Ponita
        fr: Ponyta
        cn: 小火馬 (Xiǎohuǒmǎ)


          #1194    
        Old October 21st, 2011 (7:20 AM).
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          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Shining Raichu View Post
          What is/was the hardest part about being the closet?
          My apologies for being kind of quiet here. My answer is pretty much similar to what people have said already. The whole idea of not being able to be myself, not being able to say who you think is attractive, the difficulty of rejecting people who ask me out etc. I get quite uncomfortable when people talk about LGBT related things and become paranoid that they already know I am gay (I know that sounds incredibly childish). I dont like that I cannot talk about the person I am going out with to my friends. Lastly, is that I am actually dreading the whole idea of coming out.
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            #1195    
          Old October 21st, 2011 (7:26 AM).
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          As always, I'll have to agree with Rairai on this one. I'm proud of being trans/lesbian and I wouldn't have it any other way. :)

          Also, I don't think it's right to out someone really, but the only context I've really seen outing someone (besides of course antagonistic "I JUST FOUND OUT _____ IS GAY") is when an accepting parent tells another relative without his/her child's consent. I actually think that would be kind of okay if it seems like they both wanted the whole family to know (the parent could be speeding up the process).
          Then again, when I came out to my sister I told her she couldn't tell anybody, and very soon she ended up telling two of her friends because she was upset and needed someone to talk to. This upset me greatly, but I think that situation's a little different . . . I think.
          Ah yes, I have had this happen. >__> I still don't think it is okay, but it is more understandable. When my parents found out, my mom, who accepted it, was still shocked and wanted someone other than her husband to talk to. So she went to her parents, who also luckily accepted it. She also told her cousin, but that was more the cousin guessing, and mom not wanting to lie. xD Really, the only time I was actually "Outed" was when my dad told his best friend without my knowledge, and even then, that was in the context of his friend telling him that HIS son was gay, so it was more out of supporting his friend than anything. :\

          In fact, out of the 10 people who know (Not including everyone on PC xD) I have only chosen to tell 3. :\
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            #1196    
          Old October 21st, 2011 (7:52 AM). Edited October 21st, 2011 by wcdaily.
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            Quote:
            Originally Posted by Shining Raichu View Post
            What is/was the hardest part about being the closet?
            I am still in the closet, but I still have feelings about it, I feel like I don't know who to talk to; people will judge me if I told them, I just don't really feel safe telling anyone I know. Also, I understand and realized that most of the students at my school are homophobic, and make homophobic jokes all the time. The people that I feel safe talking to are the the teachers who either have spoken out against homophobia, or have a anti-homophobia poster, (Like my Language Arts teacher.) and maybe also the school's counselors. Really, can anyone just be their selves in this world, without feeling like their going to be judged or being judged?

            Thank god we have a forum as open-minded as this one to speak our opinions on topics such as this.
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              #1197    
            Old October 21st, 2011 (7:56 AM).
            -ty-'s Avatar
            -ty- -ty- is offline
            Don't Ask, Just Tell
               
              Join Date: Oct 2009
              Location: USA
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              Posts: 795
              So, quick poll, are you "out" yet?

              A) No one knows
              B) some friends, not family know
              C) some family, not friends know
              D) Some family and friends know
              E) Almost everyone knows

              To me it seems like very few people are completely out. It sometimes leads me to believe that the 3.8% of the population (U.S) being a part of the LGBT community is only scratch upon the surface.

              I would answer E myself.

              A-0
              B-0
              C-0
              D-0
              E-1
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                #1198    
              Old October 21st, 2011 (8:08 AM).
              -Jared-'s Avatar
              -Jared- -Jared- is offline
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              • Crystal Tier
               
              Join Date: Mar 2009
              Location: Northern California
              Age: 26
              Gender: Male
              Nature: Gentle
              Posts: 1,820
              A-0
              B-0
              C-1
              D-0
              E-1

              I marked C. Even though my dad's friend knows, I don't really think of him as MY friend, and even then, he is only one person, so I would hardly mark that as "some", so yeah, some family, and that is it
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                #1199    
              Old October 21st, 2011 (8:57 AM).
              Ineffable~'s Avatar
              Ineffable~ Ineffable~ is offline
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              Join Date: Aug 2008
              Location: Any ol' place really
              Age: 23
              Gender: Female
              Nature: Naive
              Posts: 2,742
              A-0
              B-0
              C-1
              D-0
              E-2

              Everyone more or less that I know knows, and I don't really care if anyone "finds out".


              I just sneezed very loudly and as I sneezed I said, "I'm gay." New way of subtly coming out to people? xD
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                #1200    
              Old October 21st, 2011 (9:26 AM).
              TornZero's Avatar
              TornZero TornZero is offline
              Resident Yuri-ism Cult Leader
                 
                Join Date: Apr 2010
                Location: In your pantry, eatin' your delicious cake.
                Age: 24
                Gender: Female
                Posts: 1,139
                Ach! Homework makes me miss so much! T3T
                But on the good side, I finished my required semester of Economics in a week flat.

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by Shining Raichu View Post
                What is/was the hardest part about being the closet?
                Pretty much what the others have said, it feels very restricting not being able to be myself. However, there are times I just don't care, such as in the presence of certain people that believe me calling another guy cute/hot/sexy is purely aesthetic or complimentary. (Sometimes it is, like to encourage a friend of mine.)

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by Pikapal642 View Post
                Lol, okay, here goes. Is there anything in particular you don't like about being whatever orientation you are?
                The promiscuity stereotype of bisexuals, and the judgement resulting from knowledge of this stereotype. I'm not a very sexual person myself, and while I DO have a classmate that fits the bill (and is avoided by some of the hetero students [that are just as bad]), this is the one thing about my orientation that pisses me off the most.

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by FreakyLocz14 View Post
                I have a question:

                Is it ever acceptable to out someone else prematurely?
                No. Just no. Unless it's in something like -ty-'s case where they deserve it in whole.

                -----

                And finally, the poll.

                A-0
                B-0
                C-1
                D-1
                E-2

                A few vault-like friends know and support me and won't tell anyone without my consent, and while it's also "some family," it's really just my older brother. He thankfully accepted it as a part of me despite his beliefs, and still supports me when our parents aren't in earshot. (He's kind of the only member of my family I would trust with my life, even more so than my parents.)
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