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  #1201    
Old October 21st, 2011 (9:53 AM). Edited October 21st, 2011 by -ty-.
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Don't Ask, Just Tell
     
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    Quote:
    A few vault-like friends know and support me and won't tell anyone without my consent, and while it's also "some family," it's really just my older brother. He thankfully accepted it as a part of me despite his beliefs, and still supports me when our parents aren't in earshot. (He's kind of the only member of my family I would trust with my life, even more so than my parents.)
    Nothing is more admirable than someone who can support you despite their beliefs. I actual get sick to my stomach hearing about family members that estrange themselves from GLBT family members, especially when we are talking about siblings/children.
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      #1202    
    Old October 21st, 2011 (10:38 AM).
    Melody's Avatar
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    Is there anything in particular you don't like about being whatever orientation you are?
    Like TornZero mentioned, I really don't like that people think that bisexuals are sex machines. We're not usually like that. Of course there are always idiots who are exceptions to the rule but every group has it's members that they're not really proud of. Another thing that bothers me is that people seem to think me as indecisive because I'm genderfluid. There couldn't be a more wrong impression, I actually take my fluidity seriously and don't just flip-flop or crossdress or do any of those "alarming" things. I've never actually had problems with sticking to a single gender in any context when it's needed.

    Is it ever acceptable to out someone else prematurely?
    Not really. Unless you're just confiding in your own personal confidant, who is known to be very much like a bank safe when it comes to secrets, out of shock it's not really acceptable. And even if you confide in someone trustworthy and they leak it, you get the blame. x3

    D here, My brother and sister know, and my best friends know, but none of them will out me prematurely, of this I'm sure. My sibs are a given, I wouln't keep it a secret from them even if they did decide to hate my guts
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      #1203    
    Old October 21st, 2011 (11:16 AM).
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    I would say that I'm a 'D' because a few people I trust know everything about me, but when it comes to other people like family, not-so-close friends, and people I work with I just don't talk about it and let them think whatever they want. Some of them think I'm a gay guy, which is fine with me if that's what makes it easier for them. I really don't want to bring it up with family... ever. It's already too much for them to think that I'm anything but straight and cisgender so I know that being completely open with them would just cause more tension.


    And re: outing other people - always bad. Even if your whole family is gay and you're still in the closet and only tell your brother or sister of whoever. It should always be a personal decision.
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      #1204    
    Old October 21st, 2011 (11:43 AM). Edited October 21st, 2011 by -ty-.
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    Don't Ask, Just Tell
       
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      Actually, my mom outed me to all family. And she wrote them some weird email that was like "Everyone, Ty needs everyone to be very supportive of him, he's going through a tough time. Everyone needs to be extra sensitive toward him and make sure that he knows that we accept him for who he is." lol

      Sooo....for like a month everyone was literally acting like I was a little kid who was a victim of some horrible crime. I found it slightly condescending, but humorous more so. I was like, "stop being unnecessarily nice to me!" lmao. I mean, I don't care that she did it, it saved me the awkward conversation. I think I lucked out because I wanted to come out and was ready, but if I wasn't ready, it could have been bad. But it is nice to have someone else out you to everyone if you would rather them do it for you.

      But if you don't want to yet, then that should be respected.
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        #1205    
      Old October 21st, 2011 (2:38 PM).
      Ineffable~'s Avatar
      Ineffable~ Ineffable~ is offline
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      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Scarf View Post
      I really don't want to bring it up with family... ever. It's already too much for them to think that I'm anything but straight and cisgender so I know that being completely open with them would just cause more tension.
      Derp, I forgot to mention my family.

      I have told my parents and my sister and my grandmother. At first my sister was really stupid about it, and I mean really stupid but at this point I think she's accepting me completely. My parents on the other hand don't even seem to believe me, let alone accept. I've been taking hormones behind their back, but my mother found out and is kind of giving me hell about it. My father would probably flip a table if she told him. My grandmother is really surprisingly supportive--after I told her she even asked me, "does this mean I have two granddaughters now?" which I thought was pretty cool.

      Umm, what was my point?
      Oh yeah, I'm only out to a small portion of my family and might keep it that way.
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      Fire ~ Field eggs
      3'03" ~ 66.1lbs ~ 50/50

      Its hooves are 10 times harder
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      Abilities: Run Away or Flash Fire or Flame Body
      Moves: Growl, Flame Wheel, Stomp, Agility
      Locations: Pokémon Mansion

      Cry

      Other names:

      jp: ポニータ (Ponyta)
      de: Ponita
      fr: Ponyta
      cn: 小火馬 (Xiǎohuǒmǎ)


        #1206    
      Old October 21st, 2011 (3:00 PM).
      Alice's Avatar
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      D

      There are a select few friends online that I would never tell, and I wouldn't tell anyone irl unless they asked me directly.
        #1207    
      Old October 21st, 2011 (7:58 PM).
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      Pretty much most people who know me know, so I put D. It's not exactly public knowledge, like my customers usually don't know and whatnot, but my friends and family do.

      I've put the poll at the top of the thread because adding the results into the posts was annoying me lol - so yeah answer there
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        #1208    
      Old October 21st, 2011 (8:36 PM).
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      Quote:
      Pretty much most people who know me know, so I put D. It's not exactly public knowledge, like my customers usually don't know and whatnot, but my friends and family do.
      Imagining someone just walking in your store and looking at you and KNOWING RIGHT THEN AND THERE that you're gay. Just like "oh my god the cashier is gay" lol. It was funny in my mind. :<

      Quote:
      I have told my parents and my sister and my grandmother. At first my sister was really stupid about it, and I mean really stupid but at this point I think she's accepting me completely. My parents on the other hand don't even seem to believe me, let alone accept. I've been taking hormones behind their back, but my mother found out and is kind of giving me hell about it. My father would probably flip a table if she told him. My grandmother is really surprisingly supportive--after I told her she even asked me, "does this mean I have two granddaughters now?" which I thought was pretty cool.
      Awww. Grandparents, from my understanding, seem to be the most understanding, despite being from generations where LGBT stuff was nearly completely socially unacceptable. This really goes for more than just LGBT stuff though. But yeah, just something I've noticed.

      Is there anything in particular you don't like about being whatever orientation you are?

      -whistles-

      Is it ever acceptable to out someone else prematurely?

      Oh God no. Don't do that. :( Like it's been said, it's that person's decision on who they want to know.
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        #1209    
      Old October 21st, 2011 (8:44 PM).
      Shining Raichu's Avatar
      Shining Raichu Shining Raichu is offline
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      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Sydian View Post
      Imagining someone just walking in your store and looking at you and KNOWING RIGHT THEN AND THERE that you're gay. Just like "oh my god the cashier is gay" lol. It was funny in my mind. :<
      LMAO that would be the funniest thing ever. Little old lady Annabelle walks into Liquorland, looks up at the counter, stumbles backwards clutching her heart

      "That boy... he's one of them! He's one of the queers I've heard about!"
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        #1210    
      Old October 21st, 2011 (9:18 PM).
      -ty-'s Avatar
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      Don't Ask, Just Tell
         
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        hey, you made into an official poll! :D
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          #1211    
        Old October 21st, 2011 (10:00 PM).
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        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Sydian View Post
        Awww. Grandparents, from my understanding, seem to be the most understanding, despite being from generations where LGBT stuff was nearly completely socially unacceptable. This really goes for more than just LGBT stuff though. But yeah, just something I've noticed.
        Eh, not in my experience. (Or my friends' experiences.) One of my would-be-transgendered friends lives with his grandma, and she threatened to abandon him if he was anything but straight.

        She knows all about it, because he used to cross dress openly before he moved in with her, but she's forcing him to pretend to be 'normal', and there's nothing he can do about it if he doesn't want to live on the street.

        (This is an online friend of course, so I can't do anything about it.)
          #1212    
        Old October 22nd, 2011 (11:05 AM).
        Ineffable~'s Avatar
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        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Sydian View Post


        Imagining someone just walking in your store and looking at you and KNOWING RIGHT THEN AND THERE that you're gay. Just like "oh my god the cashier is gay" lol. It was funny in my mind. :<

        That's so hilarious. xDD


        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Sydian View Post
        Awww. Grandparents, from my understanding, seem to be the most understanding, despite being from generations where LGBT stuff was nearly completely socially unacceptable. This really goes for more than just LGBT stuff though. But yeah, just something I've noticed.

        It makes sense, since grandparents sometimes don't see their grandchildren often and don't have to raise them and spend money on them as often as parents do (unless the parents are mooches lol), but they still have the whole parental love thing going on.
        Then again, my other grandmother is somewhat racist. I highly doubt she would accept me. So, maybe I'm only half-blessed here.
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        #077: Ponyta - The Fire Horse Pokémon
        Fire ~ Field eggs
        3'03" ~ 66.1lbs ~ 50/50

        Its hooves are 10 times harder
        than diamonds. It can trample
        anything completely flat in moments.

        Abilities: Run Away or Flash Fire or Flame Body
        Moves: Growl, Flame Wheel, Stomp, Agility
        Locations: Pokémon Mansion

        Cry

        Other names:

        jp: ポニータ (Ponyta)
        de: Ponita
        fr: Ponyta
        cn: 小火馬 (Xiǎohuǒmǎ)


          #1213    
        Old October 22nd, 2011 (8:35 PM).
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        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Ineffable~ View Post
        It makes sense, since grandparents sometimes don't see their grandchildren often and don't have to raise them and spend money on them as often as parents do (unless the parents are mooches lol), but they still have the whole parental love thing going on.
        Then again, my other grandmother is somewhat racist. I highly doubt she would accept me. So, maybe I'm only half-blessed here.
        That's a lot like my two grandmothers. One had gay friends for decades and the other still calls Asian people "China-men". :/
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          #1214    
        Old October 22nd, 2011 (9:07 PM).
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        I never had to come out to my grandparents, because they're such jackasses that we stopped talking to them when I was 15 years old. The one's on my mother's side are both dead so unfortunately we got stuck with the evil ones. I can't imagine them being OK with it however, especially with me being the only male grandchild and therefore the only one capable of carrying on the family name
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          #1215    
        Old October 22nd, 2011 (10:05 PM).
        Ineffable~'s Avatar
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        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Shining Raichu View Post
        especially with me being the only male grandchild and therefore the only one capable of carrying on the family name :P
        Turns out I'm the same since I only have a sister and I've "relinquished" my seed, but, eugh, no kids for me regardless. x.x
        __________________

        #077: Ponyta - The Fire Horse Pokémon
        Fire ~ Field eggs
        3'03" ~ 66.1lbs ~ 50/50

        Its hooves are 10 times harder
        than diamonds. It can trample
        anything completely flat in moments.

        Abilities: Run Away or Flash Fire or Flame Body
        Moves: Growl, Flame Wheel, Stomp, Agility
        Locations: Pokémon Mansion

        Cry

        Other names:

        jp: ポニータ (Ponyta)
        de: Ponita
        fr: Ponyta
        cn: 小火馬 (Xiǎohuǒmǎ)


          #1216    
        Old October 22nd, 2011 (10:57 PM).
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        Ugh...anyone else been in a relationship with a partner that doesn't deserve you? I haven't but my cousin is being really unrespectful to her girlfriend. Her girlfriend is increadibly generous and kind. She sees the kindness in people. But after a while she stopped having her own opinions since my cousin continues to take their relationship for granted. I know if I tried to help things could only get worse. It pisses me off that this amazing person is still with my cousin when she's only causing her harm!
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        Been super busy with work, life, and laptop problems. Hopefully I can get back into it soon, I fear I'm already rusty. Meanwhile I'm considering writing some of my hacks as a series of fanfics.

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          #1217    
        Old October 22nd, 2011 (11:30 PM).
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        U_Flame, I know you probably mean well...but I don't think you quite see it completely.

        When you're on the outside looking in, you kind of miss a lot of things. Relationships are complicated sometimes, and you have to take that into account when you say things like that.

        I personally don't like it when people say "So-and-so isn't good enough for you." or "You aren't good enough for So-and-so.". I think it's completely disrespectful to both sides and not only that, saying words like that is like sticking a dagger in the back of any relationship. A true friend wouldn't say that unless they were absolutely sure that "So-and-So" is really up to no good. Even when they're sure, it's really touch-and-go. It's really a sensitive topic to broach with anyone...so tread very carefully, and closely examine your own feelings for bias before you say that.
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          #1218    
        Old October 22nd, 2011 (11:56 PM). Edited October 23rd, 2011 by TornZero.
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        TornZero TornZero is offline
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          Quote:
          Originally Posted by U_Flame View Post
          Ugh...anyone else been in a relationship with a partner that doesn't deserve you? I haven't but my cousin is being really unrespectful to her girlfriend. Her girlfriend is increadibly generous and kind. She sees the kindness in people. But after a while she stopped having her own opinions since my cousin continues to take their relationship for granted. I know if I tried to help things could only get worse. It pisses me off that this amazing person is still with my cousin when she's only causing her harm!
          Personally, no. But my little brother (before coming out as gay on Facebook, in which he's friends with both of our parents) didn't deserve the only girlfriend he had, who gave him space when he wanted it and was pretty dang nice and mature. He's sadly an "all about me" person when it comes to interactions, love-wise or not, and whined relentlessly behind her back about feeling "suffocated". He's proven this by breaking up with her through a note hoping that no one would confront him so to save his face and crotch.

          My older brother was bad, but not in the self-centered sense like the younger. He actually does care about a girl's feelings, so he made pretty good friends with them even after breaking up with them; what ends up keeping him from fully deserving some of the great girls he had dated through high school was the fact that he treated things like a fling. His relationships never lasted more than a quarter (a little over two months). He's shaped up, though, and in the time since he moved out, he's had a girlfriend for well over half a year. (It shocked our parents quite a bit.) I honestly think his issues with keeping a girlfriend involved some kind of competition between him and his friends. (Some really weren't the most chivalrous and respectful of the bunch.)
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            #1219    
          Old October 23rd, 2011 (4:35 PM).
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          I'm in a relationship and the person I'm with is too good for me. I so don't deserve her. Not that I'm awful (at least I don't think I am) but she's just so cool and accepting and overall an awesome person that almost no one could deserve her.

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Impo View Post
          On a separate note, this whole trying to find who you are oriental wise is surging maniacal through my school group like a fast paced soap opera. There has been beards and secret relationships, dramatic break ups, heartbreak, and the lot.

          But something new arose. One of my best friends (she's gay too (yay!)) was confronted by a member of the group (my friend has come out as bisexual to our school group, I haven't). The member was also female, and admitted to thinking she was bisexual, and was attracted to my friend. But this woman is incredibly conscious and ashamed of these feelings. My friend does not want to go out with said person, but doesn't have the heart to break it to her. Something like this would crush her, she has cuts on her arm and everything.

          I am not meant to know, but considering my and my gay friend share everything, I knew the second it happened. I want to try and console the person who is confused, but if she knows I know she would be hurt that her secret has been told to someone.

          ....GOD THERE IS SO MORE BUT I AM TIRED OF TYPING.
          That's a tough problem your friend is in. If this other girl isn't out to everyone yet maybe she'd get more confidence if she could be around more people. I dunno, you could give your friend the okay to "out" you to this other girl if you were okay with that. Then you and she could maybe talk openly. I don't know if this is really a good idea, but I don't know how else you could help if you aren't supposed to know.
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            #1220    
          Old October 23rd, 2011 (7:13 PM).
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          Hey, if any of my companions here want to join my new Facebook page, feel free! I'll be sharing LGBT-related news periodically.
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            #1221    
          Old October 23rd, 2011 (7:16 PM).
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          Today a priest listed 5 things that ar always wrong when we vote. Among those is same-sex marriage.
            #1222    
          Old October 23rd, 2011 (7:20 PM). Edited October 23rd, 2011 by Kura.
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            Quote:
            Originally Posted by FreakyLocz14 View Post
            Today a priest listed 5 things that ar always wrong when we vote. Among those is same-sex marriage.
            Find a different church to attend. No one's bounding you to that one.. and you're entitled to switch pastors if you found what he said unbearable and you can't get past it. What's the point in bringing it up other than to feed the opposition.
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              #1223    
            Old October 23rd, 2011 (7:21 PM).
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            Quote:
            Originally Posted by deoxys121 View Post
            Hey, if any of my companions here want to join my new Facebook page, feel free! I'll be sharing LGBT-related news periodically.
            Lol, I can't legitimately join, at least, not without severely confusing my friends later, lol, but I thank you for creating that page. ^__^
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              #1224    
            Old October 23rd, 2011 (7:29 PM).
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            Quote:
            Originally Posted by Kura View Post
            Find a different church to attend. No one's bounding you to that one.. and you're entitled to switch pastors if you found what he said unbearable and you can't get past it.
            I'm Catholic (by choice). My options are limited. I don't see him as a bad person, just misguided. I might speak to him about it, though. Members of the county Republican Party and the local Tea Party know my views on same-sex marriage, and they still respect me even though we disagree.
              #1225    
            Old October 23rd, 2011 (7:47 PM).
            Hiidoran's Avatar
            Hiidoran Hiidoran is offline
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            Quote:
            Originally Posted by U_Flame View Post
            Ugh...anyone else been in a relationship with a partner that doesn't deserve you?
            Quite the opposite, actually, and I came pretty close to losing him recently. I really think I was taking our relationship for granted - I didn't see that it wasn't going the way he was hoping it would. I wish there was more I could do about it, but I'm naturally just shy and negative and he seems to be giving up on getting me to come out of my shell.

            ]:
             

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