The Rainbow Connection [LGBTS Club] Page 69

Started by Shining Raichu May 22nd, 2011 5:52 AM
  • 248132 views
  • 4469 replies

Esper

California
Seen June 30th, 2018
Posted June 30th, 2018
I get about an equal number of "miss"s and "sir"s from people, although more of the former in person and more of the later over the phone because I have a kind of growly (though not deep) quality to my voice.

Honestly though, most of the times people interact with me they don't use either, probably because they're unsure and don't want to offend me, so I don't really think many people assume I'm female. I've got long-ish hair and painted nails, but I don't use much makeup and my day-to-day clothes are pretty gender-neutral so I can see how I wouldn't "pass" around a lot of people. Not that I'm really interested in passing. I don't mind it if I do (and it's nice not to have that unspoken confrontation), but if I don't I just dwell on it all day long and let it eat at me from inside go on with my life.

@Nakuzami: No problem, I'll always be here to protect you from mean old Scarf. n3n
Did I just get called old?

Spoiler:

Alice

(>^.(>0.0)>

Age 31
Female
Oregon
Seen April 30th, 2015
Posted April 29th, 2015
3,077 posts
14.2 Years
Okay, so... somewhat odd situation...

About 4 or 5 months ago, my mom asked if I was gay, and I just said yes, because at the time I really wasn't interested in girls at all. She sort of made a big deal about it, (she's against it, being a Christian, but she was never mean about it, or anything) but now I think she's forgotten. Like, she doesn't seem to remember, at all.

Honestly, if that's the case I'd be kind of glad... but it's annoying not knowing if she knows. lol
But really, how am I supposed to know if she knows? It's really not a huge deal, it's just... odd to me.

Kano Shuuya

→ you're here, aren't you?

Female
Kansas, USA
Seen January 12th, 2016
Posted January 12th, 2016
889 posts
17.8 Years
^ I think part of that might be that she doesn't want to remember. My mom tends to do that with my whole ordeal as well. When I first mentioned it, or told her, she'd just never bring it up unless I said something. Or when I would bring it up, she'd act like she didn't know what I was talking about at first. Even now days she'd rather avoid it altogether, even though she doesn't really hate against it. She even says "Sorry, I forget sometimes", even though I figure she doesn't really.

I'd almost bet that you mom didn't totally forget.. it's there somewhere, even if it isn't all consuming for her. Because I imagine that when your child says something like that, it doesn't just completely leave your mind. Or I know if I were a parent, and it were my child, it wouldn't just poof out of my mind. D;

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Alakazam17

Long time no see!

Female
Canada
Seen October 27th, 2020
Posted October 24th, 2020
5,639 posts
17.7 Years
I'm going to go ahead and quote a bunch of people now.

[FONT=Verdana]Thanks, lol. I just get confused sometimes, as I don't believe I've ever talked to a trans person (or . . . perhaps a trans person that I knew was trans, but I still don't think I have) before coming to this thread, so I have like little to no knowledge on the subject, lol.
No worries, I understand as well.

[FONT=Verdana]@Alakazam17 - You . . . um . . . hmph -3- All I have to say is: Down with My Little Pony!!
Them's fighting words! IT! IS! ON! xD

I'm like the only trans person I know that's never been (offline) seen as the right gender! So, that's kind of weird, right? xD
I dunno if it's weird, and you may in fact have similar experience as me when you were little, with the only exception being that your parents didn't tell you about it. xD

So your saying the bigger the butt,the "butter"? Ok that was bad pun. *Hides in the corner of shame*
Haha, puns are awesome! *high fives*

Did I just get called old?

Spoiler:
Scarf, you are made of win. That is all. =P

Okay, so... somewhat odd situation...

About 4 or 5 months ago, my mom asked if I was gay, and I just said yes, because at the time I really wasn't interested in girls at all. She sort of made a big deal about it, (she's against it, being a Christian, but she was never mean about it, or anything) but now I think she's forgotten. Like, she doesn't seem to remember, at all.

Honestly, if that's the case I'd be kind of glad... but it's annoying not knowing if she knows. lol
But really, how am I supposed to know if she knows? It's really not a huge deal, it's just... odd to me.
I've gotten a similar reaction from my own mother, unfortunately, about my being transgender. She literally has not brought it up since I told her, though I have implied it a few times since(like the time she said "Well I'm not a man" and I replied with "Well niether am I," XD).

My money's on the fact that she still knows, especially given the fact that she's against it. She's probably in denial, and prefers not to talk about it. But, as with my mother, it's something she has to deal with eventually.
Age 29
Male
USA
Seen February 22nd, 2016
Posted December 12th, 2015
139 posts
11.5 Years
Even though it's a defense mechanism for the brain to forget traumatizing experiences, I highly doubt that qualifies as such, ahah.

In my experience, my mom was rather direct about me being gay. To be honest I forget how the conversation came up, I think I just told her, but I'll never forget her reaction. The first thing she said was "You know how they do it, right?" xD
A couple of weeks later she was on about getting me a therapist to help with my "problem" and yadda yadda.

I'm not sure which is worse, having it be so bad for your parent that they pretend to forget about it or having them be direct about it. On one hand you have that lingering tension, but no big fight about it. On the other hand you have the big confrontation, but then it's over and done with eventually.
Kayges

"Inspiring quote."

Team Aurora

Sydian

fake your death.

Age 30
they/them
Georgia
Seen May 22nd, 2022
Posted November 29th, 2021
33,354 posts
15.2 Years
The first thing she said was "You know how they do it, right?" xD
HAHA! If I ever have kids and one turns out gay and comes out, this is going to be my reaction...followed by "well okay now what...um...let's go throw a party or something. hop in the car, we're going to pick out your cake" "but..." "DO YOU WANT CAKE OR NOT CHILD"

lol...me as a parent...lolol
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DAT SNARKITUDE

Age 29
Female
Any ol' place really
Seen September 2nd, 2012
Posted December 27th, 2011
2,738 posts
14.8 Years
Did I just get called old?

Spoiler:
Bring it.

Okay, so... somewhat odd situation...

About 4 or 5 months ago, my mom asked if I was gay, and I just said yes, because at the time I really wasn't interested in girls at all. She sort of made a big deal about it, (she's against it, being a Christian, but she was never mean about it, or anything) but now I think she's forgotten. Like, she doesn't seem to remember, at all.

Honestly, if that's the case I'd be kind of glad... but it's annoying not knowing if she knows. lol
But really, how am I supposed to know if she knows? It's really not a huge deal, it's just... odd to me.
Yeah, that's something we call denial. And the idiotic version of it, at that. Mention it so much that she can't even ignore it. /loladvice

I'm not sure which is worse, having it be so bad for your parent that they pretend to forget about it or having them be direct about it. On one hand you have that lingering tension, but no big fight about it. On the other hand you have the big confrontation, but then it's over and done with eventually.
In principle, I would prefer that they at least take me seriously enough to mention it, but in reality I prefer when my parents are silent about it because the only times they mention it these days is basically as a comeback.


HAHA! If I ever have kids and one turns out gay and comes out, this is going to be my reaction...followed by "well okay now what...um...let's go throw a party or something. hop in the car, we're going to pick out your cake" "but..." "DO YOU WANT CAKE OR NOT CHILD"

lol...me as a parent...lolol
I would love you forever if you gave me cake just for being gay. <3

#077: Ponyta - The Fire Horse Pokémon
Fire ~ Field eggs
3'03" ~ 66.1lbs ~ 50/50

Its hooves are 10 times harder
than diamonds. It can trample
anything completely flat in moments.

Abilities: Run Away or Flash Fire or Flame Body
Moves: Growl, Flame Wheel, Stomp, Agility
Locations: Pokémon Mansion

Cry

Other names:

jp: ポニータ (Ponyta)
de: Ponita
fr: Ponyta
cn: 小火馬 (Xiǎohuǒmǎ)


Shining Raichu

Expect me like you expect Jesus.

Age 32
Male
Australia
Seen October 17th, 2020
Posted December 21st, 2017
8,958 posts
12.3 Years
A couple of weeks later she was on about getting me a therapist to help with my "problem" and yadda yadda.
Personally, I think this is the worst reaction of all. Your parent being so horrified about the fact that you're gay that you need help to change it. Though I could be misunderstanding. Was the therapy she wanted you to take to help you deal with being gay, or to change it?
Moderator of General Chat
Age 29
Male
USA
Seen February 22nd, 2016
Posted December 12th, 2015
139 posts
11.5 Years
Personally, I think this is the worst reaction of all. Your parent being so horrified about the fact that you're gay that you need help to change it. Though I could be misunderstanding. Was the therapy she wanted you to take to help you deal with being gay, or to change it?
I have to apologize for writing it off as if it were nothing, it really is a terrible reaction. To answer your question, though, my mom basically thought I was going through a 'phase' and wanted to get me a therapist to 'fix' me. She went on about how homosexuals have a high rate of suicide attempts and that I would get depressed for being a homosexual.

It's a bit of a long story, I'm sure all of us have long stories, but I don't want to go on and on about myself here, heh. I think that answers your question, but if you want to talk about it more you can always message me.
Kayges

"Inspiring quote."

Team Aurora

Esper

California
Seen June 30th, 2018
Posted June 30th, 2018
I suppose it goes over the heads of many that worrying about higher suicide rates among gay people can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Not that I'm saying they cause it, but when you tell someone "Oh, I wish you weren't gay. They have such a hard time." and stuff like that you're actually contributing to some of that hard time.
Age 29
Male
USA
Seen February 22nd, 2016
Posted December 12th, 2015
139 posts
11.5 Years
I suppose it goes over the heads of many that worrying about higher suicide rates among gay people can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Not that I'm saying they cause it, but when you tell someone "Oh, I wish you weren't gay. They have such a hard time." and stuff like that you're actually contributing to some of that hard time.
^
This is what I attempted to convey to her, but by the time that happened there had been too much fighting to come to an understanding. When their child is not what they always wanted them to be, no matter how much control they tried to have over them, it may leave them very bitter. At least, that is what I have experienced.
Kayges

"Inspiring quote."

Team Aurora

Shining Raichu

Expect me like you expect Jesus.

Age 32
Male
Australia
Seen October 17th, 2020
Posted December 21st, 2017
8,958 posts
12.3 Years
There's no need to apologise, Kayges, it's your story, you can tell it however you want to tell it lol. I guess at the very least your mother, misguided as she was, was coming from a place of love rather than a place of 'it's an abomination we need to fix you!' Though yeah, as Scarf said, that can contribute to the problem more than solve it.

If you want to go into more detail about your story, this would be the place to do it! We all go on and on about ourselves here, so there's no need to be shy about it :P - but also no pressure, if you don't want to then that's fine lol
Moderator of General Chat

Esper

California
Seen June 30th, 2018
Posted June 30th, 2018
^
This is what I attempted to convey to her, but by the time that happened there had been too much fighting to come to an understanding. When their child is not what they always wanted them to be, no matter how much control they tried to have over them, it may leave them very bitter. At least, that is what I have experienced.
Oh, definitely. It's bitter for everyone involved. Of course I have a lot less sympathy for the parents in these cases for obvious reasons.

I mean, I already think it's pretty bad when parents have weird expectations for their kids ("I want a boy and a girl." "I want them to like the things I like." etc. etc.) and don't just hope they grow up healthy and happy, but when your expectation is that they won't be gay from the start... I just don't even.
Age 29
Male
USA
Seen February 22nd, 2016
Posted December 12th, 2015
139 posts
11.5 Years
Ahahah, there is no doubt that I have always been on the shy side.
I understand my mom had her heart in the right place at the time. The "long story" part has to do with some irrelevant things that was cause to a lot of fighting.
Thanks for the encouragement Rai. ^^

I completely agree with you, Scarf. It feels like a lot of people I talk to about children have this very same view of what they would want their child to be like. Heck, I even get annoyed when one parent automatically refers to the unborn baby as 'him' when they don't even know the gender...well that's a sexism thing, sort of different, but it's still about expectation.
Kayges

"Inspiring quote."

Team Aurora

Shining Raichu

Expect me like you expect Jesus.

Age 32
Male
Australia
Seen October 17th, 2020
Posted December 21st, 2017
8,958 posts
12.3 Years
Parents having expectations for their kids is always something that has bugged me, especially since even outside of being gay, I have fallen so short of what my parents wanted me to be haha. They tried to get me into playing soccer just like my Dad did when he was younger, but I had no interest. They wanted me to be into cars like my Dad is now, but I failed again haha. I'm not bitter about it, because in the end I live my life to please myself and not my parents, but i have to wonder sometimes if they'd prefer a son who could give them what they wanted.

But really, what right do they have to have any expectations of us? The fact that they gave us life does not give them the right to control what we do with it or how we experience it.
Moderator of General Chat
Age 29
Male
USA
Seen February 22nd, 2016
Posted December 12th, 2015
139 posts
11.5 Years
I guess I can understand where they are coming from, but I agree that it gives them no right to control their child. My mom had an iron grip on me and I didn't even know it until I was 15 and realized I had free will.

On a lighter note, my dad is an expert mechanic, heavy machines operator, and speaks car lingo that I will never understand. xD He never forced me into things, he just let me try them. I'm terrible with everything he does, but it makes home life kind of funny at least, hah.
Kayges

"Inspiring quote."

Team Aurora

johnny18

Kiss Me Like It's Do or Die

Male
California
Seen May 18th, 2017
Posted August 11th, 2015
1,023 posts
13.4 Years
Parents having expectations for their kids is always something that has bugged me, especially since even outside of being gay, I have fallen so short of what my parents wanted me to be haha. They tried to get me into playing soccer just like my Dad did when he was younger, but I had no interest. They wanted me to be into cars like my Dad is now, but I failed again haha. I'm not bitter about it, because in the end I live my life to please myself and not my parents, but i have to wonder sometimes if they'd prefer a son who could give them what they wanted.

But really, what right do they have to have any expectations of us? The fact that they gave us life does not give them the right to control what we do with it or how we experience it.
I fail in everything my mom expects me to do: driving, finding a job, going to good university,.......and more :(
Age 28
Male
Seen April 11th, 2012
Posted December 18th, 2011
3 posts
11.4 Years
Joining. I'm 100% gay. Known for about 3 years. I'm only out to close friends and half the family. I see no need to make the information public in the near future, honestly it sounds like more of a hassle.

As for the current discussion on expectations. I'd definitely agree that it's hard for parents to accept that their child is something different than what they expected. You have to remember that as soon as parents discover the gender of their child it's only natural to start thinking about how they'll grow up, and all those milestone events that are associated with genders. I don't think any parent would ever imagine their child growing up to be gay.

I'm not trying to defend parents who think like this, if they behave homophobic as a result then obviously they'd lose all my sympathy.

Railgun

Ever Day Another New Adventure

Age 32
Female
Newton
Seen July 14th, 2016
Posted August 28th, 2014
432 posts
11.4 Years
I think for me it was easier since I live with my 86 yr old aunt and 85 yr old grandma. Well my aunt is kinda old school so for her its kinda hard to accept. My grandma totally accepts it but is confused on what it truly means. So I find it sweet she does her best to understand.

Shining Raichu

Expect me like you expect Jesus.

Age 32
Male
Australia
Seen October 17th, 2020
Posted December 21st, 2017
8,958 posts
12.3 Years
Welcome, QT! Adding your name to the memberlist now :)

I just think if parents just went into child-rearing with an open mind rather than letting their minds wander and have fantasies about our potential lives, it'd be much easier on everybody involved lol
Moderator of General Chat

Ineffable~

DAT SNARKITUDE

Age 29
Female
Any ol' place really
Seen September 2nd, 2012
Posted December 27th, 2011
2,738 posts
14.8 Years
I just think if parents just went into child-rearing with an open mind rather than letting their minds wander and have fantasies about our potential lives, it'd be much easier on everybody involved lol
Agreed totally, but I'm gonna tiptoe around the deep end of this topic because I can get way too fired up about it.
Suffice it to say, I definitely think I haven't lived up to my parents' expectations in any way.

#077: Ponyta - The Fire Horse Pokémon
Fire ~ Field eggs
3'03" ~ 66.1lbs ~ 50/50

Its hooves are 10 times harder
than diamonds. It can trample
anything completely flat in moments.

Abilities: Run Away or Flash Fire or Flame Body
Moves: Growl, Flame Wheel, Stomp, Agility
Locations: Pokémon Mansion

Cry

Other names:

jp: ポニータ (Ponyta)
de: Ponita
fr: Ponyta
cn: 小火馬 (Xiǎohuǒmǎ)


Age 29
Male
USA
Seen February 22nd, 2016
Posted December 12th, 2015
139 posts
11.5 Years
I'm glad you've decided to join QT, welcome. (=

Well we could probably turn this coversation over and not limit it to just parents, but friends and significant others as well. Living while knowing certain people have expectations for you is thoroughly stressful, unless you decide to ignore it (which I find difficult, usually it causes negative feelings), but I couldn't tell you how many times I've been put on some sort of pedestal that I really feel I have no right being on. Especially with significant others, I'm sure someone here knows what I'm talking about. I don't want to be talked up so much that it feels like I can't "pull through" at some point. Sorry for the chalky description, I'm having a hard time finding the right words. I know it's supposed to be a positive gesture from the person, but it can pack a lot of stress on your shoulders.
Kayges

"Inspiring quote."

Team Aurora

Who's Kiyo?

puking rainbows

Age 27
Male
Olivine City
Seen July 21st, 2022
Posted September 6th, 2018
3,228 posts
12 Years
OH OH SHARING TIME <3

So I came out to my Dad the other day.

I decided to tell him the next time he picked me up, and I made sure he was the one coming to get me. Thankfully, my mom had a holiday party that day, so he had to be the one to come get me.

*Pick up*

Me: Hey dad. [Pause] How was your day? Not too stressful?
Dad: Not really. You?
Me: Fine, fine. [Pause] Say Dad, you know that club I go to on wednesdays?
Dad: Yeah?
Me: It's the Gay-Straight Alliance.
Dad: Gay-Straight Alliance. Okay. Why are you telling me this?
Me: ....Because I'm gay.

[Sudden off-topic conversation about what I do in gsa followed]

Dad: [Pause] So are you sure?
Me: Really sure.
Dad: What made you decide this?
Me: I didn't really decide.
Dad: ....So you do know I knew this already?
Me: I figured.
Dad: Well yeah, Joe. I know my kids very well.
Me: What tipped you off?
Dad: Well.... I dunno. You were always so sensitive. [Pause] Yet, still a manly-man! ....I dunno.
Me: Was it just different?
Dad: No, just.... I don't really know. I just knew. Joe, it doesn't really matter what your sexual preference is. You're my boy.
Me: <3
Dad: [Parental pride shaking knee thing] Such a brave boy you are!

[Awesome conversation followed]

Pretty freaking awesome.

hugh holland in "cracks: a sinnoh story"
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