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Old July 17th, 2011 (4:57 PM).
Atomic Pirate's Avatar
Atomic Pirate Atomic Pirate is offline
I always win.
    Join Date: May 2011
    Location: Somewhere.
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    Nature: Impish
    Posts: 930
    This is my first real fic. Constructive criticism is encouraged.

    Chapter 1: Escape!
    It was a clear night in the Johto region. Well, more between the Johto and Kanto
    regions, to be exact. Specifically, on the peak of Mt. Silver. There, a strange ritual was taking place. A group of Gliscor were gathered around a gigantic fang-like rock. Many Gligar and Gliscor were watching, but they were kept far away from the rock. However, a group of about 20 Gligar was lined up closer to the rock. The largest Gliscor beckoned for the first Gligar in line to come forth. Everyone grew silent. The Gligar slowly walked forward towards the rock. After he reached it, he knelt before it. Soon, he began to glow, and within seconds, he grew larger, the sharpness of his fangs and claws intensified, his eyes became more adept at night vision, and he became a Gliscor. "Loskorn, knight of the Gliscor Clan, you may rise," the largest Gliscor said. The Gliscor rose, and the Gligars and Gliscors watching cheered. The largest Gliscor beckoned for the next Gligar, and she stepped forward. Meanwhile, in Dark Cave, something else was taking place. In a kind of prison built by the Gliscor for their enemies, a Gligar sat. He wasn't much different from the ordinary Gligar, but there was a difference: he was blue. While other Gligar and Gliscor were a pinkish purple, this Gligar was blue. Because of this, he was considered unlucky and even evil by the Gliscor Clan leaders, and he was forced to eke out his life living in the prison. Unbeknownst to the Gliscor and other Gligar, this Gliscor had a sense of justice much greater than anyone else in the clan. However, he didn't have a name. He had been locked up since he was born, and was never given a name. The rest of the clan just called him "it" or "him" or "the evil one". He looked out of the crack in the cave wall. Through it, he could see what was going on outside the cave. He used to try to dig himself through that crevice, but every time he started, the Gliscor that guarded his cell would always hit him with a poison sting. That particular Gliscor was watching him now as he stared outside the crevice. "Hey, retard, I'm talking to you," the Gliscor jeered at the imprisoned Gligar. Gligar turned and looked at him. "See 'at light up near Mt. Silver? 'at's where them Gligars your age are bein' evolved. Too bad you'll never evolve!" The Gliscor launched a poison sting at the Gligar, and when it hit, he started to laugh uncontrollably. After recovering from the attack, Gligar asked, "Would Fangorn really approve of your constant attacking of me?" Gliscor just laughed and said, "You deserve 'em Poison Stings. Besides, it's more of a reminder of what's comin' soon!" Gligar winced. He had heard his jailer talking with the Gliscor Clan King, Fangorn. They were discussing a planned execution for the unlucky blue Gligar. Gligar sighed. It had been a long day, even more so than every other day. He lied down on the hard stone ground and soon fell asleep. Only 2 hours later, he was woken up violently with a Poison Sting. A voice came from nearby, "Yea-haargh! I jus' love doin' that!". Gligar was mad now. Mustering up all his strength, he broke the bars of his prison with a Fury Cutter attack. That surprised the jailer Gliscor enough that he accidently shot himself with the Poison Sting that he meant to hit Gligar with. He teetered around, and Gligar realized that he had poisoned himself. Gligar ran around behind Gliscor, and he hit him with a Faint Attack. It was strong enough to K.O. the Gliscor. With the rest of the clan gone at the ceremony, it was easy for Gligar to run undetected through the cave and leave. He looked up and spotted the clan, flying in formation, coming back from the ceremony. "Wow, that was a near-miss", Gligar thought. He jumped in the bushes nearby to avoid being seen by anyone in the clan. When the clan was all in Dark Cave, he quickly ran away. Then he had a thought. If all the Gligar had left Mt. Silver, he could evolve himself at the Razor Fang. Then, he would be able to fly better. He climbed on top of a tree and took flight. Although he had no experience flying, it was an instinct for Gligar, and he was able to glide towards the peak of Mt. Silver with relative ease. At last, he reached the peak. He walked towards the Razor Fang, and knelt in front of it. He then changed, becoming a Gliscor. He retained his blue color, but immediately found that his night vision completely improved. He thought about what he would do, and decided to first catch some food, because the paltry Weedle and Caterpie that he was served daily didn't satisfy his hunger. As he took off, though, he heard a loud snarl. Flying in front of him was a fearful draconic beast. It's blue, scaly body was half covered in a ragged black membrane. Six black, skinny wings extended off of it's back. It had three heads, and each was quite disturbing. It's middle head had piercing, snake-like eyes, a mouth lined with blood-stained fangs, and was surrounded in a red frill. It's other heads had small eyes, and mouths with sharp fangs. each mouth started roaring uncontrollably, as the beast turned and flew towards the blue Gliscor.
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    Old July 19th, 2011 (2:47 PM).
    Dagzar's Avatar
    Dagzar Dagzar is offline
    The Dreamer
      Join Date: Jan 2009
      Location: In my dreams.
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      I suggest you format your story into paragraphs because as it is now, it’s basically unreadable. After that, I’ll come and do a proper review.
      "After being saddled with two ten-year-old brats and being sent out on her long overdue Pokemon journey, she can’t help but wonder… is it worth it?"
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