Real Life JH

Started by Goatman56 December 22nd, 2004 6:47 PM
  • 844 views
  • 3 replies
Age 31
Seen October 20th, 2019
Posted April 8th, 2016
2,881 posts
18.9 Years
Alright heres what this is about I've been thinking about writing this for awhile so I wanted to give it a shot this is my second fan fic my first one didn't go so well because I was lazy but this one will be different and plus I got a lot of tips in my last fan fic :D ok so basically this is about 5 friends Sam,Lenny,Chase,Eve,Marian you'll catch on to there personalitys real quick and there also 13 year olds just trying to figure out how to get through 7th grade.

Prolouge

Five teenagers walked through the school door just as the sun was rising up.One with long brown hair wearing a blue shirt and green pants and white shoes.Another with big glasses that looked like his eyes were dialated all the time and with black shirt and black jeans with a spiked wrist band also with spiked black hair.The next with a mushroom style hair cut with red hair wearing a gray shirt with a dragon on it and baggy red pants and a silver watch.Next one wearing a pink shirt and a purple skirt with a charm bracelet and purple hair.Then the last a tomboy with short white hair wearing tattered green shorts and a baggy light green shirt with a word that read "TOMBOY" in big bold letters.A boy wearing overalls and scartchs on his face came up to the boy with long brown hair.
"Hey Sam you have the reports right" the boy said in a inquisitive tone.
"We had a report"Sam said with his eyes miving side to side.
"Sam thats the third time you forgot the reports" the boy said while gritting his teeth.
"Well uhhhh gotta go" Sam said as his voice faded as he began to run.
The boy with scratchs on his face turned to the one in glasses.
"Let me guess you have the report don't you" the boy said with a bleek impression on his face.
"Don't I always"said Lenny with the same expression.
"Thanks,I keep telling Sam that I get a hold of it cause i'm magic and he believes me" the boy said while smiling big.
The boy with the red hair turned and talked.
"Well thats Sam for yah" said Chase in a non-spurised voice.
Chase began to run down the hallway before the bell wrang.The two girls turned to each other.The one with the purple hair began to talk while rolling her eyes.
"Can't we ever have a normal morning" said Eve.
The tomboy just looked and began to speak after a little silence.
"My life wouldn't be so fun without my morning doce of annoyance" said Marian in a boring tone.
The remaining three ran down the halls with the other boy following behind.They got to advisory and the day begun.

So what do yah think?

Kyosuke

.·Simple Complexity

Age 34
Pickering, On
Seen August 8th, 2018
Posted May 17th, 2014
2,485 posts
19.7 Years
Its good, but it would be alot better if you told the names of the characters at the beginning, then described them from there, insted of saying their names during the story, it gives off a better "real life" feeling.
"Life isn't perfect, but sometimes you have to make the best of it."

After 7 years, Xbox Live is Still Amazing

·!¦[·Latest pieces of Writing·]¦!·
Age 31
Seen October 20th, 2019
Posted April 8th, 2016
2,881 posts
18.9 Years
I knew you'd have something to say about it.

Chapter 1: The Begining

Sam,Lenny,Chase,Eve,and Marian only had two minutes left to make it to advisory.They were beggining to sweat since they had a far way to run in just five minutes.The only bad thing was sam ran right into a locker door.They just shook there heads and draggedhim and just barely all made it into class.The bell wrang loudly as all the kids took there seats.Sam was playing tic tac toe against himself the whole time.Eve and Marian were playing speed both equal in speed.Then Lenny sketching something.Then last was Chase who was finishing up his project.Sam leaned over to Lenny.
"Hey Lenny what you drawing" Sam said with a puzzled look on his face.
"Do you really want to know" said Lenny in a sly tone.
"Uh huh."
"Well.......to bad" said Lenny with a mixture of anger and happiness.
"That doesn't sound like a animal I ever heard of" Sam said with his eyebrow raised.
Lenny just slapped his head.Chase who was sitting alone was talking to himself.
"Uh what do I do know i'm not some sort of genius" Chase said with a puzzled look on his face.
Eve and Marian were plating very fast and weren't skipping on the trash talk.
"Your hands slower then a old person driving" said Eve in a very competitive tone.
"Is it moving or is it just my imagination" Marian said getting more competive.
As class went by the students got louder and louder until the bell wrang at 8:05.As sam was walking out he tripped over the doorstop.He was dizzy from the fall and Sam was never the smartest kid.Eve rubbed her head as if she was getting a headache from his stupidity.Marian and Chase thought it would be funny to play a trick by pretending to throw a shiny penny.Sure enough Sam fell for it and dove right at the floor and the nurse walked up.
"How big of a ice pack do you need today" said the nurse in a non-suprised tone.
"O i'll take a small" Sam said smiling.
The nurse handed him the icepack and saw the others knowing they still had the penny.Sam jumped up and down trying to just get the penny like a trained dog.He jumped high enough and caught in his teeth.
"My shiny" Sam said while running donw the hall.
"I needed that penny" Marian said in a angry tone.
"Why"asked Chase.
"To stick it on his back so he couldn't find" Marian said with a big grin.
They all had to run because that prank took up atleast three minutes and they had to get into there lockers to.They all had made it to second period.Sam knew that his second period would go by real fast since he had something to stare at.Eve who was in the same second period took the penny and pretended to throw it away but stuck it on his back.
"Lets see if he has the intelligence to find it" said Eve whispering to herself.
Lenny,Chase,and Marian were in the same period as each other they had to group up in threes and they were always the group of three.
"So what we do is put that purple liquid in this beaker" questioned Lenny.
"Yeah we put the purple liquid in the beaker" Chase said reasuring Lennys question.
"You better not mess this up" Marian said a little inquisititive.
The next two periods passed real fast and next was fifth period Spanish.
Seen March 30th, 2005
Posted March 11th, 2005
1,912 posts
18.6 Years
Alright heres what this is about I've been thinking about writing this for awhile so I wanted to give it a shot this is my second fan fic my first one didn't go so well because I was lazy but this one will be different and plus I got a lot of tips in my last fan fic :D ok so basically this is about 5 friends Sam,Lenny,Chase,Eve,Marian you'll catch on to there personalitys real quick and there also 13 year olds just trying to figure out how to get through 7th grade.

Prolouge

Five teenagers walked through the school door just as the sun was rising up. Anna, with her long brown hair, wearing a blue shirt, green pants, and white shoes. Zachary, with big glasses that looked like his eyes were dialated all the time and with black shirt and black jeans with a spiked wrist band also with spiked black hair.The next with a mushroom style hair cut with red hair wearing a gray shirt with a dragon on it and baggy red pants and a silver watch.Next one wearing a pink shirt and a purple skirt with a charm bracelet and purple hair.Then the last a tomboy with short white hair wearing tattered green shorts and a baggy light green shirt with a word that read "TOMBOY" in big bold letters.A boy wearing overalls and scartchs on his face came up to the boy with long brown hair.
"Hey Sam you have the reports right" the boy said in a inquisitive tone.
"We had a report"Sam said with his eyes miving side to side.
"Sam thats the third time you forgot the reports" the boy said while gritting his teeth.
"Well uhhhh gotta go" Sam said as his voice faded as he began to run.
The boy with scratchs on his face turned to the one in glasses.
"Let me guess you have the report don't you" the boy said with a bleek impression on his face.
"Don't I always"said Lenny with the same expression.
"Thanks,I keep telling Sam that I get a hold of it cause i'm magic and he believes me" the boy said while smiling big.
The boy with the red hair turned and talked.
"Well thats Sam for yah" said Chase in a non-spurised voice.
Chase began to run down the hallway before the bell wrang.The two girls turned to each other.The one with the purple hair began to talk while rolling her eyes.
"Can't we ever have a normal morning" said Eve.
The tomboy just looked and began to speak after a little silence.
"My life wouldn't be so fun without my morning doce of annoyance" said Marian in a boring tone.
The remaining three ran down the halls with the other boy following behind.They got to advisory and the day begun.

So what do yah think?
As LT said, with the character's names at the start of the Prolouge, it would've made things move a bit smoother. I editted in some names as examples to see what I mean. This way, people know who exactly looks like what and so on. ^___^

The Prolouge is written pretty well so far; I might siggest being more descriptive in the setting and other details. Even the most minuscle details count if you really bring it out. It adds a lot of color to your fic. ^_~

An overall great fic, good job. =3

~Kelsey
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..*) .*)
(. (.` ♥ Kelsey

Now officially moving to a new name, with Steve's OK, I shall now be known as Mori Seirei. ^.~