Unicorn

Started by Kelsey December 23rd, 2004 11:47 AM
  • 1743 views
  • 16 replies
Seen March 30th, 2005
Posted March 11th, 2005
1,912 posts
18.6 Years
All right, I know I've posted this poem before, but my thread for it has gone missing. << >> Soooo, here's my poem - Unicorn, once more for your enjoyment. ^_^

Unicorn


She flew through the forest, as though dancing on air
Bypassing all, without even a care.
Creatures stirred as she flew through their dreams,
Dancing and prancing, as though it would seem.

Her coat was whiter than sea-bottom pearls
Her thick, silver mane was engulfed in curls.
She made maidens cry, and grown men weep,
Any who saw her, never could sleep.

Some who have seen her, see only a mare
Other looks upon her with relative care.
She throws back her head and whinnies with pride,
She speeds past the onlookers with one long stride.

They say the Unicorn is extremely rare
Which, is why some see only a mare.
But I had seen her, I was there,
When she galloped past, without even a care.

~Kelsey
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..*) .*)
(. (.` ♥ Kelsey

Now officially moving to a new name, with Steve's OK, I shall now be known as Mori Seirei. ^.~
Seen March 30th, 2005
Posted March 11th, 2005
1,912 posts
18.6 Years
Thank you EFL. This poem is one of my favorites. As you can see, I adore writing poems about fantasy. I also love having poems that create a story or a picture in the readers' minds. ^_~

~Kelsey
*)
..*) .*)
(. (.` ♥ Kelsey

Now officially moving to a new name, with Steve's OK, I shall now be known as Mori Seirei. ^.~

Kyosuke

.·Simple Complexity

Age 34
Pickering, On
Seen August 8th, 2018
Posted May 17th, 2014
2,485 posts
19.7 Years
Nice poem Kelsey, it really shows off the beauty that the Unicorn is, and you described it in details. But it just seemed to me, that you tried to put a bit to much rhyming in every line, and that way its not as great as it should and could be coming from you.

None the less "nicely done" as I always say ^^'.
"Life isn't perfect, but sometimes you have to make the best of it."

After 7 years, Xbox Live is Still Amazing

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Seen March 30th, 2005
Posted March 11th, 2005
1,912 posts
18.6 Years
Thanks LT. ^_______^ Well, I do love to rhyme. For me, rarely am I not rhyming in my poetry. It's just my style. But, I still understand what you're saying, LT. I shall of course keep your advise in mind when writing more poems. ^_~

~Kelsey
*)
..*) .*)
(. (.` ♥ Kelsey

Now officially moving to a new name, with Steve's OK, I shall now be known as Mori Seirei. ^.~

Ryoutarou

Seen April 2nd, 2023
Posted December 29th, 2020
30,927 posts
19.3 Years
Nice one Kelsey^^; Though you didn’t have to put a rhyme in every line, it throws off the balance of it a bit and really messes with the timing. All of that aside I liked it, it showed how a Unicorn moves freely not caring about being rare or anything, that it was just a normal animal to itself, it didn’t think high or anything of itself.

You really descried how it moves really nicely. And the effects that it could have on a normal person that had seen it… The first two lines I liked the ebst for the whole "dream thing" Ya...I'm weird...really nice ^^;

Corrupt

i am not a noob that much

Age 32
California , USA
Seen October 15th, 2005
Posted October 15th, 2005
196 posts
18.7 Years
its great it reminds me of the nnight before christmas

"Courage is not the essece of fear ,courage is what you do in the preacence of fear."- Martin Larwance
"Now is the time to choose die and be free of pain or live and fight your sorrow your faith is in your hands"-Aroran
"we get down tonight to the guitar bite and for those about rock i saulte you"-ACDC
~paired with the kind Latias1408~
Seen March 30th, 2005
Posted March 11th, 2005
1,912 posts
18.6 Years
Awwws, thanks Blue! *runs while everyone gangs up on her for rhyming* Ack!! Everyone is trying to kill me! XD J/K But seriously, I can't help but rhyme. It makes my brain start working harder. XD Thanks for the comments Blue. ^_^

It does, Corrupt? oO Well, everyone has their own views of my poems. ^________^

~Kelsey
*)
..*) .*)
(. (.` ♥ Kelsey

Now officially moving to a new name, with Steve's OK, I shall now be known as Mori Seirei. ^.~