Her Threads..(My poem)

Started by lex January 1st, 2005 10:28 AM
  • 927 views
  • 12 replies
Age 33
You tell me!
Seen March 29th, 2010
Posted July 2nd, 2007
384 posts
19.2 Years
She meticulously wove the thread,
with her bold colors of brown and red,
the thread was becoming alive in her sort of way,
with the intricate pattern that she would lay,
every single strand contained emotion,
as her tears dropped with a swaying motion,
she was lonely, speachless, with only her threads,
and a torn picture that layed on her cold wooden bed,
of the faces she once knew and loved in her heart,
their bonded love was broken apart,
because of the cruel, lifless Nazi group,
who gave her a meager bowl of tasteless soup,
she layed down on the stiff bed,
and she leisurely layed down her head,
she closed her eyes in despair,
she gripped her threads helplessly,
whispering to herself "my life is unfair.",
she went into a deep sleep and her body stiffened and she lost the grip of her threads...


how do u like it?
it was an assignment ^^!

Kyosuke

.·Simple Complexity

Age 34
Pickering, On
Seen August 8th, 2018
Posted May 17th, 2014
2,485 posts
19.7 Years
That was great, from what I can tell from, its from the holocaust period of the nazis'? But if it is, it really captured the feeling of how life was like back then, and how unfair it was for the Jewish people.

Nicely done ^^.
"Life isn't perfect, but sometimes you have to make the best of it."

After 7 years, Xbox Live is Still Amazing

·!¦[·Latest pieces of Writing·]¦!·

Kyosuke

.·Simple Complexity

Age 34
Pickering, On
Seen August 8th, 2018
Posted May 17th, 2014
2,485 posts
19.7 Years
I would rate it a 9/10, it was very well written, but I think it could have been longer to get a 10 ^^'.
"Life isn't perfect, but sometimes you have to make the best of it."

After 7 years, Xbox Live is Still Amazing

·!¦[·Latest pieces of Writing·]¦!·
Age 33
You tell me!
Seen March 29th, 2010
Posted July 2nd, 2007
384 posts
19.2 Years
jeez thankz, I was'nt expecting such a high rating! I was expecting a 7 or 8! look at this one...


Shadows

My shadow is a replay of what I do,
they replay the actions as if they knew,

A shadow dose not lurk in darkness at all,
but once you step in light your shadow will fall,

A shadow is a misterious thing,
which goes along with you wandering,

It follows, it stalks, it's after you,
it shows yourself without giving a clue,

A shadow is suspicious, and suddle and dark,
It follows you along without leaving a mark,

I look at my shadow and it does what I do,
shadows act the same way to no matter with who...


How about that one?
Seen March 30th, 2005
Posted March 11th, 2005
1,912 posts
18.6 Years
Lex, that poem was so beautiful! It made me think of when the Nazis were taking over the Jews, and how horrible it must've been for them. It made me picture a young woman who had been mortally wounded both physically and spiritually; losing all that she loved...but her threads. ^_______^ I absolutely love it, I see no problems with this one. ^^

~Kelsey

EDIT:
Shadows

My shadow is a replay of what I do,
they replay the actions as if they knew,

A shadow dose not lurk in darkness at all,
but once you step in light your shadow will fall,

A shadow is a misterious thing,
which goes along with you wandering,

It follows, it stalks, it's after you,
it shows yourself without giving a clue,

A shadow is suspicious, and suddle and dark,
It follows you along without leaving a mark,

I look at my shadow and it does what I do,
shadows act the same way to no matter with who...
This one was pretty good. There were a few spelling errors:
dose=does
misterious=mysterious
suddle=subtle

Other than that, your poem seems fine. Keep up the good work lex. ^_~
*)
..*) .*)
(. (.` ♥ Kelsey

Now officially moving to a new name, with Steve's OK, I shall now be known as Mori Seirei. ^.~
Seen March 30th, 2005
Posted March 11th, 2005
1,912 posts
18.6 Years
^_____^ Sounds cool, there are double meanings for many words, but the one you used does fit very well too. ^_~ I think you're doing an awsome job with these poems, keep it up! ^o^

~Kelsey
*)
..*) .*)
(. (.` ♥ Kelsey

Now officially moving to a new name, with Steve's OK, I shall now be known as Mori Seirei. ^.~
Seen March 30th, 2005
Posted March 11th, 2005
1,912 posts
18.6 Years
No problem! I try my best at reviewing poems, so if you make any more, you can feel free to PM me about them and I'd be more than happy to check them out for you. ^o^

~Kelsey
*)
..*) .*)
(. (.` ♥ Kelsey

Now officially moving to a new name, with Steve's OK, I shall now be known as Mori Seirei. ^.~