How protective?

Started by Nick November 28th, 2011 2:31 PM
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  • 18 replies

Nick

Seen 4 Weeks Ago
Posted July 28th, 2021
17,572 posts
18.6 Years
Okay, first, this is an extreme vs extreme thread. You can only choose one and there is no middle ground. Both have perks, but both have mostly bad things that come with it. If you had to choose between being an overprotective strict parent for your hypothetical child (to the point where you're not letting them go out at all and if they come home a second late when they do, they're grounded for a month) or an under protective lax parent (to the point where they can be gone all day and you'd shrug it off), which would you choose and why?

Sydian

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Posted November 29th, 2021
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15.2 Years
I would rather be strict and caring than someone who could shrug off the fact they haven't seen their child all day. That just isn't right in my opinion.
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Shining Raichu

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Age 32
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Posted December 21st, 2017
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12.3 Years
I would be the most lax parent you ever saw, mostly out of apathy. They can go wander the neighbourhood with their friends, just like they did in the 60s before stranger danger was around and not come home until after dark and I'd be absolutely fine with that. Hey, it gets them out of my hair for the day!
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Age 29
Seen November 5th, 2017
Posted November 5th, 2017
3,499 posts
14.9 Years
underprotective definitely.
yes it's your child, but is is still THEIR life and they can do what they want to with it. It wouldn't be that I don't care, it would be that I'm willing to let them do what they want. If they get in trouble or are in need of advice, they know where I am.

Being someone brought up from a 100% overprotective parent, I know how damaging it can be. Yes letting them do whatever they want can lead them to an equally damaging route, but I think even if I was incredibly lax, I'd still be able to instil good values into them.


edit: now I think about it I think it depends on the child's gender. I'd be more inclined to be a bit more protective of a daughter than a son.

Sydian

fake your death.

Age 30
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Posted November 29th, 2021
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15.2 Years
underprotective definitely.
yes it's your child, but is is still THEIR life and they can do what they want to with it. It wouldn't be that I don't care, it would be that I'm willing to let them do what they want. If they get in trouble or are in need of advice, they know where I am.

Being someone brought up from a 100% overprotective parent, I know how damaging it can be. Yes letting them do whatever they want can lead them to an equally damaging route, but I think even if I was incredibly lax, I'd still be able to instil good values into them.


edit: now I think about it I think it depends on the child's gender. I'd be more inclined to be a bit more protective of a daughter than a son.
This in mind, age is also a factor here. If I have kids, I don't plan on being a strict parent, but in this thread where I'm only presented with being overly lax and overly strict, I'd choose the former. I can't imagine just letting the thing wander off. lol But we weren't really given a set age either, so the first thing that popped into my mind was a 2-4 year old.
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Melinda

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Seen September 17th, 2022
Posted November 27th, 2019
2,276 posts
14.4 Years
I would be strict. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't see my child for an entire day and not know where they are or if they are safe.
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Mr Cat Dog

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Age 32
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Posted July 12th, 2017
11,344 posts
19.1 Years
I think one of the best parenting decisions my parents made was to have a generally laissez-faire attitude towards being protective of me. They let me walk to school from a very early age; they didn't pry when I was spending a horrible amount of time on the internet; they let me be my own person, which I'm eternally grateful to them for letting me do so. Because of that, we have a really good relationship where I feel I can tell them stuff and vice versa. So, if I have to be either horrendously overprotective or underprotective, I'd go for the latter. (Obviously if this were the real world, a lot of other circumstances would have to be considered, but for this hypothetical, the decision was relatively straightforward.)
Probably under protective. My parents kind of are the two extremes as it is (although one has calmed down a lot since I've gotten older) so I know what it's like to deal with both and I of course always preferred the under protective parenting style over the overly protective one. I think I turned out pretty good so while there are flaws to being so under protective I think your child just has to have the right personality for it. Which I think I have soooooo hopefully they would just inherit that.

Plus I've always told myself that god forbid I become I parent I would at least be a parent who was completely open with their children and willing to talk about anything because the number one thing I can't stand about my own parents is how I can't talk to them about anything. So I would hope with that they would still make good decisions by knowing they can come to me whenever and that they don't have to hide anything.

Oryx

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Age 30
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Seen January 30th, 2015
Posted December 27th, 2014
13,184 posts
12.2 Years
Overprotective, easy decision. My mom was overprotective and I turned out fine. Not to mention, letting a kid at a really young age just wander around (the extreme of underprotective) is dangerous; at least with extreme overprotectiveness my kid wouldn't be dead by 5 from walking into traffic or something.


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Oryx

CoquettishCat

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Posted December 27th, 2014
13,184 posts
12.2 Years
I wasn't implying you did. I was taking this as a child of any age, since it didn't specify what age the child was, so I assumed the hypothetical was "you can only have one of these parenting styles for the entirety of the child's life". If I kept the completely underprotective approach through the entirety of a child's life, when my kid learns to walk and walks out the door to see what's going on, I wouldn't be chasing after them or watching them to make sure they're safe, which obviously is...less than ideal (unless you're Andy).

You may be taking the hypothetical differently than I am but my interpretation makes sense anyway. :x


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Age 31
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Seen June 16th, 2022
Posted June 14th, 2014
1,817 posts
14.2 Years
I already am overprotective by nature, so it's a no brainer for me, lol. My parents were pretty strict and over protective, and I feel I have turned out fine. I am a very "better safe than sorry" type person, so I would rather my child grow up safely than risk them getting hurt because I was too lax. :\

Yoshikko

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Seen April 27th, 2020
Posted February 6th, 2020
3,065 posts
11.8 Years
I'd be overprotective. I thought a little about what Vendak said about overprotectiveness being able to do a lot of damage but then being extremely lax (virtually careless) and just shrugging off things your child does, reminds me a little of emotional neglect tbh. Children tend to do bad things sometimes to get their parents attention if they feel like they aren't getting it as much as they need, and if I, being an underprotective parent, would ignore that, I think that would be ten times worse than being overprotective, because imo there is nothing worse than neglect. So overprotective it is.

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15.5 Years
Under protective. Call me deadbeat, but I've lived with overprotective parents. I'm constantly having shouting matches with them and I feel like my home is a prison, so I know from experience that I would not want to subject my own kids to something like that.

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