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Old October 22nd, 2011 (8:35 PM). Edited November 14th, 2011 by Neptune Vasilias.
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Neptune Vasilias Neptune Vasilias is offline
     
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    Quote:
    "Poetry are like diamonds forever etched in time."

    Introduction


    Hi all of the Poetry Corner~! It is I, Diamond1304, back with more poems and I promise I won't quit, hopefully. xD So, go ahead and gun me down with comments and criticism~!

    If you would like to see my old thread with older poems, here it is! XD

    Now enough with the chit-chat, let's get on with the poetry! That's what you came here for, didn't you? It's okay if you came just to see me.

    Poetry Index


    This is where all the poems will be linked.

    Guilt
    It is here. I imagine blood on my hands.
    I run...but I can't escape.
    It won't stop bothering me. It won't go.
    In every corner, in every shade of darkness,
    in every silhouette, it strives to catch me.
    No use hiding, it has infiltrated my mind.

    Sending waves of thoughts and scenes,
    it prods and nudges into the deep recess.
    It churns out what I've been concealing.
    Like a weedkiller, it strikes my conscience.
    As it eats away my soul, I am reminded
    of everything, including that night.
    I shuddered, trying to pick up
    the pieces of my sub-conscious.
    I put my hands up, yelling a surrender.
    Swiftly it washed over and I blacked out.

    I felt bonds on my wrists and chains around my mind.
    As I looked up to the person who placed them,
    guilt was staring back.
    Now in this small cell,
    guilt has finally let me free.
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      #2    
    Old October 27th, 2011 (5:38 AM).
    Neptune Vasilias's Avatar
    Neptune Vasilias Neptune Vasilias is offline
       
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      Didn't it could be so quiet here... xD
      Anyway, here goes another update~

      Roar of Time
      I heard the roar of time,
      So majestic and sublime.
      Its humming echoes rang far and wide,
      And somewhere there was a landslide.

      I heard the roar of time,
      Beautiful like a bell's chime.
      I watched the earth's grime,
      Transform into clean rime.

      It was filled with rapture,
      As it held space in its capture.
      Waves of purifying energy,
      Pitched with a dazzling melody.

      It rid the land of sin and cleansed it,
      With magic and calmness so sweet.
      As the roar died down like a falling meteor,
      It left everyone with pure joy and utter awe.
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        #3    
      Old October 31st, 2011 (6:44 PM).
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      The Author The Author is offline
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        The poem's lovely! I like it!
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          #4    
        Old November 3rd, 2011 (7:07 PM).
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        Neptune Vasilias Neptune Vasilias is offline
           
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          Quote:
          Originally Posted by The Author View Post
          The poem's lovely! I like it!
          Thank you, also for being the first person to comment! xD

          Updating in a moment....


          Fatal Rhyme
          A man had for breakfast, fruits and rye.
          He did not know he was soon to die.

          An old lady was baking an apple pie.
          Her stabbed body was found, God knows why.

          A woman went to the barber to have a perm-and-dye,
          Then she was found shot because of a blackmailing lie.

          If you have an interest for rhyme,
          You'll see how murder is so sublime.
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            #5    
          Old November 13th, 2011 (4:25 AM).
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          Kitty Kitty is offline
          trick or treat
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          I'll go on ahead and be the second person to comment...

          Those poems are lovely master!! :>

          Tho it didn't have those syllables thing that you said, lol. :3 My favorite's the Roar of Time one. c:
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            #6    
          Old November 14th, 2011 (7:07 PM).
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          Neptune Vasilias Neptune Vasilias is offline
             
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            Oh wow, another person commented! xD

            Though there's not much activity lately, I'll just post another poem anyways. :3


            Coin
            My origins are a blur.
            I can't remember my creator.
            All I recalled was the pressure
            of being marked by my maker.

            Life became a whirl,
            as I moved from place to place.
            I met too many people to recognize,
            for my double-sided face.

            As I spin around to and fro,
            so does the world.
            I'm the mortar of people's lives,
            I'm also the cause of war and strife.

            Soon I landed with a lucky one, or so I thought.
            Imprison in the belly of a monster, left to stagnate.
            But hope wasn't lost.
            My captive released me back to the world I knew.
            I relived my earlier thrills and sate my adrenaline.
            However all good things come to an end.

            An unexpected fall and I found myself in a strange place.
            A world as boring as its mechanisms.
            Sounds of falling bombs never seen.
            Others like me, their bodies stale with time's rust.
            So here I lie waiting. For time's doom,
            or a key that would set me free.


            Poetry Notes:
            Spoiler:
            Basically, it's the life of a coin. The first three verses should be obvious enough(creation, usage, importance). The fourth verse tells about the time when the coin falls into the hands of a child, and then into the belly of a piggy bank! xD After that life goes on and the coin is back in the world. However someone puts him into a vending machine. "Sounds of falling bombs never seen" imply of those food packets falling down from their compartments each time someone uses the machine. He's with other coins who've been there longer than him. The End. x3
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              #7    
            Old December 8th, 2011 (5:44 PM).
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            Squirrel Squirrel is offline
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            Quote:
            Originally Posted by Diamond1304 View Post

            Roar of Time
            Spoiler:
            I heard the roar of time,
            So majestic and sublime.
            Its humming echoes rang far and wide,
            And somewhere there was a landslide.

            I heard the roar of time,
            Beautiful like a bell's chime.
            I watched the earth's grime,
            Transform into clean rime.

            It was filled with rapture,
            As it held space in its capture.
            Waves of purifying energy,
            Pitched with a dazzling melody.

            It rid the land of sin and cleansed it,
            With magic and calmness so sweet.
            As the roar died down like a falling meteor,
            It left everyone with pure joy and utter awe.
            Wow... This gave me chills! I love the use of rhyming here, I usually find it to be a distraction from the point of the poem due to pointless rhyming filler words at the end of a line, but the way you've used it was incredibly affective here! I think some extra punctuation cold be useful in here though to add a few more pauses for drama/effect. For example in the last line, I would recommend adding a comma here: "It left everyone with pure joy, and utter awe." to make the final line of the poem seem that much more important and dramatic. The constant contrast you've used here between beauty ("beautiful like a bell's chime") and destruction ("It was filled with rapture,") is a spectacular device and has been extremely well implemented to demonstrate your point. My favourite line (for the above reason) is "Waves of purifying energy,", demonstrating the huge power to destroy laying dormant within the depths of time itself. And yet time is also hugely capable of such purity and creation... Gah, I've got chills! Can't wait to see more of your work!
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              #8    
            Old December 14th, 2011 (6:29 AM).
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            Neptune Vasilias Neptune Vasilias is offline
               
              Join Date: Dec 2010
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              Storm

              Across the azure meadows,
              Flocks of sheep gather to graze.
              Here in the ethereal sunlit fields,
              Comes an unpredictable phase.


              The grey sheepdog approaches with
              Sharp yaps and commanding barks.
              The sheep's wool turned into stormy gray
              As their bodies produced lightning sparks.


              The dog ran around the flock,
              Directing and herding the sheep.
              Beads of their sweat poured down like rain,
              Below them, the ground was soaked deep.

              Cliche title is cliche. I couldn't think of a better name... Anyways, critique please? :3
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