Well, here's Chapter 2. I don't think it's as funny as Chap 1, but I still think it's a good parody of n00b fics. As always, normal font is the main storyline, (text in brackets is the picky reviewers comments) and text in italics is the Pokemon speaking. Enjoy, or cringe, or do something. XD
Chapter 2: Wot reely hapens in Pokmon batels
Ashton Kucher Prometheus Chromosome Ketchup Waterlily (Here we go again) wass on his way too Petalburg City and he was just about to enter the city wen he saw a littel boy of brown hair, five foooot six inches, with an Abra, Nidoran Femail, Kanghaskhanahas baby, Mario, Mewtwo and Weedle woo was sittin by the road crying on a rock, he also lived with two parents who wurked as bank mangers in Petalburg City and his ageing old grandmother who had a Persian cat and once fort in the great was of 1976. (o_O That must have been the longest sentence ever)
He was also a Pisces. (And that must have been the shortest paragraph)
Hi, whats your name?
Hi, my names Tim.
Lets be friends.
OK.
More conversation spam (I didnt even put that in the author did.)
Im going to Petalburg City to challenge the Gym Leader and become the bestest bestest bestest Pokmon League Champion EVER! And I have to beat my super-mega-ultra-supreme-arch-nemething SPENCER! How about you? (Thanks for telling us your life story)
I want to be the worlds bestest bestest Pokmon breeder like all the other characters that follow the bratty hero around in crappy fanfictions like these. (He must read a lot)
OMGROFLXDXDXDWTF133713371337133713371337LMAOLAMOMEXICANHULADANCELETSDOTHATAGAIN!!!:P:P:P (Now that really is conversation spam.)
ROFLROFLROFLWHOSYOURFAVOURITEMEMBEROUTOFDESTINYSCHILD133713371337XDXDXD:P^_^RANDOMSMILEYSLOLLOL!!! (o.o *cough*)
Do you wanna grab a pizza or a drink or something to fill up parts of this chapter? (We dont even know whos talking. This is lunacy!)
OK. Said Ashton Kucher Prometheus Chromosome Ketchup Waterlily (Thanks I suppose)
-Pointless brake within paragraffs to indikate pizza eatin moshuns-
After Tim and Ashton Kucher Prometheus Chromosome Ketchup Waterlily had eaten their pizza and drunk their drink, they decided to walk all the 547 steps to the Petalburg Gym. They entered the Petalburg City Gym and saw the Petalburg City Gym Leader Norman (Who is a ball of nothingness thanks to the author that expects us all to have played the games or watched episodes of the cartoon that havent been broadcast outside of Japan.)
Norman, I wanna challenge you and become the bestest bestest EVER person to have beaten you EVER! I know you have a Vigoroth and two Slakings of which the second one will like to use Focus Punch a lot but I know how to beat you so can I have a battle for the Plain Badge? (He must have played RSE)
OK son, (SON? What kind of sick Gym Leader is he? Ash Ketchup and Misty Waterlily wait, the author cant even write Ketchup or Waterflower. Woe oh woe is me) I know youve just started your journey, but you arent strong enough to fight me yet. Come back to me after youve grown stronger. OK? (o_O He too must worship his copy of Ruby)
OK, Dad, (WTF? Oh god now Im sounding like this crappy author. AAAAGH!) Ill go off and fight a further four Gym Leaders in cities that follow the Pokmon games exactly.
Good boy, son. (My heads about to explode)
Ashton Kucher Prometheus Chromosome Ketchup Waterlily and Tim lefft the Petalburg Gym and heded for the nex root where they saw a Charizard asleep on the grass. (Oh my god description! Completely vague but its there.)
Great Here comes some n00b trainer thats probably going to catch me because the author cant be bothered or doesnt know how to write a half-decent battle sequence My life is over, The Charizard sighed nervously. (It took the words right out of my mouth.)
Tim: Wow! Its a Charizard (Oh god now theyre in script!)
Ashton Kucher Prometheus Chromosome Ketchup Waterlily: Im going to catch it so easily because Im the bestest bestest Pokemon trainer EVER, and I can catch everything and anything! (But you cant get your head out of the door for some reason. I wonder why?)
Ashton Kucher Prometheus Chromosome Ketchup Waterlily: Mew, I choose YOU!
Mew: (thinking) Oh god, do I have to be in script as well?
Ashton Kucher Prometheus Chromosome Ketchup Waterlily: Mew! Use Uber-Attack-That-Brings-All-Pokemon-Down-To-1HP!
Mew: (thinking)I refuse to be part of this madness. At least stop writing my parts in script!!! (You go girl!)
Charizard: And while youre at it, can you skip the script parts for me as well?
Im so sorry about this AND THATS BETTER! Mew whispered, then shouted telepathically to Charizard.
Dont worry, I once was in this fic where the n00b trainer tried to physically wrestle me to try and catch me. How about you? Charizard whispered.
I got given to this one my a Professor called <Insert Random Tree Here>. That bad enough?
Ouch. You win. What do you want me to do? Charizard whispered to the feline.
Well, Im supposed to attack you with this super-hyper-mega crap. Basically, Im going to Flash you, you fall down dead, and King Loser over there will throw a Pokball and catch you. Does that sound OK? Mew asked, whilst the obviously oblivious Ashton (At least these segments of the story dont go to great lengths to write out King Losers real name) and less-than-oblivious Tim looked on in this conversation between the two Pokemon.
Mew used Uber-Attack-That-Brings-All-Pokemon-Down-To-1HP. Charizard nearly fainted! (Sure he did) Mew gained infinity experience points. Mew grew to Level 2.5 (How could Mew even gain experience points when Charizard didnt even faint? Why am I even asking these questions anymore? Im talking to a brick wall.)
Pokball GO! Ashton Kucher Prometheus Chromosome Ketchup Waterlily shouted as he through the Pokball at the Charizard. 123 Charizard was caught!
Yay! I caught a Charizard!!!!! Ashton Kucher Prometheus Chromosome Ketchup Waterlily said. (And were back to said. Well, Im not getting my hopes up or anything.)
Ashton Kucher Prometheus Chromosome Ketchup Waterlily nad Tim warked a cupple of meters when suddenly Jessie and James rom Team Roket jumped down from the skie. (Oh Lord And just when I thought it couldnt get any worse. The authors probably going to go to great lengths in his or her vast ten-year-old-mind to write out the whole theme tune. Just brilliant.)
Jessie: Prepare for trouble (And weve gone back into script *sigh*)
James: And make it double
Jessie: To protect the world from devastation
James: To unite all peoples within our nation
Jessie: To denounce the evils of truth and love
James: To extend our reach to the stars above
Jessie: Jessie
James: James
Jessie: Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light
James: Surrender now, or prepare to fight
Meowth: Meowth, thats right (Thank God thats over)
A ha ha ha ha ha, weve come to steal your Pikachu and show it to our boss, Jessie said. (What the first it steals the game storyline, now it steals the anim? This is sinking deeper and deeper, although I wouldnt expect anything less of this chapter so far)
Go Arbok! Jessie said.
Go Weezing! James said. (Wouldnt they send out Seviper and Cacnea if this was in Hoenn? Why do I even bother?)
Go Charizard and Groudon! Ashton Kucher Prometheus Chromosome Ketchup Waterlily said.
Oh god, were out again Arbok sighed wearily as she saw her two opponents, Hey, youre not Pikachu!
No youre not, Weezing coughed out, bellowing lots of fumes whilst he was at it.
Of course not, Charizard shouted angrily, Do we look yellow, furry, and full of crap?
No, but its just in all the other fics weve been in, Arbok sighed again,
All we do is fight Pikachu over and over and over. We kind of expect it now, thats all.
It just becomes so repetitive, Weezing muttered, still bellowing out toxic fumes, Its the same routine every time. We come out, Pikachu gives us an electric shock and we get sent flying to who knows where. No matter who the author is, it happens in every chapter were in.
Ouch. You should see a therapist or something, Groudon said anxiously, You could have some sort of nervous breakdown if you keep carrying on like this.
Were both seeing a Hypno psychiatrist, Weezing muttered to the two Pokmon, She says well both be suffering from schizophrenia in two years time.
You poor things, Groudon said sympathetically, But I think wed better get back to battling. Our owners are wanting us to fight to the death or something sad and stupid.
Just make us both faint. Its the only way we can receive our medication, Arbok sighed wearily again.
Well make it quick and easy, Charizard smiled, Its been nice meeting you guys anyways.
Yeah, have a nice time in therapy, Groudon smiled as well.
Charizard, Groudon, Use Super-Mega-Ultra-Uber-Attack-of-Death! (And were back to whatever twisted reality this fic calls home.
Mew and Groudon used Super-Mega-Ultra-Uber-Attack-of-Death! Arbok and Weezing fainted. Mew gained infinity plus 1 experience point. Mew grew to Level Pi. Groudon gained 1 experience point. Groudon grew to Level 9999999.
Team Rockets blasting off again! Team Rocket yelled as they blasted of into the sunset. (Clichd beyond extremes)
And once again, the day is saved, thanks to CHARIZARD AND GROUDON!!! (o_O Thats not even Pokmon related. But who cares, the chapters over anyways)