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  #676    
Old November 9th, 2012 (10:03 AM).
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PkMnTrainer Yellow PkMnTrainer Yellow is offline
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Guys. I'll be heading out to the mountains like... extremely soon. That being said I'll be lucky to get any internet time and not even phone internet is guaranteed. When I do have phone time, I want to be able to focus on writign an actual post. So. TornZero will have to manage the acceptance of SUs for the time being. I'll be back sometime sunday afternoon'ish.
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  #677    
Old November 9th, 2012 (10:46 AM). Edited November 10th, 2012 by TornZero.
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TornZero TornZero is offline
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    First of all, thanks for coming to the OOC, hotmic. Second, while I do love a good Absol, the SU really needs some fixing up. While the criteria is listed, it doesn't even follow the sign-up template presented; it's missing a lot of necessities, too, and it's much too short. The history also has some major problems, which I'll touch on near the end.

    The appearance and personality are both extremely bare. There's no de-fused form (which he needs, since he's still human), and is he a nudist? You didn't describe any clothes, or even glaringly obvious features like hair color. The fusion also needs to be toned down some, as they have to be more human than Pokémon, roughly 70/30 at most — being able to climb like an Absol and have its claws is fine, but his arms shouldn't turn into an Absol's front legs. Also, how is his chest "similar"? An Absol's chest is covered in fur, and that still goes to the 70/30 issue.

    Some RPs may also accept a three-word description of someone's personality, but not Fallout, sadly. You need to give us an actual feel for your character's attitude and why he does what he does. This section needs the most expansion, really.

    Now, the history is the biggest issue, as Pokémon spirits don't travel the region without a wielder and many things need much better explaining. Pokémon spirits are pretty much Arceus-bound to the giant rock that popped up in Mount Coronet until a kid comes by, and even then another spirit can still get the kid first. Where was the old diary? It'd be nice to have the location, since even Howl likely has little idea where he's going at all. Why was he ambushed? and are they just ridiculously random ruffian adults, or was it an overly elaborate setup by the old man in the Underground with no rhyme or reason? The environment isn't exactly harsh, either — the buildings are kind of just in disrepair while various kinds of plantlife have overgrown in some areas, and reliable food supplies aren't easy to find. Some people resort to cannibalism to stay fit, and others to diminishing foraging attempts and semi-profitable thievery.

    Lastly, the opening post, while it does meet the 100 word minimum rule, is also too short to really accept. You're given a lot of free reign with what your character does in the opening post, and having only dialogue means there's hardly any content, which is one of the more important things a sign-up is judged on. If the opening post is awesome, the sign-up can be fairly short as long as it has the required information.

    Please take a look at some of the other sign-ups to see what you're missing, and some of the things you can work on; and don't hesitate to ask for help with verification and the like. (That's one of the things a GM is for.)
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      #678    
    Old November 9th, 2012 (4:40 PM).
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    hotmic hotmic is offline
    Winged Diglett
       
      Join Date: Dec 2008
      Posts: 2
      Name: Howl Jenkins

      Nickname (Optional):

      Age (10-13): About 12 and a half (doesn't know as he isn't keeping track of the date)

      Sex (Male or Female):Male

      Appearance (A picture can be provided instead of a description if you so wish.): Minimum of 3 lines if no picture is provided.
      i*imgur*com/GL8gg*png (stars are dots)

      Personality (How does your character act and react to others? Their mental state? Flaws and/or personal weaknesses?): Howl has a hard time warming up to people and is very anti social, he will travel with a group but only if he can not do otherwise. Howl prefers to run rather than fight but if need be he would kill anyone to save another. Howl is feeling guilty about what happened to his brother and feels that it is his fault, he has emotional breakdowns where he can become unpredictable and a danger to himself and whoever happens to be close to him at the time.

      History (Where did your character grow up? Who did they grow up with? What have the been doing before this? Any noteworthy events?):
      Howl and his younger brother Koji where regular children just trying to survive . They didn't Know there parents as they where abandoned at the age of 7 (koji was 5). Being the responsible brother Howl looked after Koji best he could but it wasn't enough and Howl looked for jobs in the underground. This is where the story picks up, A shady man sends them on an errand for him to go a retrieve an old diary kept by a scientist that worked with Pokemon in Twinleaf Town, Apparently for a 'Project' of his. Howl asked about the project but was scolded for being nosey. when they had arrived at the building Howl and Koji did some searching and had found many documents that talked about 'trainers' and Pokemon running around in the wild. at last Howl and Koji had found the book and where about to leave Howl looked at the book and the title was 'the pokedex' in writing it stated that this book was to be kept in case of glitches in the pokedex system. They walked out the building and found the man waiting at the entrance with 2 other men, they all had a weapon of some kind and koji was beaten to death and the man ran away with the book.
      Howl was carried to the base of Mt coronet by some strangers and was linked with Pokespirit in the attempt to save his life.

      Pokespirit (No legendaries. Alternate color schemes are allowed.)
      Species:
      Absol

      Nickname (Optional):

      Personality (Can be as short or long as you want): He is serious about everything but he is a reliable ally and will never back down from a fight

      Moves (Maximum of 6. TM and egg moves are allowed. These are the moves your character gets when they fuse):
      Psycho Cut
      Quick Attack
      Perish Song
      Shadow Ball
      Secret Power
      Magic Coat

      Other (Optional): He also has future sight that he can use kinda like a spider sense.

      Opening Post (This will be what we use to determine whether your writing skills are good enough. If accepted, you may feel free to copy paste your post here into the IC thread.):

      I wake with a aching pain in my head, what had happened? I open my eyes only to find an Absol staring at me. I can't here anything except the humming of silence, I try to stand but find it to be painful so I decide to sit instead. I feel heavy and am hurting all over but my head is the worst.

      "You will be fine, I am your Pokemon Spirit. You where found by some passers by, they heard the commotion and bought you here. You and your brother were passed out... are you ok?" The Absol was alarmed.

      Pokespirit? I don't understand? Why me? Where's my brother, I should probably find out before I go insane with so many questions

      "Yes my brother, Have you seen him he was injured!?" I demanded, knowing it was I who had gotten us into this situation.


      "when you were found he had passed on, they did the best they could but it was to late for him. the only way to save you was to link my spirit with yours."

      "I cant accept the death of my brother, it must not be true!"

      The Absol was staring into my eyes as if to be trying to understand what happened, heck not even i know what happened all I can remember is a book.... I cant remember. I cant think straight because of the pain, im not going to be able to do anything in this condition.

      "The pain in my head is to much!"

      "I know you have many questions but they will be answered in good time, for now sleep for a little while."

      I wake again, as I slept Absol came to me and allowed me to reflect on my situation. I now know that I must go and find out what had happened, I knew it was my fault but what I did was unknown. For now I'm going to start my travel to Eterna City. There I might find information on what had Happened.
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        #679    
      Old November 13th, 2012 (4:36 PM).
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      Khawill Khawill is offline
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      D-did you just eat Wolfofeve!? I mean, but, and then the, nom nom?
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        #680    
      Old November 13th, 2012 (5:02 PM). Edited November 13th, 2012 by TornZero.
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      TornZero TornZero is offline
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        Yes, Lucy just outright ate Amethyst. That's one of the totally awesome things about her. Moving on!

        Alright, hotmic, the History is still just a huge hole. Sending the kids after a book just to follow and murder them? Please change the story to something else. I believe it'll take much more work to try and get this to make sense (which very possibly won't happen as it is now) than it will making something else up entirely. Also, they were old enough to know their parents — how did a 7 year old not remember his own mother, who raised him? That, almost biologically even, sounds impossible to believe. Maybe Kovu wouldn't remember. Maybe. Why were they abandoned in the first place? Lastly, who was Howl carried by, and why? What was the point of doing this? His Pokéspirit sure couldn't have done it, and there's no mention of that person anywhere else, even in the opening post.

        Also, the personality's completely changed from "Courageous, Kind, Regretful", and almost contradicts itself at one point. First, he's more willing to run than fight — this implies pacifism or fighting only in defense, but he's totally fine with killing someone for someone else's survival? And are his emotional breakdowns totally random, or do they have some kind of trigger? Why does it make him dangerous? Is it an angry breakdown, or does he just throw people away trying to get to a corner so he can sulk?

        Finally, the formatting on your Opening Post. Honestly, I can't even make much of an actual comment before asking this: Why? Why is all the speech underlined? Why is everything else bolded? Why does it look pretty much the exact same as the first attempt? It still looks too short content-wise, and I have to suggest you get someone to help you proofread. I'm sure plenty of people will be willing to help you with that.
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          #681    
        Old November 14th, 2012 (8:06 AM).
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        Satan.EXE Satan.EXE is offline
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          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Khawill View Post
          D-did you just eat Wolfofeve!? I mean, but, and then the, nom nom?
          If by "you", you meant Marin's character, Lucy, and by "WolfOfEve", you meant my character, Amethyst, then yes. That totally happened.
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            #682    
          Old November 14th, 2012 (12:20 PM).
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          TornZero TornZero is offline
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            Quote:
            Originally Posted by WolfOfEve View Post
            If by "you", you meant Marin's character, Lucy, and by "WolfOfEve", you meant my character, Amethyst, then yes. That totally happened.
            Not to mention she did it with an ultra-badass, yet relaxing, "Relax..." Can't help but respect that she wants Amethyst to feel good about being eaten alive.
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              #683    
            Old November 14th, 2012 (12:47 PM).
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            PkMnTrainer Yellow PkMnTrainer Yellow is offline
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            Quote:
            Originally Posted by Khawill View Post
            D-did you just eat Wolfofeve!? I mean, but, and then the, nom nom?
            Hahaha... Yes I did~ ;3 I don't know if you somehow managed to avoid being aware, but Lucy has a somewhat large mouth on her stomach. (Because I'm so original.) In all seriousness though, that's a result of her gulpin pokespirit fusion. (Note: Her mouth stomach does not much resemble the one I just linked, which has things like teeth a tongue and eyes. Lucy's is a bit more subtle, resembling a Gulpin's mouth in every way save color.) She also ate Machomuu's character Creed once after he made the mistake of startling her enough to make her think she was being attacked, and doesn't exactly have any big qualms doing this. It should've been visible the entire time your character(s) were near her, as her shirt is torn to the point it doesn't cover the stomach-mouth like it normally does.

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by TornZero View Post
            Not to mention she did it with an ultra-badass, yet relaxing, "Relax..." Can't help but respect that she wants Amethyst to feel good about being eaten alive.
            LOL. I'm actually waiting to see if anyone else caught the reference I slipped into her dialogue in that post.
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              #684    
            Old November 14th, 2012 (12:57 PM). Edited November 14th, 2012 by Khawill.
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            Khawill Khawill is offline
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            So like that means Wolf isn't going to be digested? If so then I'm not going near your character for fear of being swallowed whole
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              #685    
            Old November 14th, 2012 (1:10 PM).
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            TornZero TornZero is offline
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              Quote:
              Originally Posted by Khawill View Post
              So like that means Amethyst isn't going to be digested? If so then I'm not going near your character for fear of being swallowed whole
              Fix'd.

              Anyways, yes, that's what's happening.
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                #686    
              Old November 14th, 2012 (1:43 PM).
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              Khawill Khawill is offline
              Swaggins
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              I'm a terrible speller, and the character's name is a killer to say aloud. Wolf is so much easier to say.

              Well I'm relieved he isn't going to die, it would be so
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                #687    
              Old November 14th, 2012 (2:04 PM).
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              PkMnTrainer Yellow PkMnTrainer Yellow is offline
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              Quote:
              Originally Posted by Khawill View Post
              If so then I'm not going near your character for fear of being swallowed whole
              I don't think it's appropriate to use OOC knowledge of someone's character in that fashion. I'd be more put off, but unless we joint posted you'd probably never wait long enough for me to post anyway. :U But yeah, if you read the context of the post it's sort of implied she isn't trying to kill Amethyst via lack of anything suggesting she is.
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                #688    
              Old November 14th, 2012 (3:42 PM).
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              Satan.EXE Satan.EXE is offline
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                Seriously. I am not my characters. My characters are not me. MY CHARACTERS ARE NOT ME AND I AM NOT MY CHARACTERS

                Actually... Hehehe...
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                  #689    
                Old November 14th, 2012 (3:47 PM).
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                TornZero TornZero is offline
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                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by Khawill View Post
                  I'm a terrible speller, and the character's name is a killer to say aloud. Amethyst is not difficult to say.

                  Well I'm relieved she isn't going to die, it would be so
                  I'm just going to keep fixing it until you start separating Zerin from his characters. Zerin is not his characters, and only one of his characters is him.
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                    #690    
                  Old November 14th, 2012 (5:24 PM).
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                  machomuu machomuu is offline
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                  If I remember correctly, Mako felt the inside of...uh...

                  Mako thought Lucy's insides were quite...

                  ...her stomach was comfortable. Of course he was depressed at the time. And disoriented. And confused. And he was curled up.

                  ...I'm sure Amethyst would love it there.
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                    #691    
                  Old November 14th, 2012 (10:14 PM).
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                  PkMnTrainer Yellow PkMnTrainer Yellow is offline
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                  @Machomuu: He says that now, but then some random tie-dye ratatta pokespirit wielder falcon punches her in the stomach and suddenly he'll wants out! Regardless, I admit to having found that reaction cute, if not just a bit unexpected. I can't help but wonder if his time in there had an effect on his depression. Remind me to follow up on that incident sometime.

                  I'm actually going to be joint posting a bit with WolfOfEve, since he can't think up enough for a post in Amethyst's current 'situation'~ Gotta do some thinking, bring Hailey and Arcea more attention. Maybe joint post with TornZero a bit to make that happen.
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                    #692    
                  Old November 16th, 2012 (12:22 PM).
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                  Hovde Hovde is offline
                     
                    Join Date: Jul 2012
                    Location: Arlington WA
                    Age: 21
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                    Nature: Quiet
                    Posts: 53
                    sorry i stopped posting, but my computer crapped out on me, and i cant afford a new one. i can only post today because i hacked past my schools webfilter. sorry again, and i will be back when i get a new computer.
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                      #693    
                    Old November 17th, 2012 (12:57 PM).
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                    dcjboi dcjboi is offline
                    With Quiet Courage
                       
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                      Location: In between Heaven and Earth
                      Nature: Timid
                      Posts: 420
                      Sadly my most latest post was lost when I took so long to look it over in the preview that I logged out. I condensed it in the IC but I'll just edit the details in later if it's okay Yellow.
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                        #694    
                      Old November 17th, 2012 (1:03 PM). Edited November 17th, 2012 by PkMnTrainer Yellow.
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                      PkMnTrainer Yellow PkMnTrainer Yellow is offline
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                      @dcjboi: Sure... I know that feeling. Two simple habbits to prevent it from happening again are to hit quote instead of reply (For some reason this drastically increases the time it takes to get a "LOL TOKEN HAS EXPIRED GO REWRITE YOUR POST FOR NO REASON" error) and Copy your post before you hit submit. That way even if you do get an error you can just paste it back.

                      Alternatively, write your post in notepad or word and don't even bother hitting reply until it's done.
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                        #695    
                      Old November 19th, 2012 (6:26 PM).
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                      Darklugia55 Darklugia55 is offline
                         
                        Join Date: Sep 2012
                        Gender: Male
                        Posts: 3
                        Name: Desmond

                        Nickname (Optional): Ezio

                        Age (10-13): 13

                        Sex (Male or Female): Male

                        Appearance: Dark, Short Hair. Average weight and tall
                        Personality (How does your character act and react to others? Their mental state? Flaws and/or personal weaknesses?): Intelligent, quick to think, fights for justice. Wants to know more of his past. Desires Justice and Freedom.

                        History (Where did your character grow up? Who did they grow up with? What have the been doing before this? Any noteworthy events?): Grew up in the house with his Father, was an criminal before.

                        Pokéspirit (No legendaries. Alternate color schemes are allowed.)
                        Species: Zoroark, Gengar, Sycther

                        Nickname (Optional): Connor

                        Personality (Can be as short or long as you want): only one thing on his mind, justice.

                        Moves (Maximum of 6. TM and egg moves are allowed. These are the moves your character gets when they fuse): Hyperbeam, Roar, Fly, Dig, Surf, Dragon Rage

                        Other (Optional): Speed, Accuracy, Attack

                        Opening Post (This will be what we use to determine whether your writing skills are good enough. If accepted, you may feel free to copy paste your post here into the IC thread.): In the beginning, Pokemon could not stop themselves from their battling nature. Some Pokemon fought to the death. Some Pokemon fought for Glory, some for Honor. But with the Pokemon battling, there needed to be order. The first Trainer, Samuel Oak, took the challenge and fought in every battle the Pokemon had to strengthen himself. When the time was right, he was able to stop the Pokemon from their endless battling, and made peace between Pokemon and humans. And that peace has been kept, until now..........


                        Normal Human
                        Name:Red, Green, Blue, Yellow, Gold, Silver, Crystal

                        Nickname (Optional):Ash, Gary.........

                        Age (Any age): 20

                        Sex (Male or Female):Male

                        Appearance (A picture can be provided instead of a description if you so wish.): Dark, Long hair, Tall and average weight

                        Personality (How does your character act and react to others? Their mental state? Flaws and/or personal weaknesses?): does not like being called by their name in Anime shows

                        History (Where did your character grow up? Who did they grow up with? What have the been doing before this? Any noteworthy events?): Became the greatest Trainer, fought best friend.

                        Opening Post (This will be what we use to determine whether your writing skills are good enough. If accepted, you may feel free to copy paste your post here into the IC thread.): Sometimes when the night falls, you could almost see the dead Pokemon rise from the ground to seek revenge.
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                          #696    
                        Old November 19th, 2012 (6:50 PM).
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                        TornZero TornZero is offline
                        Resident Yuri-ism Cult Leader
                           
                          Join Date: Apr 2010
                          Location: In your pantry, eatin' your delicious cake.
                          Age: 24
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                          Quote:
                          Originally Posted by Darklugia55 View Post
                          Name: Desmond

                          Nickname (Optional): Ezio

                          Age (10-13): 13

                          Sex (Male or Female): Male

                          Appearance: Dark, Short Hair. Average weight and tall
                          Personality (How does your character act and react to others? Their mental state? Flaws and/or personal weaknesses?): Intelligent, quick to think, fights for justice. Wants to know more of his past. Desires Justice and Freedom.
                          I–is this sign-up even serious in any sense of the word? It's like you just grabbed the character sheet and typed pretty much whatever you felt like. It's extremely obvious you didn't read the first post at all. There are so many missing things it's not funny, like a horrid lack of appearance and personality; the history is literally a sentence with no content whatsoever; the Pokéspirit and Other sections make no sense; the opening post isn't even remotely related to Fallout or the character. On top of it, the second sheet looks like you deliberately made it to be laughably awful. I can't even comment on anything in it.

                          I'm sorry, but unless you actually pay any attention at all to the plot and correct your SU accordingly — as well as completely remove the second sign-up, because that's an absolute joke — it can't be accepted in the least.
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                            #697    
                          Old November 19th, 2012 (7:05 PM).
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                          IceFyr1928 IceFyr1928 is offline
                          Is now DeathofShadows
                             
                            Join Date: Aug 2012
                            Location: Upper Canterlot, Equestria
                            Gender: Male
                            Nature: Calm
                            Posts: 758
                            *facepalm* sorry about my bro. His first experience with an SU. I'm helping him. Will be improved by Sun. at the latest.
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                              #698    
                            Old November 19th, 2012 (7:10 PM).
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                            OrangeNess OrangeNess is offline
                            Layton Lover
                               
                              Join Date: Oct 2012
                              Location: Somewhere...
                              Gender: Male
                              Nature: Docile
                              Posts: 204
                              I'm back from my brainstorming of an amazing SU and I came up with an amazing idea! I'll tell you this much:
                              1. It's a girl.
                              2. It's a Butterfree.
                              That's all I'm saying! I'll get it done soon!
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                                #699    
                              Old November 19th, 2012 (7:16 PM).
                              TornZero's Avatar
                              TornZero TornZero is offline
                              Resident Yuri-ism Cult Leader
                                 
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                                Quote:
                                Originally Posted by IceFyr1928 View Post
                                *facepalm* sorry about my bro. His first experience with an SU. I'm helping him. Will be improved by Sun. at the latest.
                                Thanks for bringing it up; please do whatever you can to help him. While my statement obviously still stands in pretty much everything but the first sentence, as his first attempt it would have been much better to have looked at other sign-ups before making his own.



                                @OrangeNess, knock yourself out.
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                                Old November 20th, 2012 (7:53 AM).
                                Satan.EXE's Avatar
                                Satan.EXE Satan.EXE is offline
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                                  Join Date: Dec 2011
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                                  I love how he was trying to make the main character from Assassin's Creed.
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