I'm not an avid fan of PMD, but I can give you a few words of feedback. And I was wondering why there isn't a third member for their exploration team? I find that to be a common trend, and it would seem necessary to save the world, don't ya think? Also, there is a bit of an issue with the saving-the-world-twice scenario. I was wondering the point of that backstory, since it's proven negligible because they couldn't defeat a Nidoking easily. It sounds weird to even bother to say that, and there's nothing wrong starting with a completely new or somewhat experienced team. Think about it like this: it's interesting to read about people rise to the top and save the world, but what's the story after that? If they already accomplished so much, shouldn't their story have ended by now? Personally, I don't like that they're already so well-known and have literally nothing to do, unless they're going to save the world a third time.
There's a recurring grammar issue going around: comma splices. What are they, you ask? They're when you combine two independent clauses by putting a comma in between, which is grammatically incorrect. You can fix them by putting in either a period or a semi-colon in place of the comma. With the period, you create a new sentence. For example:
It was a beautiful morning in Treasure
Town, many Pokémon were already up getting ready to go exploring or getting their stalls ready in the case of the
Kecleon brothers and the others, right at the end of the right hand side of town there was a cliff shaped like a Sharpedo named Sharpedo Bluff, in the hollow centre a Pikachu was just waking up and had a huge stretch.
This lengthy mesh of words is all one sentence. As such, you can make it into more sentences. I bolded 'Town' because the comma afterwards is an example of a comma splice. Be sure to watch out for these later on, since they are very numerous in your story and fixing them would help. It brings a sense of professionalism, if you know what I mean.
Secondly, I bolded 'Kecleon brothers...' because the wording sounds awkward. You could take out, 'and the others,' but then again, I'm not familiar with the Kecleon brothers to begin with. I'm just going to assume they're thieves or something. Either way, you could replace the bolded text with thieves or royalty or whoever they are. It just sounds odd ending a clause that way, though.
Next up, this sentence is a measure of how well you describe things, which unfortunately, has a lot to be desired. In this case, the beautiful morning sounds too generic to provide a good opening description. It asks for more to be done. People think differently, so, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." You might not want to use beautiful, but instead provide some other sort of background, like clear skies accented with wispy clouds. Or maybe there was a mystic fog. I find those beautiful, but you may not. Your descriptions shouldn't be so generic that they're literally open to all interpretation; you want to provide a bit of information to give readers an idea with a description, and then they can fill in the gaps.
For some parts of dialogue, you might want to incorporate a comma before a name. It gives a bit of a pause, which is just handy for making the dialogue sound more human.
“Morning Chloe,”
He greeted and took a look outside. “Awesome it’s another great day for exploring!”
He said enthusiastically.
There are two things I just don't agree with here. The bolded 'He' should not be capitalized since you've already used a comma in the preceding quotation marks. Secondly, the next bolded segment should really be taken out. You only need to use 'said whoever' when readers need to know who's talking. In this case, we already know who's talking so you don't have to write it again. It's excessive if you do so.
Chloe giggled at her partner’s excitement.
“Sure is. We better get going before you explode.”
With this bit, I don't agree with this structurally. You do this later on, with an action followed with dialogue on the next line, which is just annoying since it's line to line to line. For formatting, it looks better if the dialogue is right next to the speaker and his/her actions. It prevents a bit of confusion, since you could use a new speaker in the next line instead. Be sure to watch for this.
They had become rather famous and popular around here but that’s what saving the world twice does to you, everyone in town
knows their names even most of the travelling explorers who pass by,
The bolded verb does not agree with the verb-tense, which is past tense. The verb you used is in the present tense. Remember to check for this, otherwise you might confuse people.
...there certainly
wasn't as many jobs as there used to be, possibly because the world was now mostly back to normal, but luckily for the exploration teams there was still plenty of work to do.
'Wasn't' needs to agree with the object 'jobs', so it should be changed to 'weren't'.
“Excuse me.” He said, almost as if it burned him terribly to act polite. “But is Team Firestorm here?” Sunflora, as cheery as ever looked in his direction.
“Oh my gosh, I’m sorry, I’m afraid you just missed them, they left to apprehend an outlaw over ten minutes ago.”
You have two different speakers within the same paragraph. You need to move the bolded line of dialogue onto the next line to signify that there is a new speaker and the Sunflora is not talking to itself. Unless it is, and you just didn't tell us the Sunflora was actually insane.
The Pokémon looked annoyed by this.
One more thing before I forget, you do this quite often and resort to 'looked whatever' to describe how they feel. I'd call that rather bland since--like I said above--people could imagine that look to be anything. You might want to resort to other descriptions, like how the Pokemon frowned and glared at the Sunflora. That could tell us it's not very happy with the new information.
Also, your battles are wooden and it was hard to picture the battle. You skipped over the whole exploring part, so we have no idea where they went. And then you jump straight to the battle for the Nidoking. I have a few problems with this. One, a Nidoking-outlaw probably wouldn't just wait for Team Firestorm to come at him. That's just stupid, even if it's a Nidoking. Odds are, the Nidoking would continue its path of destruction and just demolish a path, so they could follow. I find that to make more sense rather than the team crawling through a dungeon of the apparent minions of the Pokemon and they just happen to come across him. Show us the process of how they even find the Nidoking and you might want to characterize it more. This actually applies to most of your characters, since they're just hollow shells as far as I'm concerned.
The battles mean more if the Nidoking has a personality and if the readers can understand its reasoning to even bother destroying things. Unless your villain is literally the Joker, you have no excuse not to come up with a viable reason as to why it's doing crime. It just doesn't make sense. There has to be a motivation, otherwise, the whole battle and such was just to forward your plot, if at all.
Okay, so for your characters, we know nothing about them other than what they wear/how they look. That isn't fleshing out a character. Characters are described by--guess what?--their
characters or
personalities. Don't resort to physical descriptions to signify why a character is important. You should be telling us how they feel and their personalities. Maybe the Chimchar is afraid of bugs. Or he hates the dark. We don't know, and personalities make your character 'human' or realistic. And that's what characters are; they're realistic personas stuck in a world you threw them in, and you write what you think they might do. You don't know what they might do in a given situation unless you give them a personality, which may develop as the story progresses.
Anyway, just remember to proofread before you post. And I mean really look over your story and actually read through it. What you should be doing when you proofread is deciding what's bad about it, rather than if it's good. You'll find a lot more mistakes that way and you can practically teach yourself that way. If you're not comfortable with something you wrote, change it to something you are comfortable with.
I'm wondering why Chimchar's father is making an appearance, considering that Chimchar saved the world twice, apparently. That's enough to be independent from your parents, wouldn't it? Either way, I wonder why he's there and you end on a slightly annoying cliffhanger. At least the cliffhanger did its job. I'll be sure to follow this as it progresses. Remember, the work you put in is the work you get back. So to improve, work diligently!