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Reload this Page A long procrastinated return

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Old February 22nd, 2013 (2:30 PM). Edited February 22nd, 2013 by EGKangaroo.
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EGKangaroo EGKangaroo is offline
Tail-bumps for all 'roolovers!
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: the Netherlands
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Nature: Quirky
Posts: 398
Heyo. After a hiatus of about three quarters of a year, I figured I could not resist the urge anymore and made my return to the wonderful pokécommunity. I am pretty sure none of you know me since I wasn't really that much of a deeply vested community member, RP'd a little here and there and sort of stumbled my way through what seemed an already form-fitted community to me. So tagging along with everyone as I did, I started finding my place before an unannounced departure, unplanned, unnecessary; I just lost the time, will, endurance, whatever to re-visit the forums.

So to explain: I've been sorting out my personal life. Well, y'all know how tense that gets to the emotions. I needed time to think, and I proceeded to waste that thinking time on doing even more shallow things, thus putting me back at square one, and an added abandonment of a community I actually began to like.

Maybe all I needed to sort was to find a purpose to live up to. I sure as hell have them now. I also kind of had them back before I left to wander my head. I just needed to have a kick on the brain to wake me up again. I am not sure how many people can relate to this, but if you ever do, then you can count yourself on top of the world, but do you know of those times when you meet somebody who is so nice and caring, and who has so much in common with you that it is uncanny? In the past year, I've come to a shocking realisation that I've spent my whole life numb, because a film of dust had accumulated and locked my personality away from the world. Having a person who was willing to let me pull away all of the emotional puddy that covers up the raw asymmetric personality and to reveal everything that is behind the encumbering façade we show to the world with our everyday extraverted "facebook friends" was the most liberating experience I've ever had, but it was also the scariest. Friends whom I thought were the best I could have started to vanish. According to some scientific studies, the amount of real friends -- whom we're able to be so vulnerably honest with -- that an average human being has is not that many: about 2 to 3 people. That's not enough to include all of one's family; that's not enough to include most acquaintances people like to refer to as friends when they are in their company to act a bit wild and grind against each other in a bar, disco, or whatever kind of social establishment an introvert would never feel comfortable in.

So I had to sort that out. I had to come true to my identity. I had to really seriously consider -- like an adult -- what kind of self I wanted to create. I needed time to make me the me that I feel best inside of, if that sentence makes any sense. Maybe it's just a whole bunch of existentialist drivel that I am typing out right now on a forum meant for pokémon, but sorting my life through did end up making me feel happier about who I am. I had to reconsider whether some friends were actually ones that I did not need to put up a façade for, for whom there wasn't a concrete ceiling somewhere further up the more emotional puddy I peeled away. The more of my brokenness I revealed to them. Maybe for some of them the ceiling was very high indeed, and I still had a spacious place to go through. Most of my friendships were, to my conclusion, not claustrophobic, but in the end, there's one person for whom a ceiling just was not there. Superficiality is one thing I am very afraid of, and it caused my dismay with a world where most people rarely cared to venture deeper into another personality and explore it like it's a cellar filled with wines that have never been tasted by anyone before. Having come across a person willing to remove that film of dust from a self that had been disregarded its whole life was worthy of tears.

I am trying to sift through the reasons of my absence in a brusque pace, but I think all of these paragraphs sort of avoid the point, which is that I am back, and I am happy to be back. I am looking forward to trying my hand again at roleplaying. My writing has improved drastically over the past 9 months. I've been reading a tonne of novels. I've been trying to write fiction for myself, and utterly failed at it because I am a procrastinating doodlesack, but hey, at least I've got my things sorted for now.

So hello again, Pokécommunity!

(As a side note: I just realised the embarassing mistake that I made a typo with my birthdate on my profile.)
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Old February 22nd, 2013 (2:56 PM).
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Gyardosamped Gyardosamped is offline
entering snake habitat
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Florida
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Nature: Lax
Posts: 1,462
Hello, Mr. EGKangaroo!

Welcome back to PC!

I must say that your post was very deep and quite interesting to read. I’m glad you have returned to this wonderful community after that long while you were gone. Although we’ve never met, I can see that your membership here was probably highly valued while you were active, and if not, then it sure will be now. :]

I’m glad you’ve somewhat got your personal life sorted a bit – although I must say some of the stuff you wrote was very meaningful and went beyond my understanding, haha. Nevertheless, I think what I comprehended from your post was that you were friends with people who weren’t necessarily “friends”, people who you had to put a mask on for because you couldn’t relate to them on any spectrum. You’re right that we, as humans, only have a few friends we can truly relate to. I have hundreds of friends, but there are only a handful which I can actually speak to about personal things and actually acquaint myself with.

That’s awesome that you “found” yourself, though. It’s always terrible when there comes a time in our lives where we question our every motive and feeling. You seemed to have gone through that stage triumphantly, and for that I congratulate you. You seem a lot more self-determined now and more willing to move on to bigger and better things. I have also felt the same before. I think we all have. I’ve had plenty of friendships before where I had to act fictitious for the sake of not wanting to be alone. It’s normal. We are social beings who long for social interactions, and we will do anything to accomplish that, perhaps even talk to inanimate objects if it comes down to it.

I really hope I understood your post correctly. It’s not everyday PC gets these kinds of feely introductions, if you know what I mean. But that’s completely fine! We’re all here to help out if you need us! x) That’s what makes this community amazing. You should definitely rekindle your roleplaying and writing interests. Those forums here at PC are quite active, so you shouldn’t have any problems fitting in again. And you’re right that your writing skills are exquisite. You certainly do have a talent which I admire.

Anyways, if you ever have any questions or would just like to chat, please don’t hesitate to leave me a visitor’s message at any time! Your post has touched me more than you would know! xD Thanks for that! I needed that “boost” today, haha.

See you around, my good man. Try to enjoy yourself one more time!
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