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Old June 24th, 2013 (5:08 PM).
Sheraku's Avatar
Sheraku Sheraku is offline
     
    Join Date: Jun 2013
    Location: Western SD
    Nature: Quiet
    Posts: 540
    Just finished a poem for my GF, first one I ever attempted. Just want to see what everyone thinks of it. If it sucks be please be gentle about it.

    Rant of True Feelings!
    --------------------------------------
    Again we are together,
    so then let us start anew,
    You have known my true feelings,
    all I wish is for yours too.
    Broke your heart once in the past,
    that again I'll never do,
    Of this I make a promise,
    together we'll see it through.

    Life may have been very rough,
    and that I can understand,
    But no matter just how harsh,
    i'll lend you my loving hand.
    I long for you as my girl,
    and for I to be your man.
    To comfort you forever,
    shall be my eternal plan,

    P-erfection is what you are,
    A-nd with nothing to better.
    R-espect is what you deserve,
    K-now that I will deliver.
    E-veryday I think of you,
    R-eflecting on what you want.

    L-ove may not be on the list,
    A-ssuming what I should not.
    U-ltimatly I hope for,
    R-eality to match thought.
    E-roticism not quite,
    N-o need to stop what we've got.

    S-imple words of affection,
    M-y ears are eger to hear.
    I-t's just that little something,
    T-o know that you as well care.
    H-aving somebody like you,

    the only one in my heart.
    I hope my words mean something,
    and that we shall never part.
    Cause in this world without you,
    i do not know where to start.
    I may not be that stupid,
    but I'm also not that smart.

    Each line seven syllables,
    feelings I convey to you.
    I hope you enjoy this rant,
    and my message made it through.
    You've known it was obvious,
    so with one thing left to do.
    With no procrastination,
    know that I truly LOVE you!

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      #2    
    Old June 24th, 2013 (5:20 PM).
    Honest's Avatar
    Honest Honest is offline
    شكرا
    • Crystal Tier
     
    Join Date: Sep 2008
    Location: New York City
    Age: 22
    Gender: Male
    Nature: Jolly
    Posts: 11,822
    I'm not professional poet, but I think this was rather cute. =P

    If you want more critics or compliments, though, I'm afraid you're going to have to re-post this thread in PC's Fan Fiction and Writing section. I'm going to close this now, but I liked it!

    -locked.
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    he did it, not me.
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