Hi there!
I'll give a few general comments, and start off with the presentation which is why I'm mostly being broad in my comments. You generally want to avoid using a different font colour to the default, as it can actually be far harder to read. For example, I'm using a rather dark forum skin colour, so purple makes my eyes hurt when I try to read the story. And this is never a good thing when you're trying to attract readers. So remove the purple I suggest and go for the default.
On that note, also remove the centreing - again, it's not a format people are generally used to reading stories in, especially on forums, so stick to the default left alignment.
The intro is an interesting premise for motivation for someone to go on an adventure, if a rather grim and ambitious target for a ten year old. The beginning was maybe a little overwritten, but it seemed decently done overall. And there's some characterisation as well which is nice to see.
Watch out for typos and errors however:
For me, Pokémon was the start of my investigation; too find that which hid from me, from the world.
to, rather than too.
"Be still Shino." She had told me, her hand so cool on my cheek.
With dialogue, only finish with a full stop if the sentence ends there (e.g. '"Hello." Then I danced.'). If what follows the dialogue 'flows on' and continues the sentence (e.g. '"Hello," he said.'), then you should use something else instead like a comma and treat the whole part as one sentence, not two (and hence not use a capital in the middle of the whole sentence - ie change She to she. A couple more examples:
“Hey you, if you don't hurry all the starters will be gone." She said
This should be '...will be gone," she said.' Notice that the full stop became a comma, and 'She' --> 'she.' A good way to check which to use is to read aloud, and to consider the part following the dialogue. Does 'She said.' sound like a complete sentence by itself? If note, then it's continuing from the dialogue and so go with ," she said.
I am standing here." Coustii suddenly shouted turning away her ears bright red.
So here for example, you want to replace the full stop after 'here' with a comma (or exclamation mark would also work, e.g. '"I am shouting!" yelled the man.'. Just not a full stop. That's English for you. =p) If it doesn't make sense I can explain again in more detail and not at a late hour for myself; just ask. =)
She laid at the bottom of the stairs her dressing gown torn and as the lightening flash I saw it was also bloody.
flashed.
It made me laugh allot,
a lot. Be sure to run your writing through a spell/grammar check so small typos like this are prevented.
"You three are on luck.
in luck, I believe.
That's all I have for now, as said it was a bit hard to read due to the presentation, so I suggest changing that. Good luck with your fic!