The Friendzone. Page 2

Started by Kanzler January 3rd, 2014 1:38 PM
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  • 31 replies
Male
Wasteland, baby!
Seen October 3rd, 2020
Posted September 25th, 2019
286 posts
9.9 Years
Of course it EXISTS, but I've always thought of it as that place you get to with a person where going out with them would just be too weird because of your friendship, as opposed to how it's usually used ("I like this person but they don't like me back"). Most of the time when I see people complaining about it it's in the latter sense and it honestly just makes you look like a whiny prick. Some guys seriously need to get over their entitlement issues.

Sopheria

響け〜 響け!

深き海の彼方
Seen July 19th, 2022
Posted December 17th, 2017
4,904 posts
9.5 Years
Being a girl, I'm not entirely clear on what the friendzone is, since I could easily see myself dating a friend. In fact, I'd be much more comfortable dating a friend who I know and trust than I would with a guy who I just met. From the way that guys talk about it though, the friendzone is like, the point of no return.

Maybe I'm just weird, but the closer friends I am with a guy, the more comfortable I'd be with dating him :) I've seen plenty of close friends start dating, so I don't think the friendzone is nearly as big a deal as guys make it out to be.
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ShootThePuck

Male
New Jersey
Seen September 11th, 2015
Posted May 21st, 2015
196 posts
10.2 Years
Being a girl, I'm not entirely clear on what the friendzone is, since I could easily see myself dating a friend. In fact, I'd be much more comfortable dating a friend who I know and trust than I would with a guy who I just met. From the way that guys talk about it though, the friendzone is like, the point of no return.

Maybe I'm just weird, but the closer friends I am with a guy, the more comfortable I'd be with dating him :) I've seen plenty of close friends start dating, so I don't think the friendzone is nearly as big a deal as guys make it out to be.
the "friend zone" isn't that a girl is uncomfortable dating a friend (although, i guess in some situations it might be that), but it's more that a guy that is romantically interested in a girl that has only deemed him friend worthy for whatever reason.

i've never really thought the friend zone was a bad thing, however. i mean, i think if someone really does want to be with someone, it's their "job" to overcome it or else it's almost their fault that nothing happened. i'm pretty sure it's proven that people who were friends before being partners have stronger relationships and longer lasting ones in the end.

i do think it's wrong for girls to appear flirty and then friend zone someone, but there are mean people in the world. i know a girl that only talks to a guy if they talk to her first; i wouldn't really consider this friend zoning though, i think it's more just testing a guy to see if they're worth it, which i guess makes sense despite how strange it is in the end.





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Melody

Banned

Female
Cuddling those close to me
Seen March 4th, 2018
Posted March 2nd, 2018
6,459 posts
18.6 Years
I think the "friend zone" exists, and both genders are at fault at its creation, assuming we are talking about the stereotypical heterosexual female puts male in friend zone deal.

Sometimes you could just genuinely be friends with a girl then have it develop into something more. It's understandable considering how close friendship can be, they are not that different in my eyes except one is exclusive and involves sex as well as the whole share feelings crap. If so it's unfortunate if one person just want to remain friends, but I don't think you can somehow charm them over like you're gods gift to women. They've made up their mind.

You can try be friends if you want but the rejection is explicit and for me even more offensive than someone saying no in an outright fashion. Oh, you like me but not as much as I like you? It's pretty demeaning, I would rather get a simple no, once that person has a romantic status in my mind it's all or nothing, I won't stand for getting screwed around and friendzoned. No we can't be friends, sitting around being a bitter little maggot pretending to be "just a friend" while desperately hoping to jump in as soon as the fickle beast of the rejector changes her mind is just low conduct.

Guys(rejectee): If it's possible be forthright with your intentions , you either express interest sexually from the start or don't act like a sissy and whine when you approach her as a friend then escalate and get offended when she only sees you as one. Act like an adult and move on. Sometimes the friends--->relationship approach might work or be inevitable if she was really only your friend to begin with but don't be childish if it doesn't.

Girls(rejector): Don't friend zone people! If somebody expresses romantic interest than they care about you a great deal more than you do for them. It is not a solution to say "Can't we just stay friends?" Don't keep their hopes up by trying to remain some semblance of affection as friends, you either take their offer or you don't. If you don't think of someone sexually then break it off completely. It's the kinder thing to do.

The friend zone is a creation of people who do not know how to handle rejection or rejecting people. If we were all mature about the fact that we aren't meant for everyone then this wouldn't happen.
I mostly agree with what O07_eleven is saying here. I just want to add that it's OK to want to retain a good person as a friend. It's a natural thing, maybe you don't share feelings, but you do share something in common. It's just not OK to expect them to be happy about it, expect things to "stay the same", or expect to keep them on the back burner in case your current love interest turns out to be a bad match.

I for one don't believe it's right or healthy to relegate anyone who expresses interest in that way to the friend-zone unless they choose to be your friend. I'm sorry, I know it's awkward and it tugs at any reasonably empathetic person's heartstrings, but a clear no is more often the safest way. If you don't feel safe with that, you should get help regardless of whether that help is a cop or a shared and wiser friend or two.

In the end it's possible to say "No" and still be friends. It's just not a good idea to say "No" and say they're just a friend.

If you're the rejector, do them a favor and give them a solid reason why you do not feel that you are a good match for them. Be kind and honest about it, and they'll most likely respect you for that. If you examine your reasoning and feel bad about giving it to them, feel free to re-examine your reasons if you feel them to be unfair, in the end you should still feel empowered to say "No" for any reason. Maybe your real reason is not the one you thought it was, but don't hurt others by saving face and lying to them about why.

If you're the one being rejected, please do them a favor and don't take it personally. It's not always your fault that they might feel you're a poor match for them; it could be a diverse number of things including circumstances affecting impressions, things other people say and do, their own state of mind, and even their own feelings for another that may perhaps exist or still linger. There are many things beyond one's control that often determine your luck at finding a partner, and there's always another match somewhere if you look hard enough.

Raine

Age 29
Female
Ontario, Canada
Seen December 16th, 2017
Posted October 5th, 2017
3,722 posts
9.3 Years
The friendzone I think does exist and for this reason, I feel like people who are trying to develop relationships beyond friendship are scared. This inevitable so-called "friendzone" has become this stigma preventing people from stepping out of their personal comfort zone and venturing into what could become something better. Of course, there's the opposite result, which would be rejection. It's a natural part of life to find people you share common interests with and then start developing intimate feelings for them. We have a choice of who we choose to be with, but we set boundaries for who we are attracted to.

For myself, I'm not particularly afraid of being friendzoned, but more the prospect of being rejected and ruining a good friendship.

acatfrommars

Male
Seen February 5th, 2023
Posted January 9th, 2023
3,870 posts
9.6 Years
Been friendzoned a few times and it sucks. The friendzone is when you ant to become more than friends with a girl/boy who you're already good friends, but the girl/boy doesn't want to take the relationship any farther. IT's quite common. I don't think it's a bad thing, it's what you make it. If you make things awkward afterwards, then the relationship will be rocky. If you continue being friends then things will be better but you will always have that regret that you probably will never be more. I think honestly if you try hard enough than you can get out of the frindzone. The problem is, most guys won't be persistent enough.