Ever thought of suicide ? Page 2

Started by Ranx January 5th, 2014 2:49 AM
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  • 94 replies
Male
Somewhere in the universe
Seen June 2nd, 2015
Posted November 25th, 2014
666 posts
9.6 Years
Suicide is wrong. Period. I have never thought of it, nor will I ever. I have had my horrible moments, but it always gets better. There is no where to go but up.Think about all the people in your life you would effect also.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that who ever believe in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. - John 3:16

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Treecko

the princess without voice

Age 31
He/Him
St.Louis,Missouri
Seen November 30th, 2021
Posted November 29th, 2021
6,311 posts
11.2 Years
While, I have had times where I wondered what life would be like without out me around, I've never contemplated suicide before. My life has been too good so far for me to want to take it away and end it all. Sure like all people I've had some sad and very low moments and been depressed, but I've always knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel and have made though it all. I've gone through some awful stuff , but I know all the pain my family and friends would feel if I killed myself during hardships. Suicide isn't worth it in my opinion. Life will always get better and you're worth more than you think.
"Unable to perceive the shape of You, I find You all around me. Your presence fills my eyes with Your love, It humbles my heart, For You are everywhere"

Saki

The Fire Fox

Canada
Seen April 1st, 2015
Posted February 5th, 2015
169 posts
9.4 Years
I think for a lot of people these sorts of thoughts only occur when they're unable to cope with things happening at present in their lives. For example some people have a hard time dealing with financial issues, or family issues, etc, and if these issues piles up they may have suicidal thoughts. Keeping your mind clean and having good mental health can keep these sorts of thoughts away.

I do believe there are people with chemical imbalances and poor mental health who cannot control it by themselves but for myself I know I am happiest when I am productive in my life and that means being in school and/or going to work and doing things in my spare time such as creating art or practicing yoga.

My advice to anyone who has these thoughts is to find out what you're missing in life, find the things that make you happy! If you cannot do it on your own then talking to someone about it is probably the best solution. It's also important to remember not to be ashamed about it. There is nothing weak about admitting you need a bit of help, not in my mind anyway!
Dragon is my twin!

Honest

Hi!

Age 27
Male
New York City
Seen March 19th, 2023
Posted November 7th, 2022
11,676 posts
14.7 Years
When I was younger, around when I first joined PC, in fact, yes. I was depressed and didn't know where I fit in in life. I don't know why it mattered to me so much, but I felt really alone. Didn't have any real friends, didn't know what 'fun' really was. This was before I had internet, mind you. At times, it got really bad, where I'd cry in my pillow, consider myself to be pathetic and worthless. Those were bad times. At one point, I sunk to an all time low and suicide crossed my mind. End it, you know? I wasn't thinking about how it'd affect anyone else, I just didn't want to feel so pathetic. I dreamed of ways to end it, but that's the furthest I ever went. I never inflicted pain, cause I was afraid of that, too. I saw it pointless to hurt yourself if you just want to end the pain.

Fast forward a few months, and I discovered the internet. Specifically, PC. This is before all the social media fuss; PC was my first opportunity to freely socialize. Sure, it was with people I'd possibly/probably never meet, but that's better than what came prior, right? Unfortunately, I guess two things still got in my way. One was that I was still a tween, so I was dumb and made several stupid mistakes on PC in my early days. Coming from someone who was just getting initiated to socializing, I took those infractions and warnings way too close to heart than I should have. The second thing was that, well, it was still the internet. Not real life. I didn't want to be only happy at home. I wanted to live life outside the four walls I slept in. These 2 things crept up on me, and forma second time, I eventually went back to being slightly depressed. Suicide did come up again, but it wasn't as... honest(?) as my first time. At that point, I was seeking attention. I wanted to see if anyone cared if I died. Sure, my parents would. But that wasn't good enough for me back then. I remember creating a suicide thread on PC very similar to this one around that time lol.

One thing happed that allowed me a way out: high school. A new opportunity to reinvent myself. Be more brave, more courageous. I guess that was my ray of sunshine in the darkness, my hope. I swore to myself that I'd try my hardest to be different. To be noticed. And, well, it happened. I was less butthole-ish and mood swingy and more nice and (dare I say it?) charming. Where did come from is even beyond my understanding. But it came. Granted, not immediately, it was a process, but I noticed things were getting better and I managed to, eventually, get out of the pit. PC also helped, for sure. I was much happier, and this place, I guess, helped me realize my faults in clarity. I guess I just answered my own question as to why all I cared about as a noob was VMs and Social Groups.

Now, 6 years after that, and being someone completely new, suicide still crosses my mind, but the tables are turned. I'm aware that my reason for being suicidal/depressed can't compete with other peoples' lives, people who have absolutely nothing going there way. But I think that it doesn't matter what exactly is causing us to inflict self-harm, the simple fact that it is doing just that is enough to have us relate in someway. Today, I absolutely despise the notion of suicide, as well as self harm. I do not hate people who do such things. It's easy to say something like that if you've never felt the urge to leap off your 4th floor apartment building. Suicide is something that keeps popping up in my mind today because of how big an issue it is. Slightly deviating from the topic, but if I see someone who has cut wrists that I know well enough, I make every attempt to aid them. Yes, I know that's breach of privacy, hence me only going up to people I know well enough. But I can't bare the thought of one of my friends going so far as to inflict pain.

Some people may know I have a habit of standing on the edge of buildings. Part of the reason I do that is cause the view is amazing, but part of it (sometimes) is because I remember those thoughts from years ago. To stand so close to Death's door and choose to live, when the temptation of free flight exists, makes me feel powerful. A weird psychological thing, probably, but it does.

I don't believe I've truly ever admitted so much about myself, my past, and why PC means so much to me. And why I can be an attention ***** at times. :P No, but seriously. Guys, suicide is not the answer. Please.
he did it, not me.
Age 36
Seen 2 Hours Ago
Posted 2 Hours Ago
10,149 posts
17.1 Years
I've been suicidal multiple times in the past. There have been times where I attempted it, even going so far as to slash my wrists. (It was the only option I had at the time.) Self-reservation kicked in though, and now I'm slightly better. The thought still crosses my mind (even had a brief thought of hanging myself earlier today), but I'm doing better. Instead of concentrating on those thoughts, I redirect them to something else until the feeling passes.

Like Dipu, I didn't really have much of an out until I signed up to PC. Here, and other Pokemon forums, is where I made friends for the first time in my life and gave me someone to talk to and have fun with. Being here has helped made me a little more comfortable as a person, and... I don't know. Just signing onto here helps me.

Avatar credit: Fairy

obZen

Kill Your Heroes

Age 32
Male
/tmp/obZen/.locale
Seen January 1st, 2021
Posted December 27th, 2020
397 posts
17.5 Years
I had thought about it for years; I'd even gone into great details of when, how, where, etc.
Luckily, I never attempted. I have gotten some therapy and whatnot, so I should be good ;o


obZen on Pokemon Showdown
Wait, what? I thought that a therapist couldn't just go and do that. Isn't that breaking patient confidentiality or something along those lines or are the rules different over there? Here, no matter what the age of the client and regardless of if their thoughts are suicidal or not you can't just go telling someone like that. I'm more than a little surprised, haha.
I'm not surprised by Ace's story to be honest. You'd be surprised how unprofessional some of these shrink types can be. Once the school counselor that I had been seeing felt the need to come and drag me out of class while I was in the middle of doing a project with my mates, I told her that I'd come see her later during our break but she wouldn't accept that and instead decided to go through the list of reasons that she wanted to talk with me out loud and in front of everyone. I was always a private guy with my problems so I felt humiliated and angry when she started listing all of my personal issues for everyone to hear.

She claimed she didn't mean for other people to hear but I knew she was just being a passive aggressive ***** because she wasn't happy about me not listening to her request right away.
In that moment I truly wanted to show her how crazy I could really get haha {XD}
Age 31
Female
DETROIT
Seen April 5th, 2015
Posted March 6th, 2015
287 posts
10.3 Years
I have. I've almost completed suicide twice in my life, but due to luck I didn't die either times. I've made a lot of suicidal gestures starting from when I was 8. I was severely depressed up until recently and it was very hard to cope with. I had bipolar disorder but didn't know it for years.
Age 30
Female
USA
Seen February 19th, 2022
Posted February 12th, 2022
252 posts
9.7 Years
I've thought about it for many many many years, I guess since I was 10, so about 11 years. I think about it less now because I have a child and wouldn't dream of leaving him without a mother. I've never acted on it though, just kind of used to wish something would come along and kill me. Now I have my son, though.
I've never really been suicidal to say to the point of where I would actually think about killing myself but I have had a few times in my past where I would wish I wasn't alive. I used to dwell on things, make them out to be worse than they actually are, and all of this would just make me depressed :/ Now I have a positive outlook on life and am super excited about living it out to the full potential :]

Alice

(>^.(>0.0)>

Age 31
Female
Oregon
Seen April 30th, 2015
Posted April 29th, 2015
3,077 posts
14.2 Years
Wait, what? I thought that a therapist couldn't just go and do that. Isn't that breaking patient confidentiality or something along those lines or are the rules different over there? Here, no matter what the age of the client and regardless of if their thoughts are suicidal or not you can't just go telling someone like that. I'm more than a little surprised, haha.
I've seen a couple counselors and they both told me that if they determined that I was an imminent threat to myself or anyone else, they would be required to break the confidentiality agreement to protect whoever was in danger. That would be imminent threat though, as in they think you're going to kill yourself tomorrow or something.

Of course, I spoke to a school counselor in middle school about intrusive thoughts I was having after going through the suicide section of our health class, and she told every staff member at the school that I was having visions of killing myself, so some of them are just stupid.

Ranx

Baadshah :P

Age 25
Male
Earth :D
Seen October 26th, 2015
Posted February 21st, 2014
33 posts
9.4 Years
Okayh so many different people with different opinions .. well so .. dont try it ever guys .. it wont solve anything i actually tried onceee but thats 2 years ago .. i lost something precious .. well i survived .. (i dont wanna share the whole story xd) so anyways .. it didnt solve anything..
Umm hii lets make some fraandship :P

I am working on a hack pokemon enforcers if you wanna join mee
You are most welcome :)

Synerjee

Atra du evarinya ono varda.

Everywhere and anywhere.
Seen May 28th, 2016
Posted February 25th, 2016
2,901 posts
10.6 Years
No. I don't think I've ever hit a low that low before to ever consider it. I love my life even with all of its many hiccups and moments that make me wish I could just sink into the ground. I think life is a precious gift that should be cherished and lived to its fullest. After all, out of all those millions and billions of sperms, you, the person reading this now, made it through to the ovum and became who you were today! Never mind those flaws and weaknesses; I believe that each and every human has been put here on this earth for a reason, so much as I.

To all out there which this is relevant to, no matter how much your life may suck or how much you think you're worthless, it is all just temporary as all things on earth are. Situations change. Things never stay the way they are; you just gotta find it within yourself to push yourself forward and live. Suicide is a permanent end to something temporary. After winter, spring comes. Old things go, new things come. Don't you ever forget that.

LoudSilence

more like uncommon sense

Male
US
Seen August 7th, 2016
Posted March 17th, 2014
583 posts
9.5 Years
No. It's selfish and stupid. What do you know other than this life? What "relief" can you feel if you can't feel anything after death? What about the amount of time, money, and love spent on you from childbirth, the privileges you enjoy that other, more unfortunate people across the world can only dream of that you are so callously throwing away?

Anyone who thinks they have no choice is just too lazy to think harder.
この世界は素晴らしい。

Controversial?

Bored musician, bad programmer

Non-binary
UK
Seen October 11th, 2020
Posted April 24th, 2020
639 posts
12.4 Years
No. It's selfish and stupid. What do you know other than this life? What "relief" can you feel if you can't feel anything after death? What about the amount of time, money, and love spent on you from childbirth, the privileges you enjoy that other, more unfortunate people across the world can only dream of that you are so callously throwing away?

Anyone who thinks they have no choice is just too lazy to think harder.
I'm really sorry but I quite literally just punched a wall...okay, a bookshelf (I'm not that manly ok :P) and my eyes are blurry and I'm trying seriously hard not to rant so hard at you right now because I know you haven't experienced that absolute low in life where you feel like the only thing you can control in your life is your taking of it, therefore it isn't your fault at all for thinking those kinds of things and when put in a logical perspective I completely see where you are coming from; however, the fundamental flaw in this argument is that depressed people or people with suicidal thoughts are often NOT THINKING LOGICALLY; bombarding them with **** like this which is completely reasonable from your perspective - and, honestly, is the reason I would not want to commit suicide now after suffering through a lot myself - would actually make the situation worse and could cause the person to blame themselves even more for what is happening, which, in turn, would make them more suicidal. So you understand why people would suddenly start jabbing at you for calling depressed people lazy.

OKAY rant over. There's more into this, but I don't want to really talk about because this has already put me on a fairly down mood. I don't really wanna talk about my experiences with this into detail either.

But what do I know, right? I'm just too lazy to think harder.
:P
???

Somniac

Probably sleeping.

Age 31
Female
united kingdom
Seen September 1st, 2021
Posted June 23rd, 2017
736 posts
10.4 Years
This might end up being a really long post and if it does I apologize.
Some details I might skip over, as they're quite personal.

Firstly; I'd like to offer myself as someone to talk to if anyone ever feels like they need someone.
I've had experience with this topic, and for a long time I was close to suicide.

My experience. Spoilered for space saving.
Spoiler:

Sometimes I can get really annoyed when people talk about how they're feeling depressed and they want to kill themselves. A lot of people only say such things for attention, but due to the nature of the topic you can't just dismiss them because no matter how unlikely, they might be seriously considering it.
Everyone is different and so obviously this doesn't always apply, however:

If someone really wants to kill themselves, they are not going to tell everyone about it. All this would accomplish is making it more difficult for them to actually go through with it.

When I was in high-school, my best friend killed herself.
She didn't tell anyone she was going to do it. She stood up half way through class and asked to be excused, then went to the toilets and locked herself in a cubicle, overdosed and slit her wrists.

Now, I knew she was having a hard time at home but I had no idea it was so bad.
I was the person she confided in, her closest friend and even I had no idea.
I know I was pretty much the closest person to her, more than any of her family for certain. The last thing she did was send a text to me, and her brother.

In the text to her brother, she said 'I won't be home tonight, love you.'
In the text to me, she said a lot of things.
She apologized, and obviously I didn't know what for.
She told me she was grateful that I was her friend, and that she didn't know what she would manage without me.
Lastly she simply said; 'Promise me you will never take yourself for granted Kitty.'

For a long time afterwards, I felt abandoned and hurt. I came pretty close to suicide myself but the one thing that kept me going was imagining the situation the other way around.
I'd seen first hand how suicide effects everyone around you. It had contributed towards me thinking of suicide, and had broken her family apart. I spent a lot of time with her family afterwards, particulary her brother and mother. Watching her mother was the saddest thing I've ever seen, she was literally broken, she simply couldn't function. Her brother wanted nothing more than a sister. Her father was just so quiet, he wouldn't talk to anyone for a few weeks. Even 5 years later he's still mostly silent around the same time of year.

I realized that, all that would happen if I killed myself was to make the situation worse. My friend's brother had already lost his sister, and I was the closest thing he had now.
I wondered how my friends would react, if they would be in the same situation I was.

Eventually, I worked my way through everything and came out the other side.
I guess this story has a happy ending.
I was never close to my own parents for reasons I won't detail here. I've pretty much become an adoptive daughter now, they may not be blood but I have a mother who checks up on me and worries, a father who chews me out when I do something stupid and a brother who teases me and jokes around all the time.
On top of that, a friend I will never forget.



Some times things can seem like they can't get any worse. The thing to remember then is that, they can only get better. They will get better if you let them.

As I said; if anyone feels they need to talk, I can offer to listen as someone who truly understands.
Eh I don't really wanna come off as if I'm glorifying suicide in any way. I always admire people who overcome their problems and adversities in life. That being said I think that writing suicide off as a selfish act is really insensitive to the person who chose to end their life. Unless you have children to look after then you don't owe your life to anybody but yourself, not even the parents who bought you into this world because you never asked for it. If you are fortunate enough to have people that you care about and who care about you in your life then I can't imagine why you'd wanna kill yourself anyway. But hey even if someone thinks that you have a lot to live for or that your reason for wanting to kill yourself is trivial, it's still your life and your choice.

After that morbid paragraph I feel like I need to disclaim that I think it's important to realize that you can snap out of depression and most bad feelings and situations really can get better whether through time or effort on your part. I think it's admirable for people to help others going through depression or a hard time, but it's not something you should rely on or feel entitled to. Everyone has their own problems after all.

Now as devastating as it can be for those surrounding the people who kill themselves, I think that it's selfish in of itself to expect someone to stick around because it would upset others, or because other people have lived through harsher times. This is a common argument that I hear about suicide and it's really insensitive to how the person who killed them self was feeling and thinking.

If someone decides to end their life then they are making the ultimate decision for them self. And at the end of the day depression/suicide is a personal struggle/decision for any individual. Hopefully you don't make that decision and either snap out of your depression or find something worth living for, but I just don't consider suicide to be a selfish thing.

Nihilego

[color=#95b4d4]ユービーゼロイチ パラサイト[/color]

Male
scotland
Seen September 28th, 2018
Posted March 16th, 2018
8,874 posts
12.1 Years
I was originally gonna write a long post here about this telling the 'whole story' and explaining my thoughts and feelings and how I got around them and why stuff happened and whatnot, but I'm not going to spill that kind of information in public to a load of people who, mostly, won't really be all that interested. I'll say now that if you are interested for whatever reason then by all means drop me a PM and I'll probably tell you more. But yeah - just know that there's a lot to this, haha.

...weird disclaimer thing over, the short answer is yes. I wouldn't say I've felt seriously suicidal for a little while now but it's always been a thought that's come and gone for me and I imagine it will be again in the future. Sometimes for long periods of time, sometimes for short ones. It's really highly variable but definitely noticeable. I've got a very nasty habit of hypothesising how I'd go about it, planning it, then never actually setting myself a date and time of when I'd do it (or, not sticking to that date and time). Other times it's been more spontaneous - "oh crap I could just do it right now" as a train's going past or whatever. In any case I tend to go a bit beyond just feeling suicidal, which is a rather dangerous place to be in. This is all for a number of reasons, anyway - most of them in the past or moving into the past now, but ones which'll still take a good amount of... for lack of a better term, getting over.

Sometimes it's a kinda weird case for me of not wanting to die, but rather just not really wanting to be alive. I guess I wouldn't call that as much 'suicidal' as I would... idk. I don't know the word for that, but it's another state that I get into on occasion. Iirc it's not that uncommon so I'm sure that some people on here know how it feels when you're essentially indifferent towards the idea of living or dying. d:

Since other people have come out with this in this thread, I may as well too - although I've not really told many people this at all and some people who know me might look at this and be kinda surprised maybe, I've attempted suicide once. Needless to say it didn't work, and that's definitely for the better. Right now I don't want to die - but at the time I was in the highly irrational mindset, mixed with some other things, that a suicidal person adopts at their lowest points. At the time it had been building up for a month or so and it all just kinda got too much at the time. Afterwards I knew it had been a mistake but didn't thoroughly believe that - now, though, I'm definitely happy that it didn't work out. I still worry about what I might end up doing the next time I'm in such a state though, and that's the kinda doubt that leads people on some veeeery unpleasant downwards spirals. I should fix that. I think attempting is the only real regret I have in life now, and it's something that makes me cringe and beat myself up a little bit for how stupid it was in hindsight. But I suppose hindsight's a wonderful thing. I'm the kinda person who lives very much in the here-and-now and I know that, at the time, it was what I wanted to do. That's why I did it. And that in itself is a kinda scary thought these days.

...to lighten the mood a bit, I feel fine with stuff right now, so that's nice! And this is one of the longest non-suicidal periods I can think of so I'd like to say I'm doing pretty well atm. :D

Khawill

<3

Male
The Cave of Hymns
Seen March 31st, 2023
Posted January 2nd, 2023
1,566 posts
10.7 Years
I used to think about it, but now I think about the people who die every day even though they don't want to. I feel like I should bide my time and hope that maybe I can trade my life for theirs.
I'll probably remember this place forever

Star-Lord

withdrawl .

Age 28
Male
Toronto
Seen November 28th, 2018
Posted April 14th, 2018
715 posts
14.3 Years
No. It's selfish and stupid. What do you know other than this life? What "relief" can you feel if you can't feel anything after death? What about the amount of time, money, and love spent on you from childbirth, the privileges you enjoy that other, more unfortunate people across the world can only dream of that you are so callously throwing away?

Anyone who thinks they have no choice is just too lazy to think harder.
lmao I was totally coming into this thread thinking someone would spout something similar and I had an entire rant prepared but now I'm just laughing irl @ the fact that you used the word 'callously' and that is the definition of your post right here.


on topic: yeah I thought about killing myself my grade 12 year of high school. glad I didn't.

Oh no, don't even go to suicide.
What will your parents think? Your friends?
believe it or not a person who is mentally ill and wants to kill themselves probably won't think of that considering they aren't in the right frame of mind.

Dragon_Trainer_

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Age 26
Male
In the Darkness....
Seen October 25th, 2016
Posted June 17th, 2016
342 posts
9.6 Years
Don't ever think of suicide............ I mean, who wants to do the plain old jump-off-a-building thing? A lot of people do that.......... It's not fun at all..........
If you wanna do it you may do it the following way............
1. Go to a girl/guy you love and tell them I love you.......
2. Send a message to your best friend that says "Good bye........" Be sure to include all the dots!
3. Go to an arms and ammunition shop and buy some stuff............ Any weapon will do..... Depends on how grand you want your suicide to be..........
4. Never communicate with anyone(but me :P) after step 3..... It may spoil the plan........
5. Pick up the gun, wear you favorite outfit(should have face coverage) and get ready to die..........
6. Go outside and cause massive mayhem....... Go up to a person, insult them and blow their brains out......... Be sure to conserve ammo.......
7. Continue the killing till the local authorities arrive..........
8. Now, become tactical, take cover and then plan your shots....... Don't spray bullets or go forward easily........ Kill as many officers as possible.......... I would suggest all of them should be killed........
9. When you have only one bullet remaining, run outside into the bullet firing and shoot the last bullet in your chest or head..........
10. Remember to openly abuse the authorities before shooting yourself...........
11. Most important! Leave a message in your house on either the walls or any device that says: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
12. Enjoy your afterlife............. :)


By XVaporeon!

Click on the banner above to be redirected to the Dragon Pokemon Club!
All lovers of Dragon Pokemon welcome ^^

LoudSilence

more like uncommon sense

Male
US
Seen August 7th, 2016
Posted March 17th, 2014
583 posts
9.5 Years

OKAY rant over. There's more into this, but I don't want to really talk about because this has already put me on a fairly down mood. I don't really wanna talk about my experiences with this into detail either.

But what do I know, right? I'm just too lazy to think harder.
:P
If I put you in a bad mood I'm sorry. Someone I knew committed suicide and I feel nothing but anger towards him, maybe that's why I came off that way.

Anyway we're not in disagreement buddy, you used the word I was going for: "logical". Obviously rationale means nothing to someone caught in the heat of the moment. I'm not addressing mental disorders because by definition they cannot be normally addressed.

And well, you're not dead so clearly you weren't too lazy to think harder (not that the statement was meant towards you :P)

lmao I was totally coming into this thread thinking someone would spout something similar and I had an entire rant prepared but now I'm just laughing irl @ the fact that you used the word 'callously' and that is the definition of your post right here.


believe it or not a person who is mentally ill and wants to kill themselves probably won't think of that considering they aren't in the right frame of mind.
If you know what you are doing, yes it is callous. I know there was an edge to my words and I meant it.

There are people who "logically" tell themselves there is no choice but to die, my words are for those people. Rationality is a different discussion though; you might say "you would never rationally tell yourself it's ok to die" but I disagree. I know there are people who do.
この世界は素晴らしい。