Oh no…if that’s the case, winning this will not be as much of an accomplishment as I initially thought.
You need to remember to put a space after an ellipses (...). There are several instances where you forgot them.
My though process here is to intercept that aerial ace with megahorn.
I think you meant "thought" instead of "though" here.
Take that flamethrower and use EARTHQUAKE!!!”
Okay, more exclamation points doesn't mean louder, it means annoying. in other words, only use one exclamation point at a time. It looks better and cleans up the writing.
Adam. You can win this. Good luck.”
Adam: “Thanks.”
I doubt Adam is cheering himself on here.
Okay, I have a lot to say, so I'll start off with the dialogue.
To be completely blunt, I don't like it. The dialogue content is fine, but I'm having qualms with the punctuation and how you're using it. Since the punctuation is easier, I'll start with that.
Felix: “Having trouble deciding who you’re going to let lose first?”
Adam: “Heracross, you’re up!”
First things first, remember to hit that enter button
twice when you're separating dialogue and paragraphs. You did it in part two, but not part three. I don't like the script format. This is not a play, and therefore the script format doesn't apply here. Instead, you should be using this format:
“Having trouble deciding who you’re going to let lose first?” Felix mocked.
I grab my pokeball and throw it out on the field, “Heracross, you’re up!”
This not only allows room for more detail, but it flows better. Right now, your dialogue is holding back the story and ruining the tension that's supposed to be there. If you use this format, I guarantee your writing will improve dramatically.
The other thing that's really holding back the emotion is showing v telling. This is the hardest part of writing, but it's essential if you want to improve. It's hard, confusing, but totally worth it. Right now, you're telling me the story. I don't want you to tell me the story. Instead, show it to me. It's difficult to explain (for me at least), so let me work with an example. I'm not that great with showing, but this should be enough for the basics.
I walk into the stadium. Looks like we’re going to be battling in a typical flat stadium for this match. Nice. I see Felix walk out opposite from me.
Right here, you're telling us what's happening. Adam walks into the stadium, Felix walks into the stadium, the arena is flat, etc. What you're doing right here is listing the details one after another. Although informative, it's incredibly dull. What I want you to do is describe the situation. This is where first person gets tricky, but it's doable. Here's what I mean:
I take a deep breath and step into the stadium. The crowd starts cheering as I make my way to the edge of the battle field. The electricity throughout the stadium is intoxicating as I look over the flat battlefield to see my opponent, Felix, making his way in. Felix walks in waving his arms, greeting everyone with one of the biggest smiles I'd ever seen.
Like I said before, I'm not the best at this, but this is closer to what I what getting at. Here, I don't list the facts about the surroundings. Instead, I appeal to the senses. Above, I appealed to sight, emotions, as well as hearing to describe the excitement of the audience and the feelings of being on the floor. During the battle, I wanted to feel excited and I wanted to feel suspense, but it wasn't there. This is where your dialogue hurts you. You're relying on too much dialogue and not enough description. How are the pokemon moving? What are they doing? What are they feeling? Asking questions like who, what, when, where, why, and how will help you develop the information you need to describe the scene properly. Showing is extremely hard, but it will help your writing so much.
Remember what I said about numbers? That still applies here.
As far as the story goes, I have mixed feelings. I'm not quite sure I get the hype over the monotypes. I get that there are more monotype trainers this year than on average, but it's a bit much. I mean, naming the biggest tournament the Unova region has to offer after less than 10% of the participation bracket is a bit much. It makes it seem that the entire tournament is going to focus on them and only them. It just seems unnecessary to me.
Other than that, the plot looks good so far. The run in with the predicted winner was awkward, and not in a good way, but that could just be me. I do have a few other nitpicks, but I feel like we should just start working on the big stuff first, then work on ironing out the details. This isn't that bad. There are things the need some improving, but there are some definite strengths. What I pointed out was mainly cosmetic changes. In other words, the story itself is pretty good. It flows, there aren't any confusing jumps, and I like the idea of monotypes as I have stated before. Just keep working at it and your writing will improve in no time.