Marriage.

Started by Somniac January 31st, 2014 7:49 PM
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  • 101 replies

Somniac

Probably sleeping.

Age 31
Female
united kingdom
Seen September 1st, 2021
Posted June 23rd, 2017
736 posts
10.4 Years
It was suggested in response to my recent blog-post that I should create a thread here.

I recently got engaged, and I would be interested in hearing opinions that don't come from friends and family as for obvious reasons they are going to be biased.

My personal opinion on marriage is that it's unnecessary, and wasteful. I realize that this makes me sound somewhat hypocritical, however my partner wishes to marry me and I would do far more to please them than get married, so despite my personal opinion I did say yes.

I'm interested in knowing;

Do you think marriage is important?

Do you feel it should be more or less important?

Do you think it is more or less important for same-sex couples compared to heterosexual couples?

I'm going to include the original blog-post in a spoiler here as it includes some of the reasons that I feel contribute towards my regard of marriage as inane.
Disclaimer: My blog is largely humour-based, and poor humour at that. Don't take any of it too seriously, it reflects my opinions truthfully but is primarily written to entertain.

Please don't feel obligated to read it unless you wish to know more of my personal opinions on the matter.
Spoiler:
Of marriage and fools.


Marriage is dumb and here's why:

Firstly, a man (or a woman, for we live in strange times) purchases a highly expensive ring and presents it to their desired victim. This person is expected to place it upon their body to signify that they are 'claimed' by the former person. This is only until the wedding however, when this highly expensive ring is replaced by another more plain wedding-band.
Is this a metaphor for the loss of romance and sex-life during a relationship?

Weddings. Now those are dumb aren't they?
You will pay a fortune for a dress you'll only wear once.
It's not even multi-purpose. At-least you can pass of that black cocktail dress for a funeral at some point, but that great glittery white monstrosity will stay safely tucked away out of sight for the rest of your life.

You will pay for numerous friends and relations to eat a three course meal.
You don't even like most of them do you? You tolerate them because of that ever-so-special person sitting next to you. Imagine all the slightly-racist grandmothers, the screaming bratty cousins and borderline narcoleptic uncles. Imagine them drinking the champagne you payed far too much for, you don't even like it yourself.
No one likes champagne.
Why don't people have lager and milkshakes at their wedding?
Everyone likes milkshakes.

Next comes the dancing.
Everyone stands to observe the happy couple embrace each other and move in a predefined motion to a set piece of music. Pointless is the kind way of describing this. I am convinced dancing was created by a crazed man. There is no meaning to dancing, and no reason for the act itself. You can claim that dancing is beautiful and symbolic all you want but at the end of the day I'm going to be sat down watching you vigorously gyrating and thrusting your various body-parts at another human in an archaic imitation of a mating ritual.

Once everything is over, you are now married. Great, was it worth it?
No. Nothing has changed.
You still love your partner and they still love you.
Providing you haven't somehow offended them by say, bludgeoning their racist aunt to death before the evening is over then you will remain in mutual affection for the foreseeable future.

You now have a neat piece of paper to prove that you do indeed love-the-pants off each other, aren't you just the most adorable and sickening couple ever.

I do not understand marriage. I think it entirely pointless, it was invented by a fool and only the foolish partake in it.

Imagine my surprise when my significant other decided to propose to me recently.
I said yes, of course. Who wouldn't?

Kitty.
Spoiler:
Fixed Float!

Puddle

Mission Complete✔

Age 27
Male
Jacksonville, Florida
Seen November 17th, 2019
Posted September 5th, 2014
1,458 posts
9.4 Years
I don't think marriage is that important. It just allows everyone else to know what you already know is special and that you truly have. You don't need a marriage to spend the rest of your life with someone. It's just something that our society has made what "NEEDS to be done". However, I do like the idea of marriage and I do believe it's something that should be experienced because it is an event that builds a lot of chemistry and holds many memories.
Also, no matter what gender you enjoy, marriage should have the same priorities.

Lord Kraith 2

Старый Сергей

Age 29
Male
США Ancestral: Улан Удэ, Буятия Республик
Seen August 19th, 2014
Posted June 2nd, 2014
46 posts
9.3 Years
Yeah marriage is important, we humans are created for marriage. It part of nature.

Marriage is very important in a human life. It allows teamwork and better being for both partners and more safety too. Also it strengthens both partners. Bible says its important.

Not anti gay but I only say my opinion. I think it is more important for heterosexual couples because humans need to evolve and reproduce. Heterosexuality is normal since dawn of time. Good genes need to be pass on into new humans for a better humanity. Heterosexuality stronger than homosexuality.

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Flushed

never eat raspberries

Seen November 4th, 2017
Posted May 18th, 2017
2,301 posts
9.7 Years
There was a really sad comic I read about a same sex couple that were denied medical benefits due to them not being married (i.e. the partner is not able to make medical decisions, etc.) . Though I'm not entirely sure of the specifics, this brings up one of the physical benefits of marriage. I'm sure there are many other legal, financial, medical etc. benefits that also come into play. Additionally (or similarly), the treatment you receive may differ based on marital status. I'm not saying conform to fit these views, but in my opinion, the benefits will outweigh the costs in the end.

Beloved

Fictionally Destructive

Where ever my master takes me
Seen November 22nd, 2014
Posted November 21st, 2014
253 posts
16 Years
Yeah marriage is important, we humans are created for marriage. It part of nature.

Marriage is very important in a human life. It allows teamwork and better being for both partners and more safety too. Also it strengthens both partners. Bible says its important.

Not anti gay but I only say my opinion. I think it is more important for heterosexual couples because humans need to evolve and reproduce. Heterosexuality is normal since dawn of time. Good genes need to be pass on into new humans for a better humanity. Heterosexuality stronger than homosexuality.
Just need to point a few things out, sorry. First off, marriage has existed far longer than most known religions. In fact, marriage was a way to bring tribes together, building a stronger foundation rather than territorial disputes.

Secondly, there actually was a time when people could marry members of the same sex. This was before the bible, or any other holy text, was ever written. These, while not as common as normal marriage, were treated with the same respect as all other marriages.

Not all heterosexual couples are capable of reproducing. Does this mean that their marriage is less important than someone who brings a child into their world which is full of drug abusers? What about those who do not want children? Are they seen as less in your opinion?

As far as genetics go, I'd have to say that right now, too many idiots are being bred. That is my opinion.

My opinion is this: love is love, and if I want to marry my boyfriend, I have a right to do so. I do not care if it is against some religious text, marriage is not just for those who are attracted to the opposite sex. A homosexual marriage has no penalties on heterosexual marriage, it does not "erode" the integrity of marriage, and quite frankly, it doesn't affect anyone.


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Evanlyn

Kidneys! I've got new kidneys!

Age 27
Female
The TARDIS
Seen January 15th, 2015
Posted December 25th, 2014
256 posts
11.9 Years
In modern society, no, marriage is not important. People do everything, generally, whether they're married or not. Especially when divorce is an option, you can still break up if something goes wrong.

For me, personally, marriage will be important. I take it all very seriously (quite possibly too seriously).
If/when I get married, I want to truly love that person, and always want to be with them. Then, and only then, will I wish to do the things that start a family. Kissing is fine for me outside of marriage, but not really much else. I will also not make divorce an option.

I think marriage, actually, is more a statement to the public saying 'This person and I wish to be together', pretty much (in my case, for life).

lozzop

Monkey slut!

Age 23
Female
Manchester
Seen January 30th, 2016
Posted March 25th, 2015
248 posts
9.5 Years
I want to get married because I feel like I'd want to be able to call somebody my wife or husband, not just girlfriend or boyfriend (also yay big party!!!). But marriage is important to me for other reasons to, it's important that we both know how we feel about each other, but more importantly to me marriage isn't really proving something, it's more like a celebration of two people who love each other, otherwise you'd skip the partaaayyy and just have the piece of paper.
Although when I do get married (whether it be a boy or girl) I would rather we exchange ponies instead of rings, because ponies are far more important and awesome then some s**** piece of metal, and yet about the same price.

YAY PONIES!!!

LoudSilence

more like uncommon sense

Male
US
Seen August 7th, 2016
Posted March 17th, 2014
583 posts
9.5 Years
I'd say historically, it was in fact an important institution: marriages were used to build ties between clans/families/nations, to establish social status, and helped in determining parentage (no DNA tests back then).

Nowadays, it carries little significance beyond religious/cultural beliefs; it's as important as you make it. That said, I appreciate monogamy and exclusivity, and do think it makes for a better society on the whole (a discussion for another time). Being married doesn't physically prevent anyone from breaching that, I know, but it serves as a useful label for saying "she is for me and I am for her".

I like feeling like someone belongs to me and I to them. Somehow an unpopular notion nowadays.
この世界は素晴らしい。

LilyAnn

All your base are belong to us

Non-binary
America
Seen December 17th, 2018
Posted August 12th, 2017
351 posts
9.5 Years
People don't seem to take it nearly as seriously as they used to. And so many get divorced and remarried. It's just not right. I can understand if people get divorced 1-2 times but any more than that and it's a bit much.

I, myself, don't plan on getting married. I see no reason to tie myself down to a guy. Usually they want kids and I don't. I've also seen every marriage end in divorce except for my Amish relatives and their marriages.

Beloved

Fictionally Destructive

Where ever my master takes me
Seen November 22nd, 2014
Posted November 21st, 2014
253 posts
16 Years
I'd say historically, it was in fact an important institution: marriages were used to build ties between clans/families/nations, to establish social status, and helped in determining parentage (no DNA tests back then).

Nowadays, it carries little significance beyond religious/cultural beliefs; it's as important as you make it. That said, I appreciate monogamy and exclusivity, and do think it makes for a better society on the whole (a discussion for another time). Being married doesn't physically prevent anyone from breaching that, I know, but it serves as a useful label for saying "she is for me and I am for her".

I like feeling like someone belongs to me and I to them. Somehow an unpopular notion nowadays.
I am right there with you. I love when my boyfriend calls me his, and makes sure others know it. I do the same thing to him, too. It just feels right.


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Raine

Age 29
Female
Ontario, Canada
Seen December 16th, 2017
Posted October 5th, 2017
3,722 posts
9.3 Years
Marriage I don't think is absolutely necessary. There are probably couples out there who would rather not put a label and pay for a piece of paper that says they are each other's "property." That being said, I think shotgun weddings are happening more frequently than before because 50% marriages end up divorce anyway. Nowadays, women are becoming more independent and happy being single instead of being tied down. As a result, they are either pushing marriage into later years or not getting married at all. My sister, for example, has no plan to get married or have kids because she feels like she can support herself financially and doesn't need anyone else helping her.

Despite that, I for one, would like to get married. It just creates a sense of comfort, and knowing that someone will always be there for you. But I'm not saying it's necessary or of the utmost importance that everything else has to be dropped for it to happen. People have their own ways of making relationships work and whatever it is, they will know what's best for them and their partners.

Sopheria

響け〜 響け!

深き海の彼方
Seen July 19th, 2022
Posted December 17th, 2017
4,904 posts
9.5 Years
For me, marriage isn't all that important, but hopefully some awesome guy will come around and change my mind :)

As a whole, I think marriage is fairly important because it creates a more stable environment for families. Even with divorce being so common, there's still a set of conditions that have to be met before a court will even consider a divorce.
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Lord Kraith 2

Старый Сергей

Age 29
Male
США Ancestral: Улан Удэ, Буятия Республик
Seen August 19th, 2014
Posted June 2nd, 2014
46 posts
9.3 Years
Wow, Western people have opposite views on marriage. Definely the exactly opposite from my culture. Where I from everyone believes marriage is a extreme important part of life. Culture same for more than 90 years. First time I hear about Western view on marriage. Very strange.

Also, to the person who talks about divorce, it is very bad thing. Shouldn't happen at all not even once.

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acatfrommars

Male
Seen February 5th, 2023
Posted January 9th, 2023
3,870 posts
9.6 Years
I don't think that marriage is necessary, most people marriage because they want to. A lot of people also marriage because of religion and what they have been taught and believe in. If you love someone with all of your heart, I believe that you should marry them. If you don't then I believe that you will regret it, and if you love someone more than you love yourself then you should want to be with them for the rest of your life. Also, one of our main purposes in life is to reproduce and one of the best ways is marriage. I think it's important only if you love someone, no gold digging! I think it's the same importance no matter if you're heterosexual or homosexual, both should marry if they truly love the individual.

I think divorce should only happen once the kids are grown up. divorce in a young person's life can ruin them socially and have bad psychological effects on them. I think that divorce among parents with young kids is selfish. You guys chose to marry each other, make it work out for your kid's sake.

derozio

door-kun best boii

Male
Akihabara
Seen June 27th, 2020
Posted August 16th, 2019
5,514 posts
14 Years
For most indians, marriage is an inevitability and not a choice. It will happen. It has to happen. After a certain age, parents will start bugging you. And the society here is strongly against letting unmarried people stay together for too long. You wish to stay with a girl? Marry her. Also, sex before marriage is looked down upon. My parents wouldn't want it, tbh.

Also, arranged marriage lives in India. And still happens a lot. I don't like it but...well, I love my parents far too much to force them to let me have a love marriage.

Either way, my personal opinion on it is - good if the couple are in love and absolutely committed. If they can live with each other their entire lives. Otherwise, if you prefer to be free with no shackles around you - just stay unmarried. I just don't see how marriage does make a big difference in the west, tbh. It does in India, though. Oooh boy, does it. Marriage - a contract that binds you for the rest of your lives here. You not happy with your partner? Too bad, try and work it out. Want divorce? Keep it as a last resort - society doesn't like divorcees. People will talk - you'll bring shame to your families. So stick withj each other somehow.

Seriously, sometimes I just wonder when the hell the indian society will change.

Either way, bottom line - if you can find your chosen one, the one for you, then marriage can maybe serve as a catalyst to bring you closer. And would do you good. Doesn't matter whether we're dealing with homos or heteroes here. Applicable for all, imo.
Seen July 22nd, 2016
Posted July 22nd, 2016
900 posts
12.8 Years
Is marriage important? That really depends on what you and your partner want out of life. Marriage does have some very important benefits that protects both partners. For one, if you are married and you travel to a different country, or even province/state, that little piece of paper you get ensures that should one of you become ill or injured and are hospitalized as a result, you can make medical decisions for your partner if he/she is unable to do so themselves. This is a right that is pretty much universal in every country you visit. If you are married, most countries will recognize you as such by their own laws and treat you accordingly. At the same time, if you are not married, any other legal arrangements you make ahead of time to deal with issues such as a medical emergency can be overridden by a close family member of the person stricken with illness or injury. Because by law, a non-married couple are legally considered strangers to one another.

Second, marriage has some very definite financial benefits in the event one of you should die. Especially where inheritance benefits are concerned. As a married couple the surviving partner would generally not be assessed a tax upon inheriting your deceased partner's property and/or money.

So while yes, it is just another piece of paper you have to file away someplace, there are far too many benefits to ignore, and trying to get those benefits any other way can be expensive and may not even work when it's needed.
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zakisrage

In the trunk on Highway 10

Age 27
Male
Newcastle, NSW, Australia
Seen November 16th, 2016
Posted November 16th, 2016
500 posts
9.8 Years
Do you think marriage is important?

It very much is. If both spouses play your cards right, marriage can last a long time. My dad's parents have been married for 59 years, and they're quite happy together. They had an arranged marriage, but the two of them were willing to make it work. (My great-grandparents arranged my grandparents' marriage very carefully because they wanted a good match. My grandmother had a sister who was in an unhappy marriage to a domineering man 15 years her senior, and was sorely jealous of my grandma for getting a good husband. The two reconciled after the sister's husband died.) Arranged marriages are still common in Lebanon, though many younger people prefer to pick their own spouses. My parents were allowed to pick each other. In Islam, a man can divorce a woman with the drop of a hat. A woman has it a bit harder - she must go to court.

Do you feel it should be more or less important?

It should be more important. Considering how many people get divorced for no reason these days, I'd say we should strengthen marriage.

Do you think it is more or less important for same-sex couples compared to heterosexual couples?

I'd say about the same.

Reecho

Age 27
Male
Kentucky
Seen September 9th, 2014
Posted June 9th, 2014
61 posts
9.6 Years
As for me, marriage will be important. Anything more than kissing outside of marriage is out of bounds, also I don't think that to be married you need a wedding or rings or any of that stuff. You just need you, the love of your life, and the understanding and commitment that you are together for ever.

I think this post has been the sappiest I've ever been.
Female
Seen December 11th, 2014
Posted September 11th, 2014
11 posts
9.3 Years
I agree to the fact that the wedding and the ring and all the other extravagances of getting married are ridiculous and pointless, and I would also rather avoid it myself. However, I do think that marriage is important for legal reasons. In most countries there are many legal, medical, tax, property, and more rights and benefits to being married that you can't get through cohabitation.

I think that getting married shouldn't be as important as it is to society, but I do understand the reason for having a legal binding showing that two people are living together as a partnership so that you can give them the rights and benefits associated with that.

Shhmew

Age 28
Female
drifting
Seen November 3rd, 2014
Posted March 27th, 2014
332 posts
9.7 Years
Hmmm... interesting stuff said in this thread ;o Guess I'll throw in some words...

Personally, I think marriage is all just labels and papers... While marrying my boyfriend does sound nice, I definitely don't want to commit to marrying him until we've been together for a good while and have our lives figured out. I don't think people should even think about marriage until maybe their 20s, or at least until they know what they want to do with themselves, as any earlier than that can lead to rash decisions that could very well not work out. I'm definitely not saying you're automatically doomed if you get married young, more just saying I know the chances of it working out aren't as likely. If you seriously feel you want to be with this person forever, why not just chill for a few more years before making such a commitment? Then you can get a better feel for your partner and such a decision may be stronger, more important, and made with more confidence and insight.

As for divorce, it makes me sad some people believe it shouldn't even be an option. Should married couples try to work out their differences? Absolutely, you agree to doing such when you get married. But what happens when you just can't work it out? My poor parents got to the point where they couldn't even be in the same room without arguing, eventually leading to screaming and throwing things. They tried lots of marriage counseling, none of it worked out... my mom fell depressed and my dad fell violent. In fact they only stayed together because they figured divorce would be a heavy weight on me and my sisters. When in all reality, them being together was tearing us apart. They planned a trip to Disneyland, and we were like, yay, Disneyland! But it was complete torture. The entire time they just screamed at each other and I remember myself and my sisters crying and just wanting to go home so we had a room to hide in. When they finally divorced, they were able to breathe and move on, and our entire family is so much happier. It's sad, but it's how it was.

I just think divorce should certainly be an option open for those who did make mistakes in marrying someone who just isn't right for them. People shouldn't see divorce as "Oh, well if things don't work out we can still break up." People should definitely take marriage more seriously. But unfortunately, everyone makes mistakes, and I don't think they should be doomed to share their life with someone who is toxic to them forever as a sort of punishment. There should be a way out for them, and it's a shame some take advantage of it. I wish this particular mistake wasn't as often though. u.u

Same thing applies to same-sex couples in my head, they're still human and still in love so I don't really recognize any differences there.

And finally, in my opinion "saving yourself" for marriage is silly. There's no shame in sex and as long as you are safe and careful (and old enough lol), you should be able to experiment and have fun in that regard with whoever you want. just my opinion please don't kill me
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Male
Junkertown
Seen April 17th, 2018
Posted December 1st, 2017
261 posts
9.3 Years
Do you think marriage is important?
Yes, I do. I've been brought up to believe that marriage is a rite of passage and an inevitable future event in my life. I don't actively think "oh I could marry this person" when I'm in a relationship, but I believe that one day, I will get married as society dictates. It just seems like I will do it some day. It doesn't feel like I'm being pressured or forced into it, but I know I've been brought up in a society that dictates you have to get married to be a part of it. It's weird.

Do you feel it should be more or less important?
I think the importance of marriage is down to the individual, so N/A for this one.

Do you think it is more or less important for same-sex couples compared to heterosexual couples?
Like I said, it's down to the individual. Though currently in society it's a pretty big thing for non-heterosexual couples to get married, since such a thing has been suppressed for so long. Eventually, I hypothesise, the term "marriage" won't make us think of a man and a woman saying vowels, but two people saying vowels.
Age 31
Male
Italy
Seen April 6th, 2020
Posted December 8th, 2014
140 posts
12.9 Years
I will probably never get married because I am the worst nitpicker ever and will make your life miserable in a short amount of time ( unless you are perfect, that is ).
Having said this, I still hold some opinion on marriage: it's an unnecessary thing for sure.
If two individuals love each other ( be it same gender or opposites is the same in this regard, love is love ) that should be enough. Marriage is just something that society and religion expects of couples. It has its advantages ( two people paying the bills ) and drawbacks ( being tied to someone you don't love anymore and having to fight for your children sucks ) legally, that's for sure, so it's not something that can be done on a whim, unless you want to ruin your life and that of your children.
But in the end, it can be a beautiful thing. Not being married itself, but loving another individual so much that you want to spend the rest of your life with them, regardless!

Ultramarine

Turn the tables

Age 24
Male
Illinois, USA
Seen October 12th, 2014
Posted October 10th, 2014
148 posts
9.5 Years
In the modern world, i do not believe society sees marriage as important. They'll go ahead and do many things that used to be exclusive to marriage anyway (whether they are religious or not), and a lot of people divorce.

I do believe it should be more important, at least to people of faith. There are many people who consider themselves Catholics who will break many of the rules that Catholicism has laid down. If you're not religious, then fine, do whatever. You don't really have any restrictions when it comes to that.

Marriage is equally important no matter what the gender of the two people involved may be. While most heterosexual couples can reproduce, that is going to happen outside of marriage anyway, so it doesn't give their marriage superiority.