Creative Writing 101 Week #3: Dialogue

Started by Nolafus April 21st, 2014 11:06 PM
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Nolafus

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Sorry for getting this out a little late. It's been one heck of a Monday, so this is the first opportunity I got to post it. Anyway, this week is all about dialogue, so enjoy!

Dialogue

You may be wondering why I’m spending an entire week on just dialogue, but trust me, we have a lot to go over. Dialogue is extremely important to your story. Often times, it’s where your character’s personality really comes out. I’m not just talking about what your character says, but how they say it. Besides that, there’s the grammar. There’s so many things to keep in mind. It’s almost as confusing as commas, but I don’t think there’s anything as confusing as commas.

Anyway, let’s start with what your characters are saying. Dialogue can be a great way to convey what your character thinks, feels, and all of that stuff. However, there are good ways, and bad ways, to go about this. The most important thing to remember is that your characters are going to be saying these things. Which means, your dialogue has to sound like real people are going to say it. Otherwise, your character will sound fake, and that’s never a good thing. If this is something you struggle with, try acting out your scenes. If you have a hard time saying what you’re writing down, it may be time to reconsider.

One common thing I've seen is that writers will use a conversation between two people to convey the history between the two to the reader. Just so that I’m clear, I’ll provide an example between an old married couple:
Barry gazed across the room to his wife on the other side. Her eyes were glued to a book, and she was mouthing the words as she read, something Barry always found cute about her. He smiled.

“Do you remember the first time we met, Martha?” Barry asked

Martha looked up from her book. “I think so. Oh, it was so long ago.”

Barry stroked his face in a thoughtful manner. “It was back in 1963, July, I think. The sun was shining, but I was stuck inside the mall shopping with my mom. I was browsing the clothing aisles when I saw the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.”

Martha chuckled. “And I saw a creepy boy who wouldn't stop staring at me. But, he was kind of cute, so I said ‘yes’ when he asked me on a date.”
Okay, so we now know how the couple met, and roughly how long they knew each other. It seems like a great way to get this information across, but don’t. This hardly ever works. I want you to tell me the last time you talked with your best friend about when you two first met. I can say with complete confidence that you can’t, simply because it’s not something people really talk about. The trick with dialogue is to make it believable, and about things that would seem appropriate at the time. In fact, if you’re writing out a conversation correctly, it almost writes itself. You have to let the conversation flow, and the dialogue comes naturally.

Now, it’s time to get to the part of writing we all love to hate, grammar. Since dialogue is a flexible part of writing, it can get pretty complicated when it comes to structure and grammar. I’ll just start with the basic form:
Billy said, “I love cookies.”
“I love cookies,” Billy said.
There’s two parts here. There’s the actual dialogue, and the part that identifies the speaker. To stay away from the obvious, you’ll notice that the two parts form one sentence. However, you have to capitalize both parts as if they formed two sentences. It’s like the comma that splits the two is actually a period, but it’s not. Confusing yet? Now, if you’re putting the dialogue first, you only replace the final punctuation with a comma if it’s a period. If it’s an exclamation point or a question mark, you leave it there.

”I love cookies,” Billy said. “There's nothing better than a cookie right out of the oven.”
“I love cookies.” Billy said, “There's nothing better than a cookie right out of the oven.”
When the dialogue is interrupted like this, the only difference would be where the comma is placed. It can go after the first segment of dialogue, or after the identifying segment. It's really up to the writer. One thing to keep in mind though, is flow. In the above examples, I would personally use the top line, simply because it flows better, and it makes the most sense. If I were to use the bottom, it's not wrong, but the flow is interrupted and it sounds, for the lack of a better word, weird.

”I love cookies.”
Yes, you can have just dialogue. It’s a little riskier because you’re not specifically stating who’s talking, so make sure you make it obvious with the context of the story.

And that’s pretty much all there is to dialogue. It’s an important part of any story, you just have to be careful when you go about using it. Make sure that whatever you’re writing sounds like something someone would actually say. If you’re having trouble with that, try acting the scene out. Grammar can be really confusing, but just remember what I pointed out, and you should be fine. Just keep your head and you’ll get the hang of dialogue before you know it.

Homework Assignment:
Alright, it’s time to get in touch with your inner critic and fix this following conversation. There will be multiple errors, and I haven’t covered all of them here, so make sure to pay attention. I know some of you are a little skeptical about your reviewing skills, so we’re going to be working on that as well. Which means, I not only want you to fix it, but point out the mistakes and tell me why it's wrong.
” So, what are you up to?” Henry asked.

“ I am up to nothing.” Alex replied. “I am playing video games.”

“ Which game?

“ Zombie Takedown 3,”

Oh man, I stink at that game.” Henry said, “Hey, you wanna go get sum pizza?”

“Okay, but no pepperoni.” Alex replied, pausing his game.
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bobandbill

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I start by offering up a link to a really old thread here (don't post on it unless you want to try and break bumping records!) http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=132528 It's a useful in-depth guide on punctuation and etc with dialogue.

On realistic conversation, I would suggest reading it out loud, as if you are saying it yourself (for bonus marks, pretend you are the character and say it how they would speak). It helps you figure out if it sounds authentic or not.

I will have to disagree on one point though, Nolafus:
”I love cookies,” Billy said. “Especially if they have chocolate chips.”
“I love cookies.” Billy said, “Especially if they have chocolate chips.”
When the dialogue is interrupted like this, the only difference would be where the comma is placed. It can go after the first segment of dialogue, or after the identifying segment. It really doesn’t matter.
I feel that it can matter (it doesn't always, but that depends on context). Not because it's incorrect (it isn't), but more because the second case sounds off to me when he's saying both lines. In the first case he's clearly continuing (indicated by the second dialogue being within the same paragraph as the first, i.e. same speaker), but the second case seems odd in using said there, because it indicates that he may not have said the first line despite the paragraphing rule suggesting he had. Nitpicky I suppose, but it did sound odd.

Of course, a few changed words does demonstrate the point you intend that grammatically it doesn't matter:
”I love cookies,” Billy continued. “Especially if they have chocolate chips.”
”I love cookies.” Billy continued, “Especially if they have chocolate chips.”
But then something does actually change. The first case suggests he spoke earlier, the second one does not. Then you could probably flesh it out...
I love cookies." Billy licked his lips and continued, "Especially if they have chocolate chips."
And that wording wouldn't work as well in terms of flow if you swapped the comma and full stop, imo. All depends on when you decide for a sentence to end and if it makes sense for it to end there.

The point is that dialogue is easy to screw up. I did so myself until someone taught me in a review about mixing up full stops/commas and when to use them at the end of dialogue, haha.


I'll just post this now, and edit in my homework (or post again) later with my answer. Got to do my extra interview questions anyhow. No peaking at other people's responses until you give it a go, everyone! =p

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Nolafus

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I see, Bobandbill. Alright, I would have to agree with you. The point I was trying to make was that it could go either way and still be right, but I'll add a little blurb about flow. Thanks for pointing that out!
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starseed galaxy auticorn

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Someone actually told me to use a comma. D: Like for example:

"I can't believe you did that," I said.
That's how I've always written my dialogue since I was told that adding the period was incorrect, but now I'm just really confused. ._.

Nolafus

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Someone actually told me to use a comma. D: Like for example:



That's how I've always written my dialogue since I was told that adding the period was incorrect, but now I'm just really confused. ._.
No, that's correct. Which part had you confused? Some of these sections were hard to word properly, so I apologize if there was any confusion.
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bobandbill

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Yeah, it can be easy to get confused about it. Dialogue is a tricky thing.

Here's another way to look at it; maybe that can help.
"I can't believe you did that," I said.
If you wanted to use a full stop after 'you did that', then you would be ending the sentence there. That means that the part following the dialogue would work by itself as its own sentence.
I said.
However, 'I said' doesn't work by itself, especially as it's referring directly to the dialogue.

Ergo, you cannot treat that part as a separate sentence, but rather it and the dialogue as one sentence. That's why you cannot use a full stop there. You can use a comma, or exclamation mark, or question mark... just not a full stop in the above example.

An example of when a full stop is fine:
"I can't believe you did that." I then stomped my foot.
"I can't believe you did that!" I then stomped my foot.
'I then stomped my foot' does work as a separate sentence and has no direct reference (or reliance, if you will) to the dialogue, and so you can use a full stop at the end of the dialogue, as a new sentence begins straight after. Likewise, you can still use other punctuation like a ! in this case. But if you are treating 'I then stomped my foot' as a separate sentence to the dialogue, then using a comma would be incorrect.

In the end it always depends on the dialogue and what directly follows it in what punctuation is correct to use.


Spoiler:
Another way to consider it - keeping in mind that ! and ? and other niche punctuation is fine to use in dialogue regardless of if the sentence ends when the dialogue stops or not [let's face it, English is dumb at times], pretend there's no quotation marks.
"I can't believe you did that." I then stomped my foot.
to
I can't believe you did that. I then stomped my foot.
"I can't believe you did that," I then stomped my foot.
to
I can't believe you did that, I then stomped my foot.
The first case shows that they are two sentences, just that one is dialogue (and hence it needs quotation marks). The second case however becomes a run-on sentence by using the comma, and so is incorrect.

In addition, this is fine:
"I can't believe you did that," I said.
to
I can't believe you did that, I said.
But again, 'I cannot believe you did that. I said' wouldn't work.

In each of those two example,s you could have used a ! and it would have worked. So this trick doesn't work out if you forget that detail. It only applies to commas and full stops.



In short, you were told correctly, RainbowSky, but hopefully you understand why now. :)

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I edited the things. Hopefully my explanations for the changes are good enough~

Spoiler:
”So, what are you up to?” Henry asked.

There shouldn't be a space after that first quotation mark, per grammar rules, so I'll remove them wherever they lurk. Also, I don't like that comma after "so" and would replace it with an ellipsis, but that's just personal preference. It looks like a nasty mistake, but it's not...right?

“I'm not up to anything,” Alex replied. “Just playing a video game.”

Grammatically, everything was fine except for the fact that the first quote shouldn't end in a period. It just can't. It's against the rules. Stylistically, this is ratty. The rest of the changes I made are just messin' around with the dialogue. Make it spicy. I also changed "video games" to "a video game" to match it to the next sentence better.

“Which game?"

Added quotation marks to the tail-end of it for grammar's sake. It's not the same formatting as the rest of it, but I'll excuse it.

“Zombie Takedown 3.”

Changed the comma to a period, since there is no "he said" or similar statement to continue this sentence.

"Oh man, I stink at that game.” Henry smeared a finger across his nose as he said, “Hey, you wanna go get some pizza?”

Added quotation marks at the front to properly start that quote. Like that Bob-Bill guy was getting at (maybe), it seems kind of weird to interrupt quotes from the same person just to say "they said." That's not giving up any new information here. So I've gotta Spice it Up by adding some sort of mood change, action, etc. Alternatively, I could've combined the quotes, but oh well. Lastly, changed "sum" to "some." That's the wrong homonym and it's not really slang or representing an accent, so it must go.

“Okay, but no pepperoni,” Alex replied, pausing his game.

Changed the period in the quote to a comma because the sentence it's in keeps going.

Vincent

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So yeah, this is what I think was wrong, hope its right to be honest.

Spoiler:

” So, what are you up to?” Henry asked.

Here, I think the only problems here are the quotation mark as it is backwards to the right and the space of the quotation mark to the first word.

“ I am up to nothing.” Alex replied. “I am playing video games.”

Well here, the space again is here between the quotation mark and the first word, furthermore I personally feel that the grammar although right sounds very primitive to me.

“ Which game?

Again, the spacing =-=, and then quotation mark on the right is missing and that's about it.

“ Zombie Takedown 3,”

Again, dare I say it, the spacing of the quotation mark. Then the comma on the right. I feel that you need to follow up another dialogue when presenting a comma by the end of a phrase like dialogue. Hope that's not too hard to understand.

Oh man, I stink at that game.” Henry said, “Hey, you wanna go get sum pizza?”

This part, The opening quotation mark is missing
which was a surprise (LOL), Again though I feel that the "Henry said" is really bland and weak, It looks like its at the bottom of normal writing, It needs more movement more err- uniqueness to the situation and last is the grammar of the word "some".

“Okay, but no pepperoni.” Alex replied, pausing his game.

This looks good enough but the period at the end of the first part of the dialogue doesn't fit the whole dialogue since it's continuing through. And that's what I think is wrong :D

Phantom

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“Do you remember the first time we met, Martha?” Barry asked

Martha looked up from her book, “I think so. Oh, it was so long ago.”

Barry stroked his face in a thoughtful manner, “It was back in 1963, July, I think. The sun was shining, but I was stuck inside the mall shopping with my mom. I was browsing the clothing aisles when I saw the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.”

Martha chuckled, “And I saw a creepy boy who wouldn't stop staring at me. But, he was kind of cute, so I said ‘yes’ when he asked me on a date.”
Actually, the most of the dialogue in that old people conversation grammatically incorrect.

It should be:

“Do you remember the first time we met, Martha?” Barry asked

Martha looked up from her book. “I think so. Oh, it was so long ago.”

Barry stroked his face in a thoughtful manner. “It was back in 1963, July, I think. The sun was shining, but I was stuck inside the mall shopping with my mom. I was browsing the clothing aisles when I saw the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.”

Martha chuckled. “And I saw a creepy boy who wouldn't stop staring at me. But, he was kind of cute, so I said ‘yes’ when he asked me on a date.”
One way I always tell my writers is that if it's not a speaking action, then don't use the comma. This includes actions like chuckling, sighing, laughing, etc.

Also with:

”I love cookies,” Billy said. “Especially if they have chocolate chips.”
The best way to write that sentence would be...

”I love cookies,” Billy said, “especially if they have chocolate chips.”
Now if you wanted to give an example of a split...
"I went to the store yesterday," Bob said. "Did you know that milk was on sale?"
Those are two separate sentences.

Nolafus

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You know what? This isn't my week. XD

Thanks for pointing that out Phantom, I'll fix it. I guess that this is further proof on how confusing dialogue can be.

Don't worry, I'll get to the homework soon. It's just been a long day, so I'm going to procrastinate on it a little bit.
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bobandbill

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Spoiler:
“So, what are you up to?” Henry asked.
Killed extra space at the beginning of the line, and everywhere else. Maybe a formatting issue? Also first quotation mark was around the wrong way. Sneaky!

“Nothing,” Alex replied. “Just playing video games.”
Changed some dialogue so it sounded like a more natural response, and the full-stop after 'nothing' became a comma.

“Which game?"
Missing quotation mark.

“Zombie Takedown 3.”
Comma changed to full stop. I might have also added a bit of description after this too, but eh.

"Oh man, I stink at that game,” Henry said with a sigh. “Hey, you wanna go get some pizza?”
Missing quotation mark, swapped comma and full stop. Sum --> some. Added 'with a sigh' just to make it a bit less bland, but again could always do more.

“Okay, but no pepperoni,” Alex replied, pausing his game.
Comma --> full stop.

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Nolafus

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Alright, better late than never! Sorry about that, but I was making sure I had everything down.

@ xXx~MahouShoujoFruitieBasket~xXx
Spoiler:
”So, what are you up to?” Henry asked.

There shouldn't be a space after that first quotation mark, per grammar rules, so I'll remove them wherever they lurk. Also, I don't like that comma after "so" and would replace it with an ellipsis, but that's just personal preference. It looks like a nasty mistake, but it's not...right?
You got everything here! To answer your question, yes, it's up to personal preference. A comma or an ellipsis would have worked.

“I'm not up to anything,” Alex replied. “Just playing a video game.”

Grammatically, everything was fine except for the fact that the first quote shouldn't end in a period. It just can't. It's against the rules. Stylistically, this is ratty. The rest of the changes I made are just messin' around with the dialogue. Make it spicy. I also changed "video games" to "a video game" to match it to the next sentence better.
Alright, you got everything here as well. I like how you provided an example of what to do.

“Which game?"

Added quotation marks to the tail-end of it for grammar's sake. It's not the same formatting as the rest of it, but I'll excuse it.
Looks good to me!

“Zombie Takedown 3.”

Changed the comma to a period, since there is no "he said" or similar statement to continue this sentence.
No qualms here.

"Oh man, I stink at that game.” Henry smeared a finger across his nose as he said, “Hey, you wanna go get some pizza?”

Added quotation marks at the front to properly start that quote. Like that Bob-Bill guy was getting at (maybe), it seems kind of weird to interrupt quotes from the same person just to say "they said." That's not giving up any new information here. So I've gotta Spice it Up by adding some sort of mood change, action, etc. Alternatively, I could've combined the quotes, but oh well. Lastly, changed "sum" to "some." That's the wrong homonym and it's not really slang or representing an accent, so it must go.
Looks good to me, nice detail explaining things.

“Okay, but no pepperoni,” Alex replied, pausing his game.

Changed the period in the quote to a comma because the sentence it's in keeps going.
Alright, it looks good to me.

Overall, really good. I like the explanations you put explaining what I did wrong.


@ Thy King Slate
Spoiler:
” So, what are you up to?” Henry asked.

Here, I think the only problems here are the quotation mark as it is backwards to the right and the space of the quotation mark to the first word.
Yup, you got it!

“ I am up to nothing.” Alex replied. “I am playing video games.”

Well here, the space again is here between the quotation mark and the first word, furthermore I personally feel that the grammar although right sounds very primitive to me.
Technically nothing wrong here, but I think something could be improved on. I think you meant to comment on the content of the dialogue, but "grammar" isn't the word for that. You were right with saying that the dialogue sounded not natural, but the way you went about it could have been reworded a bit.

“ Which game?

Again, the spacing =-=, and then quotation mark on the right is missing and that's about it.
Yup, you're right! Although, I'm not sure what "=-=" is...

“ Zombie Takedown 3,”

Again, dare I say it, the spacing of the quotation mark. Then the comma on the right. I feel that you need to follow up another dialogue when presenting a comma by the end of a phrase like dialogue. Hope that's not too hard to understand.
I got what you were saying, but it was a little weirdly put. Other than that, you were good.

Oh man, I stink at that game.” Henry said, “Hey, you wanna go get sum pizza?”

This part, The opening quotation mark is missing which was a surprise (LOL), Again though I feel that the "Henry said" is really bland and weak, It looks like its at the bottom of normal writing, It needs more movement more err- uniqueness to the situation and last is the grammar of the word "some".
It looks good to me.

“Okay, but no pepperoni.” Alex replied, pausing his game.

This looks good enough but the period at the end of the first part of the dialogue doesn't fit the whole dialogue since it's continuing through. And that's what I think is wrong :D
The statement after the dialogue still relies on the dialogue, so you're right.

Overall, not bad. I would work on how you word some things. It got a bit confusing at times, but it wasn't bad.


@ Bobandbill
Spoiler:
“So, what are you up to?” Henry asked.
Killed extra space at the beginning of the line, and everywhere else. Maybe a formatting issue? Also first quotation mark was around the wrong way. Sneaky!
You got everything here!

“Nothing,” Alex replied. “Just playing video games.”
Changed some dialogue so it sounded like a more natural response, and the full-stop after 'nothing' became a comma.
Looks good to me. Nice dialogue example, that does look a lot better.

“Which game?"
Missing quotation mark.
Yup, you got it.

“Zombie Takedown 3.”
Comma changed to full stop. I might have also added a bit of description after this too, but eh.
Correct, and I do like the tip you added. It's a nice little detail.

"Oh man, I stink at that game,” Henry said with a sigh. “Hey, you wanna go get some pizza?”
Missing quotation mark, swapped comma and full stop. Sum --> some. Added 'with a sigh' just to make it a bit less bland, but again could always do more.
Alright, you got everything here.

“Okay, but no pepperoni,” Alex replied, pausing his game.
Comma --> full stop.
Alright, looks good.

Overall, really good. What I really liked were the few extra details you fit into the critique. It really helps.
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countryemo

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Spoiler:

”So... what are you up to?” Henry asked, bored out of his mind.
I fixed the space after the first quote mark, which I think you did on all of these, haha. I replaced the comma with an ellipsis, mainly because it fits better with what I added at the end, more drawn out. I added a reason for him to be asking the question.
“I ain't doing much,” Alex replied. “Just playing a video game.”
I replaced the whole first part to make it sound more natural and ended it with a comma instead of a period, also editing the dialogue in the second part.
“Which game?"
Added the end quote.
“Zombie Takedown 3.”
Replaced the comma with a period, don't see much wrong besides that.
"Oh man, I stink at that game,” Henry said. “Hey, you wanna go get some pizza?”
The qoute at the start was missing. Again with the comma with to an period, twice. Then I fixed sum to some.
“Okay, but no pepperoni.” Alex explained, pausing his game in the process.
Didn't find much wrong with this one. Switched replied to explained, it flowed better, also added more onto the end to make it less harsh.

Easier assignment, hope I did ok. Sorry its late!