I tried to make the story more realistic looking heh. ^_^; It's not as funny as the previous chapters . . . but meh. Enjoy!
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Private Message: Re: OMGWTFBBQSAUCE!!
From: Reviewer # 10
To: Reviewer # 15, Reviewer # 14, Reviewer # 2
Hey guys! What's up? Heard that 14 and 15 took boon as one of their underlings- I mean "students". >=D I hope she is cooperating. You know how these little n00b-lets get sometimes (especially you reviewer # 2. You jumped on # 1's arse the first time you got one of his reviews XD).
You don't control me by the way.
Anyways, I'm sure all of us would like to hear about her . . . progress.
Private Message: Re: OMGWTFBBQSAUCE!!
From: Reviewer # 15
To: Reviewer # 10, Reviewer # 14, Reviewer # 2
Oh geez 10, did you have to bring boon up? >> How come all we talk about are fanfics! Don't you care about my life anymore! ;.;
Stubborn little moron that boon. Did you know that she is a he? o.0 He doesn't seem like it huh? Then again, 2 seemed like a real fruit too and he turned out to be an arrogant idiot. :)
Well, we got him to replaced the legendaries with regular Pokmon (of course Pikachu, Eevee, and ... something else that I can't recall, but it's most likely overused as well) so that's an improvement right? He refuses to change the character though except to make Jessica a Jesse instead. You know, a guy instead of girl. I told him that it's usually easier to write for a character that's your same age and gender (in my case anyways).
He also wouldn't let us do our jobs. You know BETA a fic? All we could do is tell him the basics in grammar. =/ I'm so dreading him posting now.
Private Message: Re: OMGWTFBBQSAUCE!!
From: Reviewer # 14
To: Reviewer # 10, Reviewer # 15, Reviewer # 2
What's that suppose to mean 15! Are you saying that girls write crappy their first time! Sexist pig! XP
Widdle boony-kins should be posting another preview in his thread at the Authors Cafe. Have you noticed that only one person (# 11) has recommended him to read the Basic FAQ? :\ Ah well . . . The boy is going to tarnish our good name 15 if he doesn't get any better.
Private Message: Re: OMGWTFBBQSAUCE!!
From: Reviewer # 2
To: Reviewer # 10, Reviewer # 14, Reviewer # 15
And what good name would that be? :D Love ya too 14! *evil laugh*
I don't know why you guys encourage the little twit. He is never going to listen to you. You know all hope is lost if he doesn't listen to the fic "celebs". *roll eyes*
The boy is stupid . . .
Private Message: Re: OMGWTFBBQSAUCE!!
From: Reviewer # 15
To: Reviewer # 10, Reviewer # 14, Reviewer # 2
Originally Posted by Reviewer # 2
Love ya too 14!
She's mine! Back off! *snatches his precious and runs*
But yes, the boy is stupid . . . *hiss*
Private Message: Re: OMGWTFBBQSAUCE!!
From: Reviewer # 10
To: Reviewer # 15, Reviewer # 14, Reviewer # 2
I like all this Harry Potter and LOTR mixture we've got going on here. Anyways, I just checked New Posts and his thread is updated. Everyone ready for this?
Private Message: Re: OMGWTFBBQSAUCE!!
From: Reviewer # 15
To: Reviewer # 10, Reviewer # 14, Reviewer # 2
No ... REWIND TIME NOW!
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boon
cheeserz!!! XD
Alrighty!!!!!!!!!!1 I gotted 3 count thme 3 betas for me fic so it shoujld be much better then b4!!!!!!!!!! yah!!!!!!!!!!!!!
me hopes u likey. :( me b sad if u dont..
Jesse Sycamore woke up with a start an alarm ringing in the distance as he slammed his fist on the clock shutting it up and practcaly shatttering it in to tiny peices but he did not care for today was the day he was gooing to become a opke'mon master!!!!!!! he was excitedno doubt in he
was ready to beat n e 1 that dared stands in his way for he was the greatest,the bomb really.
Throwing clothes, the 10 boy stared at himself in the mirror nodded in approoval
at his pants, shirt, gloves, hat and messy hair that sits neatly on the head.
"Crud, Im late arent i?" he questioned himself running towards his door only to trip at the stairs. *CRASH BOOM BASHH!!!!!* were the noises that fallowed as he rolled down the stairs landed at his mothers feet. "siorry mom, gotta go!!!" he shouted jumping on his feet and kissing his mom on the cheeck before running out the door and towards the lab. jesses mom only shook her head and continued to sweet the dusty floor with her broom,."professor, im here!!!!" he shouts, throwing up the glass doors. two other trainers stare at him and he slaps his forehead in disgust and dislike and disdain and other d words. "what r u 2 doing here?".
there was a girl. she threw her hair over her shoulder and simpered sweatly at jesse. "just here to get our poke'mon" she remarsk, throwing her hair over her shoulder again. what was up with her? she has a lot of hair. "yeah!!!!!! the other boy said weakly "we so gonna kickage youre buttage!!!!!!" "buttage aint a word!!!!!" jesse shouted. "tell him dad!!!!"
professor sycamore or jesses dad only grinned at the shouting ten olds. "what pojemon would
you lke jesse ive got pikachu, eevee, and a munchlax?"
"munchlax!!!!" shouted jessed, eagerly grasping at the balls that rests on the table in front of professor sycamore who hands it to him and he takes the ball with eager hands. "i wants munchlax!!!!!!" shouted the girl! "its mine ashleigh!!!!!!" remarked Jesse. "can i have pika-" boy was interruped by the two arguing ten year olds again.
"I DO!!!"
I DFO!!!!!!"
^_^ Mucho better
[email protected][email protected]???# RIGHT!!!!!!!!!! OAKY THEN!!!!!! MY COMPUTER WONT GET OFF CAPS LOCKS. THAT SUCKS. IT DOES INDEED DOESNT IT. THANK YOU BETAS FOR HELPIND ME I APPRECIATE IT
COMMENTS NO CRITSIZM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 >< ILL SICK MY ;309; ELECTRIKE ON YOU IF U DO!!!!!!!!!!!11
ill give up if u do... =(
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Reviewer # 10
# 2's Robot =D
Well . . . You did improve I suppose boon. You still lack in description, you still don't know how to space, you still have seemingly Gary-Stus and your overusage of exclamation points just burns my eyes.
But you did improve on grammar and spelling, I'll give you that. ^_^ Now all we got to do is teach you what commas are and we'll be all set in basics pretty much. Joy.
Characters . . . well, at least they don't get legendaries anymore though, I hear that Munchlax are pretty rare. But then again, since Pokmon merchadising is making so many times of the thing, it's most likely that some will assume that Munchlax are common. :rolleyes:
New paragraphs begin when different subjects and characters begin mind you. Description isn't the greatest either. Keep working on it. I'll let someone else nail down other things too. :D
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Reviewer # 2
I pwn y0 as-
Better my as
s. I'd expect better of you 15. You used to shove your beta version of people's fics down their throat and now you're becoming . . . nice. o0 The horror man, the horror!
Apparently, Jesse is a ranter since there are no pauses in your fic. >> Actually, apparently Jesse is naked since you said he threw clothes and not he threw on clothes. Ew, he's nakey!
Gah, go become a Spriter and bug their side of the forum huh? God only know how many spriters we have anyways...
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Reviewer # 5
You know you wanna
You improved greatly from your first try boon I must admit. Though, you've got a long ways to go. Basically, # 10 summed up all you have to work on. Don't give up if people try to help you though. I know of another author who was just like you boon (except perhaps in attitude). He was a rather proud boy who refused to listen to the good advice of the reviewers. You know what happened to him?
He got a bad attitude. :D
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Reviewer # 2
I pwn y0 as-
Originally Posted by Reviewer # 5
I know of another author who was just like you boon (except perhaps in attitude). He was a rather proud boy who refused to listen to the good advice of the reviewers. You know what happened to him?
He got a bad attitude. :D
I know! Can you believe 15 back then! Gah, what was shoved up his a
ss back then? :)
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Reviewer # 14
You have cooties
In all honesty boon, you would of been better off using 15's version of your fic. He didn't change anything, he just tidied up the grammar and typos a bit.
I'm more concerned for your plot though now. Are we just planning a regular trainer fics, you refused to tell us in our PMs. Regular trainers fics are a big no no here at SPPf for we have hundreds here already. Think about all of them at ff.net. o0 *shudders at the thought*
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Reviewer # 15
Monkey balls?!
. . . . How do I put this kid?
BETAS ARE MEANT TO PROOFREAD AND GET RID OF YOUR ERRORS!!!!!!!!! HOW MANY TIMES MUST I REPEAT THIS!! Over and over and over and . . . gah! *heart explodes*
Least the major uber Gary-Stus are gone.
Originally Posted by Reviewer # 2
Originally Posted by Reviewer # 5
I know of another author who was just like you boon (except perhaps in attitude). He was a rather proud boy who refused to listen to the good advice of the reviewers. You know what happened to him?
He got a bad attitude. :D
I know! Can you believe 15 back then! Gah, what was shoved up his a
ss back then? :)
Oh yes, I am such an a
sshole aren't I 2? *roll eyes*
Anyways, you heard me boon. 14 and I can really help you tidy up your fic for less errors.
But this version of your own . . .
*dies*
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Reviewer # 2
I pwn y0 as-
Originally Posted by Reviewer # 15
Least the major uber Gary-Stus are gone.
Which is the only good thing I might add. What? Reviewer # 2 saying something kinda nice? Now that's horrific. :D
Yes! He died! Come now reviewer # 14! You belong to me now! *sweep you off and runs*
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Reviewer # 17
Booted Out - Don't be like me!
Absol: this sux.
it does. cant believe that someone would write this peice of ****!!! this sux monkeys ill tell ya, monkeys!! it ****ing sucks it worst than **** it comes out of # 2s ***, its yucky i say yucky go ****ing die in a hole you ******* cuz no ones cares if yuoc come back or not ****it so go and piss peple off with this crapp **** cuz it sucks!!!!!!!!! go to hell *****!!!!
ABsol: dfamn right!!!
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Reviewer # 10
#2's robot =D
Hey # 17! Don't you have any manners or respect? Because I certainly think you don't. Don't you know it is very rude to flame an author or a member period?
At least try to put a comment in the preview. Sheesh.
*reports*
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Reviewer # 5
You know you wanna
I think you could use a little time out 17. *bans*
Don't listen to him boon. If he doesn't have decent grammar then you shouldn't listen to him. Heck, if he disrespect you, then his comments are probably not worth reading anyways.
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Reviewer # 18
FJKDSL:
Not bad boon! I'm proud of you for creating such a brilliant masterpiece! It's wonderful, astounding really! Jesse, Ashleigh, boy . . . Brilliantly developed! I must say I love your plot, and I disagree with you 14, I think his plot is well thought out and clearly original.
Thumbs up boon, thumbs up.
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Reviewer # 10
#2's robot =D
No offence # 18 but I'm rather diappointed in you. I've read your fic I must say, it was pretty good, but encouraging boon's flaws? You and I both know that words like "outstanding" are words that shouldn't describe this fic just yet. =/
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Reviewer # 2
I pwn y0 as-
Look at her sig 10, she's paired up with him. No wonder she's kissing up. Speaking of kissing ... *looks at 14*
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Reviewer # 14
You have cooties
*slaps # 2 and points at user title* That's referring to you! ;.; Save me 15, sweetie!
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Reviewer # 15
Monkey balls?!
Back off # 2! *draws sword and smirks* You wanna dance amigo?
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Reviewer # 2
I pwn y0 as
Originally Posted by Reviewer # 15
Back off # 2! *draws sword and smirks* You wanna dance amigo?
You want to dance amigo? WTF is that? HOw about you wanna box b
itch? :D
On topic: This is a comma ",". We use it when we want to pause in sentences. USE THEM!
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Reviewer # 19
Boulder Trainer
Marshtomps have big heads.
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Reviewer # 2
I pwn y0 as-
Originally Posted by Reviewer # 19
Marshtomps have big heads.
How thought provoking.
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Reviewer # 20
Secrets Untold
Originally Posted by Reviewer # 19
Marshtomps have big heads.
So does # 2. ;)
I've been told by # 10, 11, 14, 15, and countless others to check out this thread and offer my advice.
Most of you summed it all up though so my advice is rather useless. I must say though, there are no limits to your imagination. Weave magic as I like to call it. The world is at your fingertips.
I do recommend that you use the beta'd copy by 15. He's a master at catching easy mistakes like yours boon.
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Reviewer # 2
I pwn y0 as-
All bow your heads! The legendary # 20 is here! *kisses her feet*
My head is not big. :(
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Reviewer # 10
#2's robot =D
*curtsies to # 20* Mod kiss-up # 2! XD You know, I still do wonder why # 5 or # 20 refuse to close this. I suppose it brings the entire fanfic community together or something. Or perhaps it's a spammy version of Advice for Aspiring Authors.
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Reviewer # 15
Monkey balls?!
*shieths sword and bows* XP I know how much you love being treated like royalty # 20![/sarcasm]
Yeah, I do wonder why this thread is STILL open. But hey, whatever. Thanks for supporting me guys and trying to convince boon to use my copy (of course, he still won't take it though).
*dies again that 20 mentioned him in all her glory*
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Reviewer # 21
HI!
What the-?!?!?!?!? Whats this?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! ITS ME! MARIO!!!!! XD Psycho!!!!! just # 3 again! You cant catch me, you cant catch me *sticks out tongue*
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Reviewer # 6
^_^
My beta version is fine as well. >> 14 and 15 aren't the only ones beta-ing boon's fic you know.
*grumbles that she's overshadowed by fic celebs*
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Reviewer # 5
You know you wanna
WILL YOU STOP! *bans # 3/16/432483920583490 again*
Sheesh. >>
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Reviewer # 14
You have cooties
We don't mean to overshadow you 6 heh. ^_^;
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Reviewer # 22
Trainer
Let's start from the beginning. . .
Originally Posted by boon
Jesse Sycamore woke up with a start an alarm ringing in the distance as he slammed his fist on the clock shutting it up and practcaly shatttering it in to tiny peices but he did not care for today was the day he was gooing to become a opke'mon master!!!!!!!
That's a complete run-on without the right punctuation. Like countless above me, commas are the key to fixing them. Watch out for those typos. Listen to # 15 and 14 (and 6 ;) ) or use a spellchecker to catch them.
Originally Posted by boon
Throwing clothes, the 10 boy stared at himself in the mirror nodded in approoval
at his pants, shirt, gloves, hat and messy hair that sits neatly on the head.
Here, you're saying that he threw clothes but didn't put them on, so like 2 said, he's naked. o.0 And this messy hair might not even be on his head since you said "the head" and not "his head".
Originally Posted by boon
"Crud, Im late arent i?" he questioned himself running towards his door only to trip at the stairs. *CRASH BOOM BASHH!!!!!* were the noises that fallowed as he rolled down the stairs landed at his mothers feet. "siorry mom, gotta go!!!" he shouted jumping on his feet and kissing his mom on the cheeck before running out the door and towards the lab.
Onomatopoeia doesn't need asterisks. Just type it. You can bold it and put it in a new paragraph for effect though I suppose. How come Jesse's mother isn't the professor anymore? Hell, how come Jessica turned into a Jesse?
Originally Posted by boon
there was a girl. she threw her hair over her shoulder and simpered sweatly at jesse. "just here to get our poke'mon" she remarsk, throwing her hair over her shoulder again. what was up with her? she has a lot of hair.
There was a girl huh? Clear indication that you need to describe describe describe! Never write Pokmon as Poke'mon because it looks terrble. Pokemon is fine if you can't make the .
Listen to everyone's advice and read Basic FAQ while you're at it.
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Reviewer # 4
HIYA!
Listen to reviewer # 22. He knows all. ;)
stop the flames. Stop the spam. stop the hatred.
Stop it all.
Edit: Yes! I got a rep point for my 100th post
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Reviewer # 2
I pwn y0 as-
Oh, so is that why you keep saying "Listen to [insert reviewer here]" huh? Post rank! =O Ebil! *unshieths sword* Shall we # 15? Or wait, you died huh? *grins at 14 sheepishly* So you wanna go out sometime? :D
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Reviewer # 14
You got cooties
*looks at the dead body of 15 and sighs* Sure # 2! *glares at 15* I'll go out with you!
On topic: boon, who is afraid to visit his own thread now sadly, PMed, saying that he listened to all your advice but he wishes to use his own and develop on his own. He says that's what # 20 and # 2 did so he wishes to do that as well.
Poor kid. Doesn't he know that I beta'd # 2? =P
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Reviewer # 24
Fwee!
You rule boon! This preview rocks! I can't wait to see the real version one day! Yay for that day! Have a Magby!

:D and these too!

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Reviewer # 2
I pwn y0 as-
-.-; What's with n00bs and smilies? I don't understand this concept.
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Reviewer # 5
You know you wanna
It's a question that shall always remain unanswered # 2 . . .
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Yes, I know, a few "green" forum inside jokes, but meh. :P Who's reading this anyways lol?
LaTeR dAyZ!