Untitled o.O

Started by Lily March 7th, 2005 5:52 PM
  • 774 views
  • 7 replies

Lily

◕ ‿‿ ◕ double rainbow.

Female
New Joisey
Seen February 26th, 2017
Posted June 26th, 2011
3,329 posts
18.7 Years
Turned out awkward since it's my first time not using a quatrain...meaning will also be very hard to get. ;; Also, I couldn't put in a proper title. ;; criticism is *very* welcomed here.





Four natures once in harmony
Divided into half
To thrive alone in solitude

Amused- vain as a flower is
The rose just sits and laughs
Passive and oblivious

Withering, four petals fall
She plasters on a smile
Leaving death enthralled

Life has finally took its toll
Too late the rose has realized
Four natures back as whole

( ‿‿ ) PM me for a contract.
Age 34
Female
Fargo, ND
Seen October 18th, 2013
Posted March 9th, 2010
893 posts
17.8 Years
That was very nice, Lily. Truly is was. It was a rhythem pattern that I'm not used to seeing, and that was a very nice change. (I admit to falling in to repeated patterns in my own poetry...) It flowed quite nicely, another thing that seperates you from a lot of poets around here. Plus, it MADE ME THINK! I don't even think most of my poetry makes people think...

Anyways, it was a very nice poem. Keep it up! I'm looking forward to seeing more of your work here.

Who's that returning from the depths of forum ghosts past? Oh! It's me!
Age 31
together with fallen,ontop of shukaku's head
Seen December 9th, 2008
Posted April 28th, 2007
517 posts
17.8 Years
wll, well done lily. cool words and the way you did it....those...err....inspiration all over it! like...french fries ontop of sundae with hot fuge *yummy!* LOL!!! still very nice! hehehe...


lovingly and forever paired with the one and only, fallen_angel


~pHaNt0m~

Lily

◕ ‿‿ ◕ double rainbow.

Female
New Joisey
Seen February 26th, 2017
Posted June 26th, 2011
3,329 posts
18.7 Years
;.; Why oh why must thou revive this atrocious poem? ._.

Nevertheless, my greatest thanks to those individuals who found time to comment upon it. I'm afraid I'm not a very good poet...meh~




*runs away* shaifhasifhaisfga

( ‿‿ ) PM me for a contract.
Age 30
Ontario, Canada
Seen November 19th, 2012
Posted November 30th, 2011
4,612 posts
17.4 Years
;.; Why oh why must thou revive this atrocious poem? ._.

Nevertheless, my greatest thanks to those individuals who found time to comment upon it. I'm afraid I'm not a very good poet...meh~




*runs away* shaifhasifhaisfga
awww, your not bad at all. i liked the last 3 verses a lot <.<