Adventures in Scantcho

Started by Goatman56 March 9th, 2005 8:51 PM
  • 688 views
  • 4 replies
Age 31
Seen October 20th, 2019
Posted April 8th, 2016
2,881 posts
18.9 Years
Well this is my first pokemon fan fic. There might be some new pokemon. Scantcho is found west of almost every region. In some chapters the characters will be the narrator.

Chapter 1: 1st Pokemon,and 1st Battle

A young boy with scraggly brown hair rose from his bed. He scrounged around for his blue hat. The boy put on a blue shirt with a pokeball on it and baggy green pants and ran downstairs. He walked out the door and the sun hit his eyes. The light blinded him for an instant as he walked along. He was heading for the Pokemart when he ran into a girl wearing baggy green pants and shirt. He quickly helped her pick up here groceries.

"Ummmm sorry Eve I didn't mean to" the boy said a little embarassed.

"Its ok Pochi,I know you didn't mean to. Ummm Pochi are you blushing?"

Pochi looked away and just walked into the pokemart without a second glance back at Eve. He searched for the things on the list and noticed the bunches of pokemon in the mart.

*Man,why won't mom let me get a pokemon* he thought to himself.

He ran over to the cliff near the town. He slid down the edge cutting himself a little. He saw a big cave opening and walked in. A Dunsparce appeared sweating and scared out of his mind. A enourmous Tyranitar came out of the shadows. Pochis jaw dropped. He signaled the Dunsparce to run for it.

"Run....I mean hop or whatever it is you do" Pochi said frantically.

Tyranitar slashed down a tree with one swing. A shadowy figure came out of nowhere. The shadowy figure sent out a Flygon. With amazing accuaracy Flygon blasted Tyranitar with a Hyper Beam. The shadowy figure disapeared. Pochi looked at Dunsparce.

"Want to be my first pokemon Dunsparce" Pochi said smiling.

Pochi pulled out a pokeball. He then gave it a nice soft toss at Dunsparce. The ball stopped shaking instantly but Pochi decided to not keep him in the ball. Elsewhere Eve is talking with her friends.

"So Eve whats with that Pochi guy" a girl in orange questioned.

"He just not very good around girls" Eve said.

The girls all smiled and said there goodbyes. Pochi was climbing back up the cliff with Dunsparce on his shoulder. He looked at Dunsparce and smiled.

*Yes finally I got my first pokemon* he thought.

He reached the top and went to ancient rock jus outside of town. He hopped up on top of the rock and lays down. He pulled out a oran berry and split it in half. He gave one half to Dunsparce. They munched it down instantly.

"Well lookie who it is" a girlish voice said.

"Huh" Pochi said startled.

He saw five girls. All of them were wearing a different color. They all approached him and he backed off the rock.

"H....hey leave m...me alone" he said scared.

He looked at his Dunsparce and noticed his emotions were affecting Dunsparce. He knew he had to get brave and stand up to the girls.

"Thats it your not going to scare me" he said as his voice changed pitch.

The girl in all orange stepped infront of all the others. She seemed to be the leader of the group.

"Well does the little boy want to battle?"

"Hey i'm thirteen and don't call me boy" he said angered.

"Well then are we going to battle or do just wanto to keep making small talk" she said grinning.

"Fine lets do this,i'm not scared of you. Go Dunsparce!"

Dunsparce floated off of Pochis shoulder and hit the ground.

"Fine then,go Munchlax!"

The pokemon glared at each other.

"Alright Dunsparce, use your Rage attack" Pochi said sternly.

"Dodge it Munchlax and use Scratch."

Dunsparce was it hit but Pochi quickly replied.

"Use Dig real quick Dunsparce."

He popped up and nailed Munchlax in the back. The fight was over before it started. The girl in orange grunted and ran off with the others. Pochi picked up Dunsparce and jumped back on the rock.

"Man,what a day" Pochi said with a sigh.

To be continued......
Is there a Treeland? If so, there.
Seen March 13th, 2013
Posted April 22nd, 2011
454 posts
18.7 Years
It's not bad. Rather monotonous though. The same sentence starts with the same type of sentence. That is rather boring (I know, redundant but meh).

See, while your grammar/spelling isn't too bad, your sentence variety just made your entire fic sound blah-like a.k.a, like I said, monotonous. You can't speak in the same voice otherwise you'll instantly bore readers. Vary it so instead of this:
A young boy with scraggly brown hair rose from his bed. He scrounged around for his blue hat. The boy put his clothes on and ran downstairs. He walked out the door and the sun hit his eyes. The light blinded him for an instant as he walked along. He was heading for the Pokemart when he ran into a girl wearing baggy green pants and shirt. He quickly helped her pick up here groceries.
You can have:

A young boy with scraggly brown hair rose from his bed, scrounged around for his blue hat. Putting on clothes quickly, the boy rushed downstairs before walking out the door, the sun hitting his eyes. The light blinded him for an instant as he walked along, heading for the Pokemart. Suddenly, he ran into a girl wearing baggy green pants and shirt. He helped her pick up her groceries, quickly.

Actually, I just got rid of some of your choppy sentence but I do hope you get what I mean. ^^;

Why would Dunsparce trust Poochi so easily? He just told it to get out of the way from the Tyranitar. =/ In fact, what was a Tyranitar doing in a cave? Same goes for the random man that battled the Tyranitar with a Flygon. Hopefully he comes back into the story later so it's not completely random. =3

Also, how would Poochi know what attacks Dunsparce knows when it didn't know how it moved in the first place. :P

Ja . . . it's not bad like I said. A tad vague in the description department and in dire need of sentence variety but nothing too bad.

LaTeR dAyZ!
Age 31
Seen October 20th, 2019
Posted April 8th, 2016
2,881 posts
18.9 Years
Alright have you played pokemon gold/silver there were lavitars at mt silver in a cave so I just thought why not put a Tyranitar in. The reason he trusted Pochi was because if he went back in the cave most likely the Tyranitar would just atk again. So it was either go with Pochi and find another cave. The shadowy figure. Yes he/she not random that would be stupid he/she comes in somewhere. So its not random. I know i'm not the best with grammar I suck really. Alright lets try chapter 2 to see if I can fit some more detail in :D.

Chapter 2: A New Adventure

As Pochi sat on the rock,with the indentments of ancient text,a voice came from behind him.

"Hey Pochi."

He rolled off the rock startled. He looked up and saw it was just Eve.

"Oh,its just you,whats the problem" he questioned while still a little dizzy from rolling off the rock.

"I'm sorry about what happened today."

"What its not like you did anything" he said trying to cheer her up.

"No it is I told them how you react to girls" she said with her head down.

"What,i'm not that shy around girls!"

"Pochi you pratically flipped out the day you met me" she said kind of making fun of him.

He rolled his eyes and sighed. He knew he was shy around girls so he couldn't much hide it. Dunsparce kind of chuckled when he heard this. Pochi just looked back at him and began laughing.

"Well I guess your right" he said still laughing.

Eve walked off. Pochi looked at the sky the sun was setting. The wonderful colors he saw every night but today he had a pokemon.

"Come on moms probably waiting for us."

The pitter patter of Pochis feet were heard by his mom on the porch. Before Pochi could talk his mom had something in her hand. His face lit up as he saw the brand new pokedex.

"Well I knew you couldn't stay away from pokemon. Your just like your brother" she said.

She stopped talking after that. She looked at Pochi,he gripped the pokedex real hard. He didn't want to yell at his mom so he just went inside. Dunsparce was new to the house and had no idea were he was.Pochi set down some pokefood. Dunsparce just went straight to eating it like he'd never seen food before. Pochi took off his hat and threw it on his bed. He sat in his black computer chair and began to think about his brother. His brother left them to become a great trainer. He eventually got all eight badges but he didn't win in the league. His dream was crushed but he turned to team torado in hopes of being the best in something. He worked his way up and became the leader of team tornado. He even had the attacked his home town. Pochi heard his mom call for him and he sprung from the chair and ran downstairs.

"Pochi I probably shouldn't have said that."

"Nah,mom its okay you didn't mean to."

"I know I didn't mean to but I thought you'd be over it" she said looking down.

"Mom he attacked TinyPine Ville I don't think I can ever fogive him" he said angery.

She shook her head. She pulled out a chair.

"Yay! Time to eat" Pochi said exstaticly.

He rushed over to the chair. He took big bites but took forever to chew.

"So you know I gave you that pokedex so you coud go on a journey,right" she questioned.

He just shook his head.

"You know Eves coming to,right" she questioned again.

He shook his head and stopped and swallowed.

"WHAT!"

He tried to argue but couldn't win. He walked up to his room. Dunsparce was sleeping in the bed content of all the food he ate. He ran over to his bed and covered up. He woke up early in the morning, the bright sun shining through his window. He grabbed his hat. He put on the same blue shirt with the pokeball on it and the baggy green pants. He noticed they had been washed. He ran downstair and Eve was sitting at the table.

"Well look whos finally up" Eve said smiling.

"Yeah lets just get going. Wait Eve do you even have a pokemon?"

"Yes,my parents gave me one this morning" she said defending herself.

"Well what is it" Pochi questioned.

"None of your buisness" she said smiling.

Pochi waited for Dunsparce to come downstairs. Dunsparce came down and took his place on Pochis shoulder. Pochi opened the door and the sun shone on his face. A great begining for a new adventure.
Seen March 2nd, 2014
Posted December 28th, 2012
135 posts
18.2 Years
Good things
1.Out of ordinary pokemon
2.Internal conflict
3.Seems interesting

Bad Thigns
1.Grammar/Spelling
2.Transition
3.He rather easily caught the dunsparce
4.No personality in pokemon
5.Kind of random and a little difficult to read

Your fic is not horrible but it could use some work, mainily with grammar. Im not sure if 1 sentence reviews are allowed here, but if their not then Pkmaster you should lengthen your review