small talk

Started by Nihilego June 3rd, 2014 2:17 AM
  • 928 views
  • 21 replies

Nihilego

[color=#95b4d4]ユービーゼロイチ パラサイト[/color]

Male
scotland
Seen September 28th, 2018
Posted March 16th, 2018
8,874 posts
12.1 Years
so as you do, i was having an almost heated conversation yesterday with a couple of friends about small talk. specifically if it sucks / does not suck / is needed / is not needed.

one of us felt that things are the way they should be, i.e. much conversation is small talk and it's unusual to just jump in with something more in-depth out of nowhere, while the other two of us felt that we don't really have much time for small talk and find it generally quite annoying, haha.

what do you think?
Age 29
Male
Melbourne, Australia
Seen January 2nd, 2015
Posted November 28th, 2014
910 posts
12.1 Years
I hate small talk, but I completely agree that you can't just jump into deep and meaningfuls out of nowhere. You have to evolve the conversation.
Which is why I hate apps like Tinder and such, it's so hard to have any meaningful conversation through text and I don't feel comfortable asking to meet someone irl if all we've done is had small talk.

It's a pain in the ass yeah but evolution of conversation is essential.

Nihilego

[color=#95b4d4]ユービーゼロイチ パラサイト[/color]

Male
scotland
Seen September 28th, 2018
Posted March 16th, 2018
8,874 posts
12.1 Years
oh, i didn't intend to say that i don't think small talk should be a thing (if anyone's reading it that way) - i just find it pretty irritating haha. i do think we need it definitely as an ice breaker and whatnot but beyond that i'd really rather not
s͎̭̚ ̪ͭͩy͔͚̰̻̗̩̺ͣ́ͨ̌͡ ̩̳̙̖̖̺͡m̷̱̘͎̝̘̣͒͌͒̚ ͇͖̔̐̔b̝̪͚̞̦ͬ ̢͔̱̟̞̝͙̮͌̅̈̓̿̿i͐̈̃͊ͯ̎҉̟̠͓ ͕̥̣̪̠̃͑͞ỏ̵͕̠̱̬̬̞͛̋ ̨͈̻̱̟̱͓̪n͒̒͂͊̀ ̻̰̰̜̅̃͒̂͞tͭ̍̈́ ͙͇̘͕͍̜̖ͫ̌̊̿ͫ̂̀:̵̾͒̔͂ ̟͉̜̽͒͌͜p͎͇͎̦̺̙͒͆͋́ͅ ̨̠̠̘͚͖̺ͫ͛̎̉a̲͍̫͖͗̄ ͓͖͍̯̤̼͙̿̆̂̂̄r̬̟̮͖̥̼̆̓͑̃̾ͬ̉͟ͅ ̬̼̗͊͛a̛̯̮ ̮̬͍̙̮̤́ͪŝ͊ͬ̒̎̃ ̧̝̮͎͙͆̓ì͈̹̻̱̾͝ ̘͉͕̭̊ͤ̉̓tͩͯ̉̐ͨͬ̚͏̻̺̖̮ ̞̘͂̋̋ͯ͑ͦ͗e̞͔̎̇ͫ͊͗
Age 29
Seen November 5th, 2017
Posted November 5th, 2017
3,499 posts
14.9 Years
Honestly I prefer small talk nearly always. I want to escape everyday dreariness, I like to just chat about ♥♥♥♥ that doesn't matter, tell stupid stories, jokes, and just laugh way too much.

Serious conversations nearly always lead to disagreements and then it's just not fun, and most of the times discussing it is unlikely to change views anyway. I got dragged into a serious conversation about politics with a right winger the other day, I like the guy but not his political views so I'd rather just not discuss them? In the end we'd wasted about 3 hours discussing it, and neither one of us close to changing our minds.
Seen September 18th, 2020
Posted February 18th, 2018
7,741 posts
16.6 Years
I tend to think of things like "how are you?" when I think of small talk, which I'm not fond of, but otherwise I'm not sure how to define it. I do know I'm very topic-oriented; I'll start a conversation by immediately bringing up something I want to discuss. That means, however, I need a good reason to say something to anyone, so I'm not led to believe small talk is really something I care for.

Khoshi

とてもかわいい!

Age 24
Male
Sydney, Australia
Seen January 3rd, 2020
Posted October 16th, 2019
2,646 posts
10.1 Years
Whenever I try to have a serious conversation, it usually dissolves into a petty argument. It's because of that, that I stay within borderline small talk. I don't talk often, so I only really use small talk to switch topics in a really easy way.

If I do end up conversing with another, I'd use small talk to bring about something, then build on that.

Oryx

CoquettishCat

Age 30
Female
Seen January 30th, 2015
Posted December 27th, 2014
13,184 posts
12.2 Years
I love small talk, but not as something with people I know. Small talk serves a great purpose in a pre-set script for talking to people I don't know. When someone asks how I am, I know offhand to say "Fine, and you?" to be polite and continue the small talk. The script makes for friendly, casual conversations with strangers possible.

I don't even consider things like "how are you" small talk when you're talking to a friend, because you have a genuine interest in the answer.


Theme * Pair * VM * PM

Not all men...

Are all men stupid?

That's right.

Trev

i gave you everything...

Age 26
Male
Seen December 31st, 2021
Posted March 27th, 2019
1,505 posts
11 Years
Small talk is pointless and I don't engage in it.
Age 31
Male
Italy
Seen April 6th, 2020
Posted December 8th, 2014
140 posts
12.9 Years
Most of the time the kind of small talk I see others engaging into simply annoys me...
I really suck at engaging in small talk with strangers, but on the other hand it's really easy for me to have small talk with my friends.
I can't say I enjoy small talk that much though, most of the time I'd prefer to engage in serious discussions/debates, even if in the end nothing productive comes out of it.

TRIFORCE89

Guide of Darkness

Age 33
Male
Temple of Light
Seen November 25th, 2017
Posted October 21st, 2016
8,122 posts
19.1 Years
I love small talk, but not as something with people I know. Small talk serves a great purpose in a pre-set script for talking to people I don't know. When someone asks how I am, I know offhand to say "Fine, and you?" to be polite and continue the small talk. The script makes for friendly, casual conversations with strangers possible.

I don't even consider things like "how are you" small talk when you're talking to a friend, because you have a genuine interest in the answer.
this ^^^

I always thought it builds up a conversation and shows genuine interest. that it's friendly and considerate and thoughtful. And it's how I generally try to start things

But that same small talk, if not engaging enough for whoever you're talking to, can stall things dramatically

Universe

all-consuming

Seen November 16th, 2016
Posted November 16th, 2016
2,239 posts
9.6 Years
99.99% of almost everyone's conversations can be considered small talk, so...
Apparently we're all really anti-social then. :D;

Ah but I can't say I care much either way! Typically I don't start conversations unless I really like someone or actually have something to say. Because as far as 'how are you's go, I'm not very good at it and tend to prefer not doing it. Unless I am talking with someone who's company I enjoy, then I usually do try to make short conversation. <3

But now I realize I'd be irritating the lot of you pfff.

" Catchphrase! "

Aeroblast

Male
Basement
Seen February 25th, 2017
Posted February 25th, 2017
4,173 posts
9.8 Years
Sometimes just the thought that someone even recognizes your presence, especialy when you're in a **** mood, may lighten you up a bit and break you from monotony of your day-to-day life.

Or that person happens to make you fall in love at first sight... (who am I kidding) - Even the most trivial things could change your life more drastically than you expect.

Phantom

Uh, I didn't do it

Age 32
Female
Minnesota
Seen September 18th, 2017
Posted September 18th, 2017
1,182 posts
11.8 Years
Given the sheer amount of social counseling I have had to drone through, I am a pro at small talk. I still hate it with a fiery passion to burn a thousand suns, but I can pull it off like I do enjoy it. Hell, sometimes I initiate it. *shivers*

acatfrommars

Male
Seen February 5th, 2023
Posted January 9th, 2023
3,870 posts
9.6 Years
I wouldn't say small talk is pointless. If you want to become friends with someone or be part of someone's life, then small talk would be a good start. The only time I use small talk is at work, because I don't really care about many of my coworkers but it would be good if they like me. Acting friendly and engaging in small talk will cause them to like me, and that just makes my job that much better. Small talk also helps to pass the time at work.
Seen January 1st, 2023
Posted March 23rd, 2022
3,316 posts
9.2 Years
Um well you gotta start somewhere. The only thing worse than endless small talk is someone coming at me with their life story from the get go. Which seems to happen to me more often than not so yeah f me.

Anyway small talk is fine with me but there is a certain point where the conversation or relationship with the other person should evolve into deeper conversation/comfort. Debating is fun with friends or open minded people, but generally no I do not want to get into a debate/serious discussion over small talk.

CliCliW

I have a Ph.D in Horribleness.

Age 29
Female
Ireland
Seen August 15th, 2015
Posted August 15th, 2015
435 posts
10.4 Years
i do think we need it definitely as an ice breaker and whatnot but beyond that i'd really rather not
How's this for one?





Um well you gotta start somewhere. The only thing worse than endless small talk is someone coming at me with their life story from the get go. Which seems to happen to me more often than not so yeah f me.

Anyway small talk is fine with me but there is a certain point where the conversation or relationship with the other person should evolve into deeper conversation/comfort. Debating is fun with friends or open minded people, but generally no I do not want to get into a debate/serious discussion over small talk.

Actually, I find debating uncomfortable, because I'm terrible at standing my ground and can never come up with good arguments when I need them. The dreaded life story thing is terrible though: In my work experience, a woman asked if I'd bring her some paper towels, and next thing I know she's telling me how she hates her job and it's terrible and no one likes her there.

Ah yes the dreaded "how are you", killer of conversations. The answers are either a vague form of "good" or "bad", either way you've given a completely boring answer that leads nowhere. Like you I find the only way to continue small talk is to steer it onto a particular topic. "What are you up to?" is a better question, then we can talk about that subject awkwardly for a few minutes. "What's up" is not a good shortening though, that just irks me.
Actually, if I got asked by a complete stranger what I was up to I would probably be a little creeped out. It seems like a very invasive question for talking to strangers.

Personally I don't like small talk, especially when I have to initiate it. I've tried doing it with girls and it just feels like a police interrogation, firing off a bunch of questions hoping to get some hint of a response from the stone-faced suspect. Weather is the worst type of small talk.
In Ireland, weather is one of the best kinds of small talk. It's brilliant. Bring up how it's very wet today and be prepared for a big shpeel about the weather.


Personally, I feel like any small talk I'm involved in consists of myself repeating the same phrases a lot, such as "I suppose" and "it's not too bad", and fizzling out into one of those prolonged silences where you feel compelled to talk but don't know what to say because damnit, I've already spoken about the weather twice, I can't do it a third time. Maybe I'm just awkward that way...........

The current news/football/tabloid/most recent episode of soap opera are brilliant things to talk about too :) (If you're not awkward like me that is)

And finally, while I'm a generally sucky conversation partner, I believe that small talk is a necessary part of everyday living and goings on.......

antemortem

rest after tomorrow

Age 24
he/they
Los Angeles
Seen June 15th, 2022
Posted June 14th, 2022
7,467 posts
11.3 Years
I have lost out on many potential online friends with the cursed "what's up" syndrome.

"What's up?"
"Not a whole lot, you?"
"Same, lol"
"Cool"
TURN ON THE BRIGHT LIGHTS

Altairis

take me ☆ take you

Female
database database
Seen December 29th, 2022
Posted October 5th, 2018
5,170 posts
11 Years
I have lost out on many potential online friends with the cursed "what's up" syndrome.

"What's up?"
"Not a whole lot, you?"
"Same, lol"
"Cool"
I end up doing this too much and being too shy to continue the conversation, whoopsies.

ORAS/XYBW

Honest

Hi!

Age 27
Male
New York City
Seen March 19th, 2023
Posted November 7th, 2022
11,676 posts
14.7 Years
I think small talk is a necessity about life. We can't live our lives continuously "serious" and whatnot. I can't imagine how stressed one's mind would be, if they lived with the idea that small talk is pointless. Probably burnt worse than my morning toast today. You need to sit back and chill every now and then, and that's what I think small talk is there for.

Then again, maybe that's just me.
he did it, not me.