How Pokemon Really Works

Started by yoshi1001 March 11th, 2005 7:51 PM
  • 754 views
  • 6 replies
Age 39
Janesville, WI
Seen June 12th, 2005
Posted June 8th, 2005
160 posts
19.1 Years
How Pokmon (Really) Works


By Steven Reich


Version 1.0.3
3/11/2004


Forward

A lot of times I would be watching the TV show or playing the Game Boy Game for Pokmon and wonder, How would this really work? I often thought about it and came up with some very interesting answers. Would they really used a turn based style of battling? Whats with all the Nurse Joys and Officer Jennys? Where did the gyms come from? I sought to answer as many of these questions as possible.

How Pokmon (Really) Works started in summer 2004 as a fun project. I posted the initial chapters on several message boards and received quite a bit of acclaim. By the time I finished the initial draft in December 2004, it had been viewed over 1,000 times. It was a first: A fan fiction aimed at logically explaining a TV show or movie series. The closest thing I can think of to this is William Shatners book explaining Star Trek, Im Working on That.

At times, I was forced to completely discard elements of the TV show or games as complete fiction. Other times I was able to judge them as viable, and in fact extremely plausible. Sometimes I could take things that dont quite make sense (such as Gym Leaders using one type of Pokmon) and give it a rational explanation.

Although this work is intended as humorous, if you read deeply enough youll realize that there is a certain level of reality to Pokmon. If it ever turns out theres an alternate universe with Pokmon, this might be how it works.

-Steven Reich

Disclaimer: The following is a work of fan fiction. It is not an official explanation of Pokmon by Nintendo, The Pokmon Company, Pokmon USA, Game Freak, Creatures, 4Kids Entertainment, or any other Pokmon Entity.

Ash: Those of you who have been watching our show over the years have probably noticed that some things dont quite make sense from a logical standpoint.

Brock: Sometimes this is just because the writers are lazy, or because they dont want to get bogged down with this kind of detail.

Max: I think its a government conspiracy to keep us all in the dark.

May: Really? You mean that website I went to was right?

Max: No.

Ash: So, anyway, heres a look into how the Pokmon World would really work.

(Advanced Challenge opening Sequence)


The Pokmon Center

May: As youve probably noticed, the Pokmon Center serves as both a gathering place for trainers and a Pokmon hospital.

Brock: The centers medical wing is staffed by a person called a Nurse Joy, which is really just a slang term referring to the position, and not a group of people with a very shallow gene pool.

Max: Never seems to seems to stop you from diving in, Brock.

(Brock smiles sheepishly)

Ash: Now, a lot of you have probably seen this little device (holds up Pokmon regeneration device) that supposedly magically restores energy to battle-weakened Pokmon. Yeah, right.

(Ash throws the machine, then we hear a crashing sound)

Brock: In reality, the only thing that restores a Pokmons health is a good rest.

May: Of course, not all the patients are in critical condition. Regular checkups, immunizations, and more are carried out.

Brock: The actual size of a center can very immensely, from small ones with a dozen rooms in the rural areas to hundreds in the cities.

Max: In fact, most medium to large cities have multiple Pokmon Centers.


Finances

Ash: As you can probably guess, being a Pokmon trainer is an expensive lifestyle. Where do we get the money?

Max: Offshore bank accounts?

Brock: Middle East oil?

May: Bake sales of Brocks doughnuts?

Ash: Actually, we do it the old fashioned way: We earn it through a series of odd jobs for people we meet.

Brock: The law is designed to protect us from work unsafe labor practices and the like.

May: Anyone know how Team Rocket gets their money?

Ash: I think they work odd jobs too.

Max: But they have like robots and stuff. How do they pay for all that crud? I mean, I cant believe the head office keeps paying for this stuff.

(Switch to shot of Giovanni)

Giovanni: Neither can I. I have to buy my suits from Goodwill now thanks to those people!

(Back to our heroes)

Brock: The irony is so thick

Max: You can cut it with a knife.


Transportation

Max: There are basically two transportation systems in the Pokmon world: One for pedestrians and one for cars.

May: This is why you almost never see motor vehicles outside cities.

Ash: There are, of course, other forms of transportation.

Brock: Planes, trains, boats

Ash: Weve used those occasionally, but primarily we have to walk. Its the only way to properly train and catch Pokmon. Hey, Brock.

Brock: Yeah?

Ash: Its been like six seasons since we started, right?

Brock: Yeah.

Ash: Doesnt that make me like, 16 now? So I can get a license and drive?

Brock: I cant imagine you driving, Ash.

Max: I can.

(Switch to shot of all four in a car with Ash driving)

Ash: See, I told you wed get to Slateport!

May: Ash, this isnt Slateport.

(Ext. Car, showing Space Needle)

Max: Its Seattle.

Ash: Oops.

(back to panel discussion)

May: I doubt youll be any better, Max.

Max: I think I will.

(Shot of Max in convertible with beautiful girls)

Max: Ladies

(back to the four)

May: I thought you said girls had cooties.

Max: Just you.


Pokmon Ownership

Ash: Legally, we have the title of owner over our Pokmon. (Pikachu jumps up on Ash)

Pikachu: Pika!

Ash: But we dont see it that way.

Brock: People and Pokmon have to work together to solve common problems and they teach us as much as we teach them.

Ash: But there are people out there who dont see things that way, people and organizations who view Pokmon as tools to achieve their goals.

Brock: These people have no respect for their welfare or desires.

Max: Then theres Pokmon trading, which, if youve seen on the TV show, involves a machine like this (holds up machine, and then throws it away). Nice prop. Actually, this is achieved the old-fashioned way-with a written contract that both people sign.

May: Technically speaking, even catching a Pokmon doesnt make you its trainer. The Pokmon has to accept you, and can leave you anytime-though thats quite rare.


Becoming a Trainer

Ash: As you may have guessed, becoming a Pokmon trainer isnt quite as simple as turning ten and walking in to get your first Pokmon.

May: The process actually begins several years before when the person is six or seven. A series of summer classes prepare people for life on the road. Everything from survival skills to how to relate to your Pokmon is taught.

Brock: Throughout the classes, tests are performed, including a mock battle with real Pokmon.

Max: Hey Ash, how did you do on your tests?

Ash (poking pointer fingers at each other): Well, um, I passed.

Max: Uh huh.


Apparel

Ash: Now, regular viewers of the show might be led to believe we wear one outfit about 95% of the time. Of course this isnt true-its just there so the animators can reuse action shots.

Brock: In reality, we all have about four or five changes of clothes.

Max: Which means we do laundry every three to four days.

May: Most Pokmon Centers contain a coin laundry, a hub of social activity.

(shot of four on the floor holding cards)

Ash: Got any Goldeen, May?

May: Go fish, Ash!

(back to four in studio)

Ash: Speaking of clothes, my shirt size hasnt changed in six years-its like I havent grown.

Max: I keep telling you not to drink the coffee.

Ash: Anyway, clothing has to be functional as well as fashionable. Since temperatures can vary wildly, its good to dress in layers.


Communication

May: Communication takes various forms. The most basic of which is mail. Since trainers constantly move around, an elaborate mail forwarding system to deliver letters and packages.

Ash: All right! Mom sent me a care package! (Takes a cookie and eats it)

Max: Unfortunately, the system doesnt always work perfectly.

Ash: (spit take) These cookies are stale!

Brock: Other forms of communication have made the world a lot smaller and home a lot closer for trainers. The internet has allowed near instantaneous communication with friends and family. Virtually all Pokmon Centers have at least a small computer lab for trainers to use.

Ash: In fact, many of the seemingly incidental run-ins with recurring characters are actually set up weeks in advance via e-mail.

May: Then theres this device (shows the videophone). Yes, this kind of phone does exist in the Pokmon world, but the screen is a little smaller and the picture is a little choppier, but it works. You can even turn the video on and off like this.

Max: In order to use it, you first have to input a pin number for your account, and then dial the number.

Brock: Of course, communication isnt just for trainers, Pokmon communicate too.

Max: A lot of you are wondering if there really is a Pokmon that can communicate on a high level with humans like Meowth. Nope.

Ash: Youre probably also wondering if a person like Simon exists who can interpret Pokmon sounds into human language. There really isnt.

May: That doesnt mean people cant talk to Pokmon and vice versa. Pokmon can answer a yes or no question.

Max: There are other ways to communicate with Pokmon, such as hand signals.

Brock: Pokmon also communicate with each other on some level.

(Shot of Pikachu communicating with smoke signals)

(Back to studio)

Ash: Actually, although Pokmon cant understand everything they say to each other, through the use of gestures and other methods they can effectively communicate.


Attacks Part One

Max: Pokmon attacks vary considerably, from simple to very complex.

Brock: Some attacks, such as headbutt or tackle, are fairly self-explanatory.

May: Other attacks arent as simple.

Ash: You may be wondering what the difference is between thundershock, thunderbolt, and thunder. (Places Pikachu in arms) Well, the basic difference is how much energy Pikachu puts out and how fast it comes out. (monitor drops down) Observe.

Max: A thundershock is about one-third power. (Monitor shows Team Rocket getting shocked)

May: A thunderbolt is roughly two-thirds power. (Monitor shows Team Rocket getting shocked again)

Brock: And, of course, thunder is an all-out jolt. (Monitor shows Team Rocket getting shocked yet again, then the monitor retracts)

Ash: Since electric Pokmon have a limited amount of electric energy available at any given time, you have to be careful not to use too much at once.

Max: Water attacks work very similarly. Most water Pokmon have sacks located in their bodies that hold water for use in attacks. The more powerful the attack, the faster the water is used.


Training Classes

Brock: As we mentioned before, beginning at age six or seven, future trainers take a series of classes in order to receive a training license.

May: These classes cover a wide variety of topics, all relevant to trainer life. Theres survival skills:

(shot of all in front of a campfire)

Ash: And the last vote is for (holds up card) May.

May: Max, thats your handwriting! I thought we had an alliance!

Max: You held us up in the last immunity challenge!

(back in studio)

Brock: Did we have to do a reality TV parody?

Ash: Of course, everyones favorite class-Pokmon battle basics.

Max: Actually, Mays favorite class was trainer ethics.

Brock(whispering to May): Cute teacher?

May (sheepishly): Yep.

Brock (whispering to May): Been there.

Ash: Anyway, in Pokmon battle basics, students learn how to use attacks as well as basic strategy. Much of the material in this class will be covered in the battle section.

May: Theres also a self-defense class, mandatory for both boys and girls.

Max: What did you learn there?

Ash (sheepishly): I know what Misty learned.

Brock (also sheepishly): Me too.


The Pokdex

Ash: The Pokdex is a vital tool for Pokmon trainers. It provides tons of data about Pokmon and their habitats.

Max: Youre probably wondering how it works. A small digital camera takes a picture of a Pokmon then uses a computer to interpret what species it is, much like cameras that recognize people by their faces.

May: Sometimes it doesnt work so well, particularly if it gets a bad picture. In that case, you have to enter a description of the Pokmon.

Brock: What youre probably most familiar with are the length and weight statistics. These are, obviously, averages, and the Pokdex will tell you how much variance to expect.

Ash: Of course, theres a ton of other information on the Pokdex, like what the Pokmon eat, how they behave, what theyre allergic to, and much, much more.

Brock: For example, Ash, can I borrow your Pokdex for a second?

Ash: Sure. (hands it to him)

Brock: Okay, say hi Pikachu!

Pikachu: Pika!

Dextette : Pikachu, the Mouse Pokmon

Brock: We know that, now watch as I navigate the menus to here and

Dextette: Pikachu eat berries and fruit found in vegetated areas.

May: I wonder what would happen if they worked on people. (points Pokdex at Brock)

Brock: May, dont be redicu-

Dextette: Brock, the lonely person, dont get too excited-his standards are really low.

Ash: Ouch.

Brock: That was uncalled for.

Max: But true.


(More to come)

Support Pokemon Music! (fixed link)


Listen to PIRN - Pokemon Radio!

"Television couldn't kill radio, but maybe Ash will."
-Professor Oak (Air Time)
Age 35
Seen November 16th, 2005
Posted November 13th, 2005
82 posts
18.3 Years
... this is great and answers a few questions though the answers you are giving may not be right so expect some later reviewers to point out their views as being superour to yours. (I would but I think I've angered enough people already)

I can't wait to see more, I'm sure you'll quickly run into the very difficult things to explain without going against the opinions of 30% of pokemon fans but that's where the real fun lies: Big arguements about things that are hard to prove either way are quite often funny... just don't let that put you off writting more.

(Another hard to understand review by Flatulus, ignore if possible)
Age 39
Janesville, WI
Seen June 12th, 2005
Posted June 8th, 2005
160 posts
19.1 Years
Viewer Mail - Part One

Ash: As you might imagine, we get a lot of fan mail from viewers like you who want to know more about the show. For example, many of you have asked who gets the most mail. Well, for some odd reason, its Meowth.

May: Anyone know why?

(Shot of Meowth sitting at a table writing)

Meowth: Yoir best paldis ones from Michael. (Looks at camera) Yous can laugh, but at least Im never gettin written off da show.

(Back to group)

Brock: That was-revealing.

Max: And disturbing.

May: Another question people ask is whether boys or girls are better trainers. This has actually been debated for a very long time.

Ash: Most experts agree, however, that although boys and girls do battle somewhat differently, there is no reason they cant have an even battle.

Brock: I remember back when Misty was around, she said anyone who said girls couldnt battle as well as boys was a masochist .

Max: You mean a misogynist , right?

Brock: No, a masochist.

(Max raises eyebrows)

Ash: Another question we get is whether people are really as mean as they look on the show. In particular you as about Gary, Mistys sisters-

Brock: Officer Jenny.

May: Officer Jennys not mean.

Brock: She wont give me her phone number.

Max: 867-5309.

Brock (writing): 867wait, a second, thats a song by Tommy Tutone-and since when are you an expert on 80s music?

Max: You obviously havent seen me on karaoke night.

(Shot of Max with a microphone)

Max (singing): Open the door, get on the floor, everybody walk the Bulbasaur! Open the door, get on the floor, everybody walk the Bulbasaur!

(back to group)

(awkward pause)

May: Thatwas interesting.

Ash: Anyway, almost everyone is really nice, except Team Rocket, of course.


Education

Ash: Some of you may be wondering how we survive in a world with a 4th-grade education.

Brock: It used to be that way, but now people who go off on a Pokmon journey, which by the way isnt everyone, can, and in fact have to, continue their education.

May: The system works like this. Screen, please. (Screen drops, showing badly drawn diagram) Who drew this?

Max: They gave me five minutes.

May: Anyway, classes are signed up for, then books are picked up from a depository. Classes are administered at schools and or Pokmon centers in the evening by education professionals.

Ash: After all assignments and exams are completed, books are returned to a depository.

Brock: The year is divided into four quarters, with two classes each quarter, and yes, it goes through the summer.


Entertainment

May: Of course, Pokmon trainers have to have fun, too.

Max: School isnt fun?

May: I meant for normal people.

Ash: Anyway, we pretty much have all the normal forms of entertainment: Movies, music, television-

Max: Karaoke-

Brock: Were well aware of that now.

Ash: Some forms of entertainment though, are specially designed for Pokmon-3-d glasses for movies, special snacks, entire channels on TV , even music groups.

(Shot of a group of psychic Pokmon performing on stage)
(Pan out to show name of group is ABRA with a backwards B)
(One of the band members jumps into the crowd to be moshed)

(back to studio)

Brock: They had a big hit with Nidoqueen, you know.

Ash: Some forms of entertainment arent as popular with Pokmon.

Max: Like what?

Brock: They really dont like The Price is Right.

Max: I see. That part.

Ash: We change the channel.


Practical Uses of Pokmon

May: Pokmon arent just for battling, either.

Brock: Theyre often used in everyday life as well.

Max: For example, by attaching a camera to a flying Pokmon, you can covertly observer remote locations.

Ash: However, you wont get sound-the distances are usually too great.

Brock: Often times the abilities of Pokmon can be used as tools. Pinchers can be used to break tough objects.

Ash: Lightning from electric Pokmon can be used to cut off small branches, and Diglett, well, dig.

Max: Pokmon are also used in scientific research.

Brock: Since Pokmon are so in tune with nature , scientists can watch them and learn a lot about our world.

May: For example, studying water Pokmon has taught us about ocean currents.

Brock: Peoples minds can also benefit from Pokmon. Studies have shown that Pokmon have the ability to help people feel better mentally.

Ash: Thats why we take our Pokmon to hospitals and nursing homes for whats called Pokmon therapy.

Max: It also makes us feel better about ourselves.

May: Speak for yourself!

(Shot of an old woman petting Pikachu while talking)

Woman: And then my husband sent out his Pidgeotto and

(camera pans over to show Ash, Brock, and Max, then May, who is sleeping)

Max (elbowing May): May, wake up!

May (waking up): Huh, what? Did I miss something?

Woman: Ive only been talking three minutes.

Max: Talk about a short attention span.

(Back in studio)

Max: You know, I keep hoping one of us is adopted.

May: Same here.

Ash (whispering to camera): Fade out.

(Max and May continue arguing)


Attacks Part 2

Ash: Now were going to talk about attacks that dont directly damage other Pokmon.

May: You can use these attacks to gain an advantage over your opponent.

Brock: For example, the harden attack works by having the Pokmon produce a chemical that makes their outside more rigid and their defense better.

Max: To use recover, a Pokmon takes stored chemicals in its body, converts it into energy, and uses the energy to heal itself.

May: Then theres flash, which some Pokmon use to decrease the accuracy of other Pokmon.

Ash: There are actually several ways to do it. Some Pokmon use electric energy to produce the flash, while others use chemical reaction.

Brock: The flash, many times brighter than a camera flash bulb, makes it harder for the other Pokmon to aim for a while.

Max: Some attacks are all in the Pokmons head.

Ash: Focus energy, for example, is where the Pokmon concentrates to help its attacks do more damage.


Food

Brock: Another thing people ask about is what kind of food we eat.

Ash: A lot of people wonder if we eat Pokmon. Well, sometimes we do, and yes, just like in your world, some people have a problem with that.

May: Were not here to tell you what to do, though.

Max: Otherwise, our diet is what youd expect. Pizza, burgers, candy-

May: Please dont mention candy.

Ash: Yeah, really.

Max: So, whats for dinner, Brock?

Ash: I want pancakes!

May: I want spaghetti!

Brock: Sorry guys, tonight were having Petalburg surprise.

May, Max, and Ash: Not Petalburg surprise!

Brock: Sorry guys, there was a special on rutabaga.

May, Max, and Ash: Awww


Team Rocket

Max: Many people write in asking us about Team Rocket-Jessie, James, and Meowth as well as the organization as a whole.

Ash: Many people ask why after six years we still cant recognize them in their disguises.

Brock: The truth is we can. However, if we dont pretend we cant, itll shatter their fragile egos forcing them into years of therapy.

(switch to shot of Team Rocket watching the TV)

Jessie: Did you hear that? Are you going to take that?

James: Why not? We have been for years.

Meowth: Whys should we care what the twoips think of us?

Jessie: I cant believe you two! Were going to the studio right now and were going to show them whos boss!

Wobbuffet: Wobbuffet!

Jessie: Thats the spirit!

(James and Meowth sigh)

Meowth: Heres we go again.

(back in the studio)

May: People also want to know why Team Rocket keeps their uniforms on in public.

Max: The truth is theyre very vain about their occupation and want to advertise it to everyone.

Ash: Actually, Team Rocket wears normal clothes most of the time, except when theyre attacking us.

Brock: You may also be wondering why, after all the times Team Rocket has used electricity-blocking technology, Ash still uses Pikachu against them.

Max: The answer is simple-Pokmon attacks still have to follow the laws of physics. Water, grass, and even fire all fall off at a certain distance.

Ash: Electricity has a much longer range.

May: And since Team Rocket is in that balloon a lot, we need something that can go far enough to hit them.

Brock: Also, since Pikachu always stays outside its Pokball, its faster for it to attack than one of Ashs other Pokmon.

Max: The real question is, why does Team Rocket keep picking on us if they always lose?

Brock: Because then there wouldnt be a show.

Max: Good point.

Ash: Kinda like if we took out you getting rejected by women, huh Brock?

Brock: You had to say that, didnt you?


Trainers Choice

(Beautifly appears on left, Snorunt, Ralts, and Treecko appear on the right)

Ash: Which of these Pokmon would do best against Beautifly?


Trainers Choice

Ash: If you said Snorunt, youre right!

Viewer Mail Part Two

Max: And now, back to your letters.

Ash: Many of you ask whether Gary really had a group of cheerleaders following him. No.

Brock: Whenever you go to a major tournament, one thing you can do is rent your own group of cheerleaders for a match.

Max: Isnt that kind of artificial?

May: What do you mean?

Max: Youre paying people who dont know you to support you.

May: I guess youre right.

Brock: A lot of people want to know how a Pokball works. So would I. I would, however, like to point out that trainers can keep more than six Pokmon with you at a time.

Ash: However, you do have to feed them all.

Max: Another question is who is Ashs father?

Ash: Well, hes an accountant. The reason you never see him is he works in Viridian City and only comes home on weekends. Why thats never been mentioned on the show is beyond me.

Brock: Ashs mother, by the way, is a columnist for a gardening magazine.

May: Others ask why most Pokmon speak their names when they talk.

Max: Youve actually got it backwards-Pokmon are often named after what they say.

Ash: Also, since we usually only have one of each species of Pokmon, its often more convenient to call them by their species name.

May (reading letter): Heres one: When will we see Max sing karaoke again?

(Shot of Max singing karaoke)

Max: Ooh thats why-This is what you need-Ill give you what you need!

(Back in studio)

Ash: Did you write that letter, Max?

May: He couldnt have-its not in his handwriting.

Brock: Then how did it get here?

(Six months later-Max is on the phone talking to Tracy)

Max: Could you do a favor for me, Tracy?

Tracey: Sure, Max.

(Two weeks after that-Tracey is in the forest talking to Celebi)

Tracey: Now, make sure you mail this letter seven months ago, okay?

Celebi: Bi!


Gym Leaders

Brock: People often wonder what its like to be a gym leader.

Max: Its not as simple as just facing every challenger that comes that way, which is mostly what you see.

May: One thing people ask is why gym leaders all use Pokmon of one type, instead of a bunch of types so theyre harder to beat.

Ash: You have to understand why gyms exist

Brock: Gym leaders dont just test trainers to see if they get a badge, they also teach them how to be better battlers.

May: Gyms use one type of Pokmon so that trainers can learn about that type and how it fights.

Max: Gym Leaders also teach other people about Pokmon, and many of them are community leaders.

Ash: How do you get to be gym leader? Well, there are a few ways, depending on which gym youre talking about.

May: Sometimes you can inherit it from your parents, or the previous leader can select you.

Brock: In some cases the position is elected, or is run by community volunteers.

Max: However, all gym leaders have to be approved by the league.

Ash: Pokmon gyms are also used for more than battles. When, the Cerulean City Gym isnt being used for battles, it can be used for swim meets and other aquatic events.

Max: Gyms also often contain museums where you can learn about all sorts of things.

May: What is it with you and learning?

Brock: Come on you two.

Ash: Gyms are also great places for community events.

(Shot of group entering a gym)

Ash: Im ready to earn my next

(looking forward, we see dozens of people dressed in Star Trek uniforms)

Ash(confused): Badge.

Brock: That hardly seems logical. (walks off)

May: Look, Max, your friends showed up.

Max: Be quiet.

Ash: Someone better get Brock away from that Andorian .

Background Voice: Hyper beam me up, Scotty !

(Back in studio)

Ash: Thats probably the weirdest experience Ive ever had a gym.

Max: At least Pikachu got a new toy out of it.

(Tribble chirps)

Pikachu: Pika pika!

(Tribble chirps agiain)


Training Pokmon

Brock: Until now, we havent talked much about how we actually train Pokmon.

May: The most obvious way is by having Pokmon battle each other.

Ash: Unfortunately, we cant do that all the time since our Pokmon would get too tired

Max: Practicing attacks by themselves allows Pokmon to improve their moves.

May: We can also train our Pokmon using natural resources.

Brock: For example, we can use some land forms to make obstacle courses to help our Pokmons maneuverability.

Ash: Targets can be useful for attacks like water gun, bullet seed, and razor leaf.

Brock: I remember water gun.

May: Id like to forget it.

(Shot of May holding a target in the air)

(May, visibly wet, spits out water)

Brock (off camera): Okay, Mudkip, lets try it again. May, hold up the target a little higher.

May (annoyed): Sure.

(back in studio)

Ash: Then theres strength training exercises.

Brock: Just like people, Pokmon need to keep their bodies in shape.

Ash: In fact, people have created exercise equipment just for Pokmon.

(Shot of Pikachu on a miniature bench press)

Pikachu (straining): Pika.chuuuu.

(Pikachu lowers the weights as a Pikachu with a bow in its hair walks by)

Pikachu (flexing muscles): Pika!

Other Pikachu (dismissively): Pika pika.

Pikachu (sadly): Pika.

(Back in the studio)

Brock: I know how you feel.


(Still more to come-in a while I'll post the annotated version)

Support Pokemon Music! (fixed link)


Listen to PIRN - Pokemon Radio!

"Television couldn't kill radio, but maybe Ash will."
-Professor Oak (Air Time)
Age 39
Janesville, WI
Seen June 12th, 2005
Posted June 8th, 2005
160 posts
19.1 Years
Attacks Part Three

Brock: Poison is one of the most interesting effects an attack can have. Because it can be very strong, there are a lot of rules about using it.

Max: Some poisons are so strong that theyre not allowed because they can cause permanent damage.

May: Sometimes tournaments will do tests to determine if Pokmons poison is fair.

Ash: When a Pokmon is poisoned, its strength slowly goes away, some trainers choose to forfeit the round so their Pokmon can rest right away.

Brock: Some attacks let your Pokmon use the environment to their advantage.

May: A Pokmon that uses ingrain can get nutrients from the ground.

Max: It cant run if it uses the attack, however.

Brock: Earthquake sends shock waves directly through the ground.

Max: And attacks like, dig, fly, and dive can be used to hide from opponents.

Ash: Rollout takes advantage of hills to build up speed.

May: I love playing rollout with Max.

(Shot of Max from behind at the top of a hill)

Max: So, sis, what exactly did you want me to see? I dont see anything interesting around he-

(May jumps into the frame and pushes Max down the hill)

May: Surprise!

Max: Ooh! Ah! Ouch! Oof! (Pause) I know where you live!

(Back in studio)

Max: One of these days Im gonna push you down the hill.


Ethics

Brock: As we mentioned before, in order to get a trainer license, you have to take and pass a course in trainer ethics.

Ash: The point of the class is not just to tell trainers what is right and what is wrong, but why.

Max: I like to use the Team Rocket standard.

May: Why would you use Team Rocket as a moral standard?

Max: If Im not sure if something is right, I ask myself, Would Team Rocket do this? If the answer is yes, I dont do it.

May: Makes sense.

(Shot of Team Rocket in a car. James is driving, Jessie is in the front, and Meowth is in the back with a portable TV)

Meowth: Hmm, tats the same standoid I use, cept I use Jessie.

Jessie: What standard?

Meowth: Nuttin.

(Back in studio)

Brock: Back to the course, heres an example: Suppose you find a Pokball lying on the ground without a trainer. What do you do?

Max: Well, you obviously dont steal it for yourself.

May: I remember this-its a question on the ethics final.

Max: Id take it to the nearest Pokmon Center or police station.

Brock: Good, but did you consider letting the Pokmon out to help figure out what happened?

Max: Oh. No.

Ash: See, ethics arent just about doing the right thing.

May: Theyre about doing the right thing the right way.

Max: I see.


Pokmon Acclimation

Brock: Since most Pokmon are caught in the wild, they arent usually used to city life.

Ash: So, we have to teach Pokmon to live in the human world.

Max: For example, most Pokmon in the wild live in groups with other Pokmon of the same species.

May: After we catch them, however, they have to learn to be friends with other species of Pokmon.

Brock: Its not always easy. Remember Charizard, Ash?

(Series of shots showing Charizard burning Ash and being stubborn)

Ash: Uh, yeah. Of course, theres other important skills, like navigating traffic.

(Shot of Pikachu in police outfit with traffic whistle. Shot expands to show Torchic to Pikachus South and Corphish on Pikachus East Pikachu blows its whistle while pointing its right palm at Torchic and signaling Corphish to go ahead.)

Corphish: Cor-phish!

Torchic: Tor-chic!

(Both of them start running forward and crash into Pikachu, complete with starburst visual effect. The subsequent shot shows the whistle is now in Torchics mouth with all three Pokmon in a pile.)

Pikachu (sighing): Pika pika.

(Torchic blows on the whistle)

Torchic (happily): Torch!


Trainer Services

May: Pokmon arent the only ones who need help sometimes.

Max: Being a Pokmon trainer can be rough, too.

Ash: Fortunately, there is help out there for trainers who need it.

Brock: For example, every Pokmon Center has one of these stands containing pamphlets covering training tips, hygiene, and other issues.

(shot of someone holding a pamphlet called Dont get burned by Pokmon, he puts the pamphlet down to reveal himself as Max with a burned face)

Max: One of these days, Torchic

(back in the studio)

Brock: Theres also a program called Trainers Helping Trainers where trainers can talk to other trainers about their problems. Meetings are kept confidential except in certain situations.

Ash: I remember Misty was a really good counselor, I had an appointment with her a few years ago.

(Shot of Misty and Ash sitting in a room in chairs. For confidentiality reasons, neither of their Pokmon are with them)

Misty: So, Ash, what did you want to talk to me about?

Ash: Well, I kinda think I might like a girl, but I dont know if she likes me back.

Misty (Listening intently): Well, how does she sound when she talks to you?

Ash: Well, she really seems to care about me.

Misty: And does she look at you a special way?

Ash: I guess.

Misty: Well, I think you should tell her how you feel about her, Ash.

Ash: Thanks, Misty, Ill call Duplica right away!

(Ash exits while Misty gapes)

Misty: I so should have seen that coming.

(back in the studio)

May: So, how did things work out with Duplica?

Ash: We decided to just be friends.

May: Oh, I see.

Brock: Been there.

Ash (giving the I dont know what youre talking about look): What?


Viewer Mail Part Three

Max: Once again, its back your letters.

May: I hope theres no karaoke this time.

Brock: Anyway, a lot of you are probably wondering about the levels of our Pokmon and how we know them. First of all, a level is just a number taken based on a Pokmons strengths and abilities.

Ash: Basically some person just invented a scale.

Max: And if youre wondering if Pokmon really learn certain moves at certain levels, well, they dont. You have to teach them.

Brock: Some viewers ask why Ash is turning his hat around when he goes into battle.

Ash: Part of its because I need to be able to see up and down, but mostly its a good luck thing.

Max: Thats just a superstition, Ash. Remember what May used to do.

(Shot of Ash, Brock and Max dragging May)

May: But guys, Ill never win my contest if I dont get my breakfast burrito!

Max: Youll live!

(Back in the studio)

Brock: Suddenly the hat thing doesnt seem so bad.

May: And dont worry guys, Ive gotten past breakfast burritos.

Max: Thank goodness.

May: Omelets are the real good luck charm!

Max: Anyone out there want to trade sisters?

May: Or brothers?

Brock: Come on you two.

Ash: People also ask why we return our Pokmon to the wild from time to time.

Brock: You have to remember that were really just borrowing them, anyway, and some of them can do more good out in the wild than in trainers hands.

Max: In fact, this is believed to cause the released Pokmon to encourage other wild Pokmon to find trainers.


Battling

Brock: And now for the part youve all been waiting for-the facts about Pokmon battling.

Max: First off, take a look at the field. (blank black screen appears) First we have the arena, which is eighty feet wide by thirty feet long. (corresponding rectangle appears on the screen). On both sides of that are the trainer boxes which are ten feet wide by five feet long. (corresponding rectangles appear).

Ash: The field is designed to be large enough for big Pokmon without being so big that small Pokmon have to run to battle each other.

May: Each trainer stands inside their box and may not enter the arena except to retrieve a knocked out Pokmon.

Brock: Its up to the judge to decide when a Pokmon is unable to continue to battle, and it isnt as simple as looking at their eyes. The main way is that the Pokmon cant get up on its own. Also, a judge can determine that a Pokmon cant continue safely.

Ash: Also, judges get to use those flags you see.

Max: May found another use for them.

(shot of Max holding flags)

May (off-camera): Okay, when the pizza guy comes I want you to signal like we rehearsed earlier. Look, here he is now! Go, Max.

(Max begins to signal)

Max: Next thing you know shell make me reenact Abbey Road.

(Back in the studio)

Max: I wish I was an only child.

Ash: No you dont.

Brock: In any case, the judge is the final authority for the tournament as far as prizes, but a trainer can appeal a decision to have the match removed from their record.

May: Judges make sure players play by the rules and penalize them if they dont.

Brock: Penalties range from making someone lose one round to disqualification.

Max: Judges need to know what counts as a legal hit and all procedures and rules.

Ash: For example, during battle, one Pokmon can only attack another if both are in or above the arena. If a Pokmon is knocked out of the arena, they have to get back in or else the judge can declare the Pokmon unable to battle.

Brock: There are two types of matches: Ones where each Pokmon faces exactly one other Pokmon, and ones where one Pokmon may battle multiple opponents.

May(pulling out a poster showing the weakness/resistance): Im sure youve all seen this. Its a chart showing the weaknesses and resistances for the 17 types of Pokmon. Every trainer needs to know these in battle.

Max: However, its only a guideline. Would you mind helping me, sis?

May: Not at all.

Max: Weakness and resistance actually varies by Pokmon, attack, type, wind speed (hands May an anemometer), temperature (hands May a thermometer), air pressure (hands May a barometer), phase of the moon (hands may a model of the moon), solar wind (hands May a model of the sun), humidity and precipitation (water is dumped on May).

May: You just wait til my hands are empty.

Ash: Youre probably also wondering how Pokmon hear our commands in a loud stadium. If its not too loud, we can just yell, or we can ask for a microphone like this that clips on (shows the microphone on his jacket).

Brock: Some tournaments also allow the trainer to have their own private rooting section, as youve seen us do many times for Ash. Some other tournaments dont allow this, however.

Max: Basically, there are two philosophies about battling-the strict, by the book style

Ash: Or the go-your-gut-instinct style.

May: Kinda like the last time we were at a Chinese restaurant.

(Shot of the four except for Ash at a table at a restaurant. Ash comes to the table with a plate full of food)

Brock: Maybe just one more plate wasnt such a good idea.

Ash: Anyone want an egg roll?


(Back in the studio)

Max: Whats really interesting is my fortune cookie said, Beware if gluttony pays a visit.

Jessie (Muffled voice behind wall): Did someone say pay a visit?

(Loud crash as Team Rocket Breaks down the wall)

Max (sarcastically): Oh, its Team Rocket.

Brock: Max

Max (Seriously): Its Team Rocket!

Jessie: Prepare for trouble!

James: Make it double!

(Switch to reverse angle to show Team Rocket reading of a teleprompter)

Jessie: To protect the world from devastation!

James: To unite all peoples within our nation!

Jessie: To denounce the evils of truth and love!

James: To extend our reach to the stars above!

Jessie: Jessie!

James: James!

Jessie: Team Rocket, blasting off at the speed of light!

James: Surrender now or prepare to fight!

Meowth: Dats right!

Wobbuffet: Wobba wobba!

James: Say Meowth, while were explaining things, why do you have that accent?

Meowth: Well, da guy who owned the place where I loined to speak human talk watched lotsa Joe Pesci movies. To dis day Im afraid some kidll swing a paint can at me when I rob a house.

Jessie: I see.

May: So, do you guys have a giant robot this time?

Max: Did you plant a hole in the stage?

Jessie: We thought wed be sporting and let you have the first shot.

Ash: Okay, Pikachu

Max: Wait! Hey, sis! Five bucks says theyve got some electric-resistant stuff.

May: Youre on!

Ash: Anyway, Pikachu, thundershock!

Pikachu: Pikachuuuuu! (Pikachu zaps Team Rocket)

Meowth: Dat wont woik on dis! (whips out fancy looking plate that deflects the bolt) We stopped at the prop department on the way in.

Max: Come on, sis.

(May grumbles)

James: Now what are you going to do?

Jessie: Use some new Pokmon youve caught?

Meowth: Humiliate us wit one of yoir weaklings?

Ash: Actually, no.

Team Rocket: No?

Brock: We kinda figured you were coming so about five minutes ago we called security.

Jessie: What?

Security Officer Jenny: Wed like you to come with us.

(shot of Team Rocket being carried away by studio security)

Team Rocket: Team Rockets getting dragged off again!

May: Will they ever learn?

Max: They could, but then theyd probably be written off the show.

(Fade out)

(Fade in)

Ash: Well, I hope you enjoyed this look into how this show works.

Brock: But remember, we cant keep doing it without you.

May: So keep tuning in every week!

Max: So we can keep our jobs!

Brock: So, now what do we do?

Max: The karaoke machines over there.

Ash: That gives me an idea.


(Feed You Tonight Music starts)

(stomach growl)
Ash: Gotta eat

Ash: Cant wait another moment
May: My stomach feels like lunch was yesterday
Max: We can gripe all we want
May: Everybody does yeah that's okay-ay

Ash: So slide over here
Ash: And give me some grub now
Max: My Stomach it calls
Brock: I'll shout to let you know
Brock: I'll shout to let you know
Brock: When the food is done

Brock: Ill feed you tonight
Brock: Cause I love cooking
Ash: There's something about Brocks food
Max, May: That hits the spot

Brock: How do you feel
Max: I'm hungry
Brock: What do you want
May: Just want some food
Brock: Whatcha gotta do
Ash: Gotta catch em all

Brock: Dont whine over here
Brock: Just give me a moment
Brock: The food is still raw
Brock: I'll shout to let you know
Brock: I'll shout to let you know
Brock: When its dinner time


Brock: Ill feed you tonight
Brock: 'Cause youre all starving
Ash: There's something about that smell
Ash: That makes me sweat

Ash: Howd my hair get singed?
May (angrily): Torchic!
Torchic: Torch!

Brock: So how do you feel
May: I'm hungry
Brock: What do you want
Max: Just want some food
Brock: Whatcha gotta do
Ash: Gotta catch em all
Brock: How do you feel
Ash, Max, May: I'm hungry! Pikachu: Pikachu!

Brock: Im lonely.
Ash: Wrong song, Brocko.

Brock: What do you want
May: Just want some food
Brock: Whatcha gotta do
Ash: Gotta catch em all

Brock: Just slide over here
Brock: Its done in a moment
Max: My Stomach it calls
Ash: Our hunger starts to grow

Max: Starts?
May: Just feed us and well go

Brock: So slide over here
Brock: And give me a plate now
Brock: I'm here to let you know
Brock: I'm here to let you know

Brock: Now its dinner time

(Fade Out)


Here is the annotated version:

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Listen to PIRN - Pokemon Radio!

"Television couldn't kill radio, but maybe Ash will."
-Professor Oak (Air Time)
Non-binary
Elsewhere
Seen July 8th, 2019
Posted August 5th, 2011
395 posts
18.3 Years
This is very interesting, as well as hilarious, I actually got most of the inside jokes (867-5309 *Dies from insane laughter*) A lot of the things were actually concepts I've come up with in my fic(mainly regarding requirements for getting a liscense), but a lot I'd never even thought about. This was very good!

~Chibi~;249;

A Pokémon fanfic fifteen years in the making.
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Age 39
Janesville, WI
Seen June 12th, 2005
Posted June 8th, 2005
160 posts
19.1 Years
Yes, those of you that didn't get all the jokes (shame on you for not listening to 80's music), you can read the annotated version for all the references. I actually did quite a bit of research for this fiction in an attempt to answer a lot of burning questions about the show. Other stuff I just had to reason out by myself. For the record, I did not cover the following:

Evolution
Pokeballs and related technology
Pokemon reproduction
As well as a few other topics.

As you'll read in the annotated version, I originally was going to use a generic trainer as Ash's counselor, but decided to use Misty instead to heighten the humor. It's an evil joke, but a lot more funny.

Support Pokemon Music! (fixed link)


Listen to PIRN - Pokemon Radio!

"Television couldn't kill radio, but maybe Ash will."
-Professor Oak (Air Time)