Sins & Scars

Started by Aiya Quackform March 14th, 2005 8:47 PM
  • 815 views
  • 3 replies
Age 35
In a blue house with a blue window.
Seen January 2nd, 2009
Posted May 29th, 2005
189 posts
19 Years
Commercial: So many things in the past, so many things that are scarred and can never heal. I was foolish. So many years later, and my senses still cannot leave behind the stink of destruction and death. (ONE-SHOT)

WARNING: This is an original fiction by me. Do not use any of this story in part, or in full, in you written work, in a quote, or on a website without my permission. You may link directly to this page, but that is all.

Sins & Scars
by Aiya Quackform


So many things in the past, so many things that are scarred and can never heal. I used my knowledge and skill to do what I thought would help others. I was foolish. I destroyed and I burned. I scarred.

So many years later, and my senses still cannot leave behind the stink of destruction and death.

My sins continue in this new life Ive built on lies. I have told no one of what Ive done, and for many years now those around me have remained blissfully unaware of my former self.

There is so much that I could have done for the good of so many. My skills could have taken me many placesanywhere but the path that led to this living death of regret and shame.

But there is no use wallowing in what cannot be changed. I must push ahead, praying for a better tomorrow.

In my young student, my successor, I see a future. I see his innocence, his nave belief that there is good in this world. In him, I see myself before the dark times.

And so, to him I pass on my skills, my knowledgeand my painfully learned wisdom. May my mistakes be made up for in some small way by his good deeds.

This is my penance. He is my redemption.


_____________________________________________

Author's Notes: This is a short fiction I wrote for a contest back at GHPF with the theme of "redemption." I ended up liking it so much, that I have plans to incorporate it as a prologue into an original fiction of mine. Please leave me some feedback!
Random Quote of the Undefined Period of Time: Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.



Seen May 9th, 2010
Posted August 28th, 2009
2,224 posts
18.4 Years
It is fine, but too short. I barely got myself into it and it ended. o.0
If you fail, don't make others do the same. It's common sense I guess, so why would it not make sense? A little confusing to be exact.
I'd like there to be a sequel, I don't know about you. Maybe to see how the person has done and whether or not he followed in the the writer's footsteps, I guess that's all I could say..

Natsuki

.bluefang.

Age 33
Female
Minnesota
Seen July 16th, 2015
Posted March 22nd, 2012
5,046 posts
18.2 Years
I actually really liked this fan fic. ^___^ If this is the prologue then I think the length is all right. But if it's the first chapter then you may want to lengthen it much more. ^^

The plot is hard to figure out now, but that's always good for a cliffhanger in the start of the story and allows room for the fic to grow as chapters progress. ^.^

It gives me a mystified feeling as I read it. It's kinda hard to explain, but this fic gives you a sense of tranquility and serenity. ^____^ Nice work so far Aiya!

Remember, all you really have to work on is length. A longer fic isn't always better, but by having more lengthly chapters you can show you know the basics of writing and it makes each chapter more exciting. ^^

~Kelsey
Age 35
In a blue house with a blue window.
Seen January 2nd, 2009
Posted May 29th, 2005
189 posts
19 Years
Thanks for your feedback, Anacortes!

I actually really liked this fan fic. ^___^ If this is the prologue then I think the length is all right. But if it's the first chapter then you may want to lengthen it much more. ^^

The plot is hard to figure out now, but that's always good for a cliffhanger in the start of the story and allows room for the fic to grow as chapters progress. ^.^

Remember, all you really have to work on is length. A longer fic isn't always better, but by having more lengthly chapters you can show you know the basics of writing and it makes each chapter more exciting. ^^

~Kelsey
Oops, I forgot to mention that this is a one-shot! For now, at least. I wrote this for a writing contest based on the theme of 'redemption.' I did loosely base this on a character from an original series that as of now is only in my head. Someday I might write that thing down and make a tweaked version of this my prelude.

It gives me a mystified feeling as I read it. It's kinda hard to explain, but this fic gives you a sense of tranquility and serenity. ^____^ Nice work so far Aiya!
Glad you liked it, though! I'd like to hear what you have to say now that you know this is a one-shot. ^_^
Random Quote of the Undefined Period of Time: Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.