Kanto's Champion

Started by sbros91 March 25th, 2005 6:01 PM
  • 487 views
  • 2 replies
Age 32
Seen July 5th, 2006
Posted July 4th, 2006
54 posts
18.2 Years
The following fan fiction was written and created by sbros91. Ideas might be used by other stories, but not completley copied. If there are any issues with my story, please PM me and I will edit any problem.
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Chapter 1: "Webby" Beginning
"Raichu! Use Thunder!" The electric rodent sparked up a huge lightning bolt hitting its opponent. The huge turtle pokemon called Blastoise cried in pain and fainted.
"All right! We won!" A boy about fourteen years old rushed towards his Raichu, and hugged it tight. "Ladies, gentlemen, and pokemon! We have our new Kanto Champion...Eric!" The crowd cheered with deafening sound. The new Kanto Champion, Eric, smiled and waved at the crowd with his Pokemon party next to him.
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"That was awesome!" cried Eric's friend, Jodie,"I wish I could have battled in the finals. I'm really gonna train now!" Jodie was a trainer her friend Eric. They have known each other since they first started their journey. They had just received their first pokemon...
"Rrr-iii-nnn-ggg!!!" Eric slaps his palm on the alarm clock, halting the annoying noise. He jumped out of bed and headed straight for his closet. The previous night he had prepared everything. He gathered materials into his pack, and prepared clothes for all kinds of occaisions.
'I can't wait until I get my first pokemon! I hope I get a really friendly one, unlike my brother, who is still suffering with his starter,' Eric thought to himself with a smile forming on his face. He always laughed when he thought of his brother's starter. Mack had become a trainer just five months ago, and wasn't lucky with his starter. He had received a Charmander and it refused to battle. All it did was sleep and burn Mack's feet while he slept. Mack couldn't wait to catch another pokemon, but no luck so far.
Eric wasn't nervous, but was very excited. He rushed down-stairs to find his parents eating their breakfast. Although he could hardly wait any longer to go to the Professor's lab, he knew he had to eat a healthy breakfast; he wouldn't last a few hours on his journey without a filling morning meal. After cleaning his dishes, he said his good-bye's to his parents. They gave him 3000 dollars, not that much for an adult, but a whole lot for trainers at his age and experience.
He left his house and headed for Prof. Oak's lab. He knew his moment had arrived, and it was only minutes until he and his starter would be on a journey.
He arrived at Prof. Oak's lab, but the doors were locked and the lights inside were off. "Hmm. That's strange. Prof. Oak isn't here, he's usually here at about 7:30 a.m. and it was already 9:15a.m.
He looked around Pallet Town and it was pretty much deserted except for a couple of stores and the bakery.
"Maybe he's out looking for Pokemon in the wild." Eric walked towards Route 1, entering the grassy area. As he progressed down the route, he entered a shady area. He became a little nervous, and suddenly heard sometime descend behind him. He slowly turned around and saw a green spider. 'A Spinarak!' he cried to himself. 'This is so cool!'
He smiled at the pokemon,"Hi! I'm Eric. You're a cool-looking Pokemon." The spider pokemon looked at Eric and blinked. A smile formed on its face and it shot a web at him. Eric pulled off the web from his face while laughing. "You're a funny little Pokemon. How would you like to be my first pokemon?" Spinarak looked at Eric and seemed to be considering this. "Spina! Spina!" Spinarak smiled at Eric and wiggled around. "I'll consider that as a yes. I couldn't find Prof. Oak to get my starter, but now I found you!" He thought for a moment and suddenly had a frown on his face. "What will I do without a PokeDex? No one else besides Prof. Oak can give me one." Spinarak looked at Eric and rushed up a tree. "Hey! Where are you going?" Spinarak appeared again with something hanging on his web. "Cool! A PokeDex! Where'd you get that? Thanks so much!"
Suddenly the two heard a noise close by. "What was that?" They rushed towards the area where they heard the noise and saw a pokemon. The backed-off a couple of feet with scared faces. The pokemon was a...

To Be Continued...

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This is the end of Chapter 1 from "Kanto's Champion". If you have any comments, questions, suggestions, or complaints, please reply with them. If you would like to rate this chapter from 1 to 10, 10 being the best, please do.
Seen March 2nd, 2014
Posted December 28th, 2012
135 posts
18.2 Years
Im not saying its a horribel fics, but their are a few things you can work on

Likes
To be honest, I don't like any part of this fic a whole bunch

Dislikes
#1. It needs to be longer, its barely one page. Chapter should be at least 4-6 pages (but since your a beginner 3 might be best)
#2 Grammar mistakes. You need to proofread your work for grammar and spelling mistakes
#3 Paragraphing. Theres like no paragraphing in this fic, make sure you have spaces in between different paragraphs
#4 Spinirak agreed to join Eric rather easily and found a pokedex out of nowhere? That seems rather weird

I would rate this a 4/10. It has potential just work on the things under Dislikes
Bittertown
Seen September 2nd, 2009
Posted December 28th, 2008
7,901 posts
19.7 Years
http://pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=29844
http://pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=27806

I advice you to read those threads above...they might help you...

Anyway...
I can advice a few things: be original... this is one of those predictable trainer fics, isn't it? One tip here is: don't follow the anime. Sure you're one of those anime fans but usually, don't follow it very closely. Another thing is that you have this huge plot hole. Like the person said above, Spinarak agreed too easily. You could've had a little bit of battle or something... (but that would be just like following the anime, isn't it?) ... then there was that Pokedex that appeared out of nowhere. Also, work on your descriptions. You make your characters look so one-dimensional. The one thing I look in a character is a flaw. Something that makes them human. Yours seem to look like pencil doodles on paper. They're just too one dimensional. Expand your character, give them characteristics (DON'T MAKE THEM LIKE SATOSHI!), give them a flaw, making your character imperfect will make them perfect for the story.

That's all I can say...

Pocket Monsters Special!