Bittertown
Seen September 2nd, 2009
Posted December 28th, 2008
7,901 posts
19.7 Years
Heya everyone!
This is the Society of Creative Minds!
I'm encouraging every creative mind out there in PC (writers, poets, songwriters alike) to join the club! Everyone can join as long as they are active writers/poets/songwriters here in PC! ^_^

Come one and come all!

In this club, we comment on each other's work and we also encourage beginning writers and help them improve, etc. So, don't be shy and come on and join!

Pocket Monsters Special!

~Ozy~

PC's Unofficial Poetry Critic

Age 34
White Sword Tower
Seen June 12th, 2012
Posted December 1st, 2006
5,246 posts
19 Years
Although I'm not the most active writer/poet on PC, I do both and I love them, so I suppose this is the place for me.
Eternally devoted and wed to my darling pet, Nagoyaka Aikouka.


"Your Grace, all that you say is true. On the Trident, Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought honorably, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.

Eliana

The |R a m p a g e|

Age 32
www.thepeopleunited.net
Seen February 18th, 2010
Posted April 25th, 2006
17,195 posts
19.5 Years
I'll join =3
I have the largest poetry thread, just as a note (I dunno why I think I suck =/)
[A N T I -F L A G]
T H E I R | S Y S T E M | D O E S N ' T | W O R K | F O R | Y O U

WE'RE TIRED OF LIES WE WANT THE TRUTH. [Turncoat]
[Sanity is not Statistical] --1984
No, I'm not back, I'm just laughing at the mediocrity of corrupted 'authority'. <3

Eliana

The |R a m p a g e|

Age 32
www.thepeopleunited.net
Seen February 18th, 2010
Posted April 25th, 2006
17,195 posts
19.5 Years
I will! XD
I was very depressed at the time XD (I mean I'm always depressed when I write my poems but this time I was like dead).

Love Is Gone

Dawn brought emptiness and confusion
And I dont know whyam I in delusion?
The light is now nowhere to be seen.

Because your bright green eyes no longer hypnotize me,
I am lost in the dark.
Left alone, with an empty heart.
Love has gone another path,
Is it gone forever? Will it come back?
Everything is grey, drenched by rain
Just return love, and stop the pain.
October skies are getting old,
Everything seems so dark and cold
And the light is gone
Rain has been falling far too long.
My heart is crying,
Severed and dying.
Tomorrow will never come again,
Rage and hate will come instead.
On top of it all, I stand and watch,
Now wondering about those bright green eyes,
Green eyes by which I was once mesmerized

And I want to fall into them, once again,
And I dont want the light to leave, ever again...
[A N T I -F L A G]
T H E I R | S Y S T E M | D O E S N ' T | W O R K | F O R | Y O U

WE'RE TIRED OF LIES WE WANT THE TRUTH. [Turncoat]
[Sanity is not Statistical] --1984
No, I'm not back, I'm just laughing at the mediocrity of corrupted 'authority'. <3
Bittertown
Seen September 2nd, 2009
Posted December 28th, 2008
7,901 posts
19.7 Years
I'm not the best critic in the world but I'll try! XD


Love Is Gone

Dawn brought emptiness and confusion
And I dont know whyam I in delusion?
The light is now nowhere to be seen.
The last sentence seems to hinder the rhythm a bit. Also, the refference to "dawn" and light disappearing might make the stanza a bit contradictory. Maybe you're specifying that even though light has come, heart break has made you blind, or maybe you could change dawn to dusk... I'm not sure... but whatever you want to convey in the poem ;)

Because your bright green eyes no longer hypnotize me,
I am lost in the dark.
Maybe you should reorder the sequence of the stanza a bit? The long sentence is a bit shaky form of syntax. But I'm not really sure. You could be trying to convey the quick and sudden darkness that has overcome you the moment you realize that you can't seem to fall in love with this boy again

Left alone, with an empty heart.
Love has gone another path,
Is it gone forever? Will it come back?
Everything is grey, drenched by rain
Just return love, and stop the pain.

October skies are getting old,
Everything seems so dark and cold
I find these lines to be quite good. October, to me, is the beginning of autumn. Autumn, to me is a romantic month rather than February. The way you say how October skies, the romantic skies of fall, and how hackneyed they are now, show pretty much how you gotten sick of love and how love is making you feel terribly. I just love the line.

And the light is gone
Rain has been falling far too long.
My heart is crying,
Severed and dying.
Tomorrow will never come again,
Rage and hate will come instead.
On top of it all, I stand and watch,

Now wondering about those bright green eyes,
Green eyes by which I was once mesmerized
It sounded pretty awkward on your repition in this line. Well, to me that is. It might depend on every person but repition should be used carefully. Very carefully.

And I want to fall into them, once again,
And I dont want the light to leave, ever again...
It's a pretty good poem... I'm not really a good critic... but hopefully that helps! ^_^

Pocket Monsters Special!

Eliana

The |R a m p a g e|

Age 32
www.thepeopleunited.net
Seen February 18th, 2010
Posted April 25th, 2006
17,195 posts
19.5 Years
Well, allow me to explain...It spells out a name XD;;
Billie Joe Armstrong XD;; it was very hard to write the poem...so..=/
[A N T I -F L A G]
T H E I R | S Y S T E M | D O E S N ' T | W O R K | F O R | Y O U

WE'RE TIRED OF LIES WE WANT THE TRUTH. [Turncoat]
[Sanity is not Statistical] --1984
No, I'm not back, I'm just laughing at the mediocrity of corrupted 'authority'. <3

Eliana

The |R a m p a g e|

Age 32
www.thepeopleunited.net
Seen February 18th, 2010
Posted April 25th, 2006
17,195 posts
19.5 Years
I wrote it one day when I thought I didnt like him anymore =/
[A N T I -F L A G]
T H E I R | S Y S T E M | D O E S N ' T | W O R K | F O R | Y O U

WE'RE TIRED OF LIES WE WANT THE TRUTH. [Turncoat]
[Sanity is not Statistical] --1984
No, I'm not back, I'm just laughing at the mediocrity of corrupted 'authority'. <3

~Ozy~

PC's Unofficial Poetry Critic

Age 34
White Sword Tower
Seen June 12th, 2012
Posted December 1st, 2006
5,246 posts
19 Years
*laughs* Eh, enjoyable, I think. Anyone mind helping me fix up this one? I like it, I want to see it perfected.

Tortured Genuis
Head in the sky
softly composing a lullaby
Ignoring all the simple fools
Thinking the only way to rule
Is with force, and might, and guns, and bombs
Filling the world with violence and death
Destroying peace and death
And dads and moms
All with a single "smart bomb"
On a "surgical strike"
Designed to stop one evil dictator

Tortured genius
Head in the clouds
Dreaming of a banner unfurled
On the top of a castle in another world
Unlike our own
Where the selfsame fools
Who think the only way to rule
Is with force and might and decption and lies
Filling the airwaves with their false words,
"This is all in the intrest of your saftey"
"With technology, we garuntee there will be no civillian casualties"
Never guessing that one "smart bomb"
Ripped apart families, dads, kids, and moms

Tortured Genius
Watching that banner unfurled
On the top of a castle in another world
Where peace reigns supreme
Tortured only because
He knows it's a dream
Which will only come true
After Death's barrier is breached
After that lone castle beseiged
By the forces of violence, guns, and bombs
Have all passed away
And forever peace reigns
Eternally devoted and wed to my darling pet, Nagoyaka Aikouka.


"Your Grace, all that you say is true. On the Trident, Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought honorably, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.
Bittertown
Seen September 2nd, 2009
Posted December 28th, 2008
7,901 posts
19.7 Years
*laughs* Eh, enjoyable, I think. Anyone mind helping me fix up this one? I like it, I want to see it perfected.

Tortured Genuis
Head in the sky
softly composing a lullaby
Ignoring all the simple fools
Thinking the only way to rule
Is with force, and might, and guns, and bombs
Filling the world with violence and death
Destroying peace and death
And dads and moms
All with a single "smart bomb"
On a "surgical strike"
Designed to stop one evil dictator

Tortured genius
Head in the clouds
Dreaming of a banner unfurled
On the top of a castle in another world
Unlike our own
Where the selfsame fools
Who think the only way to rule
Is with force and might and decption and lies
Filling the airwaves with their false words,
"This is all in the intrest of your saftey"
"With technology, we garuntee there will be no civillian casualties"
Never guessing that one "smart bomb"
Ripped apart families, dads, kids, and moms

Tortured Genius
Watching that banner unfurled
On the top of a castle in another world
Where peace reigns supreme
Tortured only because
He knows it's a dream
Which will only come true
After Death's barrier is breached
After that lone castle beseiged
By the forces of violence, guns, and bombs
Have all passed away
And forever peace reigns
It's pretty good and I can't say much about it since I'm not that good of a critic... XD
But I do love how the story goes. It makes me think of someone who wants to rid the world of war and pain but in his struggles to do so, he was the one who destroyed mankind... hmmm pretty good job! XD

I'm hoping more people would help others so please do tell your opinions of the poems/writings! ^_^

Pocket Monsters Special!

EmeraldSky

Make the Colors in the Sky!

At the arcade, playing DDR with Ash
Seen 36 Minutes Ago
Posted 2 Days Ago
6,203 posts
18.5 Years
Hey guys, mind if I join? I do fanfiction, and song adaptations. (read: writing "English" versions of Japanese songs)
The Saga of the Kagayou Theater

The First Sparkling Stage (Waku)
The Stage of Crystal (Paldea)/The Stage of Light (Kalos)/The Royal Stage (Galar)/The Stage of Victory (Talie)
The Global Stage (Unova)/The Stage of Paradise (Alola)
The Shimmering Stage (Waku)

EmeraldSky

Make the Colors in the Sky!

At the arcade, playing DDR with Ash
Seen 36 Minutes Ago
Posted 2 Days Ago
6,203 posts
18.5 Years
Thank you!


I have plenty of writings here, and elsewhere...as my official welcome...I'll post a humorous scene from my completed short fic, "Adventures in Pokesitting"

Day 3: Early Morning

Pikachu yawned as he rolled around in bed. The sun was not yet up...and here he was, wide awake...so since he didn't feel like going back to sleep, he climbed out of bed and tiptoed over to the back room, being extra careful not to wake Ash.

But, the door to the back room was closed...so Pikachu began to push against it with all his might, until it opened with a creak.

"Azuri?" Ami woke up, startled by the noise. "Azu azu?" she called as she tottled over to the crib's edge and looked down.

"Pi pika Pikachu..." Pikachu assured Ami as he climbed in the crib with her. "Pika pi...pi pika pi pi?" he asked.

"Zu!" Ami cried, clapping her paws excitedly at the prospect of playing in the living room.

"Pika..." Pikachu cautioned as he helped Ami onto the ground and started out the door. "Pika pikachu pika..."

"Azuri?" Ami asked.

"Chu pi Pikapi, Pikachupi, pi Pipika..." Pikachu explained. "...pika PIKA pika pikachu!" He made an angry face to illustrate his point.

"Azu..." Ami sighed as the two others walked past Ash's room again. "Azu azurill ri rill!" she called to the other Pokemon. "Rill azu?"

"Saur!" Bulbasaur led the other Pokemon downstairs...

---------

"Pika pi!" Pikachu announced as the Pokemon entered the living room. But before he could say any more, he heard a Click clack click clack clack click.... coming from Ash's computer. "Pika?"

"Azuri!" Ami giggled as she tapped away on the keyboard.

RRRIPPP!!!! Grovyle had found a stack of printer paper and had ripped a piece in half, laughing as the two halves fluttered to the floor.

Click click-clack click.... Ami continued to type.

CRASSSHHH!!! Swellow and Bulbasaur sent the forks, spoons and knives tumbling to the kitchen floor.

WAAAAAOOOOHHHH..... Pikachu, meanwhile, had rolled up a piece of paper into a cone shape and was trying to get a note out of it, but was not doing a very good job of it.

Click click-clack click clickety click clack... Ami started to type in a rhythmic pattern...

ZANG! BANG! PANG! Cyndaquil and Totodile had found some pots and pans to bang on....

RRRIPPP!!! Grovyle ripped another piece of paper in half.

CRASHHHH!!!! Swellow kicked over the trash can, spilling its contents on the floor.

The noise began to meld together...

CRASHHHH!!!!

Click click-clack click....

WAAAAAOOOOHHHH.....

Click click-clack click....

RRRIPPP!!!

ZANG! BANG! PANG!

CRASHHHH!!!!

WAAAAAOOOOHHHH.....

RRRIPPP!!!!

"Aru ri, azurill, ri ri rill ri..." Ami sang as she typed away. "Azuri azuri, azurill..."

"Pika pika chu pika..." Pikachu joined in, blowing a note with his makeshift "instrument".

"Cynda quil, cynda cyn, cynda quil..." Cyndaquil sang over his exuberant drumming.

"Toto dile to to..." Totodile chimed in.

"AZU, AZUUUU!" Ami half screamed, half sang as the cacophony of noise continued...

----------

"Brock..." Misty yawned as she grabbed a pillow to shield her ears from the noise downstairs. "What's all that noise?"

"Sounds like a mixture of keyboard keys, paper ripping, something that sounds kinda like a trumpet, stuff being knocked over, pots and pans getting banged on..." Brock mumbled as he changed positions. "Could be just your imagination..."

"Oh no, I'm hearing something going on in there..." Misty sighed as she glanced at the clock. "It's...FOUR IN THE MORNING????

"What's going on?" Ash raced in the room, curious about why Misty was awake. "Something wrong?"

"Yeah..." Misty grumbled. "I think we should go see why the Pokemon are awake at this hour..."

"Come on..." Brock led the way downstairs, just in time to see the living
room--or rather, what the living room would look like had a tornado gone through it-- and hear Ami sing one last chorus of "AZU, AZU!!!!"

"WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE???" Misty demanded as she studied the warzone that used to be the living room.

"Pika pi..." Pikachu asked sweetly, blowing a few notes on his "instrument"

"Yeah, the paper trumpet's neat, but you really shouldn't be playing it at four AM..." Ash explained as he led Pikachu to the time out area...
The Saga of the Kagayou Theater

The First Sparkling Stage (Waku)
The Stage of Crystal (Paldea)/The Stage of Light (Kalos)/The Royal Stage (Galar)/The Stage of Victory (Talie)
The Global Stage (Unova)/The Stage of Paradise (Alola)
The Shimmering Stage (Waku)

EmeraldSky

Make the Colors in the Sky!

At the arcade, playing DDR with Ash
Seen 36 Minutes Ago
Posted 2 Days Ago
6,203 posts
18.5 Years
Thank you...

I hope to share more of my work in the days ahead.
The Saga of the Kagayou Theater

The First Sparkling Stage (Waku)
The Stage of Crystal (Paldea)/The Stage of Light (Kalos)/The Royal Stage (Galar)/The Stage of Victory (Talie)
The Global Stage (Unova)/The Stage of Paradise (Alola)
The Shimmering Stage (Waku)

punkhobbitqueen

chibi peoples? Where?!?!?!!?!?

Age 31
on my computer
Seen July 14th, 2007
Posted August 19th, 2006
1,157 posts
18.3 Years
hey can i join? here's my favorite poem i made. i think it;s my best to...
Discarded

why did you discard me?
One day we were talking and drinking tea,
when you suddenly got up explaining that you hated me
You walked away as happy as could be
why did you discard me?
I saw you the next day at school
you pointed at me and laughed
sad and sore i walked away
why did you discard me?
I hate you
you hate me
we don't talk anymore
Why?
Why did you discard me?
in life prepare for a heartbreak or two..
Is rivals with: Cybex Mewtwo
Is Co-ower of:
the Hamster club
The Rurouni Kenshin club
Ower of:
The Gary fanclub
I claimed Daisuke Niwa and Shigure Sohma is the bishie thread!
PC Family
Younger Sister: tiger-chan
Older Brother: R_S
younger bro: mr.missing