Seen May 9th, 2010
Posted August 28th, 2009
2,224 posts
18.4 Years
You are giving me an awful image of me in the future..*cries*
Alright, it'd be best if at the beginning you have capital letters, and punctuation, not just ?'s at the end of each one. Some punctuation in the middle of sentences, including I capitalized. Just grammar errors I believe, nothing else.
I know why you wrote this..;) LoL

punkhobbitqueen

chibi peoples? Where?!?!?!!?!?

Age 31
on my computer
Seen July 14th, 2007
Posted August 19th, 2006
1,157 posts
18.3 Years
thanks i'll have to do this. really u think u know why? why then?
in life prepare for a heartbreak or two..
Is rivals with: Cybex Mewtwo
Is Co-ower of:
the Hamster club
The Rurouni Kenshin club
Ower of:
The Gary fanclub
I claimed Daisuke Niwa and Shigure Sohma is the bishie thread!
PC Family
Younger Sister: tiger-chan
Older Brother: R_S
younger bro: mr.missing
Bittertown
Seen September 2nd, 2009
Posted December 28th, 2008
7,901 posts
19.7 Years
Welcome to the club!

Now, what could you say about my poem? Dismantle it and I don't care...just give it your best shot at criticizing it...

Thorns

There she is, sleeping soundly on her bed.
I was silent for nothing can be said.
I was speechless, gazing at her pale smile.
I felt myself weak for a little while.

A thorny stem I could see in her hand,
She held it softly with her scarlet fingers.
I knelt next to her bed and began to weep,
For the wounds she placed on my heart were so deep.

I felt the crimson petals slipping away;
They liquefied as they reached her fingertips.
The aroma of the petals was strong,
As I wept bitterly for it was too late.

She looked so innocent and beautiful,
Almost like an angel with that solemn smile.
Yet I could see dried tears trailing from her eyes;
A perfect being above the blue skies.

Her hand was cold as I kissed it softly,
Her once rosy cheeks are now pale and pallid.
I could not help but let the barbs of love
Constrict around my wounded and weak heart.

How I love her so much
How I long for her touch
Her voice, I couldnt hear anymore,
And that laughter that I adore.

Pocket Monsters Special!
Age 35
Indiana U.S.A
Seen October 2nd, 2006
Posted October 1st, 2006
970 posts
18.6 Years
I'v never joined a place for poems and such, but I would like to ^^ Thanks for making the baord , it looks very nice and I like the mood of the place. Very warming and kinda to new poets songwriters ect.

I'm working on poetry, This is just something I made last minute. I'v been told by my friends off pc that my poems have some strang feeling to them. C&c is very much in need ^^;;

The Celest dragon's poem(Wip)


This my dream is what I mention
to the sky with full intension
A beast of power -wind reaction
kind at hear & full of effection

Crystal winged small gaudrian Dragons
here My offer, I await you'r actions
My dreams to see you in this realms light
beyond the sheeth of my eyes sight

Celestial realm please open for me
show the dragons I wish to see
Kinderd spirits made from star-dust
To see you not is really a must

so heres my offer I now deree
I give you this here little key
it opends the gates to the ground and the sea
It came from a shaman whos name was ?


And thats where I am right now, I got stuck and I'm working on finding a name to match.
Thats a touching poem oni flygon Reminds me of someone I know..
Yeah I'm back.. And this sig is a WiP inspired by nicola's old one.






Bittertown
Seen September 2nd, 2009
Posted December 28th, 2008
7,901 posts
19.7 Years
Aye, lovely poems. I don't see anything wrong with them though..
So Good job!
It would be great if you can just add a little bit more effort of trying to interpret my poem a bit more... I'd like to know how you felt of the diction, syntax, meter, etc, etc... just give me everything you've got... =D

Pocket Monsters Special!

~Ozy~

PC's Unofficial Poetry Critic

Age 34
White Sword Tower
Seen June 12th, 2012
Posted December 1st, 2006
5,246 posts
19 Years
Really, I'm all for a little experimentation with poetic forms, but here, you just seem to have lost your touch. Corrections are in red, comment below each stanza.

There she was, sleeping soundly in her bed.
I was silent for nothing could be said.
I was speechless, gazing at her pale smile.
I felt myself grow weak for a little while.
I made the changes I did because you switched tenses. Not good. Pick a tense and stick to it. The "grow" was added to complete the rhythm and feel of the stanza.

A thorny stem I saw in her hand,
She held it "softly was not needed. Breaks up the rhythm. with her scarlet fingers.
I knelt next to her bed and began to weep,
For the wounds she placed on my heart were so deep.
If you're gonna begin in couplets, continue in couplets. Otherwise, it breaks up the overall feel of the poem, which I feel is quite strong.

I felt the crimson petals slipping away;
They liquified as they reached her fingertips.
The aroma of the petals was strong,
As I wept bitterly for it was too late.
See above.

She looked so innocent and beautiful,
Almost like an angel with such a solemn smile.
Yet I could see dried tears streaming from her eyes;
A perfect being from above the pale blue skies.
Again, a few corrections to strengthen the rhythm. And again, couplets.

Her hand was cold as I kissed it softly,
Her once-rosy cheeks are now pale and pallid.
I could not help but let the barbs of love
Dig into my wounded and weakned heart.
Again, couplets. Also, barbs don't constrict. Finally, tense again.

How I love her so much
How I long for her touch
Her voice, I couldnt hear anymore,
And that laughter that I adore.
An excellent conclusion, I like it., This stanza, and the first are the best in the poem.
Eternally devoted and wed to my darling pet, Nagoyaka Aikouka.


"Your Grace, all that you say is true. On the Trident, Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought honorably, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.