The Roast of Klippy

Started by Lucid October 20th, 2015 12:17 PM
  • 1759 views
  • 23 replies
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Whop should we roast next?

Keiran

[b]Rock Solid[/b]

Age 31
New Jersey
Seen March 14th, 2022
Posted July 25th, 2018
2,441 posts
12.1 Years
This letter is not a memoir. Nor is it a policy memorandum issued by the government or by a local think tank. Rather, it is an assessment of how Mr. Klippy believes in free speech by permit only. Here's the story: Klippy makes a lot of exaggerated claims. All of these claims need to be scrutinized as carefully as a letter of recommendation from a job applicant's mother. Consider, for example, Klippy's claim that all literature that opposes sectarianism was forged by atrabilious warmongers. The fact of the matter is that finding the best way to put inexorable pressure on him to be a bit more careful about what he says and does is a challenging problem indeed. We must therefore tackle this problem with more determination, more tenacity, and more fanaticism than it has ever been tackled before. Only then will people realize that Klippy believes that he has an absolute right to be intolerant in the name of tolerance. As you can no doubt determine from comments like that, facts and Klippy are like oil and water.

There can be no doubt that there are some simple truths in this world. First, Bourbonism is arguably the most frightening and devastating problem facing us all. Second, Klippy serves up his smarmy form of elitism as intellectual fast food for his judgmental factotums. And finally, Klippy is a crime-stained liar. Let's list some of Klippy's more shrewish lies: First, he avows that it's okay to leave the educational and emotional needs of our children in the capricious hands of temperamental, peremptory lowlifes. Second, he feels that all it takes to start a rabbit farm is a magician's magic hat. And third, he wants us to believe that imperialism is a be-all, end-all system that should be forcefully imposed upon us. I presented that list to get you to see that Klippy warrants that yahooism is the answer to all of our problems. Perhaps yahooism is indeed the answer but only if the question was, What's the moral equivalent of letting Klippy promote promiscuity and obscene language?

To say that Klippy's theories are a public admission of his immaturity and insensitivity is not new. Nevertheless, his shills say, Hanging out with asinine doryphores is a wonderful, culturally enriching experience. Yes, I'm afraid they really do talk like that. It's the only way for them to conceal that I have in fact told Klippy that he needs a mental carminative. Unfortunately, there really wasn't anything to his response. I suppose Klippy just doesn't want to admit that I admit I have a tendency to become a bit insensitive whenever I rebuke him for trying to sucker us into buying a lot of junk we don't need. While I am desirous of mending this tiny personality flaw, Klippy is often accused of introducing more restrictions on our already dwindling freedoms. His hirelings usually respond with a message along the lines of, So what? At least Klippy isn't making bargains with the devil. I suppose there's an argument to be made for that, but aren't we forgetting that remaining silent and inactive in the face of Klippy's double standards negates our duty as civilized members of the community? My goal for this letter was to dispense justice. Know that I have done my best while trying always to make pretentiousness unfashionable. Let an honest history judge.
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Salzorrah

grassium Z

Age 25
Female
Floaroma Town, Sinnoh
Seen May 14th, 2022
Posted May 5th, 2022
6,376 posts
12.4 Years
Rule #1 of the Underground: #KILLPPY or go away
Rule #2 of the Underground: Always blame Klippy
Rule #3 of the Underground: Remember, when PC breaks, it's all Klippy's fault
Rule #4 of the Underground: When Klippy makes a Rick and Morty reference, just say 'broh' he'll go away... eventually
Rule #5 of the Underground: Klippy tends to be an abusive snail, just submit to his desires, he'll probably not hurt you...
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PageEmp

I can’t do money puns. It just doesn’t make any cents.

Male
with an axe
Seen 1 Day Ago
Posted 4 Weeks Ago
12,445 posts
7.8 Years
You want me to roast Klippy? Okie.



Ima burnin a paper cklip.
I… might put something interesting here eventually.

Palamon

Silence is Purple.

Age 26
he/him
Snezhnaya, Teyvat.
Online now
Posted 1 Day Ago
7,784 posts
14.3 Years
You, sir, smell of bad meme. Cut it out, you're not Ben.

Who's Kiyo?

puking rainbows

Age 27
Male
Olivine City
Seen July 21st, 2022
Posted September 6th, 2018
3,228 posts
12 Years

I know we all laugh and kid about Klippy being the reason PC muks the bed every now and then, but let's take a moment of silence to reflect on when he actually broke PC for the sake of meme, broh.

Or that time he changed his name to something obnoxiously long and then broke basic PC formatting on most pages it appeared because of how long it was.

Or how about that time when he put in the wrong command into the first UG Skype chat and we all had to make a Mass Exodus because he broke the entire chatroom.

Why do we give this man so much power.

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Nolafus

Aspiring something

Age 27
Male
Lost in thought... again
Seen March 3rd, 2018
Posted March 11th, 2017
5,722 posts
10.9 Years

Or that time he changed his name to something obnoxiously long and then broke basic PC formatting on most pages it appeared because of how long it was.

520blazeitXboxDoritosLocosMtDewXTREME2015XgamesburritoCallofDuty
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gimmepie

Age 27
Male
Australia
Seen 1 Day Ago
Posted 1 Day Ago
520blazeitXboxDoritosLocosMtDewXTREME2015XgamesburritoCallofDuty
I don't know what's sadder, the fact you have that memorised or Klippy.
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