shoulders back! chin up! chest out!

Started by Her May 2nd, 2017 12:54 AM
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  • 29 replies

Her

Age 29
Online now
Posted 1 Week Ago
what do you do to build confidence in yourself, whether temporarily or more long-term? do you have tips for others?
Don't think about it.

Seriously, that's what I usually do, and the best advice I could offer. Just...don't think about it. I've found with a lot of things that once you get going, it's easy to keep going. If you have a task you need to do and lack the confidence in yourself to be able to do it, it's easiest to just not think about it and go on autopilot. The best example I can think of with this is exams...it's awful when you think about it, but once you actually sit down to do it, it just comes naturally. Usually. Maybe I was just lucky. Yeah. Don't listen to me.

But I generally find that if I lack the confidence in my ability to do something short-term, relaxing my iron grip and letting myself just get on with it works for most things. It's like I don't even exist consciously sometimes; like I'm an observer watching things from a first-person perspective.

For advice on long-term confidence, you'd have to ask someone who is actually worth something and has long-term prospects.

Lunar

Age 24
Male
England
Seen September 16th, 2020
Posted September 15th, 2020
If you're not feeling confident about doing something, I find just counting to three and forcing yourself to do it is a good way to build up your confidence of trying new things and stuff.

Mawa

The typo Queen

Age 30
Female
Canada
Seen August 13th, 2020
Posted March 1st, 2020
Your life is a story and you are the star. don't forget about it.


Seriously tho, I think learning to accept who you are, your strengths and difficulties if a good first step. Even if you don't believe in you, fake it till you make it.
I miiiiight be back?
And why am I not a supporter anymore >.<

pastelspectre

Memento Mori

Age 25
he/him
The Pacific Northwest
Seen 1 Week Ago
Posted 1 Week Ago
2,156 posts
13.1 Years
i'm currently trying to gain more confidence in myself, and its difficult as i am stuck in a body that i am uncomfortable with and have dysphoria with but..anyways thats a different story

i guess i basically just watch youtube videos on positivity and wholesome things. i try to look at stuff that makes me happy and will help gain my confidence, whether it is temporary or not. im trying to gain full confidence in myself..but its difficult. i don't feel i am qualified to give advice, as different methods work for different people.

Alex

what will it be next?

Seen December 30th, 2022
Posted December 26th, 2022
6,407 posts
16.4 Years
Confidence stems from knowledge and experience. To build confidence, you must acknowledge the problems that keep you from building it. Think about what is causing these problems and solve them.

In certain cases, like social ones, it's truly is a matter of Just Do It. You don't have the confidence to speak to the person you're interested in precisely because you are not experienced in striking up random conversation. Do it, and in time, you'll learn what it is you're afraid of and how to overcome it.

For example, I was (and still am) always worried about ending a conversation. I hate it when they drag out too long, but I used to always feel ending one was awkward and abrupt. So I would end up avoiding that awkwardness and conversations would last forever... Now, knowing I want to avoid that and ultimately improve my conversing experience, I look for clues that signal a conversation could end soon. If the conversation is devolving into short one-word answers, that's usually a good place to let a small lull pass and end the conversation. I'll often break eye contact when I'm about done with a conversation in hopes that the lull will happen and I can end the conversation. More often than not, I've found the other person is just as happy as I am to have the conversation end and there's no awkwardness about it what-so-ever.

It seems a bit in-depth for something as trivial as conversation but it makes a world of a difference for someone with social anxiety.

Sothis

Will this hand destroy you?

She/her
Firene
Seen 11 Hours Ago
Posted 14 Hours Ago
17,837 posts
9.9 Years
I just try and keep my mind on something else other than my lack of self confidence xD

you cannot hope to win
so bound in flesh


smocks

fiat lux

Female
California
Seen March 25th, 2019
Posted March 10th, 2019
I could write a huge paragraph but to keep it simple

Be positive! Stay optimistic!

Thinking positive thoughts go a long way, for example telling yourself something like "I look amazing" or "I will nail this interview!". + doing at least one thing productive along with staying positive goes a long way as well :)

Tsutarja

Age 28
he / him
Florida
Seen 6 Hours Ago
Posted 6 Days Ago
27,325 posts
13.2 Years
I often turn to listening to music if I need to get something done. I dunno how, but it does help me a lot.

gimmepie

Age 27
Male
Australia
Seen 1 Day Ago
Posted 1 Day Ago
I find looking back at past successes/positive feedback is a good confidence booster (at least in the short term).
RPWLA&MVGGaming Journal

Echidna

i don't care what's in your hair

Age 28
Male
Illinois
Seen April 27th, 2021
Posted May 22nd, 2019
2,077 posts
12.8 Years
I generally do one of three things.

1. Remind myself that life is bullmuk, and there's no reason to worry myself so much about something so trivial in the grand scheme of things. We're all specs of dust to the universe.


2.Dress up! Chin up! Shoulders back! Chest out! The title says it all, I'm the master of my little chunk of the world, I got this.

3. I find it really helps to channel my favorite TV characters.
but my taste in music is your face

SirBoglor

It's over, isn't it?

Age 24
Male
National Park, Johto Region
Seen December 22nd, 2018
Posted January 3rd, 2018
528 posts
7.6 Years
I just make sure that I'm running at the task with full force and effort. It's like a baseball metaphor that I heard. If you swing with all of your might, then you can't be disappointed with the result.

Esper

California
Seen June 30th, 2018
Posted June 30th, 2018
My own lack of confidence mostly comes from fear of what could happen so I have to make myself not worry about the consequences and focus on just trying, telling myself that failure is okay and giving it a good try is important regardless of the outcome.

Generally I feel it helps to take care of myself: eating well, good hygiene, etc. etc. Helps that I don't have to worry about those things on top of trying not to worry about something else.

PageEmp

I can’t do money puns. It just doesn’t make any cents.

Male
with an axe
Seen 1 Day Ago
Posted 4 Weeks Ago
12,445 posts
7.8 Years
find out why i exist
I… might put something interesting here eventually.

Nah

Age 30
she/her, they/them
Seen 10 Hours Ago
Posted 18 Hours Ago
15,643 posts
9.5 Years
I can't say I understand all these "fake it till you make it" posts. It sounds more like deluding yourself and hoping that by some miracle something will happen.

You know what actually builds confidence? Having a psyducking real reason(s) to be confident.
Nah ンン
“No, I... I have to be strong. Everyone expects me to."

Mawa

The typo Queen

Age 30
Female
Canada
Seen August 13th, 2020
Posted March 1st, 2020
I can't say I understand all these "fake it till you make it" posts. It sounds more like deluding yourself and hoping that by some miracle something will happen.

You know what actually builds confidence? Having a ****ing real reason(s) to be confident.
Hum no Fake it till you make it is a way to say do what you have to do even if you aren't sure of yourself or doubt about your capacities. The more you do it, the easier it is. Like, I got a job once and I was freaking out because I din't thought I would got it and I was asking myself how the heck I would be able to do it right. I could just refuse it and stay home. But I decided to fake a confidence in my job, trying my best and telling myself that I can do it even if I didn't really believed it. Eventually, I realized that I was able to do it, I got a real confidence and at the end of the summer I knew I was able to do this job right. If I didn't "fake" it at first, I would never get this experience. I got the job back the next summer and I didn't have to fake it then,, because I knew I was competent enough for this job.

I am curious about "having a real reason to be confident". What does that mean? Waiting for a reason to pop up in our life, or feeling bad about ourself because we don't find a reason...
I miiiiight be back?
And why am I not a supporter anymore >.<

Nah

Age 30
she/her, they/them
Seen 10 Hours Ago
Posted 18 Hours Ago
15,643 posts
9.5 Years
Hum no Fake it till you make it is a way to say do what you have to do even if you aren't sure of yourself or doubt about your capacities. The more you do it, the easier it is. Like, I got a job once and I was freaking out because I din't thought I would got it and I was asking myself how the heck I would be able to do it right. I could just refuse it and stay home. But I decided to fake a confidence in my job, trying my best and telling myself that I can do it even if I didn't really believed it. Eventually, I realized that I was able to do it, I got a real confidence and at the end of the summer I knew I was able to do this job right. If I didn't "fake" it at first, I would never get this experience. I got the job back the next summer and I didn't have to fake it then,, because I knew I was competent enough for this job.

I am curious about "having a real reason to be confident". What does that mean? Waiting for a reason to pop up in our life, or feeling bad about ourself because we don't find a reason...
To me, confidence should stem from knowing for certain that you have the skills/abilities/knowledge/whatever to handle whatever scenario it is you're getting into. That's what I mean by "having a real reason".

Some of the posts here so far seem to be saying that to become confident, one simply has to pretend or act like they have confidence/are confident. But why feel confident for no reason? There's no basis for that "confidence", so is it really confidence then? Are you not just kidding/deluding yourself then? It's no better than blind faith if you ask me, and that's something people should stop doing, believing things without proof.

Doing what you have to do isn't really a matter of having confidence or not. You don't have a choice in the matter, so whether one likes it or not or whether one feels they can do it or not, you have to give it a shot regardless. You (and marz I think too) are right though that (sometimes) the only way to build confidence is to take the plunge and get the experience, and that the experience will, hopefully, build your confidence--but that also kind of just reinforces my point really, the experience is the "real reason" to have confidence. It's ok to go into something and acknowledge that you have no confidence in your ability to do it, and continue to acknowledge that until you do have reason (the experience or whatever other thing(s) that will qualify as proof) to be confident in yourself.
Nah ンン
“No, I... I have to be strong. Everyone expects me to."

Mawa

The typo Queen

Age 30
Female
Canada
Seen August 13th, 2020
Posted March 1st, 2020
To me, confidence should stem from knowing for certain that you have the skills/abilities/knowledge/whatever to handle whatever scenario it is you're getting into. That's what I mean by "having a real reason".

Some of the posts here so far seem to be saying that to become confident, one simply has to pretend or act like they have confidence/are confident. But why feel confident for no reason? There's no basis for that "confidence", so is it really confidence then? Are you not just kidding/deluding yourself then? It's no better than blind faith if you ask me, and that's something people should stop doing, believing things without proof.

Doing what you have to do isn't really a matter of having confidence or not. You don't have a choice in the matter, so whether one likes it or not or whether one feels they can do it or not, you have to give it a shot regardless. You (and marz I think too) are right though that (sometimes) the only way to build confidence is to take the plunge and get the experience, and that the experience will, hopefully, build your confidence--but that also kind of just reinforces my point really, the experience is the "real reason" to have confidence. It's ok to go into something and acknowledge that you have no confidence in your ability to do it, and continue to acknowledge that until you do have reason (the experience or whatever other thing(s) that will qualify as proof) to be confident in yourself.
I can see your point - and I find it interesting for sure. I agree that "real" confience is better than a fake one because it's more solid to rely on. But I just wonder how you can build a "real" confidence without "cheating" it a little bit in the beginning. Someone with no confidence will just stay at this level if they doesn't try to build one or jump head first in any situation that can upgrade their confidence. I do agree that having no confidence shouldn't stop you for trying as it can still be a good experience in the end, but that's easier to say than to do.
I miiiiight be back?
And why am I not a supporter anymore >.<