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  #1    
Old May 26th, 2005 (2:06 PM).
Phantom_Bugsy's Avatar
Phantom_Bugsy Phantom_Bugsy is offline
Le Malade Imaginaire
     
    Join Date: Mar 2005
    Location: Somewhere beyond the barricade
    Age: 28
    Nature: Adamant
    Posts: 609
    Mmkay folks, first fanfiction posted here! Writing is not my forte, I prefer drawing, but....oh well. :3

    NAME GUIDE!

    Itsuki = Will
    Minaki = Eusine
    Kanna = Lorelei
    Wataru = Lance

    And anyone else is probably unimportant. >__> English names for Cities cause I can. It's in Morty's POV.


    For Itsuki


    GodI remember when we first brought him to that awful place. It was his brothers ideaimagine, a stark-raving lunatic thinking his brother is just that. I wont deny Itsuki was a little crazyeven raving mad sometimes, butwe never thought anything could end up like this.

    Minaki told me that it was merely a safe place for him to be, someplace where he could cool off. I knew I shouldnt have believed himit was a hospital for the mentally ill.

    The doctors looked a little skeptical at first, seeing as though this was an elite being brought to them, but Itsuki decided to have one of his little faux-insanity episodes at Minaki for bringing him there, right in front of them. When they saw this, they decided with whatever fabric of their minds they were using at that moment that he was in fact insane. Two doctors took hold of his arms and led him to a room somewhere in the hospitalthey returned minutes later to tell us he was in capable hands. My face said okay, but my mind said bullsh*t.

    I tried, but I couldnt bail him out. Some crap about being a danger to himself and society. Though I visited him every day, 5:00 sharp, and that made him forget for a while where he was. Theyd put him on several medications, some of which actually seemed to improve his mood. But he still looked like a wreck, probably from worrying so much the times I wasnt there. His skin was getting paler by the day, his hair was unkempt and messy from lack of caring for it, but his eyes retained the luster I loved so much. I was all he really lived for, the only one who cared. Even his brother stopped coming to visit him, the pompous dirtbag. People seemed to forget about him. Wataru let Kanna back into the Elite Four to take over the position she had lost to him, the only one who seemed to miss him at all was Karin. But she couldnt get time off to visit; her position was too important to the league.

    But there came one night where, come 5:00, I was being bogged down with so many challengers I couldnt stand it. I couldnt help but think of him the entire time I battled.my focus was so off, every challenger that night walked away with a Fog Badge. It was 7:00 by the time I was finished. I grabbed my coat and began to run for the door, but the phone rang. I picked up, frantic to get to where I was going, and began to yell at whoever was on the other end.

    It was the hospital. They told me I had to get there right now and that something had gone terribly wrong. I hung up on them in my rush to get outside, and drove faster than I ever had down the road to Goldenrod.

    When I got there, a doctor greeted me with a solemn look. I knew I wasnt going to like this, I just didnt know how much I would dislike it.

    I couldnt have prepared myself for it.

    A crowd of doctors had gathered around the door to Itsukis bathroom, one that at first glance you wouldnt have been able to tell the floor was white tile. It was now covered in a liberal amount of blood, as was the sinkthough that wasnt the most disturbing sight, if you can believe it. Because there, lying in the middle of it all with dark bloody gashes carved across his wrists, was Itsuki. His emerald eyes still remained wide open, though that sparkle that was usually in them was no longer there. Theyd become dark, and his skin was even paler than I had ever seen it. It was a ghastly porcelain-like shade, as though someone had painted him as such. I wanted to throw up, cry, or both. But all I did was cry. Little flecks of blood had dotted his face from where he had collapsed into his own blood, and I gently wiped them away with my sleeve. Even in death he was beautiful, granted now it was a tragic kind of beauty. I leaned down and kissed his icy lips, and it became apparent to me that he had been dead for quite some time. A few hours at least.

    When all the doctors had left the room, I still sat with his body for a good two hours. I knew it was my fault. If I hadnt been so caught up in my gym dutieshed still be alive and relatively happy.

    I can barely stand to think of it anymore. And now standing here at his grave, holding a small bouquet of white lilies, all I can do is cry though no one can tell if I am from the heavy rain thats falling.

    And its only now that I realize..I needed him more than he needed me. Though its too late for that, now isnt it?
    __________________

    *Feuilly x Joly*

    And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming,
    Or the moment of truth in your lies...
    When everything feels like the movies,
    Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive...

    And I don't want the world to see me,
    Cause I don't think that they'd understand...
    When everything's made to be broken,
    I just want you to know who I am...
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      #2    
    Old May 26th, 2005 (4:10 PM).
    IceKing's Avatar
    IceKing IceKing is offline
       
      Join Date: Mar 2005
      Gender:
      Posts: 135
      Very nice Phantom Bugsy! You might want to put a warning about the whole fact that it revolves around yaoi cus some people tend to be REALLY freaked out by that.

      Quote:
      Two doctors took hold of his arms and led him to a room somewhere in the hospitalthey returned minutes later to tell us he was in capable hands.
      I dont think the punctuation is right in that sentence, but Im not completely sure

      Likes
      Style, kept me hooked till the end!
      Details, the details in this fic were very good, especially in the discovery scene
      The powerful emotion showed by Matsuba/Morty

      Dislikes
      Kinda unrealistic. I know first hand about mental institutions and Im pretty sure razor blades are not allowed.


      You did very well, when a person makes me sit for five minutes thinking about the dislikes, thats a good sign. 8/10, keep it up!
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      Wow...my writingness has changed since my last siggy. That is all.
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        #3    
      Old May 26th, 2005 (5:03 PM).
      Phantom_Bugsy's Avatar
      Phantom_Bugsy Phantom_Bugsy is offline
      Le Malade Imaginaire
         
        Join Date: Mar 2005
        Location: Somewhere beyond the barricade
        Age: 28
        Nature: Adamant
        Posts: 609
        I've been looking for an explanation to that myself. Only thing I could come up with is that Eusine WANTED him to die so HE brought in the razorblades. But I never put that in the fic. XD

        Thanks, though! I'm actually kinda proud of this one. As opposed to my OTHER fics. >3
        __________________

        *Feuilly x Joly*

        And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming,
        Or the moment of truth in your lies...
        When everything feels like the movies,
        Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive...

        And I don't want the world to see me,
        Cause I don't think that they'd understand...
        When everything's made to be broken,
        I just want you to know who I am...
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