Eek, I fulfill so many points on Eli's list. xD
When your parents say that Online Jobs dont exist, you wish they understood what a mod was.
*nods nods* x3
Anyways... I don't where I'm from, but since I'm currently living in Silicon Valley/San Jose... xD
Your combined household income is $140,000 and you can't afford shoes for the kids
You think anything slower than DSL is barbaric, but can't get it in your neighborhood <- We could only get Yahoo DSL, and for that, we had to switch or phone to SBC... o.x;
You know what D(igital)S(ubscription)L(ine) stands for <-My brother does, he's scary. o.o;
You and your spouse almost come to blows deciding to hit Peet's or Starbucks
You think that American food includes sushi, naan, pho, pesto and pad thai
You met your neighbors once
When asked about your commute you answer in time, not distance
Even though you work 80 hours per week on a computer, for relaxation you read your email and peruse eBay
You have worked at the same job for a year and people call you an 'old-timer'
The T-shirts you value most were for products that never made it to market
You can name four different programming languages and you are not a programmer
You remember the names of the three closest cheap sushi joints, the location of all the Fry's in the area and which companies your friends work for that are going public in the next year, but don't know the name of the mayor
Standing in line at Starbucks you wonder why the employees don't call a head hunter
You work 6 miles from your home and spend two hours a day commuting and $40 a week on gas
Winter is when your lawn grows too fast and summer is when it dies
The median price of a house is $500,000...for 1200 sq. ft. with no yard because it's a town house Actually, in our area it's like 600,000... CRAZY. O.O;
You live on some of the richest farm land in the world but most of what you eat comes from South America on a boat
Your best friend lives across town but you hardly ever see each other because after your commute you're too pooped to spend another hour driving to their home
You have a master's degree in engineering but half the people in your department either didn't go to college or have history degrees, except if you have a master's from Stanford, in which case everyone in your department has a master's degree from Stanford
You cringe when you see people in suits at your office, wondering if someone in management will make you stop wearing bunny slippers
You plan your vacation so that you don't have to drive back from the airport in commute hours
You don't go to sporting events unless you are given tickets by your employer
You could sell your home and live like a king in 99% of the rest of the world, but don't because it would be difficult to move back.
You have at least three computers at home.
You own at least one domain on the Internet, probably several.
You think it's normal to see chip-design software or relational databases advertised on freeway billboards.
You know that California isn't just one big beach.
You know that not everyone in California surfs.
You know there's lots of skiing in California.
You know your rotating outage block number at home and at work, and listen for them whenever there are rolling blackouts.
If someone refers to "SunnytogaDeAnzavale Road", you laugh and know what they're talking about. Half half. o.o;
You take your out-of-town friends to see the techie gadgets at Fry's. But you don't let them buy anything.
You know how to recognize re-sealed returned electronics at Fry's.
You don't ask the staff any questions at Fry's. You know they hire idiots and pass the savings on to you.
You watch dot-com boomers go back to the states they came from, and the traffic gets better by the month. But you are home so you're not moving.
You own a Sport Utility Vehicle and have never taken it off-road. You wouldn't know what to do if you tried. Same with all your friends.
You don't know how to drive in snow. You're a road hazard when you visit the mountains.
You think the horn and middle finger are essential driving tools.
You think bicycles don't belong on the road.
You think any car ahead of you doesn't belong on the road.
Your out-of-state friends are impressed at how much money you make... until you tell them how much you pay for housing.
You know that a "fixer-upper" home could cost a half-million dollars.
You do a "California stop" at stop signs. And you think it's only Californians who call them that.
You aren't bothered much by earthquakes because you're ready for them. But the thought of tornadoes and hurricanes terrifies you.
You clearly remember where you were when the Loma Prieta quake hit.
You know several funny stories about swimming pools in the quake.
You can't recognize a thunderstorm without seeing lightning first.
You cringe when a Southern Californian refers to highways like "the 101". It's just "101". No "the". Not really cringe... but we do refer to it as '101'. o.o;
You call low clouds "fog" even if they're hundreds of feet off the ground.
At least once you have gone to San Francisco for the day wearing shorts and a t-shirt because it was a warm clear day in San Jose. And you froze your little *@#!% off in the fog, drizzle and wind.
You say you're from Silicon Valley because no one knows where San Jose is. (Do they? o.o)
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Silicon Valley.
And here's a Chinese one. xD
You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those bows) next year.
You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.
You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
Your stove is covered with aluminum foil. <-Used to. o.o;
You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.
You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
You eat all meals in the kitchen.
You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.
You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
You always leave your shoes at the door.
You have a piano in your living room. <- Used to, now it's a keyboard. xD
You twirl your pen around your fingers.
Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them.
You don't own any real Tupperware -- only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.
You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses. <-OMG, my dad totally does that. xD
You've eaten a red bean Popsicle.
You bring oranges (or other produce) with you as a gift when you visit people's homes.
You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or come in plastic packets, which you save/steal every time you get take out or go to McDonald's.
Ditto for paper napkins.
You never order room service. True... o.o;
You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes). These travel snacks are always dried. As in not just dried plums, dried ginger, and beef/pork jerky, but dried cuttlefish (SQUID).
Your parents vehemently refuse the sack of gold coin oranges that their guests just brought just to be courteous.
Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.
You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or law.
When you go to a dance party, there are a wall of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool.
You live with your parents and you are 30 years old (and they prefer it that way). Or if you're married and 30 years old, you live in the apartment next door to your parents, or at least in the same neighborhood. I want to~ xD
You don't use measuring cups.
You feel like you've gotten a good deal if you didn't pay tax.
You beat eggs with chopsticks.
Your parents' house is always cold.
You have a teacup with a cover on it.
You reuse teabags.
Your mom drives her Mercedes to the Price Club.
You tip Chinese delivery guys / waiters more.
You're a wok user.
You like Chinese films in their original undubbed versions.
You have acquired a taste for bittermelon. <-EW, NOOOO! O.o;
You like congee with thousand year old eggs.
You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached -- it means they're fresh.
You never call your parents just to say hi.
You always cook too much.
If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten rice, even if it's midnight.
Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay inside when you get sick. They also tell you not to eat fried foods or baked goods because they produce hot air.
Your parents never go to the movies.
Your parents send money to their relatives in China.
You use a face cloth.
Your parents use a clothes line. <-Used to, now we're americanized. xD
You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table.
You starve yourself before going to all you can eat sushi.
You've joined a CD club at least once.
You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics.
You never discuss your love life with your parents.
Your parents are never happy with your grades. ;-;
You keep most of your money in a savings account.
You've been on the Love Boat or know someone who has.
Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin.
You love Chinese Martial Arts films.
You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
Shao Lin and Wu Tang actually mean something to you.
You love to go to $1.75 movies.
You love to go to $1.50 movies even more.
You never order sweet-n-sour pork, egg foo young, or chop suey at a Chinese restaurant.
You hate to spend more than $5 for lunch.
Someone in your family drives a Honda... with custom rims.
You have a Chinese knick-knack hanging from your rear-view mirror.
You like to eat chicken feet.
You suck on fish heads and fish fins.
You turn bright red after drinking two tablespoons of beer.
You can get a buzz on Coors O'Douls or Miller Sharps.
You look like you are eighteen. <- I'm not even eighteen yet! xD
You only buy used cars.
You have more than five remotes in your house.
You leave the plastic on the lampshade for ten years or more.
You can't bear to throw things away.
Your dad washes his hair four times a day, or never at all.
Your unassisted vision is worse than 20/500.
You've worn glasses at least since the fifth grade.
Your parents (or some other close relative) own a grocery store or restaurant.
You drive around looking for the cheapest gas.
You add twice the amount of water recommended when making orange juice from concentrate.
You've never seen your parents hug.
Your grandmother lives with you and your family. <-Used to, 'till she passed away...
You never order desserts at restaurants.
You always have water when dining out.
You say "aiya!" and "wah!" frequently. Sometimes that's what Chinese words end in... (I think...)
You love Las Vegas, slot machines, and blackjack.
You love to play mah jong.
You have to read all your parents' mail written in English.
You are constantly being set up with uninteresting (and usually ugly) people by your parents.
You hate eating cheese. <- My brother does. xD
You have a big aquarium filled with colorful fish somewhere in your house.
Your mother is strangely obsessed with plants.
White people look at you strangely if you tell them you are Buddhist. <-I'm not Buddhist. xD
You notice the main topic at family get-togethers is food.
You seldom ever owned new clothes if you were a second child.
Your folks never speak under 10 decibels at family gatherings.
You never made the school football or basketball team.
You have two middle initials instead of one.
You grow your own bean sprouts in the kitchen.
Your mother made you peel water chestnuts and snow peas.
You have an lonely unmarried relative who frequently drops by during dinner time.
You received little red envelopes containing money on special occasions.
You use the underside of a porcelain bowl to sharpen your knives.
You cut your own hair or had someone in your family do it.
Your grandmother has a lot of gold teeth especially in front.
You keep fresh garlic and ginger in the kitchen at all times.
You know what the term "lemon" or a "banana" means.
You only have to shave every other day (maybe).
You wash and reuse ziplock bags.
You know at least three people named Alan Wong.
You never drank milk after eating cherries.
Your parents collect jade jewelry.
You always drink tea after a meal.
Your dad owns at least one bird.
Your parents grow vegetables in a garden.
You use doilies to decorate your furniture.
Your grandmother rapped your knuckles with her chopsticks while reaching food with your fingers.
You're proud to be Chinese - and you pass these jokes on to all your Chinese friends!