self confidence

Started by Sirfetch’d May 20th, 2019 5:45 PM
  • 1852 views
  • 22 replies

colours

she/her
gracidea fields
Seen December 30th, 2022
Posted December 29th, 2022
8,974 posts
18.1 Years
I don't... really have much, if any.

I genuinely don't say this as some sort of "woe is me" response, having worsening depression over the years meant that I've never really had confidence in myself to do much. If I excel at something, that's great! But generally I keep my expectations fairly low, because at least if I mess up at something, it won't hurt me too much. If I have my confidence high and know I do something fairly well and then something arises in which I've messed up on, it tends to drag me down a lot more. So I've just learned over the years to keep my self-confidence pretty low because that's just what I'm used to.

It sucks, but I've long since accepted that's just how things are.

Nina

Age 31
Female
Arkansas
Seen December 20th, 2020
Posted December 7th, 2020
2,409 posts
15.5 Years
I think I've figured out having bipolar as one of the symptoms is feeling self-important. I do a 180 constantly, I'm someone who can do anything as long as she tries but I'm also someone who's broken beyond repair and a failure. Sometimes I feel these at the same time.




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Megan

She/Her, It/Its
Seen 20 Minutes Ago
Posted 20 Minutes Ago
17,751 posts
10.3 Years
Put me under stress and see my self confidence go. For me, self confidence is like friendship: hard to build up, but easy to destroy. Still, you just can't get yourself to stop trying...
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Her

Age 29
Seen 3 Hours Ago
Posted 1 Week Ago
i'm happy in the knowledge that i can compartmentalise my own feelings of self-confidence, whatever they may be at the time, and put on a show that does the exact job that it needs to
self-confidence is not something i struggle with, it's just something that can be adapted pragmatically like anything i do

Taemin

MOVE

he / they
USA
Seen January 6th, 2023
Posted December 9th, 2022
11,196 posts
17.8 Years
Sometimes I have fine self confidence, but other times I think it's all a joke and I have really not much at all. I guess that comes from years of having no self confidence at all, so now when I do have it, it feels odd. lol I'm definitely better than I used to be.


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Sami

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Age 26
Male
Some stupid city in The Netherlands
Seen 30 Minutes Ago
Posted 1 Week Ago
7,209 posts
4.2 Years
I have self-confidence, it's that I often just tend to make fun of myself for almost everything in life \ :'v /
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Age 33
He/him
Ireland
Seen March 30th, 2023
Posted January 16th, 2023
61 posts
4 Years
I was reading a book recently and the author's hypothesis was, essentially, that instead of terms like "self-confidence" and "self-esteem," a more accurate description of how we should feel about ourselves would be "self-acceptance." How we feel about ourselves is usually determined through "self-rating": comparing ourselves to others, thinking that we should be slimmer, smarter etc than other people/our past selves, and if we think the comparison is unfavourable, then we become unhappy. Those who are happy are those who do less of this, or who make the comparison and accept the results. In other words, our self-confidence, if you want to call it that, is developed solely in relation to other people. Think imposter syndrome and so on. Which is why the author advocates "self-acceptance" as what we should be working on.

All that said, anyway - I think I'm pretty good at self-acceptance and self-confidence. I'm a perfectionist and my own worst critic, but that's generally in relation to the work I'm producing; otherwise, I yam what I yam an' tha's all I yam!

twocows

The not-so-black cat of ill omen

Age 32
Male
Michigan
Seen February 19th, 2023
Posted April 30th, 2021
4,307 posts
14.2 Years
Reasonably high without reaching arrogance (most of the time). I had problems back in early high school, but college helped me grow out of it.

I was reading a book recently and the author's hypothesis was, essentially, that instead of terms like "self-confidence" and "self-esteem," a more accurate description of how we should feel about ourselves would be "self-acceptance."
My initial reaction was skepticism, but on second thought, that does actually make sense. Confidence is something that tends to come naturally and to a reasonable level when you're at peace with yourself and accept yourself as you are (this can include recognizing the need for self-improvement). And yeah, I also think it's important to derive your self-worth from judgments you make about yourself rather than judgments other people make about you. Other peoples' evaluation of you should, at most, be taken as advice, not as the primary metric you use to evaluate yourself.
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gimmepie

Age 27
Male
Australia
Seen 1 Day Ago
Posted 1 Day Ago
I'm weird when it comes to this I think. My self-confidence is very... situational I guess for want of a better word. For the most part, I'm not a very self-confident person. I'm constantly evaluating myself poorly and I have a lot of self-doubt. But, when you put me into a position where I excel or find myself defending an ideal that is important to me, I do a total 180 and become extremely confident and self-assured.

You either get me with no confidence or confidence at max with little room in-between.
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Memento Mori

Age 25
he/him
The Pacific Northwest
Seen 1 Week Ago
Posted 1 Week Ago
2,156 posts
13.1 Years
i have little to no self confidence. im only rlly confident in my writing abilities. other than that, well.. i don't have a lot. theres the occasional selfie i think i look pretty in. but.. im still working on trying to get self confidence. it's difficult when some of my family puts me down for stuff i can't control. but i'm working on it.

Aslan

she/her
Seen 1 Day Ago
Posted 2 Days Ago
3,108 posts
10.2 Years
It depends - sometimes I can have moderate self-confidence. Other days, I have little to none. One thing that has helped me maintain some degree of self confidence was to stop trying to actively compare myself to other people's accomplishments and traits. I'd never realised how toxic it was for my confidence until I realised that because I'd been comparing myself so much, I could never feel satisfied or happy with what I'd accomplished because I always thought I could be doing better like other people I knew. But yeah, trying to change that mindset has helped me be happier with who I am and more patient and realistic with myself :) Still definitely have insecurities and can berate or be overly critical of myself but I am working on it! It's a process.

Disturbed

Age 29
Seen October 21st, 2019
Posted August 29th, 2019
1,911 posts
15 Years
externally i seem very confident
internally it fluctuates a lot.

VisionofMilotic

Female
Sootopolis City
Seen 10 Hours Ago
Posted 3 Days Ago
My confidence is the tidal type. It comes and goes.

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ZeoStar

Seen 3 Hours Ago
Posted 15 Hours Ago
11,403 posts
5.6 Years
It's highly situational for me, and I feel I still have much improvement to make for my self confidence.

mikey

Age 30
Male
Seen 15 Hours Ago
Posted 4 Days Ago
6,227 posts
14.1 Years
very, very low

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alisaie

they/them
Seen March 14th, 2023
Posted February 3rd, 2022
13,598 posts
14.8 Years
okay in some areas

stupid low everywhere else

Sothis

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She/her
Firene
Seen 11 Hours Ago
Posted 14 Hours Ago
17,837 posts
9.9 Years
Never had the chance to really develop any tbh? Abused and bullied since I first became conscious.

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Palamon

Silence is Purple.

Age 26
he/him
Snezhnaya, Teyvat.
Online now
Posted 1 Day Ago
7,784 posts
14.3 Years
It fluctuates w/my mood, honestly. There are times my self confidence is completely non-existent, and there are times where my self confidence is quite prevalent, but oftentimes, I really don't have a lot.

Alex

what will it be next?

Seen December 30th, 2022
Posted December 26th, 2022
6,407 posts
16.4 Years
I suffer from fairly low self-confidence, and that has affected me both positively and negatively. In my working life, especially in a creative field, my low self-confidence meant that I never approached my work with an arrogant attitude, and I always knew there was room for me to improve. I've seen progress in my ability and, while I've gained confidence in my ability because of that, I still approach my work with critically with the goal of perpetually improving.

In social circles, my lack of self-confidence is much more crippling. I constantly question if I annoy people, or if my tone of voice puts people off. I realize I speak a lot like my father - in a factual, monotonous way. I assume it's not always easy to pick up any nuances in my speech, which can sometimes throw people off. Of course, that might all just be in my head, and this mindset might be stemming from my lack of self-confidence.

moon

they/them
Seen 13 Hours Ago
Posted 2 Days Ago
37,443 posts
15.5 Years
I manage to fool myself into thinking I'm confident at times, but really I'm an insecure mess. :catsad:
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Ivysaur

Grass dinosaur extraordinaire

Age 32
He/him
Madrid, Europe
Seen 2 Days Ago
Posted April 5th, 2023
21,076 posts
16.2 Years
Extremely high. I'm very capable of doing most things I want to (of course, nobody is perfect). It's only a matter of being bothered to try hard enough, which sadly I'm only in certain cases.
But when you have several people at work telling you that you're a genius and complimenting you, you win prizes for being "smartest student of the year" and friends telling you they have crushes on you without you trying, it's like... Yeah, I got a bit of an ego. Thankfully I'm also extremely self-conscious and my brain does this thing in which it constantly reminds myself of all the times I psyducked up in the past, like when I was in high school and said this very stupid -and absurdly self-confident, now that I reflect on it- thing and the idiots in my class laughed at me and I shudder >_>;
I'm also shy when talking to people I just know a bit, and I'm also very emphatetic, so that prevents me from getting too high on the kool-aid and becoming a sociopath. I hope.

Thinking about it, I realise that the reason why I wasn't bullied at school despite being this massive single-friend nerd is that the first idiot who tried to bully me ended up crying after I got back to him. And the jocks on high school, well, I just ignored them massively because who gave a muk, so they weren't getting any encouragement from me. And then the last day I lapped them in a race (I'm actually decent at running a mile) and they were "oh muk this guy is better than us in class and also on this sport, what the psyduck" and that made me so happy to experience. Like, anyone trying to bully me, psyduck you I'm better than you and I'll prove it to you. I just don't do it unless necessary.

Bay

She/They
Dani California
Seen 3 Hours Ago
Posted 3 Hours Ago
6,347 posts
17 Years
I tend to get very low confidence. Like other folks, I compare myself to others way too much in social and creative situations. I'm trying to get rid of that mindset, but it's slow going.
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