Lighter (+2 Resistance against fire, duplicates the effects of Pack of Cigarettes)
Earphones (-2 Perception, -5 Stress)
Phone (-5 Stress, - 5 Intelligence)
1/75 probability of obtaining: Cool Hat (Headwear, +0 Defense, +5 Comfort) Description: There's nothing special to it, but it makes you look cool
1/75 probability of obtaining: Dark Glasses (Accessory type: A, -5 Accuracy, Immunity to light-based attacks, Prevents perception loss from strong sunlight) Description: There's nothing special to them, but they make you look cool. Unless you use them in cloudy days, it wouldn't be too intelligent to do that.
Hehehe... This boss holds no valuable to drop so...
100% chance of obtaining
Spoon (+10 attack )
Description: This is what he dropped? Well, I'm as confused as you are about this. Maybe we should leave
"Congrats, you defeated CocoaAlpaca. It wasn't very strong and didn't give you anything of value, are you proud of yourself? Like damn how you gonna pull up in her room and kill her? For loot? You got nothing but a PS4, a Switch, a 3DS and a jail sentence. The Wii U gamepad isn't even charged, but your in jail you can't use it anyways."
Now making an ironic RPG game where you just fight me and end up in jail lmbo
So I'm gonna go off a D&D style enemy kill when I'm slain, based off of my first Bard character that still holds a dear place in my heart (may he one day return to bless us all with his wit)
But before I can tell you what loot I'ma drop, you gotta know what kind of enemy I am.
CR10 Bard, utilising spells to trick the mind and disorientate the heroes fighting me. Through use of my two instruments I can have both two concentration spells active at once and bolster moral amongst my allies. Besides that I'm adept with a sword and wield a blade coated in flames. I'm not the BBEG but I'm definitely one of the inner-circle. My fighting style involves a lot of comical hijinks and pratfalls, as well as comedic one-liners to really underplay the intensity of the fight. All-in-all a battle against me is going to be difficult, but it will just feel rather silly after the fact. This comes from my lineage of being raised by the God of Practical Jokes, and you can bet the loot is going to be just as bizarre as the fight was. So here we go. I have an entire loot-table for the investigation of my body and the surrounding area, based on the dice-roll results (higher rolls include all loot from lower rolls):
0-4: You find an average short sword and lump of poop. "Short sword. Your average one-handed blade. Gets the job done. 1d6 slashing damage." "Lump of poop. God knows what creature this came from. And why was he carrying it around anyway? You dread to think what might have happened had he decided to whip this out mid-fight."
5-8: You find a Lightning Spear and a Modified Musket plus ammo. "Lightning Spear. The blade is enchanted with Storm magics, and sparks with primal energy when swung. 1d8 piercing damage + 1d4 lightning damage." "Modified Musket. A standard musket with a modified barrel, to increase fire power. Range 60-120ft, 1d8 piercing damage."
9-12: You find a Violin which hums with energy when held. "Enchanted Violin. Playing this violin while casting any concentration spell will relieve you of the focus needed to maintain the spell, allowing a second concentration spell to be used simultaneously."
13-17: You find a mysterious note. "You read the note. It says 'Ha! GOT EEM!' before bursting into a cloud of confetti. Suddenly, balloons start rising out of your behind in various colours. What even..."
18-20: You find the enchanted Koto and (if Nat20) the Pocket Watch of Practical Jokes. "Enchanted Koto. Playing this instrument will instantly calm and bolster the moral of any allied being that can hear it. It gives advantage to any attack rolls and saving throws." "PWoPJ. You are nervous to open this thing. On the lid is an engraving of a wolf with a mustache, monocle and top hat; it winks at you. You open it. A portal appears and a Leprechaun jumps out mooning you, turns to you and blows a raspberry before jumping back through and disappearing with the portal. God knows what else this thing can do, you're too scared to open it again."
And there you have it. These items all appeared in an actual campaign that is still on-going, however the half-elf in question that was my character has since left the party. He lives on with us in spirit and the stories of his escapades live on in my heart, and he reappears via random cameos in some sessions.